AssemblyBoard

50 Ways to Leave Th'Assembly

sung to the tune of: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon
Dedicated to those still "in"

The problem is all with the Geftakys assembly
The answer is easy if you seek it humbly
We'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave th'assembly

We say it's really not our habit to intrude
Furthermore, we hope our meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But we'll repeat ourselves at the risk of being booed
There must be fifty ways to leave th'assembly
Fifty ways to leave th'assembly

You just slip out the back, Jack
Consult with others, brothers
You don't need a decoy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
So don't let them discuss much
Just leave it to me, Lee
And get yourself free

It grieves us so to see those still "in" in such pain
We wish there was something we could do to make them free again
They said they appreciate that and would we please explain
About the fifty ways

We said why don't you just research it more tonight
And we believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then they thanked us and said we probably were right
There must be fifty ways to leave th'assembly
Fifty ways to leave th'assembly

You just slip out the back, Jack
Consult with others, brothers
You don't need a decoy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
So don't let them discuss much
Just leave it to me, Lee
And get yourself free

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by Johnson & VanVonderen
The Weight of Religion /pg.151

This song, by Steve Taylor, accurately describes the plight of the  person whose real human needs, or whose relationship with God,  is violated for the sake of making a system look good.

I Want to Be a Clone

I'd gone through so much other stuff
That walking down the aisle was tough,
Now I know it's not enough.
I want to be a clone.
I asked the Lord into my heart.
They said, "This is the way to start,
Now you've got to play the part."
I want to be a clone.

Chorus:
Be a clone and kiss conviction good-night.
"Cloneliness" is next to godliness--right?
I'm grateful that they showed the way,
'Cause I could never know the way
To serve Him on my own.
I want to be a clone.

They told me that I'd fall away
Unless I followed what they say.
"Who needs the Bible anyway?"
I want to be a clone.
Their language it was new to me,
But "Christianese" got through to me.
Now I can speak it fluently.
I want to be a clone.

So now I see the whole design,
My church is an assembly line.
My parts are there, I'm feeling "fine."
I want to be a clone.
I've learned enough to stay afloat,
But not so much to rock the boat.
I'm glad they shoved it down my throat.
I want to be a clone.

Hi Marcia,  

Just so no one becomes confused, this song is from The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.  Steve Taylor, our Steve Taylor from Annandale, is NOT the author!  Another Steve Taylor is!! :) :)

Brent

Ode To Tim Geftakys

Sung to the tune of "Holy, Holy, Holy"


Rinky, Dinky, Dinky

Tim G. ate to many twinkies

Taco Bell and Crispy Creme the Reason he's obese...


Tim please buy a toothbrush

"Brother" your breath offends us -

Get on the Adkins Diet

And crawl into a hole...

Here's a couple of songs that speak to the present situation.

The first song is written by a guy named Derek Webb, and it talks about the price we pay sometimes for telling the truth to the Church.

  Nobody Loves Me
  I can always tell a liar, and I always know a thief.
  I know them like my family because brother I'm the chief.
  I'm a dangerous crusader, 'cause I need to tell the truth.
  So I'm turning over tables, in my own living room.
  Then I might nail indictments up on every door in town.
  Cause it's not right or safe to let your conscience down.

  So I don't care if nobody loves me,
  Nobody loves me,
  Nobody loves me but you.

  The truth is never sexy, so it's not an easy sell.
  You can dress her like the culture, but she'll shock 'em just as well.
  She don't need an apology for being who she is.
  And she don't need your help making enemies.
 
  So I don't care if nobody loves me,
  Nobody loves me,
  Nobody loves me but you.

  So I'll do whatever it takes to squeeze us into this wedding gown.
  I'll say words that rattle your nerves, words like sin and faith alone.  

  Nobody loves me,
  Nobody loves me,
  Nobody loves me but you.

Derek Webb also wrote a song called "Bus Driver" which I sometimes quote - "I'm just a bus driver...what do I know?"  (BTW, I am not really a bus driver, but an electrical engineer.  Because I used that quote, someone actually thought I worked for the OCTD!  ;D ;D ;D)

Here is the second song.  It was written by a guy named Aaron Tate.  It talks about God's work of recovery for those who have been badly burned by people they trusted.

Petrified Heart

This old heart's been left
Out on my sleeve
and I have paid as it's been rent
into pieces

Seems everyone I've loved has
Taken a bit of my insides
I'm scattered as the woman whose body
Was torn for the twelve tribes

When did my heart get so petrified
when did it get so hard to feel
when did my heart get so afraid to love
when did it get so hard

And the easy-living Gnostic proud
Use their knowledge
Like a wrecking ball to tear me down
Flooding me with their fallacies
I can't walk on this water
I'm starting to drown

When did my heart get so petrified
when did it get so hard to feel
when did my heart get so afraid to love
when did it get so hard

Strike this rock with Your rod
I'll take the blows
Till Your living water begins to flow
as it flowed from the Man of sorrow's side
on that day when His body
was torn for the twelve tribes

When did my heart get so petrified
when did it get so hard to feel
when did my heart get so afraid to love
when did it get so hard

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas the assembly gave to me....

12 plagarisms
11 heresies
10 nervous breakdowns
9 coffee breaks
8 stewardships
7 boring lectures
6 consequences
5 “Praaaaaaise the Loooooooords!”
4 cover-ups
3 plastic smiles
2 yes-men
and a dis-torted view of God.

Merry Christmas!

Jack

We are the overcommers

Sung to the tune of The Vatican Rag by Tom Lehrer
http://www.lyricsmp3.net/D13000/kk12991.htm
last verse O Come let us adore Him

First you stand up on your feet
Fiddle with your hymn book please
Find a hymn that's full of guilt

and

Deny self, Deny self, Deny self

Look about to see who's there
Trying not tooooooo stare
I'm righteous, don't have a care

and

Pray out loud, Pray out loud, Pray out loud

Listen to the brother's plead
It is not faith, but in your deed
Such a wretch, will you conceed

and

Read the Word, Read the Word, Read the Word

Now we proved, we're not like others
We do more, than all the others
We are heaven-ly brothers

and

Say Amen, Say Amen, Say Amen

Oh come let us exalt us
Oh come let us exalt us
Oh come let us exalt us
Saints of the Lord

Perry Como, Donna Sommers, Tom T. Hall and others have sung the Memories portion of this song, but I mostly remember it with Barbra Streisand's voice.

The Way We Were / Try To Remember
Gladys Knight and The Pips
Jammin' To The 70's

Hey you know everybody's talkin' about the good old days
Everybody the good old days
The good old days
Well, let's talk about the good old days
Come to think about it
As bad as we think they are
These will become the good old days of our children
Why don't we try to remember
The kind of September
When life was slow and oh so mellow
Try to remember
And if you remember
Then follow
Why does it always seem the past is better
We look back and think
The winters were warmer
The grass was greener
The skies were bluer
The smiles were brighter
Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
And if we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me
Would we?
Could we?

Memories like the corners of my mind
Memories
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

Oh can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
And if we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me
Would we?
Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we'll remember
We'll remember
Whenever we remember
The Way We Were...

 ;D ;D ::)CUTE VERY CUTE ;D ;D ::)

          Mama told me not to come.........Wheres your headcovering and your Coffee no Sugar please...Whats all these Crazy questions ya askin me , this is the craziest meetin I've ever seen .....Dont turn on the lights cause I dont wanna see....Mama told me not to come that aint the way I found the Son!!!!  Jump in if you know the rest of the Lyrics... And Marcia I think the 50 ways to leave the Assembly is Classic!!!!  (from 9/8/03)

Here's a little song i wrote... actually, i only started writing songs because of what went down last january.  This was written last summer.

It's called "The emporer double G"

There's a crowd gathered at the hall
we're taking notes but are we listening at all
The children fell asleep, were they the writing on the wall
It doesn't make much sense but it sounds so spiritual

impressed by every time that he layed prostrate on the floor
we poured our sweat and tears and life into the box back by the door
we stood in line, to catch a glipse of double g
where was the little boy, to point out what we failed to see

he's naked, his clothes were fake and now we see
he's naked, and realization sets us free
he's naked, exposed for what he truly is
he's naked....        but so are we

woody rides the podium
40 points and now my hand is going numb
so went our summer morn, his best to keep us all in awe
sitting front row center hoping that he saw

impressed by every time that he laid prostrate on the floor
we poured our sweat and tears and life into the box back by the door
awfully wonderful, my tribute to the emperor double g
and all the people said amen and again i say

he's naked, his clothes were fake and now we see
he's naked, and realization sets us free
he's naked, exposed for what he truly is
he's naked.... but so are we


p.s.  "woody" for those who don't understand the reference, is a little toy car that George brought with him to summer school and put on the podium every day.. (why, i don't know)

That really was cool; I liked it. And I liked the others here too. Thanks for sharing your talent! Maybe I'll try it sometime.

                               The Desecration of GG

                    (sung to the tune of Holy, Holy, Holy)

Moving, moving onward,
Though the saints disdain me,
Though the eye of God above
Can see each thing I do.

Moving, moving onward,
Preaching words to hearers,
My voice is shot, now,
But I love the sound.


Moving, moving forward,
New towns will accept me,
I can give them all the things
Their little hearts desire.

Moving, moving forward,
Nothing can assail me,
I speak in circles,
No one can withstand.


Moving, moving downward,
I could use a foot rub,
I can pay her anything
And find her anywhere.

Moving, moving downward,
Money is my gameplan,
Young ones to find now,
Young ones to betray.


Slipping...sliding....where, now?
I can see no longer,
I think "someone" pushed me down
This lonely hill of mire.

Abram, is that you there?
Why the children gathered
All 'round your table
Smiling, feasting now?

This song is dedicated to Dave Sable, sung to the tune of Keith Green's So You Want To Go Back To Egypt.


So you wanna go back to th'ssembly, where old friends wait for you.
You can throw a big party and tell the whole gang,
That what they said was all true.
And these formers act like big-shots, who do they think they're.
It's true that God works lots of miracles, but ABers think they're so wise.
Well I'm having so much trouble even now.
Why do they get so mad about those sincere leaders?
Formers sit around in front of their terminals.
They just sit and expose those crim'nals.


Oh, Margaret, put down your pen.
What…Oh no, truth again?
Oh, truth tell tales….truth testimonies,
Truth urls's, full of truth,
Truth stories….truth from the Word!



Anyone have a verse 2 to add??
Marcia