AssemblyBoard

I wanted to start a thread on being a parent, on loving our children, on doing right by them.  Recently I've had to remind myself that what my children need from me, regardless of my needs, is that I am present with them, that I am listening, validating and really enjoying them.  

I wonder if we might start a list of really simple things that we can do, ways we can show our love to our children.  Yesterday my daughter was sick.  I took her to the doctor to get her ears checked, we picked up medicine and other stuff at the drug store and then went home, got medicated and painted toe nails, did facials etc.  My son was with his dad for the day so it was time just for us.  So what.  But it was special time, girly girl stuff.  I treasure that.  It was something I never did once with my mother and it was something I realized afterward, I'd never done once with my own daughter.  So I'm thankful tonight, just for the earache and the fact that I wasn't called in to work yesterday.  It was nice.
drj

     Man, I hope this thread really takes off!  We've had enough bad examples & bad experiences-- let's share some success stories.

     I'll share something I really learned too late for most of Cathy's & my four kids' "formative years."  But I'll also assert that our kids' formative years never end-- it's never too late to be a good example & bear a good influence on their lives:

     Try to always keep the ratio of time-to-age in your mind.  Ever wonder why a kid thinks it takes forever for Christmas or a birthday to happen, while you may feel the same event is rushing toward you at the speed of a runaway freight train?  It's the time-to-age ratio effect.
     A child starts thinking of Christmas as soon as the advertising appears, which these days is sometime between Halloween & Thanksgiving.  In the life of, say, a five-year-old, a month and a half represents a significant percentage of a lifetime.  Remember that a child's only frame of reference for time is his/her own lifespan.
     At age 30, you have six times the age of a kindergartener-- comparatively speaking, you could hold your breath or tread water for one and a half months!  
     Time runs concurrently with experience.  Your child hasn't the frame of reference to feel or to think as an adult would in any given situation.  Remember to not demand or require that of them.  When you feel the urge to yell, "Act your age," they probably are already doing so.
   
     We are so busy as adults that we have forgotten what it was like to be a child.  I'm not saying we should remember-- most of us probably can't, even when we try.
     Rather, just remember to appreciate the enormous difference between an adult's perspective and a child's, and let that huge gap give you pause...
     When your child first learns the life cycle of an insect or what causes rain or how the wall switch controls the ceiling light, he can't imagine that anyone ever knew this wonder!  Every child is the center of his own universe, where what happens to "ME" is of supreme significance.  
     When your munchkin wants to show you a dead worm on the sidewalk or a paper from school, he or she is sharing a great thrill and wonder with you.  You may be terribly busy at the moment, but don't brush it off as unimportant.  The opportunities to make such a connection are limited-- don't squander them.  We can scarcely imagine, much less naturally appreciate, the significance such a moment carries, or the disappointment its loss can cause, for a child.
     Pray for your children, and when you do, remember to pray for their parents.  I believe it was Billy Graham who said that parenthood is the most important job on earth and God placed it entirely into the hands of amateurs.  There is a reason for that:  God wants us to realize the impossibility of meeting parenthood's demands without his help.  He wants us to call on Him, to depend upon Him, and to recognize that the relationship between my child and me is a microcosm of the relationship between me and my God.
     Much to think about.  Much to pray over.  Much for which to be glad.

Al:  you should write a book about that.  In fact, you probably are... did you realize?  This is exactly what I'd hope people would begin to post... no, it's more. Thanks.  I'm going to go away and think some more about what you wrote.

Thanks!
drj

     I'm thinking about being between a rock & a hard place.  That has always been portrayed to me as a bad situation in which to be, but now I'm thinking Not necessarily.
     Most certainly, being a parent is a hard place.  But Jesus is the Rock of our salvation, and the scripture asks, Is anything too hard for Thee?
     As a parent, I am provider, protector, teacher and advocate for my children-- in essence I must carry them until they are able and prepared to walk on their own.  Anyone who thinks parenthood is not hard has never been a true parent.  It is 24/7/365-- present or absent, we are needed by our children without letup.  Ever.

     The child-rearing standards and techniques of the assembly were aimed at two goals:  Short-range, they were designed to keep the children quiet and under control, so as to maximize the potential of the parents to be productive workers in the business of the hive.  Long-range, the objective was that the kids should assimilate the habits of their overseer/trainer parents, thus themselves becoming productive laborers of the collective.
     The great shortfall of these efforts lay in the failure to comprehend the very nature of humanity.  The imposition of bondage only produces the outward appearance of complicity by those oppressed-- inwardly, slavery inspires rebellion and the longing for freedom.  The assembly standard was always the outward appearance.  Our hearts' needs, and those of our children, were never considered, much less cared for.

     So now, as escapees-- refugees-- we find ourselves saddled with the responsibilities of parenthood, while our hearts are scarred and wounded and our minds contaminated with filth disguised as goodness.  We must continually remind ourselves of two things:
[1] We have emerged from the quicksand of the swamp that held us, and
[2] The muck and the leeches and the stink may cling to us, but it can, does and will come off-- we are being cleansed even as we consider these things!
     As we bear our little ones upon our backs and shoulders, we are constantly reminded that our footing is secure because we stand upon the Rock Christ Jesus, and no longer must slip and slide in the shifting sands and slime.
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     Is there, then, a new standard to replace the old, whereby we may rightly relate to and fulfill our charge toward the children God has placed into our care?  Yes and no.  Whereas we had followed a strict pattern, which failed utterly, we must now find and follow a spiritual non-pattern, which is promised to not fail.
     That is to say, while the fundamentals of parenting-- faith, hope,love-- are universal, the ways in which we practice them are as varied as are we as individuals.  We are teachers, laborers, scientists, retailers; urban, suburban, rural.  Neither our intellects nor our sensitivities are alike.  Spiritually, we are kindred:  One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of us all; but our personalities are as varied as the patterns of snowflakes.  We are as a vast beach, with no two grains of sand exactly alike.
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     Hence this thread:  Here we may share our faith, our hope, our love; how we have attempted to apply them to the benefit of our children, and how those efforts have succeeded or failed.  Please let me break that down:
     You and I can learn from each other's conceptions and applications of faith.  By telling me what you believe, why you believe it and how it applies to your parenting, you might open my eyes to something entirely different, that I needed to see and can apply.  Likewise our hope, its basis and goals may be mutually beneficial.  And the nature of our love for our children and their responding love toward us, the Source of our love and how we draw upon it, can inspire us both in the telling and the hearing.
     By nature, we prefer to tell our success stories rather than those of our failures, and our successes can be instructional on several levels.  But by sharing my disappointments, I may not only open a door of understanding for somebody else, but I may encourage one who was feeling alone because of similar "failure," and perhaps I shall elicit solutions from those who have had positive results in similar circumstances.
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     What I have written above is posted in hopes of encouraging responses to this valuable thread.  I have personal experiences that I can and may share, but I'd like to see you who are presently engaged in rearing children begin to exchange with each other here.  The youngest of Cathy's & my four just turned 25, and I'm really curious to know how y'all are doing things nowadays... :D

God bless,
al


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
     

The answer given in Time Bandits (I think) was, "It has something to do with free will."

But this is sad because I feel that in some way I missed out on enjoying my kids more because I was so pre-occupied with 'training them according to Geftakys/Zach'.

Delila, one thing Claude did when the kids were young is that he read to them after supper.  I would wash dishes and Claude would read for about half an hour from books like the Narnia Chronicles, Little Pilgrim's Progress, Book of Virtues, CLC biographies of Christians, Little House on the Prairie series, Bobbsey Twins, Peretti's series for kids, Baker Street mysteries by Jake and Luke Thoene, books by Patricia St. John.  During the day, I read the Children's Bible published by Golden books, Keys for Kids devotional, and other Bible story readings before bed time to them.  Reading to the kids was in our schedules and I am glad for the time we invested doing so.  Lucas Sturnfield's dad was our book supplier in those days.

Lord bless,
Marcia

This seems to be a common statement, essentially, "No, we're not racist, but ___ might make the ministry an offence to some."  I remember other things that were said in this kind of line, most of them just shrouding GG's biases.

Yeah, we don't want to ever have any single sisters over to the brother's house, that would be a bad testimony to the neighbors.  No, instead, we want them to think we are gay ???

When I had my own "bother's house" (without consequences, though), there were frequently times with a single sister over.  I don't know if this wasn't realized that by the LB's, or if it was just tolerated, because often it was needed for ministry.

Dave

You've got to be kidding! But how typical. The focus always seemed to be how we would appear to the "Philistines", anyone who wasn't in an assembly. And she criticized the Lutheran school that I sent my kids to! It sure beat Betty's school of preschool KKK.
 
Come to think of it, if she had really been on-the-ball, she could have bought up all the dark-colored wisemen in all the manger scenes and had someone paint them all white, for consequences. It could have kept David's hands busy with something besides beating on his wife. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop" as the saying goes......

Hi Dave, in all fairness the single women in a place were brother live or the reverse of it, is not a bad thing, and not an exclusive "assembly" thing.

Living in a HUGE Southern Baptist area Dallas, Texas.  There are a lot of Chiristian men that have taken the "Billy Graham" (a So. Bap himself) stand where they will not be in a place with another woman solely unless there is a thrid party with them.  Some have given allowance for being in public places, but other have stuck to it PERIOD!  

You can say that they are being legalist, but in today society and as the gender, sexual, and fllirting become more and more laspe, it is wise to be more careful.  It is way too easy these days to be seen in the right light and have to spend more time defending yourself to whomever, than to just not be in situation "IF" possible.

Dang do you not just hate how other topics pop up in discussions that have nothing to do with the original?   ;D  
(http://www.gnjallen.com/splat.gif)

Cheers,
G

P.S. To my post below!

Like I said there will be times you cannot be with a thrid party, or you will be with a perfectly harmless memeber of the other sex and someone may question you about it (i.e, my mother looks very young for her age, and at a wedding a few years ago we took a picture together, my wife before we were married, was like WHO IS THAT?).

P.P.S. with all the small cameras around (i.e., phone cams, and PDA cams), you PLAYAS had best repent and watch your step!  
(http://www.gnjallen.com/copcar.gif)

Cheers again,
G

Qualities

   I want to say that there are certain qualities I’d like my children to have.
Instilling is a poor word for what we do with qualities.  Model is pedagogic, almost
clinical.  Naturally, a cat knows how to take care of her kittens.  She needs no
showing.  If she’s not sick, that is, not leaving them to find a far away place to die,
she knows they need licking, cuddling, milk.  She knows they need it often.  So
Meow, you’re probably thinking, I’m no cat.  Here’s my point: I didn’t have anyone to
tell me how to raise my children.  My own childhood was a disaster and even if it
hadn’t been, I was single when I got pregnant, hundreds of miles from home, on an
Indian reservation, alone.
   No, Al, I don’t read the bible to my children.  Haven’t yet, anyhow.  But they
do love books, even River - who won’t be 2 until July.  River’s favorite book is a
board book of Old Macdonald.  He sings “E I E I O” at least 50 times a day and turns
the pages himself, making various animal noises as he points to the pictures.  Anna
loves books of all kinds - especially Beverly Clearly (who she calls Beaverly) and I’ve
read most of the Harry Potter series to her.  Yeah, and we both enjoyed it.  Really.  So
yeah, Marcia, reading with your children is a wonderful way to share time, good
literature, ideas, and the wonder of what’s out there, to teach them critical thinking -
by discussing what’s been read, and, when you choose good books, to laugh.
   And so, I grope back toward what being a parent has meant to me, means to
me.  I remember, as soon as that pregnancy test rang POSITIVE, talking to my
children, especially my first, since there was no one else to talk to.  She was a
wonder, a being who had taken up residence in me.  I was stunned by the miracle of
that.  I called her squirm, bloop, little one, baby cakes.  When she began to move, the
‘flutterings’ as they call them, I’d lay on my back on lazy weekend afternoons and
wait for her.  Especially after I ate she’d go like crazy, zooming like she had a race
track route or something.  And I’d talk to her, tell her about the future, about how
much I loved her and how I was thrilled to be getting to know her, to imagine what
she looked like, to share my life with her.  
   
   Though I was about twenty five, in many ways, I think I was born that year.  I
think I began to realize, to put together what life was about, to understand that there
was nothing more important that I was ever going to be than a parent.  And as time
went on, and she grew, and I grew so that instead of calling me Miss Jahn, one of my
high school students brought be strawberries fresh from the grocery store (and up
north, that was a Treat!) and christened me with a new name: Enormous Jahn.  And
we all laughed. Anyway, as time went on, I realized that there was no expectation, no
thrill of a life time, no big day that would do anything to me or for me or in me more
than the process of being a parent.
   A few weeks before she was born, Anna did a 360 in the womb - an
experience I can only describe as something like holding a full grown rabbit that
doesn’t want to be held and squirms every which way to try to escape one’s arms.
And when she was born (almost in a swimming pool) she was just shy of ten pounds
and the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.  My sister, present for the birth, said,
“She has the saddest cry I have ever heard.” and she did, but today she has the most
intoxicating laugh too.  I guess what I’m trying to say in this, my first real post on this
subject/thread is that parenting for me, has meant falling deeply, madly, truly, in love
with my children.  I tell them the stories of them.  These stories are important.  These
stories tell them who they are, what they’ve meant to me, where they’ve come from,
how special they are.  It is my belief that such telling is critical to a healthy self
concept, though I have no scientific evidence, if that’s what you’re looking for.
Crunch some numbers, find some statistics if you like, but in my research I’ve never
found stats to be all that helpful with the most important aspects of living.  Falling in
love with ones self is also - I’d assert anyway - critical but that’s for another post.  
   Hope I didn’t disappoint you Al, or anybody, but the love of God and the bible
stories and all that, my faith in those things remains at best shaky, though sometimes I
think I really have faith in God, but that faith is so buggered yet, I claim nothing as
my own in the spiritual sense.  But I start from what I know and so with this post, I
started at the beginning, when I became a parent for the first time.  Anna will be 9
years old on August 15 (at 9:15 PM).  River will be 2 on July 15, at 8:15 PM.  They
are my treasures.  I think the first ‘quality’ then, of parenting, for me anyway, is
telling them their worth, their history, their qualities.  It’s a foundation for me, an
affirmation that doesn’t let a single day pass without being demonstrated, spoken,
kissed into them.  Enough for now.

delila  

     Sooner or later, someone is going to wonder why Delila keeps naming me in her posts:  excusing herself to me, justifying her actions to me, daring me to find fault...  Well, guess what:  I don't know, so I'll have to let her explain it.
     But I will say this of the matter:  Delila, I do not judge you or have any expectations of you.  I love you dearly, and enjoy your fellowship immensely, and learn quite a lot from you, but you owe me nothing-- I am not the one you need to satisfy. ;)  I'm sure you know Who is, despite your protestations.
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     That said, let's get back to the children:  I too began my relationships with my children while they were still in the womb, telling them I loved them, praying for them & singing to them.  When they were old enough to be held in an upright position, we began showing them the pictures as we read storybooks to them.  I don't recall that either of us ever read "The Bible" to them, but we did include books of Bible stories among those we read them.  As they got old enough, we read Christian children's books to them.  They especially loved missionary stories, such as the "Jungle Doctor" series.  Cathy & I did too!
     Delila, you don't have to believe the Bible for your kids to enjoy & appreciate its stories.  You don't "believe" in Harry Potter or Dr. Seuss' characters, do you?  Don't let yourself be robbed of sharing the Word of God with your children (and hearing yourself read it) by accepting the lie that you aren't holy enough or good enough or strong enough or are somehow unworthy or unable to do it.

     Parents have to find what is presently referred to as a "comfort zone" in which to relate to their children.  With unborns and infants, I can't think of a better medium than honesty.  If you have the confidence, tell those little ones all that you are praying and believing and trusting God for in their lives.  And if you feel utterly inadequate, pray for the Lord's help, aloud, in their presence; and tell them how inadequate you feel and that you are praying and hoping for wisdom and strength.
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     Oh, how Cathy & I did read:  nursery rhymes & stories, Beatrix Potter, Dr. Seuss, Thornton Burgess, C.S.Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, J.R.R.Tolkein, Richard Adams' Watership Down, an unending list.

     When the older three were in elementary school, and for years thereafter, I would gather the children of an evening and ask one to name a place, one an era, and one a danger or surprise.  Then I would combine these elements to make up a story from scratch; always an adventure that involved all of the kids (they got to take turns being the hero).    But that was me.  Like Delila, I am a storyteller.  
     Cathy is not, so she found other ways to connect.  One incident that all the kids hold dear was when Cathy was driving them somewhere through the rural Ohio countryside, when she suddenly parked the car alongside a grassy, treelined area blanketed in autumn leaffall.  She ran with them through the crisp, multicolored leaves, kicking them high in spumes of color, and falling into piles of them, to roll over and over across the ground, laughing the whole time.  This Mom, who was forever cautioning her brood to respect their clothing-- to not tear or soil their apparel-- so surprised and delighted them that day that they have never forgotten it, though it took place nearly 20 years ago.

     Regardless of your children's ages, you can always find some common ground, if you are willing to bend somewhat to meet them there.  When our oldest dyed her spiked hair in her high school's colors, purple & gold, I would pick her up after she had shopped, and would walk through the mall with her, stopping to meet her friends when she saw them.  She thought it was very cool that I was not ashamed to be seen with her and that I would actually converse with her peers.
     When she was a high school senior and preparing to enlist in the Navy after graduation, I bought two tickets to a concert by one of her favorite artists.  It was a two-hour drive from home, and the whole way there I encouraged her to guess where we were going (she never came close).  When we arrived, she was utterly incredulous that I would do this for her (she knew that the music would not be of my choosing).  I was deaf for about the first hour of the drive home, but it was worth it for the pleasure it brought her and the cementing of the bond between us.

     When our son was in middle school, for his birthday I got Harlem Globetrotter tickets for him, me & his two best friends.  Oops!!!  I didn't know that his two best buds couldn't stand each other!  I had to seat Josh between them then sit behind them all to keep the peace.  Didn't matter to Josh, though-- he appreciated my intent, & he had a great time.
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     My point?  Look beyond the immediacy of child-rearing; the physical needs, the training, the responsibilities...  See also the privilege, the opportunity, the beauties of parenthood.  And always keep in mind that the One who gave you the assignment never intends for you to fail.  You will succeed-- only trust in Him; call upon Him in your needs; confess to Him your doubts and fears, and accept His encouragement.  You are never alone...

al

Al,
   If an epiphany is a bright, clear place where one can see what realizations are
made of, then a vortex, accompanied by the background noise of a toilet flushing, is
its opposite.  For days I’ve been fighting the suck of the vortex.  And perhaps part of
the vortex for me is the associated assumptions I make of x assembly people, how
they will view/judge/see/understand my choices, reservations, history.  So it is not a
personal strike against you, Al, just me treading water and grime against the vortex -
which I acknowledge you neither created nor suggested had power over me.

   I found two poems today, while I was supervising library classes.  They’re
found in a book of poems I bought, ironically on my first trip to Fullerton for a
seminar.  The book is called Postwar Polish Poetry, an anthology, edited by Czeslaw
Milosz, who, in 1980 was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature.  Anyhow, I post
them both now since they are both so short and  so powerful as I read them today.
Again, I make this assertion that the horror that struck Europe during the W.W.II is
similar to, if not a reflection of the cult experience that was ours.

Foundations (by Leopold Staff)
I Built on the sand
And it tumbled down,
I built on a rock
And it tumbled down.
Now when I build, I shall begin
With the smoke from the chimney.

The Bridge (by Leopold Staff)
I Didn’t believe,
Standing on the bank of a river
Which was wide and swift,
That I would cross that bridge
Plaited from thin, fragile reeds
Fastened with bast.
I walked delicately as a butterfly
And heavily as an elephant,
I walked surely as a dancer
And wavered like a blind man.
I didn’t believe that I would cross that bridge,
And now that I am standing on the other side,
I do not believe I crossed it.


Sometimes, Al, when I can hear the vortex, feel it sucking me under, I am back there,
in the assembly, treading water, only, in the vortex I’m not half the swimmer I am in
the present.  And all the condemnation that was mine then, is mine once again and I
choke it down, spit, cough it up.  It is not my intent to be offensive, just honest.  But
with all the spitting, I am vulgar too.  Girls shouldn’t spit, I know.
delila

That vortex - it's why some cult experts say that people who've left the same cult can't hang out together.  I think we're demonstrating that it's not necessarily true for us.

The poems are great.  There's also much about escaping communism that is true for us.  Solzenityn said about Russia, "Nobody thought the way back from communism would be easy, but nobody thought it would be this painful."

I think it depends on where in the process the former "cult" members are.  I find it very hard to spend time or speak with people who are unwilling to look at what we came from and clearly identify the problem and initiate change.  If they are simply attending another "church", but maintaining the same assembly mentality, IMO there is no difference and I really don't want to have anything to do with them.  my 2 cents.

Kimberley,
I think she means those of us who really left.

Andrea

Delila,

     Thanks for explaining-- I understand and assure you I am not, nor have I been, offended.

     One of the ways we bless our children is by not subjecting them to our personal vortex.  We tread sludge, exhaustedly resisting the insatiable draw of the black hole, but when the child looks our way we smile and say that it's just a casual swim and we'll be done in a minute.
     It is not a lie; it is Love at work.  Yes, Love IS work-- read 1Corinthians 13:  Love does certain things, and doesn't do certain things.  On the cross, I may well have looked down and railed, "This is all YOUR fault!!!"  But Jesus didn't do that.  He didn't complain, didn't describe His pain to us, didn't tell us how awful His life was just then, didn't subject us to His vortex.
     So it is His Love at work in us when we spare our children from exposure to our sufferings-- we may explain all to them in due time, but as much as possible, we will bear pain to spare them.  It is one of God's wonderful designs for getting the parent through the trial, having us care for our children the way He cares for us.
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     Suppose I ask you now, "Are you rejoicing?"  Would you be offended?  Don't live in flashbacks!  I am not assembly/borg.  I am not pretending that my life is all smiles.  But the Word of God does not tell us, "Rejoice in the Lord always..." to mock us, and my asking you to rejoice implies no more than that it is possible, and that sometimes I also need you to remind me.
     When I wallow in self-pity, nothing snaps me back more quickly than to realize that someone else is depending upon me.  For my own sake only, I might choose to wallow on, possibly even enjoy it, but for the sake of my child I will focus hard upon the possibilities, ignoring the symptoms of my present reality in favor of the promises of the greater, surer reality.  In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer:  I have overcome the world.

     So I ask you, Parent, Are you rejoicing?  Please don't neglect to ask me the same...


al

Hi Al, to backup what Vern said, there have been people that have been stumbled by this and other groups so badly that by the Grace of God they would never "recover!".

This being a Childern's post I will use a child example to point this out.  My wife as a small child loved cornbread.  One day her new Stepfather being mean made very dry cornbread, and forced her to eat it without any milk or drink of anytype, she cried for an hour having to eat a pan of dried cornbread.  Needless to say her love for cornbread just like that was ruined.  It took over twenty years and my Mom's cornbread stuffing to get her back to the point were today she will eat it.  

Having said that, I would not be afraid to use "former Assembly" speak, since it is as Al pointed out biblical what is being said.  When the Jesus would address the crowds we was using some of the same exact language and speak that the religious leaders of the day use, but clearly pointed out how they had twisted it.  Paul rejoiced that the Gospel was preached, even though it was done for the wrong reasons.  I am very glad that HIS Word is everlasting.

Cheers,
G

Delila,
> >
> >You asked me to write about 'doing right by our children.'  I can't tell
> >you how fortunate we feel to have been able to raise our children outside
> >the 'assembly'.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means learning how to say you are sorry to your
> >kids when you make a mistake. We've made our share!!
> >
> >Doing right by our kids means teaching them how to connect with others.
> >Emotional IQ is far more important than raw IQ.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means teaching them to love others and appreciate
> >our differences.  People of all ethnicities deserve love and acceptance.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means always letting them know that when mistakes
> >are made, and they will be made, that we didn't like their behavior but
we
> >will always love them unconditionally.  Doesn't matter where they've
> >been-it's where they are going that counts.
> >
> >
> >
> >Here are some practical ways to connect with your children and  remind
them
> >of your tremendous love, they might sound hokey but they work:
> >
> >
> >- have a secret I LOVE YOU signal- a V sign with our fingers
> >
> >- make a photo album for each child to keep not just photos of them
growing
> >up but also first drawings -            memorabilia-sort of a ME book.
> >
> >-have a special verse to help  them understand just how wonderful they
are
> >
> >-leave surprise love messages  in unexpected places- post it notes work
> >great for this
> >
> >- praise your children in front of others- so they might 'accidentally
> >overhear the good things you have to say         about them
> >
> >-tell your children frequently "I am so glad that God gave you to me"  --
> >if I had to choose from others I would still  pick you!!
> >
> >-along with prayer and a good night kiss - tell them all the good things
> >you observed that day
> >
> >-make homemade cards for one another-to show special feelings of love and
> >caring
> >
> >-drive by the hospital where they were born and remind them of that
> >incredible day when they came into our lives
> >
> >Sounds like you are on the right path Delila- the desire you expressed to
> >'do right by them' shows where your heart is!!  We all make mistakes- no
> >matter how hard we try, we still make mistakes- but with God's grace and
> >mercy we keep trying.  It's easy to love them- sometimes hard to
recognize
> >the different developmental stages and always be on top of it.  One thing
> >I've learned is that our kids are patient and forgiving!!
> >
> >Well, I have lots more - but school beckons!
> >
> >Love to you,  Anna and River John,
> >Mary B.
> >
> >
>
> _________________________________________________________________
>
http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-ca&page=byoa/prem&xAPID=Home   

And all the saints said, "AMEN!"

Thomas Maddux

“Utopia”  by Szymborska Wislawa

An island where all is elucidated.

There, it is possible to stand on the ground of proofs.

No other roads there than the roads of arrival.

The bushes are heavily loaded with answers.

A tree is there of the Correct Guess
with branches disentangled for ever.
    A dazzling simple tree of Comprehension
by a source which bears the name That’s-how-it-is.

The further you advance, the larger it opens,
the Valley of Obviousness.

If any doubt appears, the wind dispells it.

The echo takes along a voice without being called
and willingly elucidates the secrets of the world.

To the right, a cave in which Meaning resides.

To the left a lake of Profound Conviction.

The Truth tears itself from the bottom and lithely
   flows to the surface.

The valley is dominated by Unshaken Certainty.
From its peak there is a view down on the Heart of
   the Matter.

In spite of its charms, the island is uninhabited,
and tiny traces of feet, visible near the shore,
without exception are turned toward the sea.

As if only departures were practiced there
in order to plunge irrevocably in the deep.

In life beyond understanding.

     There is nothing more important to a parent than prayer.  Prayer is a topic to be addressed for its own sake.  When the Bible says "Pray without ceasing," it obviously is not referring to the "every head bowed, every eye closed" variety.  What then?  We are to learn to recognize our proximity to God (Lo, I am with you always) and behave accordingly, not waiting for a special time to bring every new development before the Lord.  Boldly.  We are to deal with our missteps abruptly, and to present ourselves before God as acceptable living sacrifices; to let Christ's Spirit teach us to say, "Father, not my will, but Thine be done."  Always.
     I write these things to you not as one who has learned them, but as having learned that I must learn them, for I have nothing to present to God that He has not given me.  Nothing in my hand I bring; simply to Thy cross I cling.

     The responsibilities of adulthood are the natural consequence of survival to a certain age-- responsibilities that can overwhelm.  But parenthood is modeled after the One-on-one relationship that our Father in Heaven has with each of us who has received the new birth He has given.
     Our tendency is to allow the pressures of being adults to take the forefront in our lives, pushing the unspeakable privilege of parenthood to the back burner-- we don't exactly neglect our children-- we just put them off until everything else gets taken care of.  But it never does all get taken care of, does it?  And we relegate our children (and they accept our relegation of them) to permanent positions of secondary importance.
     This is a dilemma to which, outside of prayer, the most brilliant of us has no solution.  Lord, teach us Your priorities, and to make Your priorities our own priorities, and to address them with Your wisdom and in Your way.

     We are responsible to teach our children, but we are also responsible to learn from them!  Observe: a child trusts its parent implicitly, without limit or measure.  So must we learn to trust our Father in heaven.  
     Lord, with all the circumstances of my life pressing upon me, how can I take the time to spend with my child?  I am beaten to exhaustion -- where can I find the strength to do it all?

              He was just waiting for you to ask...  His
          ways are higher than our ways.  Consider the lillies of the
          field... the birds of the air... how much more will He meet your
          needs?  Has He promised and will He not also do it?  His
          strength is made perfect in your weakness.  Take courage
          and draw your strength from Him.  Is anything too great for
          the Lord?  He is for you; who then shall stand against you?

     We absolutely cannot teach our children a spirituality we do not ourselves express.  Will we teach them a form of godliness but deny, before them and to them, His power?  God forbid!  Rather, let our children see us bow before God and entrust to Him the meeting of our needs and the relieving of our burdens.  Let them learn to do so too, by following our example.  The little ones do not need to learn that father knows best, but that our Father knows best.
     Pray as often as you think of it for the salvation of your child's soul, and pray that you will think of it more often.  Pray to become the kind of example that will point them toward the Lord.  Pray to be open to the Lord's correction, as you pray for them to be open to yours.  Pray to know how to pray and what to pray for.  Although God has given us wonderful minds, it is not by our wisdom that we shall enter into His kingdom or lead others to it, but by the wisdom that comes from above.
...............................................................................................

     We will slip at times.  As long as we must indwell these husks, awaiting the full manifestation of our redemption, we will err.  Some time when you are railing at your daughter or son over some misdeed, God will touch your heart and say to you as His prophet said to David, "You are the sinner." and you will see yourself in need of immediate repentance.  What to do?  What will my child think if I stop mid-tirade?
     Dare to find out:  Stop.  Is a confession in order, if not for your topic, then for your temper?  See our Example:  Jesus, being without sin, took our sins upon Himself and made apology on our behalf to the Father:  "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."  Humbly ask your child to please forgive you and pray with you.  Don't put on a show-- just pour your heart out to God.  Be real.  Pray about what matters.  God will speak to both your hearts.

...............................................................................................

Delila, please thank Mary B. for us and ask her to write us more...

al

     Everyone who reads these posts has been a child.  (Oh, yeah-- that al is a deep thinker!!)  Besides that, probably well over half of us have raised or are presently raising children.  So why aren't there more posts on this thread?
     My theory is that most readers don't want to admit their failures.  The real irony is that one of the most common of these is the failure to recognize our successes.
     Only wise people learn from their mistakes.  That means that if you've made mistakes you're already half-way to being wise!  (I'm half-way to being very wise, because I've made a lot of mistakes.)

     One of my mistakes was making myself believe that I was instrumental in a great work for God and, therefore, I could devote my full attention to my assembly responsibilities and God would be obligated to see that my children learned what they should.  (I must have supposed they would absorb life's lessons by osmosis from being in such constant proximity to ministry, prayer & bible study.)
     My involvement with the assembly was so extensive that my personal walk with the Lord consisted primarily of preparing for meetings:  studying, praying for inspiration, praying with others, etc.  I didn't realize it, but I suffered from a lack of intimacy with my God and Savior.  I was so busy, so tired & so pressed for time that I usually only approached the Lord for help with my responsibilities.  Even worship was a responsibility.  In retrospect, my Heavenly Father was a distant image, a figurehead, a name on the door.  I was not intimately acquainted with Him as I desperately needed to be.
     Likewise, my children desperately needed intimate involvement with me, but I denied them that by pouring my energy into meeting the demands placed upon me, like pouring sand down a rat hole.  I was drained.  I had nothing left for my children.  I let my wife and the brothers in our house raise them.  (Understand:  I loved them.  I just didn't know what to do about it.)

     Another mistake of mine was thinking of prayer as a last resort  instead of first.  My prayers for my family were very general, generic, even vague.  I didn't have (didn't make) time for more specific, extensive prayers.  Virtually the only time I prayed with my children, or even my wife, was at meals & in prayer meetings.  Again, I was subconsciously hoping they would learn from observing my example.  They did, of course, but they saw through my self-deception & learned to model themselves after an example that was sadly insufficient.

     A specific mistake of mine was spanking too hard.  I must have thought that strength would drive out disobedience.  How dare they disobey me?!!-- I would exorcise their rebellion by force!!  My heart breaks now over the pain I inflicted without the balance of sufficient effective instruction.  Thank God there is now no condemnation to we who are in Christ Jesus!

     I also expected my children to understand me on an adult level.  If what I said made sense to me, it should make sense to them!  I demanded adult self-control, self-discipline.  What was I thinking?-- I'm now 61, & still trying to work those things into my own behavior.  I denied them one of the basic benefits of childhood:  being allowed to think like children.  Of course, they thought like children anyway; it's all they were capable of.  But I blamed them, sometimes punished them for its being a shortcoming.

     I had essentially no example from my own upbringing which I could follow.  I had the assembly pattern.  I did have direct access to the throne of grace, where I could ask & draw upon the wisdom of the Ultimate Good Parent, but I didn't understand that at the time.  So I followed the non-example of my parents, the ineffectual legal standard of the assembly, and I neglected the gift of intimacy with the Lord.

     Can you relate with any of my failures?  Please recognize that they are not posted so we may commiserate together and cry on each others' shoulders.
     Learn from my errors!  Learn that they are not necessary for you.  Do the things I neglected, and abandon the things I did.
     And-- just a suggestion-- sit down & write about your mistakes...  If it comes out legible, post it so others may learn from your example also.  That is the way we are truly the family and community of God-- His living testimony on earth.

God bless,
al

Verne

Yes Idolatry. The Assembly God is an Idol created by man. His demands, and almost everything about him are man made. Oh we use scripture (to justify what we believe) but it is only one man's view of God). We are going through the Purpose Driven Life book together in our Singles group. In Chapter 12 it calls many types of worship in the Church today Idolatry. Why because people are not worshipping aright. They create a style of worship and a concept of God to suit their model. So well put. In the chapter it talks about how some are motivated to true worship by various things and that unlike what we had drummed into us there is room for various styles of worship. The only prerequisite is that we know biblically who we worship and do it from the heart. So it is in Spirit and Truth.

Hugh 8)

Verne,

     Thank you so much for that wonderful verse by Tersteegen-- it belongs on every thread of this BB!

     There are infinite variables within any congregation which affect the conduct of the worship service, so that it cannot strictly follow a form and yet be pure.  The service combines the worship of the assembled individuals, and no one can dictate to another precisely how to worship, for none of us knows our Lord in precisely the same manner or measure as another.
     It is as we individually learn Christ, as we allow and see the formation of His nature and character in our thoughts and lives, that our worship of Him becomes true.  When someone built before us a structure of wood, hay & stubble and mounted a sign upon it which said GOD and we believed it, all our true spiritual growth was shunted off onto a siderail.  Our distraction with the form we accepted cost us the intimacy with God upon which true worship relies.

     Returning to the theme of this thread, the same principle prevails in the relationship between parent and child.  Think how faithfully God pursued us when we wandered astray.  No matter how far from His face we were, He held us dear in His heart and never forsook us.
     So, as parents, we must pursue the hearts of our children.  We must pursue them in prayer, asking God to open our eyes to their needs; to establish and maintain communication with them across all generational barriers; to make us sensitive to the example we set before them in our attitudes, words and doings.
     We must pursue them in practice, not allowing anything to seem important enough to come between us and them.  Yet we must pursue them by not smothering them with our anxieties on their behalf.  I speak frankly:  Our realization of the impossibilty of the task of the parent is one of the best things that can happen to us.  It is only when we are utterly confounded that we cast ourselves utterly upon the Lord for His help.  And it is surely only in our nearness to Christ that our children can and will see Christ in us.
     One can almost sense a divine purpose in the plan of  parenthood, if one will stop trying to do it by the book, and will ask and permit the Spirit of the living God to guide us in doing it by the Book. ;)  
     The active link from Father-to-child/parent-to-child is the key to parenthood:  For a short time we are the conduit through which He reaches our children.  The job assigned is far beyond our capabilities.  We must work while it is day, clinging close to Him and holding them close to us, all by His grace...

               Jesus loves the little children...
                              They are precious in His sight...

al

But One Thing Is Needful:

     What if you were going away?  I don't mean off to work for the day or away to a weekend seminar.  What if you were being sent overseas, or to prison, and didn't know when, or even whether you would return?  What if you were dying?
     What would you say to your children?  What final word would you impart, that they could hold dear & cling to in your absence?
     Would you tell them to be good?  Or that you love them?  Would it be where to find the key to your safe deposit box?  Or to remember to floss?  To obey their elders?  To not fight?  i before e, except after c?
     Suddenly and without warning it is too late for a long and structured series of lessons.  If you had time for only one message, what would it be?  ...and why would it be that?

     Why do I ask?  Because it could happen.  None of us knows what the next moment holds in store for us.  God could call you home in an instant.  What will you have left behind with which your family can comfort and sustain themselves?
     They will grieve at your absence, but will they also be able to rejoice?  To carry on without you?  To fulfill their destinies?  
     You may not have even the luxury of foreknowing that last encounter.  What can be done while there is yet time?

     In asking what is the single most important thing you can impart to your children I am, of course, asking:  What is the key factor in your biography?  There is nothing you can say that will have more impact than that which has underwritten your own living.  Is it your principles, your ethics, your morals?  Perhaps your politics or your societal views, your economics?  Because if any of these things has held the primary place in your heart and mind, nothing else you preach will ring true.  If there is anyone on earth who can see past a person's facade it is his or her own child.

     What I am about to tell you is my confession of failure:  I did not show my children Jesus Christ as they were growing up in my home.  I imparted to them my ethics, the principles by which I lived, and those were pretty good by the world's standards.  All four of them have a strong work ethic.  They are compassionate people, those to whom others turn for help in times of crisis.  My son recently told me that my training has made it virtually impossible for him to lie.
     But I did not show them Christ.  I told them about Him.  They saw what evidence there was of my belief in Him.  But they never saw HIM, and today none of the four is walking with Him or even recognizing Him as a need in their lives.  Where did I go wrong?
     The fact is, I didn't go wrong in rearing my children.  I gave them the best that I had to offer.  I went wrong with myself.  They never saw Christ because when they lived under my roof Christ was not central to me.  My "Christian" life was comprised of things.  There were morning times and evening times, but they were just times.  There were meetings, study, fellowship; all just ends in themselves.  I saw many things pertaining to the Lord, but I did not see Jesus.  It is impossible to show someone what you yourself do not see.
     I did not withhold Christ from my household.  I simply failed, myself, to acknowledge Him as Lord of my life (although I said often unto Him "Lord, Lord").  He was not enthroned in my heart & therefore neither in my home.
     I tried to do the things it seemed He wanted of me because I thought I'd better.  I believed in my salvation through Him and I had a genuine compassion for the lost, wanting them to be saved, but my faith didn't translate into a redeemed way of living.  I was a sinner, saved by grace and trying to live a better life.  I read about Jesus and heard about Him and even prayed to Him but I didn't see Him and I didn't know Him.

     Someone has said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.  While I wouldn't contest the importance of that, the greatest thing a parent can do for a child is to love their Redeemer.  We cannot love whom we do not know.  We cannot know whom we do not encounter & associate with.  Learning about Him is only a beginning, to be followed up with turning to Him, actively engaging Him, associating closely with Him in, during and throughout all of life's endeavors.
     Shall I bless you with the deep insights of my knowledge of walking close with Christ?  Perhaps, someday, when I have attained to such.  But I have only begun to understand what is possible (all things) to us who believe.  We can know and love Christ because He first loved us.  Because His love constrains us, we can love Him with all our heart and mind and strength.  Even having not physically beheld Him, we can see Him and learn of Him.

     I don't, cannot, know whether I will have another face-to-face with my wife or any of my children, but this one thing I want them to know:  God has promised, "...you shall seek and find me when you shall search for me with all your heart."  He wants our undivided attention; our unqualified devotion, and He has provided the wherewithal for us to give Him His desire.  All we have to do is ask it of Him.
     There is no greater gift I could give them.

al

Al,

There are a few things you need to keep in mind.

1. At the human level, every individual makes his/her own decision as to what they will do about God.  We can feed,clothe, shelter, and teach our kids...but we can't believe for them.  They do that on their own.

2. There are kids who have grown up in excellent Christian homes who have strayed.  In contrast, Madeline Murry O'Hare's son is an evangelist.

3. The whole story hasn't been written yet.  Keep praying.

God bless,
Thomas Maddux

Hi Everyone! :)
  My children are grown now and married.  I have five very grand-grandchildren as a result of this!
  What fine advice can I offer on this topic?  Not much really, as my wonderful wife really raised our children due to the same reasons Al has shared.  She home schooled them, child trained them, and disciplined them as best as she could. She often bucked the Assembly "suggestions" in favor of what she thought was best for them.
  It is obvious to most of here that you can't "discipline" a child into accepting Christ, though there is a place for discipline in a child's upbringing.
   What can we do?  I consider those here who talk about us being examples to them, and I can't argue with that.  I also consider what Al had to say about "giving our children Christ" and I wish with all my heart that this was within my power.
  Though of course these two things are very important there are those reading here who were trained how to parent in the Assembly and when they hear "be an example" and "give your children Christ" there is a shrinking away from the perception of another impossible burden being loaded onto them.
   God was the first parent and His two "children" Adam and Eve failed miserably.  God was a perfect example and had divine powers to provide spiritual graces that exceed ours and still His kids fell into sin.  Suffice it to say here that we need not get discouraged if we have struggles with our children and they choose a path other than the way of righteousness.
  We set ourselves up for great discouragement if we think that by "doing" all the right things we can insure correct choices that our children will have to make on their own.
   If I had it to do again I would chuck the Assembly plan of "training my children into the kingdom" and instead just try and enjoy them more.  We had great vacations, when we were away from the Assembly, where I would read to the kids, swim, hike, fish, fly kites, etc. with the kids.  They remember these times best and it was these normal kind of human/family times that bound us together.
   I think this why my kids wanted to get married early and have kids of their own, because the values they picked up from us were that it's more important to enjoy family life vs. pursuing a career.  They picked these values up because it is what brings happy memories.  If you want your kids to choose certain values give them plenty of happy memories of those values and they will fall into like a water slide into water  ;)!
  Those who don't see the need to build bonds of human affection fall into the Assembly methods of "spiritual training" that are not spiritual at all.  God became a human and only when our spiritual life expresses itself in our human relationships is anything communicated to our children at all.
                                   God Bless,  Mark C.

     I just received this in an e-mail from my oldest daughter.  Its original source is unknown to me:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why God Made Moms -- Enjoy the answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions:

 Why did God make mothers?
 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
 2. Mostly to clean the house.
 3. To help us out of them when we were getting born.

 How did God make mothers?
 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He
     just used bigger parts.

 What ingredients are mothers made of?
 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel-hair and everything
     nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
     use string. I think.

 Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
 1. We're related.
 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
     moms like me.

 What kind of little girl was your mom?
 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
     pretty bossy.
 3. They say she used to be nice.

 What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
 1. His last name.
 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he
     get drunk on beer?
 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
     YES to chores?

 Why did your mom marry your dad?
 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats alot.
 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

 Who's the boss at your house?
 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such
     a goofball.
 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
     the bed.
 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do
     than dad.

 What's the difference between moms and dads?
 1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got
     to work at work.
 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause
     that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

 What does your mom do in her spare time?
 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

 What would it take to make your mom perfect?
 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some
     kind of plastic surgery.
 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

 If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.
     I'd get rid of that.
 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
     who did it and not me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

     How would your kids answer these questions about you?  :D

al

Thank you Al.  I just sat at my computer, uproariously laughing!  After my very long weekend, with no spare time  ;) , what a wonderful thing, to just let loose and laugh and laugh.  The thing is, it is soooo true what these children are saying!

 ;D

Oh man, I can't *imagine* having kids....that would be so freaky  ::)

--
lucas

     Funny...  I have no trouble at all imagining you having freaky kids!!! ;D  
Talk to me in a few years!!!  :) ;) :D

al

Touche'  8)

--
lucas

A Frame of Reference:

     As adults, we tend to have forgotten when & how our frames of reference changed from those of a child to those of an adolescent, a young adult, a parent, and by that memory lapse we lose our perspective of what our child is experiencing and thinking.  We become judgmental, harsh, severe.
     Paul admits, "When I was a child, I thought as a child," and although he goes on to discuss his having grown up to put away childish things, we must be impressed that he has not forgotten what it was to think as a child.

     How often have you thought, That kid has no respect for the value of a dollar.  I needn't point out that you sound like your parents; but ask yourself, "When, and how, did I begin to respect the value of a dollar?"  Chances are it wasn't until you had to begin earning money for yourself, and using it to provide for yourself to some degree.  The entire world's media are geared for enticing your child to wheedle you into spending your money on products that no one needs, but the child has been led to believe that he or she cannot go on living without.  And for contrast to that ceaseless brainwashing your kid has only what you have provided by way of education and example.

     And that's just the material world...  What about spiritual things?  You can pack your SUV full of how-to books on raising spiritual children, and some of them have some decent ideas.  Surely memorizing Bible verses must be good, right?  And all those Sunday school and vacation Bible school projects must be good, with their pictures of biblical stuff & scripture captions.  Right?
     But those few hours spent with a teacher who probably has nothing better to offer than you do (and possibly far less), fade to insignificance when contrasted against the many hours our kids spend observing us.  How does Mom or Dad cope with problems?  Deal with prejudice and unreasonable people?  Make ends meet?  Do we say things that bless, or curse?  Do we trust God, or cheat?  Are we honest?  Fair?  Kind?  Angry?  Bitter?

     Oh, well, I don't let the kids see how I really feel.  It wouldn't be right.  I want them to grow up with good morals, strong principles, a good self-image and a positive attitude.  I want them to be good people, so I have to be a good example to them by showing them only my best side.

     Don't worry, your kids will follow your example-- not the example you try to set for them, but the one you actually live.  Kids are great at seeing through a smokescreen and picking up on what's really going on.  The best example you can set is one of honesty before God & before them.
     You know you "ought to" be more loving and kind, have more faith in God.  Don't think that the pretense of such things is a good example.  It is not-- it is assemblyism at it's boldest!  Pretend to rejoice, pretend to trust God, pretend to love those you hate.  Your child will not imitate the image you mean to project-- your child will imitate your pretensions, believeing that adults are supposed to be good liars.

     But, if I'm not the things I want my child to become, how can I lead him, how can I influence her, to do & be the things I have not mastered?
     Well, if you're asking me, that's your first hurdle to get over.  You must ask Christ for help.  Only He can convert you to the person you wish you were-- the person you want your child to become.

     If He had not already begun a good work in you, you would not be concerned about these things.  Trust Him now to continue that work as He has promised He will.  THAT is the example the little ones need and hunger to see:  Not the megalomaniac superhuman overcomer, but the humble sinner-saved-by-grace, who God is remaking into a servant of the Most High.  They don't need to see us pretending to have it all together-- They need to see Jesus Christ, our All-in-all, and if we look steadfastly toward Him, they will follow our gaze.

God bless your house,
al

Al!!
how encouraging.  I think you are exactly right.  I pray that i do not forget those things i thought as a child by the time i have children of my own.  They would be the worse for it.  Children learn to pretend so well... they become far better experts than their parents.
If only we can 'keep it real'...
joseph

Our Sister Lenore provided a link to this story on another thread.  I thought this would be a good thread on which to post it in its entirety:
.............................................................................................................


The Pretty One...

This was the last litter of puppies we were going to allow our Cocker Spaniel to have.  It had been a very long night for me.  Precious, our only black Cocker, was having a very difficult time with the delivery of her puppies.

I laid on the floor beside her large four-foot square cage, watching her every movement.  Watching and waiting
just in case we had to rush her to the veterinarian.

After six hours the puppies started to appear.  The first born was a black and white party dog.  The second and third puppies were tan and brown in color.

The fourth and fifth were also spotted black and white.
"One, two, three, four, five," I counted to myself as I walked down the hallway to wake up Judy and tell her that everything was fine.  

As we walked back down the hallway and into the spare bedroom, I noticed a sixth puppy had been born and was
now lying all by itself over to the side of the cage.
I picked up the small puppy and laid it on top of the large pile of puppies, which were whining and trying nurse on
the mother.  Instantly Precious pushed the small puppy away from rest of the Group and refused to recognize it as a member of her family.

"Something's wrong," said Judy.  I reached over and picked up the puppy.  My heart sank inside my chest when I saw
the little puppy was hare-lipped and could not close its
little mouth.

We had gone through this once before last year with another one of our cockers. That experience like to have killed me when the puppy died and I had to bury it.  If there was any way to save this animal I was going to give it my best shot.

All the puppies born that night, with the exception of the small cleft palate pup, were very valuable because of their unusual coloring.  Most would bring between five to seven hundred dollars each.

The next day I took the puppy to the vet.  I was told nothing could be done unless we were willing to spend about a thousand dollars to try and correct the defect.  He told us that the puppy would die mainly because it could not suckle.

After returning home Judy and I decided that we could not afford to spend that kind of money without getting some type of assurances from the vet that the puppy had a chance to live.  However, that did not stop me from purchasing a syringe and feeding the puppy by hand.  Which I did every day and night, every two hours, for more than ten days.

The fifth week I placed an ad in the newspaper, and within
a week we had taken deposits on all of the pups, except the one with the deformity.

The little guy had learned to eat on his own as long as it
was soft canned food.

Late that afternoon I had gone to the store to pick up a few groceries. Upon returning I happened to see the old retired school teacher, who lived across the street from us, waving
at me. She had read in the paper that we had puppies for
sale and was wondering if she might buy one from us for
her grandson.

I told her all the puppies had been sold, but I would keep
my eyes open for anyone else who might have a cocker spaniel for sale.  I also mentioned we never kept a deposit should someone change their mind, and if so I would let
her know.

Within days all but one of the puppies had been picked up
by their new owners.  This left me with one brown and tan cocker as well as the smaller cleft palate puppy.

Two days passed without my hearing anything from the gentleman, who had placed a deposit on the tan and brown pup.  So I telephoned the school teacher and told her I had one puppy left and that she was welcome to come and look
at it.

She advised me that she was going to pick up her grandson and would come over about eight o'clock that evening.  
Judy and I were eating supper when we heard a knock on
the front door.  When I opened the door, the man, who had placed a $100 deposit on the dog, was standing there.  
We walked inside where I filled out the paperwork, he paid me the balance of the money, and I handed him the puppy.

Judy and I did not know what to do or say if the teacher showed up with her grandson.  Sure enough at exactly eight o'clock the doorbell rang.  I opened the door, and there was the school teacher with her grandson standing behind her
I explained to her the man had come for the puppy just an hour before and there were no puppies left.

"I'm sorry, Jeffery.  They sold all the puppies," she told
her grandson.

Just at that moment, the small puppy left in the bedroom began to yelp.

"My puppy!  My puppy!" yelled the little boy as he ran out from behind his grandmother.

I just about fell over when I saw the small child had a cleft palate.  The boy ran past me as fast as he could, down the hallway to where the puppy was still yelping.  When the three of us made it to the bedroom, the small boy was holding the puppy in his arms.  He looked up at his grandmother and said, "Look Grandma.  They sold all the puppies except the pretty one, and he looks just like me."

Well, old Grandma wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes that day. Judy and I stood there, not knowing what to do.

"Is this puppy for sale?" asked the school teacher.
"My grandma told me these kind of puppies are real expensive and that I have to take real good care of it,"
said the little boy, who was now hugging the puppy.  

"Yes, ma'am.  This puppy is for sale."

The lady opened her purse, and I could see several one-hundred dollar bills sticking out of her wallet.  I reached
over and pushed her hand back down into her purse so
that she would not pull her wallet out.

"How much do you think this puppy is worth?"
I asked the boy.  

"About a dollar?" He replied.      

"No.  This puppy is very, very expensive. More than a dollar."  I told him.

"I'm afraid so", said his grandmother. The boy stood there pressing the small puppy against his cheek.

"We could not possibly take less than two dollars for this puppy," Judy said squeezing my hand.  "Like you said,
'It's the pretty one,'" she continued.

The school teacher took out two dollars and handed it to the young boy.  "It's your dog now, Jeffery, you pay the man."

I think it must be a wonderful feeling for any young
person to look at himself in the mirror and see nothing,
except "The pretty one."

There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth,
beyond the highest, the very highest heavens.  This is the
light that shines in your heart.

This is beautiful, just as the Lord's love for us is beautiful. We are all beautiful to Him in spite of our deformity
called sin.

~ Author Unknown ~

     I used to keep a little card taped to the side of the nightstand next to my pillow.  It said, "The Best Thing a Father Can Do For His Children Is To Love Their Mother."  It was there for me to see each evening before I turned out the light and each morning when I awoke, until it finally faded to illegibility.

     In many ways, Cathy & I are complete opposites.  She is a morning glory, while I'm a night owl.  The things we like to do are often very different, our tastes in everything from food to art frequently are poles apart.  We could almost be poster kids for the Mars/Venus theory except that in half our differences she's Mars & I'm Venus.

     We had known each other for 15 years, been married for 13 of them, before I realized that she was my best friend.  Today, after over 35 years together, that's truer than ever.

     Some very bad examples in my youth and adolescence, coupled with some plain old wrongheadedness on my part, made me a far-from-perfect spouse in the early years of our marriage.  There have been times when, because of my behavior & attitudes, some of our four kids have wondered out loud why Cathy stayed with me.  She has never offered them any explanation beyond that she loves me and the Lord united us for life.

     My commitment to our marriage was solid from the start, but my discovery of the true nature of love-- living to please the other-- was later in developing.  But the children saw it and now, as adults, they still see it.  Children learn far more and far better from their environment than from mere auditory input.  Talk is cheap, the saying goes, and the next cheapest thing is whatever money buys.

     We can't preach morality into the hearts of our children, and we can't buy our way into their accepting the values we profess to believe by giving them "things."  You've heard it said, I'm sure:  Children learn by example; they learn what they live.  They need to behold love; to feel it and to taste it.

     The Bible defines and describes love; even illustrates it in wholly in the Person of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But only the Holy Spirit of God can press the message through and past the sawdust between our ears, and establish it in our hearts.

     I saw a pillow that was embroidered with the message, "Let Me Be the Kind Of Person My Dog Thinks I Am."  I am inclined to pray, "Lord, lead me to become the person my children need me to be."  The pillow is cute; the prayer is essential.

al Hartman

Here is something that I have saved from an email I received.


 


>
>
>
>
>Subject: Fw: God is at the Window
>
>
>
>
>
>There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was
given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the
woods, but he could never hit the target. Getting a little iscouraged,
he headed back to dinner.  As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet
duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square
in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he
hid the dead duck in the woodpile only to see his sister watching. Diane
had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma
said," Diane, let's wash the dishes." But Diane said, "Grandma, Johnny
told me he wanted to help in the kitchen." Then she whispered to him,
"Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the >dishes. > >Later that day,
Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing >and Grandma said,
"I'm sorry but I need Diane to help make supper." >Diane just smiled and
said, "Well that's all right because Johnny >told me he wanted to help."
She whispered again, "Remember the >duck?" So Diane went fishing and
Johnny stayed to help. > >After several days of Johnny doing both his
chores and Diane's he >finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to
Grandma and >confessed that he had killed the duck. > >Grandma knelt
down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. >You see, I was
standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. But >because I love
you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you >would let Diane
make a slave of you." > > >Thought for the day and everyday there after:
>Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done and the devil keeps
>throwing it up in your face (lying, debt, fear, hatred, anger,
>un-forgiveness, bitterness, etc.) whatever it is, you need to know
>that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing! He >has
seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and >that
you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let >the devil
make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that >when you ask for
forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He >forgets - It is by God's
Grace and Mercy that we are saved. Go >ahead and make the difference in
someone's life today. Share this >with a friend and always remember,"God
is at the window"!!! >


HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
 
 
 
 
           

 :)Gidday from the Ottawa Valley: June 17: 12:14 noon.

My daughter Sara sent this to me:

I would like to share this with you.

Lenore

P.S. Better get the Kleenx out.

====================================



Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the
operating room.
 She said  How is my little boy?  Is he going to be all right?  When can I see him?
The surgeon said, I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy
didn't make it
Sally said, Why do little children get cancer?
 Doesn't God care any more?
Where were you, God, when my son needed you

The surgeon asked,
Would you like some time alone with your son?
One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's  transported to the university.

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son.
She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.
Would you like a lock of his hair.
 the nurse asked.
Sally nodded yes.
 The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
 The mother said,
It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study.
He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die.
Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.
She went on,
My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always
thinking of someone else.. Always wanting to help others if he could.

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there.
 She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.  The drive home was difficult.

It was even harder to enter the empty house.
 She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them.
 She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke.
Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.

The letter said:

Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU.. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.  Someday we will see each other again.
  Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so
you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me  He can have my room and old stuff to play with.  But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do.  You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.  Don't be sad thinking about me.
 This really is a neat place.  
Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and  showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.
The angels are so cool.  I love to watch them fly.  And, you know what?  Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures.
Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him.

Jesus himself took me to see GOD!  And guess what, Mom?  I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important.
That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything.  But I already knew that wasn't allowed.  
 Well, you know what Mom?
God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter.
 I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.  God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?'  
God  said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.  He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

;Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.  
To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.  Isn't that cool?  I  have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in
the Book of Life.
 Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper.
I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore.  The cancer is all gone.  I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God  couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either.  That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me.  The Angel said I was a Special Delivery!  How
about that?


Signed with Love from: God, Jesus & Me.

;-------------------------------------------------------
;
;Let's see Satan stop this one.
Take 60-seconds and send this to five other people, within the hour, you
;will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other.
;Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what
you;know God loves

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