AssemblyBoard

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This room is for serious posts only. No humor is allowed on this thread. Subjects of a most serious
spiritual nature are to be discussed, and them alone.

Any jokes will not be tolerated so posters beware.
I have created this thread in response to a suggestion that I "tone it down a bit"with jokes and silly discussion. I am attempting a reformation of heart.  Todays suggestion for conversation: I am so sinful, let me explain why.

thanks, Joe

Joe,

You have a large "S" in the center.  How can you post to the glory of the GM unless you have the GM in the center?

Repent.

Brent

Repent!
Said Brent.
And Joe knows what he meant.
But the evidence will show
As most of us know
This BB was heaven-sent!  ;D



Hmmnnnn...palm reading or tea leaves?!
Verne

A very solemn response to Joe !  :'(  
(Gregorian chant music is now playing in the background)
   Humor, as Proverbs also recognizes, is a necessary part of a healthy psyche.  I believe Joe has been given this gift of humor and it has provided me often with some much needed relief from becoming overwhelmed with all the pain and suffering in this world (and of taking myself too serioiusly).
   For those of us who had nightmares re. GG, humor like Joe's provides the same function as Toto pulling aside the curtain to unvail the truth about who the Wizard of Oz really was:  nothing more than a carnival act!
    When GG first told us the story of God's miraculous rescue of himself as a child via the giant hand many of us stood in awe of him (as he intended we should), but Joe's story of "Little Georgie And The Giant Hand" helped to release us from GG's attempt to convince us he was a "great man of God".
   I laughed, and still laugh, at the sarcasm used in Joe's comic illustrations and I hope he never stops as it has been good medicine for my soul!  ;D ;D ;D
                                      God Bless,  Mark C.
   

Joes classic, "Little Georgie and the the Giant Hand" was a true moment of clarity.

Hey Mark K
How much longer are you going to be in Chi town?
We are thinking about coming up to see the Lion King...
Verne

(Start Looney Tunes theme)

Sorry. I received an E-mail (not from the other BB's--an aoccasional visitor) saying I and some others should "tone it down a bit" as this should be a serious place for serious subjects. After hitting myself over the head for a couple of hours with a two by four, I replied that I truly believed that Jesus and the Father himself must have a sense of humor---and quite a wacky one at that to have created something like a platypus. Though I don't believe Jesus went around doing practical jokes(like turning someone's milk into wine just as they were drinking it), I think he must have had a great laugh, and probably a smile that would melt you in a second. The person E-mailed back and said to just forget what they had said in the first place (I shouldn't have taken it so seriously, but I felt bad)--. So, I am retiring from the "Totally serious thread" almost a day after starting it. Unless anyone feels like continuing it:
Today's Subject: I'm just not humble enough

Mark C

I totally agree with you on this. Joe has a gift, and it has helped on numerous occasions to break up the tension, or just to entertain/enlighten us.

Lord bless,
Marcia

Why, oh why has this thread been so long in coming?  At last, a place to come to that is safe, where i need never question the sincerity of any poster, where i can post without fear of ridicule and sarcasm.  If anyone has anything to say to me, let them say it here, for this is holy ground, and here i will abide.  i will build three tabernacles:  one for Moses, one for Elijah...



Mark, i am truly happy for you!  No one else takes you seriously, and now you are one of us...


Joe, i have it on good authority that platypi believe God has a sense of humor because he created something like you & me.  i got it straight from a platypus's bill (which i'll be able to pay if you will loan me $20).

al

     Just in case anyone may have mistaken the above for seriousness on my part (this being The Totally Serious Thread):  it isn't.  Mark Campbell has a terrific sense of humor, and he knows me well enough to recognize when i'm kidding him.  The Wounded Pilgrims thread, which Mark began & faithfully continues, is probably my favorite on the BB for encouragement.  Seriously!

al

Since this is "The Totally Serious Thread", I thought this would be the appropriate place to ask the following totally serious question:
Is there anybody else here who thinks that Dave Barry often says funny things in his columns? For example, is there anybody else here who laughed when they read the following column?:

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/7364452.htm

H

P.S. I am a scientist by training, and I am curious to know if non-scientists also find this column funny.

H,

I predict that this research will revolutionize male/female relationships worldwide.

Women frequently complain that men don't communicate well, especially about feelings.  Now, as every guy knows, communicating by Fast Repetitive Clicks feels good!

So, if you ever hear this complaint...just increase your FRT communication frequency.  

Rejoice, ladies...its a win/win situation.

Also, "H",

I'm not a scientist and I thought it was hilarious.

BTW, what is your field?

Thomas Maddux

     Seriously?  OK, first of all, i am a flat-worlder by training, and i think it's hilarious.  In all the years i lived on the coast, i never knew what caused all those little bubbles in the tide!
     i guess we aren't so different from the lower species (in fact, this discovery may provide a key to the missing evolutionary link :o), as i can recall similar communications in the home of my youth, sometimes accompanied by words about finger-pulling or elephants under the chair.
     Anyway, i think the whole idea is a real gas, and discussing it is apropos for these inflationary times.  My hope is that marine biologists can help the little fellers by fitting them all with tiny "herring aids."

 ;Dal    

P.S.--  Scientifically speaking, his name is Dave Barry. ;)

Thanks for posting your very amusing comments, al and Tom! Good to know that at least some of the non-biologists here also think Dave Barry's column on herring research is hilarious.  Here is another of his columns on scientific topics. This one is not in my field, but I still got some laughs out of it (although I don't think it's quite as funny as the herring column).  What do you think of it?

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/7217432.htm

H

     In my humble opinion, Dave Barry is presidential material.  As a nation, we could do worse.  As a nation, we occasionally have.

     What I really appreciate about Dave Barry is that he reduces the highly technical to terms understandable to laymen (men who give eggs).  This is important to people who want to microwave omelets, for example.

     Another appreciable quality of Dave Barry is his use of the phrase "I am not making this up" to indicate that a statement of his is true.  Of course, he may only use this phrase once or twice in an entire column, or sometimes not at all, leaving us to ponder whether the information rendered without such disclaimer is true or not.  Much like assembly ministry.  Only more enjoyable.

     Regarding the 62,000 mile high elevator, it is rumored but not substantiated that during the 1960s Dr. Timothy Leary ascended to nearly that altitude using nothing but tinted sugarcubes.

     When I was a new believer I had accepted Christ but knew Him only in theory.  The reality of knowing Him lay far in my future, but I didn't know that and I wanted to get on with being a Christian.  I hadn't the first clue how to start a conversation about Him, so I handed out gospel tracts in the hope that someone would ask me a question about God that I could answer.
     If you're wondering where I'm going with this and how it connects to the previous topic, here we go:  I had a tract that was especially printed to hand out on elevators!  The cover of it said "Will your final trip be UP or DOWN?" then it opened to discuss heaven & hell.  It was a good conversation starter, and sometimes when I went downtown I made extra trips on elevators just to distribute them.  
     One building I occasionally visited had an old fashioned elevator with an operator who sat on a little murphy seat and stopped the car wherever you asked him to.  We got slightly acquainted, and I think he knew that I genuinely cared about his eternal destiny, but I never actually saw a soul come to Christ because of a tract.
     But just think how my odds of winning someone would have improved on an elevator that traveled 32 million stories.  And think how crowded the car would be if I brought a tract for every floor.  On second thought, don't think about it -- that's ridiculous.  Nobody would be in a building like that.  The commute from home to the garage would be nothing compared to the trip from the lobby to the office.  On the other hand, what a view!

     Let's see, what was my totally serious subject again?  Oh yeah-- Dave Barry and the giant elevator.  Sounds kinda like Little Georgie and the Giant Hand, doesn't it?  Only more believable.  
     Well, that's Dave Barry for you.  The man can write or speak on any subject and fascinate his audience.  And his audience is world-wide.  For pocket change you can get his column, with a whole newspaper thrown in on the deal.  The man gets paid for his work, his income is a matter of record, he pays his taxes, and he seems like a nice guy.  Naw, he's nothing like Little Georgie after all !

 ;)al

I started playing a video game a few weeks ago, "Simpson's Road Rage."  It is basically a Taxi game with the simpson characters.

I was reading some discussions of the game, and one person referred to the direction indicator at the top of the screen as "The Giant Hand".  Good thing to know that at least the Hand is getting some other roles, even if it is yellow, and has only 3 fingers and a thumb.

     Sounds like a "cartoon" hand-- probably the same one...  ;D
(maybe the loss of one finger was the penalty for saving Little Georgie  ???)

al ;)

One must question, are you able to flip the bird if you only have 3 fingers and a thumb?  Oh the odd subtleties of life  ???

--
lucas

    This analysis was emailed to me, and I feel compelled to forward it.  The matter is crucial:    
===============================================


Why Are We Still There?

    It is time to take a serious look at our involvement there.  Every day
there are reports of more deaths.  Newscasts are replete with footage and descriptions of terrible destruction.  

    The land is too large to police all of it.  The enemy is too often indistinguishable, and at liberty to roam freely.  We haven't enough trained personnel with command of the language to retain adequate control.  Our original occupation was child's play compared to the rigors of ongoing maintenance of law and order.  We already have cause to question whether we should have entered in at all, as our presence there brings upon us no end of trouble.

    Their government is unstable and in the process of change, but who knows whether for the better?  Refugees are fleeing in droves, their homes destroyed.  It will cost billions to rebuild, which we can't afford.  We are unable even to secure the borders.  

    Why are we still there?  The toll of American lives lost in this dangerous land mounts daily.  What can we hope to accomplish by staying that could possibly justify the cost?

     Our course is clear:  We must abandon California!

 ;)Happy New Year!
al

Al...This is good just keep scaring people away from California and I'll enjoy the Great weather its a chilly61 degrees now at the beach...and yes there was just a Beautiful Sunset...although there was cloud cover earlier the sun broke through and the waves were not that bad...California is definatly not for the Faint of heart (neither is this BB) I'll just stay here and hope there's no tsunami or terrrorist attack at LAX...Its sure Fun living Dangerously!!!!

Joe Joe Joe you badddddddddddddd fellow. Just say 3 selfer's prayers and read the 1 and 2 Peter and James for your penance.

We had to be so serious in the Assembly for so many years. Dress right, act right, look right, sing right, read right, rejoice right, laugh right did I miss anything? If so I want to make sure I am a good example to all.

And the lively saints said "Praise the Lord" say it again "Praise the LORD" I can't hear you. "PRAISE THE LORD"  AMEN.

I recently saw "The Return of the King" and have come to a certain conclusion.  While I have enjoyed going by the name "mithrandir", it has become painfully evident to me that I could never fill Mithrandir's shoes.  I can't make fire come out of a wooden staff, nor have I ever met a hobbit, dwarf or elf (though I have met some mighty strange people in my time).  Therefore, I think it's time to let Mithrandir sail off into the West.  From now on, I'll go by the name that's on my birth certificate.

Gimli
(Oops, I meant Clarence Thompson) ;D

You forgot the most important thing:

 Have you ever danced with a balrog in the pale moon light?    ;D
Verne

Man, it has been a quite a long time since I have seen a Marvel comic quote   :P

--
lucas

Sir Clarence:

May the hair on your toes never fall out
Amen

Delila

     I once supervised a staff of five who were all pretty wooden-- I couldn't get anything out of 'em!!! :-\


   
     I haven't seen the document in question, but I suspect you still have the option of several names by which to go:  Your mother's, your father's, your own, and the doctor's who delivered you... ;)

     Farewell Mith...  Welcome Clarence!!! :D

al

Clarence,

I am shocked that you have never mastered the ability to make fire come out of a wooden staff.  I have a whole box of staffs that anyone can make fire come out of!

All you do is take one out of the box and rub in along the side.  ;)

Thomas Maddux

You and I met many years ago and I have seen you over the years at the Fall or Winter conferences. Lord bless you brother.

I have a joke in response to your fire from wood.

Steve: This match won't light.

Joe: What's the matter with it?

Steve: I don't know ---- it lit a minute ago.

<ta dum dum dum> rim shot on the snare drum please.

I have seen the first 2 LOTR and am listening to the book in my car.  Can't say it was my favoriate experience as I'm not a big fantasy genre fan.  However, the difference between the two medium is interesting:

Movie:  Huge army descends and kicks some Orc-butt.

Book:  "And the arrow descend stethely through the air and found its target piercing the heart of an Orc who let out a cry - a cry of such magnitude that had not been heard throughout middleearth from the Shire to the west, up through the brandywine and through the hill country ascending past the deep caverns where live the the creators of Mordor.  This cry rang back to the shout of the Ancient King Buarnuu who reigned over the Ackelrckerl people during the attack of the white wolves in the years when the alliance between King Dkersl and King Sodkfedsjresndx sang a lovely tune (book includes all 9 verses) just subsequent to the rise of the dark hosemen who . . . etc. etc. etc.

Don't dis LOTR, Dave.

I have read them about 10 times, starting when I was 9.

Brent

I think we all did. Remember the animated features that came out in the 70's? I recently read someone just ripping them in a review recently. I loved 'em. Still have the Hobbit on video.

BTW, Peter Jackson said he hopes to make the Hobbit very soon.  :D

What was really cool was when my son scored 100% on his Accelerated Reader test for the Hobbit when he was 7. :o A couple nights later at an open house his teacher told us she was really glad we read to him but he needed to start reading some books on his own.

She was fairly flustered when I told her he read it himself in a 10-day period. The look on the other parents' faces . . . Priceless! 8)

Yes, I am unabashadly, obnoxiously proud of my son! ;D His little sister is giving him a run for his money, though.

Hmm. Sturnfields part 2? ;)

S

Hey now! I call shenanigans on that one! ;)

--
lucas