- What really compromises our testimony???

I am VERY interested in hearing different perspectives on the following scenarios b/c i know they can be viewed very differently.

here are several scenarios-

1. a Christian (who 'knows better') falls away from the Lord and starts living with her fiance. do you boycot her bridal shower or do you attend. what about the wedding? please explain your answer...

2. one of your siblings, a divorced Christian (who 'knows better'), decides to get remarried. do you attend the wedding or not? please explain your answer...

3. a teenage girl (Christian who 'knows better') gets pregnant. do you have a baby shower for her? do you not have a shower but give her a gift on your own? other??? please explain your answer...

they are all scenarios that occurred in the 'assembly' ...and they are scenarios that i have encountered in other churches...some handled them similar to the 'assembly' and some handled them much differently.

personally, i experienced one of the scenarios and completely understand (although do not completely agree with) why it was handled the way it was handled but am interested in knowing how those who were in the assembly would handle these scenarios now. would you handle it the same now as you would have when you were 'in'?

I'll just venture a comment on 1 & 3 since it deals basically with a party.
Though I would think if she was your friend you could attend since there
is friendship - can I say that? No more 'friendships' in the assembly last
I heard. You might not bring a gift, but at least let her understand that
she was/is wrong. That action may be what it takes to turn her heart.

Regarding #2. That person is your blood relation. You would do more
damage to your 'testimony' with your family if you were to boycott
the wedding. If you talked to him/her about what they were doing then
you are in the clear. But as long as you made things clear to them, go to
the wedding for the sake of the rest of the family. I'm thinking out what
to do if my Catholic parents die. They already purchased plots, etc. What
I'm working out is whether to have the Catholic mass or not. By no means
will I go back to the Catholic church, but for the sake of the surviving
parent and the rest of the family I'm pretty sure that I can put-up w/ the
mass thing. Even Joseph was embalmed and placed in a coffin in Egypt,
probably in repects for the culture. Jacob was buried by the Jordan since
the whole family was involved. What I will boil it down to isn't "What would
Jesus Do", but what answer do you get when you pray about it. Family
dynamics are just that, dynamic. There is no black and white rule, but many
shades of grey.

you know, am not catholic but the rest of my family is for the most part. i believe that their hearts are in the right place even though i don't agree with the teachings of the catholic church. so, i guess that my stance would be that loving thing to do would be to go to and be participative in your parents funeral (when that time comes). that doesn't mean you are "for" the Catholic church, but at least you aren't pitting yourself against them to. i mean, do you truly believe that all catholics will not go to heaven? many catholics have accepted the Lord and do know Him as their personal savior, but they still practice in the catholic church. while we may ask ourselves why, that really isn't our place (at least in my opinion).

i think we get a lot futher with people when our testimony and beliefs are strong, but we choose to love them in spite of and sometimes b/c of their beliefs. isn't that what being a Christian is all about?

1. Not only would I boycott, but I would lead a protest - complete with picket signs....Actually, being a male, I probably wouldn't be invited to a bridal shower in the first place.

2. I would only attend the wedding if it were not on a football game day, during March Madness, the NBA playoffs, the world series, or any sporting event I am not thinking of. Also, if it were above 65 degrees with no wind, I would probablys skip so I could play golf. I would however request the tape so I could view it at a later date. I would use the excuse of their impurity as the reason why I would not be attending.

VB - We were aimed at discussing a wedding, but I do appreciate your
reponse. I know several Catholics that claim to be born again and
were involved w/ an interdenomination bible study group that met
in several homes on Sundays and Tuesdays. The Catholic Church
seems to have changed in the last 20 years. I do have a penguin,
er, Nun, that comes over to visit my mom - she's mother superior
at the parish I was raised in. She ends up talking to me most of the
time. She said that I could come to one of their young adult discussion
groups, but I told her that they probably wouldn't like what I'd
have to say ;D But there are belivers in the Catholic church, they
just don't see beyond the surface down to the core teachings.

These are interesting questions.

1. I would probably go to her bridal shower, because I support her making her relationship honorable by marrying the guy. I probably wouldn't bring her lingerie or housewares, though. Most likely it would be a book about building your marriage, or praying with your spouse, or something edifying like that. My college friend, who lives with her boyfriend but is not and has never been a Christian, is getting married in June. I am excited for her...because at very least, they are getting married!

2. This likely depends on why they were divorced. If my sibling had been cheated on, of course I would bless the fact that they were remarrying happily. If they had cheated on their first spouse, I might come up with a reason that I couldn't be there, or I might go and leave early. I agree with Rudy that bridges between me and them might be burned so badly that I will have absolutely no chance in the future of even having a chance to show a testimony to this sibling. As far as other circumstances surrounding their divorces...well, I'd just have to weigh those. I have had this happen a lot and I for the most part have gone to the remarriages. Many of them have been in my own family, and trust me, it's always different when it's your family and not someone else's.

3. I probably wouldn't go if it was a young girl, because I don't want to send the message that this is normal or acceptable behavior and that it's cute to have a baby while you're still in high school and get all these presents. This has happened to me many times with girls older than high school, and I have usually felt that the best way to handle it was to show them the love of Jesus by trying to support them. Not in a lavish or showy way, but by loving them and helping them. If I turn my back, all they will see is that Christians condemn...and I don't think that would cause them to turn toward the Lord.

Also, as far as the pregnancy goes, LOTS of people in the church have sex when they are unmarried. There are just an unfortunate few who get "caught", that is, get pregnant. If we are going to start chucking stones, it would be more appropriate to cast the net a lot wider than just the pregnant ones.

Each of these situations is variable on a case-by-case basis. As long as human beings are involved, things are never black and white.

What is your testimony all about?

Are you here to show the love of God and his forgiveness? Or the judgement and harshness of the assembly? I find the use of the word "boycott" interesting.

Do you judge a friend by their appearance? Because they don't act the way you think, are you superior? Things happen in life. Is it possible to rejoice with someone who has made a mistake?

Your christian friend is getting married after living with her boyfriend. Get over it! Throw a party, sing from the rooftops! Dance.... Rejoice! Buy her lingerie or housewares, whatever she might need. If you are good friends, throw the bridal shower!

Your christian friend is remarrying after a terrible divorce. Throw a party! Rejoice! Go to the wedding! Stand with them!

Your christian friend is having a baby out of wedlock. Get over it! It's a baby and time to rejoice. The mother will bear the burden of what she has done forever. Buy her baby products!

You are NOT the judge. Have a little compassion. Be the person who gives the shower. Be the person who has great liberty and shows Christ. Be the person who binds up and doesn't tear down.

I boycotted more in the assembly by thinking it was God's will. Guess what? It isn't Gods will. I have done more harm with the people that I love by telling them they weren't welcome in my home because they were divorced or living with someone than I care to admit. Did I point them to Christ? NO

Heide,

Yes, we had bachelor parties. We called them 'fandangos' in order to avoid the stereotypes associated with the term 'bachelor party'. However, we did find out that the term fandango has roots in immorality. I just called them 'G-rated bachelor parties' so it was clear that they weren't obscene.

These G-rated bachelor parties always included the brother telling the story of how he and his fiancee got engaged. Then other brothers (including some non-leaders) would share verses about marriage and some advice. There was food. Lots of food (hey, we're guys). Pizza was common.

The best G-rated bachelor party of all (without question) was Mark Owens'. He married Ruth Hansen from Chicago last August. I made their wedding video and included Mark's party (held at the Lehmkuhl's house). It was a riot. All the guys had to come in 50's costumes. Mark came as Elvis. He lip-synced several songs including "Love Me Tender" and "Hound Dog". He even did the hip gyration thing. The 'King' would have been proud. One brother showed up as Ray Charles. Nancy and Abigail Lehmkuhl helped serve the food and had the wildest hair-dos. There was a bubble-gum bubble-blowing contest, musical chairs, name that tune, burgers, fries and lots of bottled Coca Cola. Chris Jose organized it and deserves the credit. Yep, Mark is a fun guy and quite the ham! I crack up just thinking about it.

Jack

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General Discussion => Any and All Topics => : vbeers February 27, 2003, 09:39:33 PM