AssemblyBoard

WHY DO YOU KEEP LOCKING PEOPLE OUT WITH DIFFERENT OPINIONS THAN WHAT IS THE MAJORITY ON THIS BOARD???  

Just the doofuses.

Welcome back, Doofus!

¡Buenas tardes!  ¡Cómo estás!

Hello Friends,

Burt O'Leary here. I'm branching out and I want you all to benefit too!! Do you love statistics? I do!! So I started my own website just for lovers of statistics:

www.doofus.com

Do you want to know what ten people in Mt. Prarie Virginia bought the most dog food in March??
then go to     www.doofus.com

What ten people in Chester VT. returned the most clothing duing the third week in July?
then go to   www.doofus.com

Do you want to know what people have one leg shorter than another, and also are hard of hearing in the town of Two Rivers Iowa?
Then go to www.doofus.com.

Be the only person on your block that knows how many Andy Gump outhouses sit in Wilma P. Storker Park at Mason and Williamsburg, in the borrough of Hoppspalow, Nova Scotia---visit  www.doofus.com !!!

Don't miss out!!! Visit today!!! Don't be statistically challenged. You'll be glad you did, or my name's not Burt O'Leary.

Um, Burt, I went to www.doofus.com and it's still under construction. What gives!

How about some stats on how many people want their money back!

Scott

Do you want to know how many Websites are listed but when you go to visit are still under construction??

Then visit  www.doofus.com.

We'll let you post here all you want, as long as you say something.  To date, all you have done is post stats, over and over and over, with the occasional repetitive posting of verses, over and over and over and over....ad nasuem.

I'll give you one more chance.  String a few sentences together that demonstrate a rudimentary attempt at communication, and a first grade or above level of intelligence, and you are a welcome member of the community.

If you fail to make the grade, you can probably find another BB to post stats on.

I'll be the judge of whether or not you merit posting priviledges on this board.  

Brent

I have not heard or seen 'The Argument Clinic', but the kids talk about it at school. So almost every evening we hear a condensed version of the Argument Clinic, British accent and all, at the supper table.

I'm here for an argument.
No you're not.
Yes, I am.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
You #@%& idiot!
That's not an argument.
Oh sorry that was abuse.
I'm here for an argument.
No you're not.
Oh yes I am.
That's a contradiction.
No its not.
 8)

Marcia

How about a link:

http://www.unco.edu/philosophy/python.html (http://www.unco.edu/philosophy/python.html)

that link is great!  You know........if you think about it, that was a lot like being in the assembly.......with a whole lot more humor ;D!

I don't know about you, but I would have arguments with myself all the time like that.

"He didn't just say that man was born on the 7th day, did he?"  

"Yep, he did."  

"No, that couldn't be.  I mean, even we agree with 'mainstream christianity' that man was born on the 6th day, right."

"Nope.  GG has spoken.  Kind of makes you think doesn't it?"

"Yeah but, I don't think I agree with this 7th day creation thing."

"Yeah you do.  GG said it up there at the seminar.  You believe it."

"I don't know............I'm kind of questioning.  UHHHHH.  NO!  Not questioning. I better go talk to Bleep and Bleep about this."

Me to Bleep, "Did you hear what I heard at the seminar?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know, that 7th day creation thing."

"Oh that.........that really wasn't anything."

"Yes it was."

"No it wasn't.  I mean GG is an apostle, a great, progressive thinker........just don't think about it.  Just consider it a wonderful, new thought that just wows the mind."

You get the picture!

This is why Golden (aka LockedoutGolden) is so good at the "argument" thing.  You don't really have to engage in a dialogue/argument.  Just throw em off track with a little scripture reciting and stats that will do the arguing for you.... not! ::)

After a decade of this, I really was going crazy.  And I mean really, crazy.  I went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I'm going crazy, am I pre-menopausal or something (age 35 at the time)?"  The doctor responded,  "Nope, just crazy, here you can take this medicine (prozac) to take the crazy feelings away."  

I didn't choose to medicate myself.  I knew I needed to deal with the craziness.  Interesting.........the craziness left when I left the assembly! ;D

This part of the dialog reminds me of the assembly:

"It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here."

The leading brothers would say, "We're sorry, you didn't say ouch the right way: we can't accept that!"

Scott,

Shouldn't "Just the doofuses" be "Just the doofusi"?

Thomas

Only in Texas! I'm a damn Yankee! ;)

Scott

More precisely Tom: Doofi (rhymes with goofy)
Verne
ps. The Genitive case would of course be Doofae... :)

     Now, Brent, you know that the last thing I would ever do is disagree with you! ::)  But I really must take exception to your statement, above.
     On both of golden's most recent reappearances (as lockedoutgolden), there has been neither repetetive posting of stats nor of scripture verses.  Rather there has been the clear and simple griping about the way things are done hereabouts.

     The accusation that this venue is guilty of "LOCKING PEOPLE OUT WITH DIFFERENT OPINIONS THAN WHAT IS THE MAJORITY ON THIS BOARD" may not be entirely without merit...
     As one who at one time was in direct conflict with a number of this board's primary posters (but was never locked out), I would like to hear from golden exactly what the "majority opinions" here are perceived to be, with referenced examples.

     It would be fair to say that a majority opinion here is that Jesus Christ is mankind's only access to God, but this board has hosted, and welcomed, the regular postings of some who claim to no longer believe in Christ.
     It has been generally agreed upon by most posters that the Geftakys' teachings regarding the nature of salvation, sanctification, government, worship and a long list of other topics has varied from erroneous to heretical to evil.  Yet those who defend the assembly movement's leaders have posted here (not uncontested, but unhindered), unless and until they became abusive.

     I am reminded of protesters picketing with signs and chants and shouted slogans until a TV reporter shoves a microphone un front of one and asks what the protest is all about.  It is easy to hide in a crowd and pretend to have major concerns, but another matter entirely to stand alone and state your case.

     So, golden, please offer us something substantive to consider.  You'll find most of us reasonable listeners if you give us something to which to listen.  None of us are mind readers-- we don't know what you see in a verse or a statistic unless you tell us.
     Maybe you could start with why you want to be called golden?  We're listening...

al

Here, here!

--
lucas

Yeah, the problem is we've been down this road with golden before. Several times.

He was banned for very legitimate reasons after numerous pleas to offer something substantive. Sneaking back on and complaining about it does not count as anything substantive enough that all of sudden he makes a point. ::)

Actually, golden has been treated with an incredible amount of patience. Asked to offer his opinions. Asked to offer a rebuttal to others' opinions. Asked to share his story. Asked politely to stop flooding.

Personally, I would not post anywhere I was banned. That's kind of like returning to a party where you were just tossed out. I've seen that happen a few times in the "real" world. Golden's lucky Brent has been a very patient, even-tempered host.

Scott

What we need is a good flame-war (http://www.buildingup.net/post/images/smiles/new_2gunsfiring_v1.gif)

--
lucas ::)

Uh...what's a flame war? I thought we already had plenty of that here?  Do we really need another one, or do I not understand what one is?

For the record, golden was coaxed to share something other than the stats, which he was incrediblyadept at.

I view him as a sort of idiot-savant.  On the one hand, he is obviously retarded, but on the other he demonstrates an advanced, superhuman ability to post the stats he copies from the website.

He's getting another chance.  If he can communicate in a rudimentary sort of way, he can post here.  As for the stats, none of us can really grasp the significance of that, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

Golden, please say something.  Verbally abuse me, tell lies, implore us to be more Christ-like, anything!

Please?

Brent

Rather offensive but slightly relevant  :o

http://www.forceboy.com/images/retarded.jpg (http://www.forceboy.com/images/retarded.jpg)

--
lucas

Lucas,

I have twin down syndrome nephews.  That link is in bad taste, my friend.  You and I both know you are better than that.

Brent

When it comes to guys like Golden am I just impatient or are people too gullible??!!
Man life is waaaayyy too short...!
Verne

     I am finding that it is possible to proceed with life despite the goldens.  Patience does not necessarily equate to gullibility.

     Personally, I'm still waiting for evidence that golden is a "guy," as is apparently perceived by the majority. ??? ;D

al ;)

I did claim it to be offensive, but I would indeed agree it was in bad taste.

--
lucas

Right on both counts

Lucas---

You should no better than to post something like that on the BB. What, are you retarded or something?

oops---sorry guys. ;D

--Joe

Joe, did you forget to recite your selfers prayer this morning ? Shame on you  !

     I have an autistic granddaughter and a down syndrome nephew.
     Let's move on.

Thanks,
al

You're right--let's change the subject.

What do you do if someone has an epileptic fit in the bathtub?

Throw in some detergent and your dirty laundry.

oops. sorry. Ok Ok I'm headed to the room now to do more of the Selfer's prayer.

wow.....I dont know what to say to that one  :o

(anyone else find the title of this thread ironic?)

--
lucas

Lucas---

You're right and I totally apologize. I have a close relative with epilepsy, and believe it or not, I heard
the joke below from him. He has a couple more--he
jokes about his infirmity. But to others it might not be so funny, so I apologize for my misplaced comments.
And retardation is not something to joke about either.
Sorry---got carried away there.

sincerely, Joe

Agreement! ... and yet the derogatory link remains? ... in four places!

---

I don't understand today's culture very well, but it seems that a lot of people take things much more seriously than in the past.  You never know whether such "jokes" might be interpreted by someone as license to ill will toward someone so handicapped.  In today's culture it seems appropriate to me that such "jokes" be considered taboo among christians.

I even heard a preacher once use a derogatory joke about old people in his sermon, and then proceeded to preach against complaining.  It reminded me of Nazi Germany where they would joke about Jews so that people wouldn't notice it as much when they started shipping them off to death camps.  After all, old people complain more than young people.  If people think less of them, then they won't notice it as much when they die due to poor care, or get cancer from the increase of obnoxious ingredients in food (and some aren't on the label), or lose hearing because the volume control on the stereo or TV doesn't turn down the volume of the most damaging high frequencies, of lose their sight because of the new super-bright traffic signal lights.

I wonder whether some of this is intended to reduce the government Social Security bill or something.

What seems like other evidence is the TV game shows where contestants vote each other off the team.  Perhaps it's practice for voting people out of existence.

It would be different if the picture was directly posted, or if there was no warning as to the content of the image (namely, no one is needlessly being exposed to it without their prior knowledge that it is offensive).  As it stands, while it was in admittedly bad taste for this forum, I have no reason change the link and would prefer to accept that I did something stupid then to try to hide the fact by removing all evidence of it ;)

--
lucas

In High School I had a poster in my room with a 101 blonde jokes on it.  I thought they were funny.  I had my classmates in autoshop give me at print out of every blonde joke they could find on the internet.  I think there are very few I haven't heard.

It never bothered me.

Maybe you didn't get them? ;)

Just kidding, blondie! ;D

My favorite was of course the blonde comeback joke:

Where do blonde jokes come from?

Brunettes with nothing to do on a Saturday night.   ;D

When my mother was growing up in the 1930/1940's, they told "moron" jokes.  (e.g., Did you here of the moron who saluted the refrigerator because he was told it was General Electric?)

Then after WWII and through the years I was growing up, it was Polish jokes.  Now, in the last 10 years, it became blond jokes.

I wonder how these things get started.

Where I come from they're Hoosier jokes.

I started it.

Bob Knight's a jerk.

S ;D

Where I come from they're Hoosier jokes.

I started it.

Bob Knight's a jerk.

S ;D

The real question is - how are you handling Bruce Weber???

BAM - Bruce Almighty will be just fine. He's instituting a whole new offense, trying to win over some stars that are still mourning the loss of Coach Self-ish and working through some off-court stuff with a couple others.

He's already landed a monster power-forward that Izzo coveted and last week got an early commitment from a junior in Tennessee who ranks in the top 25.

Second round NCAA this year, hard push for the Final Four next and all the way after that, baby! ;D

Anytime you want an update, just ask!

S

Hmm. Kind of a stretch, but you Canucks need everything you can get, so go with it! ;D

S

The real question is - how are you handling Bruce Weber???

BAM - Bruce Almighty will be just fine. He's instituting a whole new offense, trying to win over some stars that are still mourning the loss of Coach Self-ish and working through some off-court stuff with a couple others.

He's already landed a monster power-forward that Izzo coveted and last week got an early commitment from a junior in Tennessee who ranks in the top 25.

Second round NCAA this year, hard push for the Final Four next and all the way after that, baby! ;D

Anytime you want an update, just ask!

S

I hate to admit it, but I think that Bruce is an excellent X's and O's coach.  Us Creighton fans got our fill of him the last few years when he was at Southern Ill.  It was quite the mid major rivalry.

I just wish he'd quit whining so much!!! :)

Ah, hence, the Bluejay moniker? Was that you?

How'd you end up a Creighton fan?

S

It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. Peole like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponisible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.--P.J. O'Rourke

H---

You know, I don't really believe it's true that cats are America's favorite pet. I think what makes it appear that way in shear numbers is that a lot of cat owners have 3 or 4 cats, while the average dog owner has only one. Then add in the old woman at the end of the block with 35 cats and the averages really get thrown off.

I would agree with you concerning cats though. They seem to lack the faithfulness a dog has. Dogs really appear to have emotional feelings, which cats seem to be void of. Dogs will be genuinely "happy" or "sad" according to the way you speak to them--if they sense disapproval they truly appear to be sorry. A cat will just run at the sound of an angry voice, whereas a dog will take it to heart, put their tail between their legs and look ashamed for what they have done to anger you. They truly are man's best friend.

Of course, this is coming from a dog lover.

--Joe

We have one of each presently.  A few months ago we had two cats and one dog, and in a week we will have 2 dogs and one cat.   I like both of them, but cats are way less hassle.

BTW, they are not dependent on us for food.  They can catch stuff pretty well.  However, coyotes seem to be dependent on us for food....they caught one of our cats!

Brent

I like cats. They taste like chicken. ;)

I have a 75 pound Boxer that enjoys rolling truculent Pit Bulls up and down the beach when they steal his ball.

Oddly enough, he likes cats, too. No really. Loves to play with them gently. It's embarrasing.

He's a little retarded, I think. ;D

" You know you're a Redneck, if your front porch collapses and 15 dogs die"
Jeff Foxworthy

My Sisters family has the Swiss version of a St. Bernard it's well over a 100 lbs and we became 'friends'. Unfortunately when we spent the night it was determined to share the couch with me, aggravating but funny.

I've heard that sometimes cats are caught by owls.  Are you sure it wasn't an owl instead?


They express their feelings in less obvious ways, but that doesn't mean they don't have them.

I noticed that even ants have feelings when I was watching one under the microscope and accidentally slightly injured it with the microscope slide.  It was bent over in pain for about 20 minutes then seemed to recover enough to start walking around again.  While it was sitting still I was able to examine it more carefully under the microscope.  I could see the slight dent in its abdomen from the injury.  I could see the blood flowing though veins in its head, its brown hairy exoskeleton being thin enough to be transparent.  I felt sorry for it and put it back on its trail and let it go home.  These ants are commonly called little black ants and frequently invade kitchens.  They seem black and shiny because they are too small for their brown color and hair to be seen clearly without magnification.

Field crickets are more expressive of their emotions.  They seem to me to be smarter than most insects, something like the geniuses of the insect world.  Their intelligence is probably why they are so hard to catch since they aren't really all that fast.  They seem to be very proud of their long antennae.  They seem unhappy when their antennae are shorter due to damage from the normal wear and tear of life.  Being their primary sense, their antennae are very important to them.

My sister has several cats taken, most likely by coyotes.  An owl tried to take a small dog of hers, but dropped it a short distance away.  She found the dog up in a tree, with claw marks in its back.


The core of emotions is something shared by most animals that have brains.  They mostly seem to be survival mechanism.  The underlying emotions, such as fear, happiness, are very evident, at least in other mammals.  (Insects demonstrate a behavior that looks much like sorrow or fear when they are trapped or hurt).

What distinguishes us so much as humans, isn't the feelings, but our ability to reason about them, and especially, our ability to act contrary to our feelings.  It is very hard to tell what other animals "reason" about, though, since they don't possess language.

When I come home from work, my dog is very happy to see me.  When she does something wrong, she acts guilty.  I personally don't think these are the same as in humans, though.  Happiness is probably similar, but I think the guilt-behavior is more of a reaction to disapproval from the leader.  Humans can certainly feel guilty for the same reason, but we can experience conviction, which I think is deeper.

Enough rambling.  Maybe I should research canine ethics :-)

Dave

     You wanna talk about smart insects?  All I have to do is turn off the kitchen light, and the cockroaches rush out & clean the floor!

     Arachnids?  The spiders in my house are on the web more than I am!  (OK-- I'm not Joe Sperling, but I try!!)

     But for animal intelligence, you want to look at porpoises.  Some scientists believe that porpoises, dolphins and whales may be as intelligent as man or moreso.
     The reputation of porpoise intelligence is so great that George tried to start an assembly about 47 miles WSW of Santa Catalina.  No Kidding.  He used to go out in a glass-bottom boat and hold seminars.  The porpoises are so intelligent that they'd disperse as soon as they saw him coming!  :o :o :o

 ;Dal ;)

This afternoon I was on my way home from the swimming pool where I swim laps.

I saw a young fellow driving a car with some stickers on the back.  One of them said, "Blame Canada".

Now that sounds like a good idea to me.  

Southern Califorinia has some air pollution.....Blame Canada!

American politics are getting pretty nasty....Blame Canada!

Al Gore almost won...Blame Canada!

GG turned out to be crooked...Blame Canada!

This has possibilities.  

Tom Maddux

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations --it's cold, half French, and difficult to stir. -Stuart Keate

Marcia, hope I didn't offend you (or any other Canadians) by posting the Stuart Keate quote. He was a Canadian journalist, by the way. Haven't been able to find any other quotes by him, so I don't know what he may have said about the USA.

In order to give the USA equal time, here is a quote from an American (Fred Reed):

"I reckon I've figured out why everybody's brain in the Untied States is getting soft, like grits with too much water in them. It's because of Star Trek. You know, that space opera about how the world's worst actors set out to go where no man has gone before and, with any luck, stay there."

This quote is taken from his column "How Star Trek Turns Your Brains To Grits" (or "Kirk, Spock, And Scotty:  The Case For Drowning"), which I found hilarious, but which some people might be offended by:

http://www.fredoneverything.net/StarTrek.shtml

 

This reminds me of Hitler.  How this woman got elected is beyond me.  Are people in Vermont really that stupid?

Brent

Brent,

She got elected because there are millions of totally secularized, urbanized, relativists who think just like her.

The percentage of Americans that have a meaningful religious faith is declining rapidly.  Around 90% will say they believe in God, but when you include a behavioral component like regular church attendance the percentage is more like 40%.

By 2020 it is expected to have declined to 25%.  This is because this group tends to be older, including many people who grew up before 1950.  Although Evangelical Christians are very visible in our country, we are only about 11% of the population. (when you include behavioral components in the definition of evangelical)

There is much talk among evangelicals of the "Principles our country was founded upon" and talk of a return to those principles by America.  Don't hold your breath.

There are some good signs too.  Evangelical leaders are casting off their anti-intellectual, anti-science attitudes and beginning to meaningfully engage the secularists in discussion.

The Intelligent Design movement is one evidence of this.  

Dr. J. P. Moreland, who is a professor of Philosophy at Talbot Seminary, decided a few years back to do something about the problem.  So he and some other professors made an ambitious goal: To place 100 Christian students with M.A. Philosophy degrees in Ph.d programs at secular universities.  As of this year, they have placed 120!  Some of these Christian intellectuals are already teaching at secualr colleges and universities.

More of this kind of thing is needed.

God bless,

Thomas Maddux

H,

I found it hilarious too.

Thomas Maddux

I think it even got worse when the crew of Star Trek got the idea they could sing.  I have a sound clip of William Shatner's ludicrous attempt at singing "Mr. Tamborene Man" and "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds".  Leonard Nemoy made a sad attempt at "Proud Mary".

If you want a good laugh, rent Tim Allen's "Galaxy Quest".  It is a funny satire about trekkies and over-the-hill space actors.

That's one of the most asinine things I've ever heard!

Isn't Vermont Howard Dean country?

We need to know who the stupid people are before they say something stupid. By registering stupid people we can do that. If people are stupid and get elected, they are pretty likely to say stupid things.

But . . . but . . . that's illegal! Don't those criminals have any respect for the law! It's an outrage.

S

Murder is illegal in every city in the US----yet every police department has a homicide unit.

The lowest homicide rate in the world is Switzerland.  The national sport is target shooting.  It is commonplace to see teenagers with highpowered rifles riding the bus on the way to shooting.

Brent

hehe, random side note - they gave me a rifle this semester for my military marksmanship class

made me quite happy  ::)

--
lucas

Lucas, you're one of the scarier human beings I have ever known. So how long before you plan to take over the world? ;D

S

Brent,

In Switzerland all able bodied males must serve many years in the Swiss equivalent of the National Guard.  They are all issued real assault rifles, which they keep at home.

By assault rifles I mean real military style weapons that can select semi or full automatic firing mode by moving a switch.  Here the "liberals" ban semi-automatic look alikes and call them "assault rifles".

So, does this prove that our streets are safer if you ban assault rifles???

Thomas Maddux

Let's say I'm a crook.  I have a choice of which house to rob, the house of the right-wing gun collector, who reloads his own ammo, and is a handgun expert, or the house of president of the local anti-second ammendment chapter.

Let's also assume I am a crook with reasonable intelligence, and a strong desire to live.

I will choose to rob the house of the guy who has no guns.   Reason?  Less chance of getting shot to death.  (so simple it is pedanticly boorish!)

Here's a true story:

My father in law was career CIA.  He was a real James Bond type for a while, then moved up the ladder to where he was chief of security for the CIA.   He was someone who got things done, not someone who schmoozed the politicians.  Nevertheless, he has tons of pictures with him and famous people, including presidents.

Anyway,  when he was in Japan, in the early 60's, there was a very dangerous burglar who was robbing the American neighborhoods and had killed people.  Yep, you guessed it, this dangerous burglar chose the wrong house.

Suzie's dad woke up, and didn't dial 911.....he stalked the guy, caught him, and broke him into little pieces.  The man was pleading for his life before the police got there.   Had the burglar known about my father-in-law, he would have chosen a different house that night.

The right to keep and bear arms is indentical in principle.  Sure, there will be people who abuse them, but pity the poor fool who picks the wrong guy...

BTW, my father-in-law doesn't like George Geftakys.

Brent

     Did you forget, Brent?-- it's already been said!!! ;D

 ;)al

Oh yeah, that's right.

Brent, the crook.

Tom---

The Swiss are pretty trigger happy though. Where do you think all those holes in the cheese come from?


--Joe

There is a great letter that was printed in todays Chicago Suntimes  It's entiltle "I, not the Cops, got the bad guy"


Gun owner: I, not cops, got bad guy
January 22, 2004

Advertisement

 
 



Three days after Christmas, someone broke into the DeMar family home in Wilmette through a dog door, stealing a television, an SUV and the keys to the home.

The next night, Hale DeMar was prepared for a return visit. With his children upstairs, DeMar, 54, shot burglar Morio Billings, 31, in the shoulder and calf, police said.

Billings was caught at a nearby hospital and charged with felony residential burglary and possession of a stolen car, authorities said.

And, in a move that has drawn criticism, DeMar was cited with breaking Wilmette's ban on handguns and with failing to update his firearm owner's identification card.

The misdemeanors are unlikely to bring jail time. Wilmette Police Chief George Carpenter did not criticize DeMar for protecting his family but said homes are safer without handguns.

DeMar, in a letter sent to the Chicago Sun-Times, is now speaking out:

Village Trustees ... Stick to Parade Schedules & Planting our Parks

Many of us have experienced a sense of violation upon returning to our homes, only to find that someone else has been there. Someone else has trespassed in our bedrooms, looting and stealing that which is readily replaced. Many of us, still haunted by that violation, will never again have a sense of security in our own homes. Few, however, have awakened to realize that they had been violated as they slept in their beds, doors locked, as family dogs patrolled their homes. For me, the seconds until I found my children still safely tucked in their beds were horrifying. The thought that a young child may have been hurt or abducted was incomprehensible.

The police were called and in routine fashion they came, took the report and with little concern left, promising to increase surveillance. Little comfort, since the invader now had keys to our home and our automobiles. The police informed me that this was not an uncommon event in east Wilmette and offered their condolences.

What is one to do when a criminal proceeds, undeterred by a 90-pound German shepherd, an alarm system and a property ... lit up like an outdoor stadium? And now, he had my house keys and an inventory of things he'd like to call his own. Would the police patrol my dead-end street as effectively the second time as they had the first? Would my small children be unharmed the next time? Would the career criminal be satisfied with another automobile, another television or would he feel the need, once again, to climb the staircase up to the bedrooms, perhaps for a watch or a ring or a wallet, again risking little?

Would my children wake to find a masked figure, clad in black, in their bedroom doorway, a vision that might haunt them for years? Would the police come again and fill out yet another report, and at what point should I feel comfortable that the 'bad guy' got everything he wanted and wouldn't return again, a third time?

I went to the safe where my licensed and registered gun was kept, loaded it for the very first time and tucked it under the mattress of my bed. I assured my frightened children ''that daddy would deal with the bad guy ... if he ever returned.'' Little did I imagine that this brazen animal was waiting in the backyard bushes as I tucked my children into bed.

Fifteen minutes after bedtime, the alarm went off. Three minutes after the alarm was triggered, the alarm company alerted the police to the situation and 10 minutes later the first police car pulled up to my home, but only after another call was made to 911, by a trembling, half-naked father. I suppose some would have grabbed their children and cowered in their bedroom for 13 minutes, praying that the police would get there in time to stop the criminal from climbing the stairs and confronting the family in their bedroom, dreading the sound of a bedroom door being kicked in. That's not the fear I wanted my children to experience, nor is it the cowardly act that I want my children to remember me by.

Until you are shocked by a piercing alarm in the middle of the night and met in your kitchen by a masked invader as your children shudder in their beds, until you confront that very real nightmare, please don't suggest that some village trustee knows better and he/she can effectively task the police to protect your family from the miscreants that this society has produced.

This career criminal had been arrested thirty times. He was wanted in Georgia and for parole violations in Minnesota. How many family homes had he violated, how many innocent lives were affected, how many police reports went into some back office file cabinet, only to become some abstract statistic? How is it that rabid animals like this are free to roam the streets, violating our homes and threatening the safety of our children?

If my actions have spared only one family from the distress and trauma that this habitual criminal has caused hundreds of others, then I have served my civic duty and taken one evil creature off of our streets, something that our impotent criminal justice system had failed to do, despite some thirty odd arrests, plea bargains and suspended sentences.

Hale DeMar, Wilmette




 

Tom,
thanks for letting me know that you also found it hilarious.  At least we are able to agree on something! It would be nice if we could eventually reach agreement on theological issues as well, but even if we don't, I will always hold you in high esteem and you will always be welcome in my home. By the way, did you get our "Season's Greetings 2003", which I emailed right before Christmas? You haven't responded to my last couple of emails. Hope it isn't because you are mad at me.
May the Lord bless you and yours!
H

P. S. Do you think that this article is also funny?:
http://www.fredoneverything.net/GoatCurd.shtml

     Sad topic :'(;  hilarious writing!!! ;D

al