The First Thing That Didn't Seem Right

[vernecarty]

Quote from Verne:"The greatest joy for me was to re-establish contact with many dear friends, including guys like Paul Hohulin.... "

Paul was a brother that was always a blessing to be around.  He was the one person that always asked before using my car and brought it back with a full tank (even if the tank was on empty when he got it).  Thank you Paul.  Your kindness and consideration are still appreciated to this day 

The first thing that didn't seem right to me was the lack of respect for family relationships (or any relationships) outside the assembly. Even though my clan was a crazy dysfuntional bunch, they were still my family, and not to not honor them at Christmas or other normal family events was wrong.  I knew that, but was conflicted because I was being told that it wasn't Christ honoring to miss a meeting just to be with my family.
Gay

It is quite telling to see how those who left the assembly, particularly those formerly in leadership, have subsequently led their lives True servants are still serving, and doing so with God's blessing.
The thing about families in the assembly was strange in the extreme.
George was obsessed with pitting family members against one another, sons against fathers, husbands against wives, brother against brother, all in the name of loyalty to his idolatrous "work".
I think it was knowledge of the rot in his own house that gave him a perverse delight in corrupting other families.
Made his seem more normal.
Those who got involved with him knowing what he did to that Omaha family are sick, sick, sick...!
Verne

[outdeep]

It’s somewhat hard to say as it isn’t like we see one thing and say, “Oh my!  This place is wrong.  I must leave”.   Most of us who weren’t born into the Assembly really wanted the things the Assembly promised so we developed an incredible ability to overlook, justify and deny.

In one sense, it is arguable that I noticed something on the very first worship service I attended in 1977.  I remember observing George popping up and down and taking control.  I remember that he reminded me of an over dominating relative I had.  I thought, “Boy this guy is in charge”.   This seemed a little inconsistent with the “brother among brother” claims.

I dismissed it, of course, because it didn’t strike me as bad and I didn’t think that a room full of college-aged students (and a few middle-aged folks thrown in) would be wrong in their high estimation of Brother George.

I remember sending away in 1981 to Christian Research Institute for information.  I don’t remember what prompted it, but I suspect things were bothering me about the Assembly.  There wasn’t a lot of info on the Assembly (compared them to the shepherding movement) so I chuck it up to my own carnality and plunged back in.

One time in that period, I started visiting other churches.  Some churches confirmed all the bad things that the Assembly said about denominational churches.  I remember I went to a church in Long Beach and they had this vibrant college group.  The college pastor spoke on dating (a relative topic).  When I was leaving, a Christian asked me if I went to church there.  I said no.  He said, “Come on, make this your home!”  Something welled up within me.  He had no idea how much I wanted to, but I knew I couldn’t.  By this time, I knew I couldn’t leave.

When I got back to school on Monday, a sister (known for her militancy) asked me where I was.  I told her the truth.  She said in a very sorrowful voice, “do you think that was God’s will?”  I said yes.  She then got the head of that campus who talked to me about what a bad example I was being for the campus ministry.  I felt bad and told him I wouldn’t do that again.

After I graduated, I sought out a brother who had left and we had a long discussion about the Assembly and its problems.  The next day and elder with whom I was working confronted me and I burst into tears.  I repented and ended up moving into a brother’s house.

This characterized my twelve years there.  There were times when I really believed the Assembly was where God was working and that I was a part of something great.  At other times, I wrestled with doubts.  At other times, I tried to reckon myself dead to this tendency to “not want to go the way of the cross” and think badly about the brethren.  At other times, I would claim a promise and know that I wanted to be sent out into the work.

In the last few years in the assembly, I really began to dry up.  George used to say that folks would leave when they got married because they “got what they want”.  I think it is because marriage tends to mature people and they begin to ask the question “do I really want to raise my family here?”  I can endure much more hardship if it is just me, but if I am the head of a household, that is something else.  I was behind in maturity but as I was approaching thirty, I began to grow up.

There were times when I believed George’s teaching was off and I kept my thoughts to myself (after all, maybe its there but I am just not seeing it).  There were times when I knew there were other strong believers in other churches and that everything said about these churches were not true (but then, we do take pains to do things according to the New Testament “pattern”).  I remember hearing a preacher for the first time and being amazed that (unlike under George’s ministry) I actually understood the passage better.  I remember even thinking to myself “George is the uprising and the downfall of the Assembly.”

Was there really something wrong or was it the flesh and the devil?

One key event was after a seminar lecture where I was tired, exhausted, and empty.  The seminars weren’t doing it for me anymore.  I wasn’t getting it.  I went to the Christian bookstore and came across the book “How to read the Bible for all its worth”.  For the first time, I began to be able to hold onto something concrete.

You see, for all these years, all I had was, “this doesn’t feel right” or “this doesn’t seem right” or “I don’t think I agree with that” but I never had a strong objective truth to compare these feelings with.  I was taught to read the Bible with my Assembly glasses on.  But, when I saw that there is a way to interpret Scripture based upon fair playing rules that everybody (not just God’s anointed) can understand, I began to believe with confidence that George was mishandling Scripture to support some of his ideas and many of the cherished, non-negotiable practices of the Assembly that set us apart from other churches.  His mystique of having inside “God” information fell away.

Certainly, I didn’t walk right out the door there.  Talking with others that left, realizing that we all had common concerns, solidifying these ideas helped me understand that the problem wasn’t just me.  Not to mention that seeing some “behind the scenes” things in the dealing with Steve and Lee Irons was an enlightening education.

When did I start seeing problems?  I saw things from my first day and from that day attempted to grasp the good and stuff the bad.  I had no emotional context to call the bad “bad” so I sought by faith to enter into the good while being dogged by nagging inconsistencies.  Finally, after twelve years, I was emotionally ready to face the bad and walk out the door for the last time.

[Tony]

Dave,

   This is very interesting to me.  I find the following a somewhat subtle hint of George's preoccupation with male/female relationships.
Dave wrote:
"In the last few years in the assembly, I really began to dry up.  George used to say that folks would leave when they got married because they “got what
they want”. 

   What do you think that George meant by "They got what they want." ?

    I believe that many people could recount similar *hints*.   I have seen other examples in other writings on here and on Reflections.

Dave, Elizabeth, Just Me, Gay and others...this is a good and healthy post-Assembly discussion.   I believe that others can benefit from hearing honest personal stories whether you left three or fifteen years ago.
 
Dave wrote:
"I think it is because marriage tends to mature people and they begin to ask the question “do I really want to raise my family here?” 

   I think you are right.

Thankful,

Tony

[grown up]

This characterized my twelve years there.  There were times when I really believed the Assembly was where God was working and that I was a part of something great.  At other times, I wrestled with doubts.  At other times, I tried to reckon myself dead to this tendency to “not want to go the way of the cross” and think badly about the brethren.  At other times, I would claim a promise and know that I wanted to be sent out into the work.

In the last few years in the assembly, I really began to dry up.  George used to say that folks would leave when they got married because they “got what they want”.  I think it is because marriage tends to mature people and they begin to ask the question “do I really want to raise my family here?”  I can endure much more hardship if it is just me, but if I am the head of a household, that is something else.  I was behind in maturity but as I was approaching thirty, I began to grow up.

Finally, after twelve years, I was emotionally ready to face the bad and walk out the door for the last time.

Hope I quoted correctly because this just "hit me"  I used to think the Assembly was the place I wanted to be.  I had my doubts but I really believed the burdens we prayed for in the prayer meetings  I remember one was for the "raising up and sending forth laborers into the work" I prayed and would also get a promise and desire to serve god and be a part of the "work" I went to "summer school" and even a "Mission and training team" and had my eyes opened to how " the work" really worked. It was shortly after the latter that I decided that I needed to step out in faith(because I always allowed the "leading brothers" to tell me I couldn't make decisions) I wanted to have a family and be head of the household. I think it was when leaders basically told me I couldn't hear God's voice and follow it that I left  and the 7 years since leaving God has really confirmed my decisions and shown me what happens if I trust him. After leaving I learned more about myself and that making decisions isn't a bad thing. I have learned that I and my family are not robots. This is just what I think but those who got married and left did so because they had a vision for their family and what God wanted and didn't want to have others tell them how to raise their family. That's just what I think tho.

[Elizabeth H]

do you remember hearing this a lot: "We may have problems, but this is where God put us. We shouldn't just leave. Leaving is forsaking the gathering and is unspiritual. We need to work on the problems and find answers."

but nothing got fixed! 

in fact, it just kept getting worse. problems piling on problems and the "spin" kept getting crazier and crazier; a veritable merry-go-round that kept speeding up a la Ray Bradbury's "Something Wicked This Way Comes."

[grown up]

do you remember hearing this a lot: "We may have problems, but this is where God put us. We shouldn't just leave. Leaving is forsaking the gathering and is unspiritual. We need to work on the problems and find answers."

but nothing got fixed! 

in fact, it just kept getting worse. problems piling on problems and the "spin" kept getting crazier and crazier; a veritable merry-go-round that kept speeding up a la Ray Bradbury's "Something Wicked This Way Comes."

I do remember hearing this and wondering how come the problems aren't being resolved and time would go on and on meetings, outreaches etc would come and go with few visitors meanwhile "great things are happening"  I remember one leading brother praying in a doorkeepers meeting for the "marriage worthy" bretheren in our midst (Everyone in that particular meeting was married except me) This sure felt like a cheap shot before worship to me When I first started going I could tell how close everyone was and could see the enthusiasm then gradually that closeness would fade away. I also heard pray always and also walk before God not men

[Oscar]

ABD2

You said:

Hope I quoted correctly because this just "hit me"  I used to think the Assembly was the place I wanted to be.  I had my doubts but I really believed the burdens we prayed for in the prayer meetings  I remember one was for the "raising up and sending forth laborers into the work" I prayed and would also get a promise and desire to serve god and be a part of the "work" I went to "summer school" and even a "Mission and training team" and had my eyes opened to how " the work" really worked. It was shortly after the latter that I decided that I needed to step out in faith(because I always allowed the "leading brothers" to tell me I couldn't make decisions) I wanted to have a family and be head of the household. I think it was when leaders basically told me I couldn't hear God's voice and follow it that I left  and the 7 years since leaving God has really confirmed my decisions and shown me what happens if I trust him. After leaving I learned more about myself and that making decisions isn't a bad thing. I have learned that I and my family are not robots. This is just what I think but those who got married and left did so because they had a vision for their family and what God wanted and didn't want to have others tell them how to raise their family. That's just what I think tho.

In my case, one of the things that really got me thinking about leaving was that I had three daughters.  I asked myself the question, "Do I want one of my daughters to marry a mindlessly loyal follower of GG?" 

The answer was a definite no.

Tom