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    I can say that I lived in three official brother's houses. I have also lived with married couples and with Dennis Hittle (a single divorced brother). I pretty much enjoyed about half of these relationships. The ones I enjoyed were characterized by a feeling of mutual admiration, respect and acceptance with each other. In the first bro's house I can remember just hanging out with a roommate at Balboa Pier, going to see a movie now and then with someone else. In many of these relationships I can remember confiding personal issues, concerns, opinions with each other. (Things you wouldn't just tell anybody.) I can remember Dennis telling me his opinions on many subjects that would get him into trouble if GG ever found out. But my point is that it wasn't all business with some people. Most people.  Yet others it was!


   When I moved to Los Angeles I had the "joy" of living with the most insecure individual I have ever met. When I say insecure I don't mean he was walking around with a bad self-esteem. He wasn't saying things like, "I really messed up...I wish I had done that better...I'm a loser.."  No! it was just the opposite. This individual always behaved as if he was in complete control of every aspect of his life. He was always composed, assured and confident. He was all business. He never really laughed, made himself vulnerable to anyone.


   When I first met this guy we were driving somewhere. I noticed he was very quiet. I tried to make conversation. Nothing.

    I thought to myself, "I need to be more open, show some cards then maybe he will open up to me?"

             I tried again, "My life is really messed up, my mom was a cocktail waitress and my dad was a skid row alcoholic but I love the Lord! I love his word and his people."  "How's bout you?"


   His responses were extremely short and revealed nothing about his personal life. Basically everything he said to me came across as condescending, instructive and preachy. I had foolishly assumed that if I was open with him he would respond with compassion, grace and mercy. Nothing doing!


    Whenever we talked it was in response to his fishing for something to scold me about,

                      "


                  "You left for work late this morning!"

                   "You didn't have a memory verse last night!"

   It became very clear to me that he resented having to be my roommate.



    As time went on I learned just to cover up. Avoid him whenever possible, suffer and tolerate him when I couldn't. 

     To some up the year together he suceeded in making me feel like I was a failure, a total failure. I even wrote him a letter when I moved out. "I'm sorry, I should have never committed myself to live here!"

                 Yet the truth was it wasn't just ME!  It was also HIM! This guy was weird.

    He was extremely insecure in the way that fit quite well in the Assembly. Yet he masked his insecurity! He was a great actor! He walked around with this continuous air of confidence. His clothes were always clean, pressed neat, his hair was always combed etc..  He always had one expression on his face, serious. condeming. He never seemed to warm up to anyone in the Assembly....except Tim or George  someone who was in leadership. This, I think, is why he was made "Head Steward" of the apartment I lived in.  He put forth a good resume'. He parroted the party line and kept his nose clean enough to earn the priviledge of being number 1 in the bro's apartment. This really sucked! He passed out consequences purely on the basis of his ego. I can remember getting a consequence because of a speck of dirt on a window pane.


    Once a week he was obligated to pray with me. Our prayer time would go like this, I would pour out my problems, anxieties etceteras and he would always say the same thing. He wanted to be included in the "Work"

  At the time all I knew about "The Work" was that it was one more meeting a person had to go to. Every other week a worker had to go to Fullerton and spend their Saturday with other "workers".



            To add, at every chapter summarry this guy would always bring his meaning around to "Being in the work!"  "This verse speaks to me about being in the work!"  I kid you not every chapter summary! He also made known his desire to "be in the work" to just about everyone he could. He walked around, always dropping standard canned Assembly phrases, "Bro GG says...."   


   He did everything you could expect from a guy in his position, with his desire to get into "the work.". Yet he was so external!  He was so superficial. To him the spirituality of the 70's, (getting together and discovering ourselves as God's children) was some foreign concept. His spirituality had to do with the Assembly of the 1980's. (Climbing the ladder of leadership.) You could never really get to know him.  I honestly couldn't tell you very much about his life. I know he was from a traditional Catholic family. He had two older brothers. Yet he never talked about them. He had met the "saints" at U.S.C. received his B.A. in music. Attended C.S.L.A. received his teacher's credential. That is all I know! After living in the same apartment, in the same room! That is all I know!!!!


   The way it reads to me is Mark had some very serious issues, he was deeply insecure about something, his mother rejected him?....he was picked on in school?....I honestly don't have any idea.  Yet one thing is clear. Mark thought the Assembly was the cure. Not giving your life in service to the Lord but achieving authority as a worker! He thought if he could be "in the work" then he would have arrived, achieved, become acceptable....




    Years have come and gone. This brother is still in fellowship!  He was never made a worker.  Don't you feel sorry for him?
   

 

   

Some people drone on and on about becoming a worker but never
get to taste the honey. They're victims of a sting operation.

What destroyed my WSLA experience,

                      My decision to finish my O.T. license in Connecticut. I remember I asked Mark to "pray for me about doing a 6 week internship in Connecticut". Connecticut was the only hospital offering a stipend.(room and board) Had I chosen an L.A. hospital I would have to complete 40+ hours a week with no pay, plus find someway to pay my rent & groceries. As I had absolutely no bank account, (My alcoholic father and cocktail waitress mother forgot to set aside a college fund for me) going to Connecticut was really my only option. After I asked Mark to pray for me he went directly to Tim and "snitched". From that point on Mark kept telling me, "You need to talk to Tim about your deciscion to go to Connecticut!"  I knew what Mark was really saying! He was saying, "You need to ask Tim permision to go to Connecticut!"

                 Sitting here writing this I am really getting pissed off. What ^%$#@$% right does anyone have doing something like this?  What right does Mark or Tim have making this kind of judgment over someone elses life?


          Somewhere in the pit of my stomach I knew what Tim was going to say. He was going to say, "NO!"


  So I told Mark, "This deciscion is between me and the Lord!"


   He wouldn't listen to me. He just kept saying, "You need to talk to Tim!"

 About two months later Tim approached me, "Let's go for a walk!"   "So tell me about Connecticut."


Before I could finish explaining he said, "NO!"  I asked Why?  "Because that's out there."

Again I ask you what right  does someone have doing this kind of thing?


  From this point on I knew I was a ^%$% individual. From this point on people in the WSLA Assembly were going to view me as "A brother who refuses council!"


   Oh sure i could go to the meetings, I could participate in the worship but people were going to treat me differently. Worse than this was the warfare inside my mind!  I was crap! No matter how much I could justify my "Self Will" I knew that inside I was crap!


To this day I can't understand these guys! What was their problem?  DUDE can't you see I'm just being a responsible human being! Can't you see I am just trying to get a real job like everyone else in the Assembly?


  Couldn't you just give space?  *&^&%$$#$%@@!#$%^&&&**& you bastards!

All the people in WSLA had sources of money or support. Bill Bradbury's grandpa paid his tuition to  U.S.C. (Not a small thing)  My other roommate got a brand new car that year. Yet these people had NO compassion about my situation.

   Had I just "Trusted the Lord" I would have forfeited my license, this is because L.A.C.C. decided to cancel their O.T. program that very next semester. My only option would have been U.S.C. 20 grand a semester (1985)

   People in leadership were continually touted for their "wisdom". Today I can list of a group of people who have no career because of this "wisdom".

The truth is, Dave, as you say they really did not have a right to do what they did.  Council is just that - council.  It is somebody's (hopefully) educated opinion based upon their experience.  But council can be received or rejected.

What we had unwittingly done in the Assembly is hand over the power of our lives to those we thought were uniquely connected with God and could give us divine guidance.  In reality, that was hardly the case.  Council was given based upon what promoted George's ministry and opportunity.  Underlings like Mark just enforced what they were told in hopes that one day they would be entrusted with a more prominent position.  Further, with their doctrine of "God's Government being vested in church leaders", we believed our well-being was tied to our obedience to the guidance they gave us.

Hopefully in our healing we have taken back power over our own lives and our right to make our own decisions and live with our own consequences.  Hopefully we have found mentors and accountability friends who we heed their advise out of respect and they understand that we have the right to disagree.

   You are right Dave! When the comment was made to me by ----- Geftakys, "It takes two to tango." She was saying-the exact same thing. They offered to lead, I responded by following.



     But it goes much deeper!


        Those people were acting on the basis that they were "uniquely connected with God and could give us divine guidance."


        This kind of posturing brings with it consequences. They are responsible for ruining people's lives.


   In the 1970's Don Mader was attending college in Chicago. He was contacted by the "saints" and was soon enjoying "Life Together" in a brother's house. His parents weren't too happy about it and they told him, "We want you to move out of that house."  He refused. Again they said "We want you to move out of that house and if you don't we are no longer going to pay for your tuition."


   This upset Don and he was struggling over what he should do. The saints told him, "Get council!"  So Jim Heyman and Don have lunch together. Jim: "There's really no issue here Don!" "It is not God's will for you to go to college."


    Don is not completely convinced by all this. But a wondrous thing happens!  Don is invited to go to Cultifornia for the Summer and attend brother George's "Summer School."

    Don comes to Fullerton and is happy to attend the Summer School. But another wonderful thing happens! The brother's come to Don and say, "How about staying in Fullerton for one year and working at Ariel Printing?" 

        Those of you who know this scheme don't need any explanation about why Don didn't move back to Chicago after one year.

   Ten years later Don realizes, "I have no education!" The poor guy doesn't even have marketable skills! This is because Ariel Printing didn't train him to keep up with the changes in the printing business.


      In 1992 I was living with Don. Don  finds out that I make three times his salary. Soon afterwards he asked me to move out.


   I know what Don was going through. He was realizing he had been manipulated and he came out on the bad end of the deal.


    Now you might be saying to yourself, "Well, Don came out on the bad end but not everyone!"  Yea and this is what I am getting at!


   People who were innocent, naive, gullible, simple, unsuspecting were preyed upon! These people were manipulated the most why? Because it was easy! Now think about it!  Would the leadership get away with the above scheme on you? No way! why? Because they new you were too smart to even try. But they could smell insecurity, weakness in an individual and they took full advantage of it.



   Don't tell me they were  just doing what they believed God wanted them to do. They were feeding their egos! That's what it was really all about!

   So I don't buy it that they aren't responsible. If they aren't responsible then what is the website all about?
 

I don't disagree with you, Dave.  I hope you didn't take my post to say that it is all your fault and the leadership aren't responsible.  That isn't what I meant to convey. 

I can say for myself that the reason I gave over my power to them is because I wasn't adequately prepared with life skills to make my own decisions.  They gave me instant "solutions" to life's problems and a way out of my mother's house.  Ironically, the reason I didn't move into a brother's house sooner (and possibly jeopardize my education) was I was too scared of my mom to go against her wishes. 

But, if George would have told me to quit my job and drive to Mississippi to start a work, I would have done it.  He had that power over us and I agree he will have to answer for how he used that power.

       Thanks.

      I have lots of things I want to process through. This BB is one way I can do it.

  When I reflect back at the manipulation I remember just being run over by people. I really didn't feel any different about it then as I do now but I couldn't stand up for myself, I couldn't verbalize what I disagreed with at the time. Now its too late? but at least I can get it off my chest.

When I reflect back at the manipulation I remember just being run over by people. I really didn't feel any different about it then as I do now but I couldn't stand up for myself, I couldn't verbalize what I disagreed with at the time. Now its too late? but at least I can get it off my chest.

I agree.  I was manipulated myself and would really like to share how I was able to overcome that kind of domination. I intend to do so after the leaders of my new church give me permission to do so.

I have been thinking about your comment about being too late.

First, it strikes me that even if you were able to articulate your disagreement at the time, you would not have gotten a hearing.  I remember at the 1990 breakup, some had the courage to meet with leading brothers and express their concerns.  Their arguments were trivialized and swept away.  Some were told they were channelers of Satan.

Second, while I do believe in the need for justice, I think for me there is something much more important.  That is, have I grown enough so that I am no longer allowing them to have power over my life now?  If I still hang on to resentments of the past and still feel I need to or should have corrected the situation, then they still control me.  I am still playing their game.  If I am replaying the past, I am cut off from what God wants to do in my life now and I am redirecting my time and energy to something that is and was a dead end. 

Trying to argue with these people back then or now is a losing proposition.  Saying, "I'm not playing your game anymore" and focusing on my own personal growth and spiritual development ultimately cuts off their control in my life and makes me the winner.  As long as we or they are stuck in the dysfunctional Assembly way of thinking, there will be no spiritual growth.  As long as I have a resentment, I am blocked from God.  Asking God to help me let go of resentments opens back up my connection with Him and opportunity to grow in a meaningful way.

I remember a conversation I had with Keith and Gay Walker about 2001. I started to air my grievences and Keith comes back at me, "Well, have you forgiven brother GG?"

   Boy this pisses me off!   


   I don't have to forgive anyone and I don't want to.


  I believe that by keeping it alive I am getting great satisfaction! I'm identifying the injustice and it is being made right!


  I think a lot about "Mommy Dearest" by Christina Crawford. This book/movie is justice!!!!


      I am still planning a video documentary on The Assembly!


They don't have the control! I have the control!
       


   

     

That's find David.  It is certainly your choice and I'm not telling you what to do at all.  I admire people who are called to social justice and have the right stuff to do it.  You may be one of them.  All I am saying is that for me personally, I have to let go of my resentments otherwise they begin to be destructive to me personally.  I know from experience that when I replay past wrongs over and over I begin to react and begin to do things that hurt me or others.  It is healthier for me to just let them go.  All I can do is what is right for me.

Does this mean I never stand for truth?  Of course not.  But for me, taking care of myself is far more important than righting past wrongs of some religious nut-heads.

Dave (Vandyyke):

I think that you have some serious issues, and it is not solely with the Assembly, either.

And no, I do not think that it is fine that you don't forgive. 

You seem to be preoccupied with having "control".

I can only hope that when you present a video documentary on the Assembly you present accurate times, correct places, correct people.  No one needs excessive impressionistic stuff, though I understand that any work will contain elements of the artist's or writer's experience and personality.

Matt Sciaini

MOVIE:   "Assembly Dearest" (based loosely on mostly true events)     Directed by : Van Dyke

Zoom in on a bedroom of an Assembly "saint",  2:30 AM.  It is very dark.   Suddenly the lights come on
and a man stands, face beet red, and he screams loudly.

It is Brother George, with a book in his hand. The saint sits up in bed, deeply frightened, and looks at George.
George stares back and screams loudly:  "NO GREEK LEXICONS!!  NO GREEK LEXICONS!!!"  George pulls the "saint"
from his bed onto the floor and begins to shake cleaning powder on the floor forcefully. He puts a toothbrush
into the hand of the saint and screams  "WE'RE GOING TO CLEAN THIS FLOOR!! EVERY INCH OF IT!!!  I TOLD YOU NO GREEK LEXICONS AND I MEANT NO GREEK LEXICONS!!"  The saint begins scrubbing the floor with the toothbrush, covered with the cleaning powder which George has poured over him, weeping loudly. (Deep strains of violin music in a minor tone accompany the scene, increasing in crescendo with each sob from the emotionally distraught saint's mouth---his quivering chin like a rock over which tears cascade like a waterfall to the soap-powdered floor).

sorry, couldn't resist. (based on "no wire hangers" scene from Mommy Dearest)  ;D

VanDave,



You sure about that?

Actually, they probably haven't given you a thought in several years.  It is you who is upset about what happened, not them.

Psychologists tell us that "what you cannot feel you cannot heal".  It is a good idea to visit these old hurts and face the pain they cause us in order to resolve them.  This can be healthy, provided that we do, in fact, resolve them.

Or, we can spend the rest of our lives angry.  That and $3.99 will get you a latte at Starbucks.  But not much else.

One, (1),  former leading brother said to me "I'm sorry" several years ago, about something he had done.  But even he did not ask, "Is there anything else that I did to you?" or "Do you have anything else to say to me?"
I saw one other former leading brother shed some tears when talking to me about his responsibility in what had happened.  But there was no personal apology.

I figure that my own tranquillity today is more important than mulling over what happened to me back then.  Forgiveness allows me to say, "Its over".  Those guys will go on doing whatever they are going to do, and God will deal with them in his wisdom.  Not my problem any longer.

Blessings,

Tom Maddux

I figure that my own tranquillity today is more important than mulling over what happened to me back then.  Forgiveness allows me to say, "Its over".  Those guys will go on doing whatever they are going to do, and God will deal with them in his wisdom.  Not my problem any longer.
                                                                                            Quote from Tom


   To be 100% honest I can't just forgive. I've tried to just put it all behind me but I can't. These people told me directly and indirectly that I was less than they were. One brother told me, "If you ever leave fellowship you won't amount to anything!"


   O.K. It might be a sick thing to live for but I am doing it!  I am living to prove him wrong! I am living to be able to look myself in the mirror and say, "I am better than that!"

After I left the Assembly I lived in another "Christian house" This was a house in La Mirada. The owner, "Scott" was a control freak. He converted his 4 bedroom home into eight and rented to Biola students. Scott thrived off of continually condescending to his little flock. He constantly made up new rules in the home. "Don't put that there!" "I don't want you parking your car..." "You owe me for using too much electricity..."
He also relished the fact that he was financially better off then anyone in his house and he reminded them about it often. He was the "Alpha Dog". People moved in and out of his home quite often. Some left in "good standing" Others left "angry." I've had it!

     I tried to leave in good standing but it was obvious I was sick of Scott's crap. Last year I went and visited Scott. I had such a great time responding to his arrogance and condescending attitude with, "Oh I have a house too!" "Oh, I made lots of money in the market, did you?" "Life is great!"

  When I left that afternoon I had a sense that I had overcome Scott's abuse. I had a sense that I had risen above it/him. This is what I want to do with GG. Am I sick?

   In the book Jane Eyre the main character is the victim of abuse. I'll try to remember exactly the setting, her father remarries and himself dies. She is left with a horrid stepmother and is daily tormented by her stepbrother. Jane chooses to leave the abusive home. But before she leaves she lets loose on the *&^%$
"I'm going to tell everyone I meet just what sort of person you really are!"  This fills the old hag with terror!


    I don't think Jane is doing anything wrong! I think she is just bringing the truth out into the open!



  John Cage took things like saws, ashtrays, tin cans and turned them into music. He wanted to take things that repulsed him, filled him with fear and objectify them. Make them his own, turn them into art! The thing that once controled him now he controls!

I just finished turning my experience in the Assembly into three graduate level units! That's money!

When I think of this topic,this verse always comes to mind:

"See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled." (Hebrews 12:15)

I think that the trouble that is caused from bitterness is mainly to ourselves, but also to others.

As to when we say "I can't forgive" (and believe me, I'm speaking to myself, so this is not a direct shot at you Dave) this verse seems to indicate that we can, but only by the grace of God.

I hope that helps.

I wish it was as easy as it sounds. Oh I just need to take care....but the truth is you can live the rest of your life, doing your best to, not give place to the feelings that are in your heart!  "I admit that I am an alchoholic...." Or you can take charge of your feelings and do something constructive with it. Turn it into something that will work for you or others.

 The man who wrote "Clockwork Orange" was the actual victim in the story! He took it and made it something he could control!

I know I'm sounding very arrogant. I know that I cannot be in total control of my life. Tomorrow I be diagnosed with cancer, disabled in an accident etc... So I don't really know where this is going...its an experiment.



   What's wrong with taking GG and putting him in a laboratory? What's wrong with disecting his brain.

     Let's just take it all apart, bit by bit, piece by piece and maybe we can learn something that we can pass on to future generations!


  I want to leave the children and grandchildren of the "saints" something they can use!

Hi Vandyke,

I think a difference between one of the well-known, or leaders of the group and one further down on the "rung" like me or you, (I'm assuming you weren't an LB?), is that their stories have already been published and "aired".

Why don't you publish your complete story on the other website along with everyone else there? and publish it on a website that focuses on abusive churches. Get it out there.

A phrase that comes to my mind when I read about the cover up and lack of acknowledgement of sin is "the enemy is the accuser of the brethren". In other words, if you brought something negative up because you didn't know how to deal with it, you were told that you were playing on the wrong team. Hmmm.....

Personally, I still wouldn't have any problems with shoveling dirt over the body.........
I'm a mother.

BTW, I think it's a good thing to accomplish something, in the way that you did, to prove someone wrong. Many people have acchieved in areas of life just to prove someone's ignorant comment about them to be wrong!

Just remember that the image you are fighting against is not true and was coming from someone else, so that at some point you will not need to prove anything anymore because you realize that you are OK.

BTW, I think it's a good thing to accomplish something, in the way that you did, to prove someone wrong. Many people have acchieved in areas of life just to prove someone's ignorant comment about them to be wrong!




Thanks,  it's not the best way to be motivated but one that works for me.