AssemblyBoard

Do you have any rumors about the assembly?  Since you can't seem to keep them all inside, why don't you write them down here?  Mind you, this thread is not to be taken seriously.  So put all you knee-jerk thoughts about anyone or anything right here.  ;D  And, hopefully, no one will come to your house and hit you with a mallet.

"I heard that GG was a Communist double-agent who used all the offering money to start an off-shore drilling business, and bought stock in Kosher Beef hot dogs.  He also began the Torch and Testimony Olive Oil Business in Greece."

Is this post tongue-in-cheek or not?  Am I bluffing?  You'll just have to guess.   ;D
Now comes your turn.

I heard a rumor that things are just the same as always!   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has come to my attention that George is having a Mideast Conference in Baghdad this weekend. It is entitled "Abounding in Deceitfulness While Not Leaving Your Change on the Counter. Part one."  Betty will be meeting with the sisters for lunch between the meetings to discuss submission, toe-nail polish, and off-shore accounts. The fellowship in the park will start right after the meeting. Please provide your own gas masks.  

It has come to my attention that the afore mentioned rumor on my part is made up.   ;D

I was given a tip by a foolish anonymous person.   ;D

Luke---

I heard a rumor that people in the Assembly have electronic devices in their heads. This was done while they were sleeping. Most of us are not aware we even have these devices in our heads.  The women were given even stronger devices to keep them in submission. Constant radio contact was made, infusing the brain with thoughts about submission. A way to strengthen the radio message and keep it internalized longer was to cover the head with some form of cloth. This caused a form of electro-magnetic interference and the sister was brought fully under control.

The brothers had a different device that had "code words" which would release a stronger signal. One of these Code words or sentences was "Rejoice brother!"--hence the continous use of the term, especially when entering the place of worship. head coverings and code words----pretty clever huh?  This is just a rumor by the way, so don't take it too seriously.   Rejoice Brother!!  ;D ;D ;D  --Joe

I heard a rumor that George, Tim, and David Geftakys were going to star in CBS's new reality TV show "The Bachelor".  Since they have apparently been acting like bachelors for some time now, CBS has overruled the former rule that one must be single to appear in this show.  

Tim is the odds on favorite to win, which of course would be by default.

     What is WRONG with you people??!!!  Do you realize that just since you started this thread, assemblies have sprung up in Death Valley, Salt Lake City, and the Mississippi
Delta, where the brothers are wearing aluminum collanders on their heads as yarmulkes, and the sisters' head coverings are made of Reynolds Wrap, just to screen out those RUMORED controlling radio waves!!!

     If you MUST start rumors, at least try to stick to the facts!

     For example, in the original concept of the Torch and Testimony, the "Torch" was a blowtorch that GG used for cracking safes, and the "Testimony" was him pleading the fifth amendment on the witness stand after he was caught & brought to trial.

     ...and now you know the REST of the rumor!

Funny, I've heard that the torch was something that George carried as he ran for the olympics, and the testimony was that people said he looked funny wearing those little running shorts.  

Al, Arthur---


 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

--Joe

You stole that one, didn't you?

     BORROWED, S.A., BORROWED!!!!!

al

Remember when you would listen to George and you would hear what he was saying but not really understand it? It was almost as though he were speaking in another language? Rumor has it he really was. You see, George and Betty were sent here from another planet. When George spoke of "stages on the journey" he was really referring to his trip here in a space ship. The journey was long and hard and the only way to stay awake the whole time was to receive a constant supply of coffee enemas along the way.

He and Bettty's task was to gather a following, implant electronic devices in their heads, and bring the most brainwashed back to his planet. There they would become slaves who did "stewardships" gladly with broad smiles on their faces. They would also administer foot massages at his beck and call. Since there were many "George's" on this planet, many slaves were needed.

Every Winter George would go on a "journey" taking with him a few of the brainwashed. The others in the "Assembly" would hardly miss them, being told they had "left fellowship". They would become slaves on the planet. the planet's name is Geftak. The name "Geftak-ys" literally
means "of Geftak". It is a very difficult planet to live on because everyone is named George or Betty, and all of the George's think they know more than all the others.

Imagine all of these "George's" giving seminars at the same time!! It happens on Geftak. rumor has it George may be heading back there for good now. They will probably assign him to another planet since the attempt failed for the most part.

If you suspect you still have an electronic device in your head please call Dr. Oswald Shavers @ 313-404-9988 to have it removed.

--Joe

George is a Godly man!  

Do you mean that he thinks of himself as if he is a god? :)

     i still had one of them thangs planted in my head, but that doctor's phone was always busy, so i shot it out with a .22

George is a Godly man who for over 50 years has always done his very best to honor the Lord in every aspect of his life.

     Betty complained that George's snoring kept her awake.

     George figured out the problem:  it only happened on nights when Betty had a coffee enema right before bed.

it's funny you mention George's snoring Al---
it used to keep me awake during "All Night's of
Prayer".

-Joe

     Is THAT what that was!!!  i always thought the building was shaking!!!

Thanks to all of you who have called Dr.Oswald Shavers at the number listed below on another of my posts. He has been innundated with calls from ex-Assembly members looking to have the electronic devices removed from their
heads. I feel so much better now that I have had mine removed. And you will too. Why don't you give him a call?

I must admit I receive a "finders fee" for every new patient the doctor administers to, but it isn't that much. Unless you consider a new BMW and a butler a bit too extravagant. But I promise the rest of the money will be given to charity, just like all the money George received during the years he headed the Assembly went to charity too.

I know there are many more of you out there with those nasty electronic devices in your heads, pounding Assembly dogma into your thoughts day and night. Don't you just yearn to be free of that??? Then call Dr. Shavers today--you won't regret it, and neither will I.

Goldrush 2003.  Change left on counters and basement boullions found in San Andreas fault.  Thousands retire after panning for a mere seven days. (Tired, but rejoicing!)Handmade "mats" covered with manna found all along the fault.

     Can anyone verify whether Betty taught that the manna that fed the children of Israel in the wilderness was a carob-based high fiber nutrient?

That's hog swill Al ::). Where'd you get that from?

No, I think that Betty was much more of a source for hog swill, than Al could ever be.

Actually, hog swill is noticeably better than that carob stuff.

That’s carob Sebastian ::). Where'd you get that from?

 ;D ;D ;D

Now, now!!!  Let's be kind to one another.  As people say who live in the desert, "Can't we all just get a lawn?"


But think about this:  The proper name for the tree from which carob comes is the Locust.  So could one of the great plagues of Egypt actually been CAROB???

No kidding---someone spotted George driving a
T.V. repairman's truck yesterday. I guess he has
to make a living somehow, but I never thought
he'd choose that career. Oh well, you live and learn.

     Sounds a lot like an urban legend...  When and WHY would George have taken the time to learn to fix TVs?

     Much more likely he's the delivery driver for the mechanic shop that fixes the truck.

The reason for this ploy is obvious. He needs another legitimate way to get his foot inside the door of law-abiding, God-fearing folk...what with his being excommunicated and all, he certainly cannot claim to be an ITINERERANT preacher now can he...?  ;D
Verne

Did Tim Geftakys get fired as the Alabama head football coach last week?  I didn't hear the name of the coach, but when I heard about the behaviour exhibited in the hotel room down in Alabama, I thought that maybe that was Tim.