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What I Would Do Differently: Reflecting on The One-Year Anniversary of The Collapse of The Geftakys Assemblies.


Hindsight is always 20-20, it is said.  In many ways, this is absolutely true, especially with regard to really “big” things.  I consider the action I took in November 2002, that of starting the Geftakysassembly.com website, to be a “big” thing.

Overall, I am joyful and pleased with the results of my labor, and have thousands of complimentary emails and phone calls that validate my personal feelings. There very few to the contrary, in comparison.  However, it is always prudent to go back and reflect on what one has said and done, in order to learn from and hopefully correct one’s mistakes.  We all make mistakes, and even a “perfect” game has less than perfect pitches thrown.  Certainly, I made some mistakes along the way.  I have already publicly corrected most of the factual mistakes on the website, but a year’s reflection has allowed me to see some other shortcomings that require apologies.

A few people are going to get personal letters from me.  These are the one’s that I sinned against in private.  A few others are going to get a public apology, in this essay.

The first thing I must say is that I would do it all over again without hesitation.  It needed to be done.  However, I would like to have changed a few things.

The first thing I would have done differently is that I would have attended the meetings in Fullerton right after the excommunication.  I should have spent time praying with the leaders, and the “members,” before I wrote about them.  Even if what I had to say was accurate, which it was in the main, my absence didn’t help these men to accept what I was saying.  Instead, they felt like a person they hadn’t seen for four years was attacking them on the Internet.  Yes, this is true.  Some of them were being attacked, and I hadn’t seen them in several years.

In hindsight, while I know that the vast majority of my information was accurate, by not meeting with these men face to face, I did them a disservice.  Perhaps, had they been able to look me in the eye, they would have seen that I genuinely had goodwill towards them.  Conversely, had I been able to look them in the eye, I may not have labeled some of them, “Wolves.”

Specifically, I would like to mention Jim Hayman in this.  Jim, please forgive me for calling you a wolf.  If I could go back in time, I would have spoken to you before giving you that label.  It was wrong of me to do what I did, the way I did it.  While we may or may not have seen eye-to-eye, or agreed; the decent thing for me to do was to speak with you first, before calling you a wolf.  I have sinned against you in this way, and I want to make it perfectly clear that I am confessing this in public, as it was a public sin against you.  While the personal pain I caused you can hardly be erased by a couple paragraphs, in doing this I invite you to contact me and tell me my faults.  I promise to do the right thing in order to restore what I have damaged.

The same thing can be said for Rod Zach, as for Jim Hayman.

I did speak to a number of the men in Fullerton, but never to Rod, and only to Jim after I had told several hundred people that he was a “wolf.”  Should I get the opportunity to do so, I would welcome hearing their perceptions of what went on in the tumultuous weeks one year ago.  Please note, I am not trying to say that they were “good” leaders, or trying to let them “slide.”  I am apologizing for what I did, and for the way that I did it.

Patience, or more specifically the lack thereof, is another problem I have.  My mind works quickly.  This is not to say it works better than other people, but usually faster.  I was always, in every class, the first one done on tests.  I rarely got the highest grade, but I never spent any time at all thinking about an answer.  I don’t like thinking about things for very long, but I do like making decisions and judgments as soon as possible.  This is not to say that I am foolish in the way I go about making decisions---I usually gather more information than most people---only that I do so at a very rapid pace.  My wife will testify to her frustration when she watches me read a page in a second or two, and then blurt out a response, before she has gotten halfway down the page!  I read fast, think fast, and judge fast.  Patience and Mercy are in short supply in my soul.

Well, if I could go back in time, I would have liked to restrain myself and given people a little more time to respond to the earth shattering revelations that were coming about at breakneck speed.  Events were occurring so rapidly, and I was privy to so much information, that when I wrote articles I think it served more to throw people off balance then to inform them.  To be sure, many people “got it,” and were right there with me, connecting the dots.  However, others visiting the website for the first time, were bludgeoned with very hard-hitting language about people they had respected for years.  The events themselves were hard enough to follow, let alone the two dozen pages of commentary being presented once or twice daily.

I am not apologizing for factual content, except as specifically noted here, or in the past when corrected on the website.  I am apologizing for the way I presented the information.  Force-feeding was not as helpful as a more patient approach, at least in my opinion.

Undoubtedly, there will come to my attention more things in which I could have done better, and further sins that I can repent of.  However, as stated above, I would do everything all over again, with the above changes.  I have no regrets whatsoever regarding George’s exposure, and the loss of his “ministry.”  I also have no apologies to make to the people who continue to receive him, or defend him.  I also have little patience for those who would criticize me without having read what I have written.  I did read George’s books, and listened to him for years before criticizing him!

Each time I spoke to a leader who disagreed with me, I invited them to share their side of the story on the website.  I promised them I would publish what they had to say un-edited.  To date, none of them have taken this opportunity.  I am confident that Steve Irons would extend to them the same offer.  Hopefully, my apology here will stimulate something of that nature in the near future.

It is my hope that this apology helps bring about reconciliation in my personal dealings with these men.  Even if it doesn’t, it is still the right thing for me to do.  In the same manner, I believe that public apologies by some of the ex-leaders would help those that they sinned against during their tenure as “shepherds.”  We have all sinned in many ways, in thought, word and deed.  

Until next time,

Brent A. Tr0ckman

January 14, 2004

January 28th, 2003 I posted my first post as a guest but identified myself as Marcia M. At that time I was assembly-sympathetic, and received quite a reaction from Brent, Verne, Retread, Kimberley and others. In early February I posted a 'defense of Mike and Cheryl Zach' post as Guest. And that post provoked quite a reaction as well. Brent was 'mad'; Margaret accused me of being a LB (I wasn't sure if it was an accusation or a compliment :)) etc. etc. Since my desire was to investigate and find out 'the truth of the matter', at that point I decided to choose a different approach. Thinking that I could change my mind or even Brent could change his mind. Brent decided to not allow guests and annonymous posters, so I remained 'silent' until the end of March, when I registered as MGov.

MarkC and Retread and TomM and Brent and Verne and others helped me to understand certain aspects, but I did not make the connections. Problems in the assembly I could handle, and I did not want to be the one to be the cause of the downfall of God's work in Ottawa. In the end it was Brent's anger at another situation that I was connected with that broke through the 'fog'. So, Brent hindsight is 20-20 and if you've learned from this experience then PTL. The other aspect is that an 'honest' inquirer will be willing to take the lumps that comes with finding out the 'truth of the matter'. Even if you had done some things differently, if the other party is not open to inquiry, then God will not force them and will even allow them to continue in a state of deception. I would read the personal testimonies posted on the website and I still could not see what I now see. When I attempted to discuss the web-site with assemblyites they were not willing to consider that there could be any benefit in reading it. So I ended up doing a lot of my discussion on the BB. Some people need 'shock' treatment to jolt them out of their comfort zone and into the truth of the matter. I did. BTW, I do not hold any negative reaction I received against anybody; it was part of the discovery process to deliverance from bondage. And most of the reactions were not negative, but an attempt to guide and explain things to me.

Lord bless,
Marcia

What was I angry about?  Usually, I am calm, collected, patient, merciful, and meek.  I don't recall ever being angry..... ??? ;)

Brent

Brent:

Your "vehemence" can come off as anger if you just "read" your posts.  For those of us who truly know you, we know you're not angry.  That's the only probablem with the BB.  We aren't three dimensional here.  The written word can be "deceiving." ;)

I very seriously doubt that Brent's gracious gesture will be acknowledged by any who have thus far not spoken.
In keeping with my predilection for thinking "outside the box", I am becoming convinced that there are some who are waiting expectantly for the repentance of George Geftakys.
I would dare say there are some, who entertain the notion that he will repent, be recovered, and even be restored to full ministry.
Then of course, one could reasonably say, see?!
It was all just a temporary failing of our dear brother, we knew all along that he was the Lord's servant!
There are only two reasons why God delays judgment and it has everything to do with His eternal purpose.
In some cases, He delays judgment to allow time for repentance, and in accordance with His purpose, effects redemption through forgiveness, for Christ's sake.
In other cases, He delays judgment because the iniquity of the transgressor is not yet full. He permits full reign, and in accordance with His purpose, executes judgment at the appointed time. Remember Tolstoy's mills of justice...?
You figure it out....
Verne

Actually, I have probably been angry no fewer than 400 times when posting on this BB.  Sometimes it's righteous anger, other times not.

Although I make mistakes,  I don't worry about being angy at Geftakys's and their servants too much.  They have been angry at me,  kept hundreds in bondage through fear, and even yanked my inheritance in God's kingdom away from me for telling the truth!

If I get a little angry at times, it is a small thing in comparison.

Brent

     Only the hardest of hearts could ignore such a thought.  But many have locked themselves in their bathrooms and are singing LALALALALALALALALA at the top of their lungs while running the water and repeatedly flushing the toilet.  Would that God break down even a few of those doors...

Blanqueting arbitrage for extracuticle strippers, forsasitude melvick!

Jorraniganistviy?

Brent

You lost me on that one, Brent (http://www.buildingup.net/post/images/smiles/newsmilie1021.gif)

--
lucas