Repercussions of the Assembly

[Sammy]

I’ve been reading threw this board for a few months now and it has been interesting but at the same time made me feel somewhat alone. I was what is called an AK and now that I am an adult and free. What I have found is I can not trust. I can not read the bible without having panic attacks and nightmares. The same goes for church. Now I know that those of you that can still be Christians will pray for me and that I should really just turn to Him and pray that He open my heart and put my faith in Him. But my point here is to find out if there are other ex members that have the same thing going on in there life. Don’t get me wrong. I still believe in God but not at all the way I was brought up to believe. Am I alone here??

[summer007]

Sammy, The Assm preached condemnation and legalism. If this is your only view of Christianity its no wonder you panic at the thought of the Bible, Church etc. It puts you in fight or flight syndrome, you can't fight it so you run from it. If you read more you'll see quite a few people suffered from this.( read rickross.com site) I dont want to give you a pat answer, but with time you should be relieved of this Christ can set you free. And pray God takes this spirit of fear from you and gives you the power of love and a sound mind.  Summer.  p.s. i did have a nightmare of a former lb after finding this board.

[M2]

I’ve been reading threw this board for a few months now and it has been interesting but at the same time made me feel somewhat alone. I was what is called an AK and now that I am an adult and free. What I have found is I can not trust. I can not read the bible without having panic attacks and nightmares. The same goes for church. Now I know that those of you that can still be Christians will pray for me and that I should really just turn to Him and pray that He open my heart and put my faith in Him. But my point here is to find out if there are other ex members that have the same thing going on in there life. Don’t get me wrong. I still believe in God but not at all the way I was brought up to believe. Am I alone here??

Welcome Sammy,

I can totally relate to most of your experiences.  I left the assembly almost 2 years ago, soon after GG's excomm..., and assemblyschisms still stick with me.  When did you leave?

I suggest a couple of books
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen
What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey

Hope you enjoy them and that this BB will be a help to you.

God bless,
Marcia

[summer007]

Here is the link in case you don't have it:  http://www.rickross.com/reference/assembly/theassemblyvisitor.html.

[Sammy]

I was free and clear 5 years ago but my spirit was gone long before that. From the time I was 14 I disdained all the self-righteous and condemning attitudes. I looked at the leadership as a bunch of power hungry, egotistical men that couldn’t make it anywhere else and so used the assembly to fill their needs. The abuse I witnessed by almost every leader shut me off very young. By the time I was 15 I was laughing in their faces and by the time I was 17 I told my dad that I wanted no part of it any more. I was angry and I guess still am. Day dreams of revenge are nice but really logically don’t help. There is no revenge. Nothing can be done now. My childhood is taken and none of the letters they write or repentance they clam will give it back to me.  Wow that was a load of bitterness that just came out!

[vernecarty]

I was free and clear 5 years ago but my spirit was gone long before that. From the time I was 14 I disdained all the self-righteous and condemning attitudes. I looked at the leadership as a bunch of power hungry, egotistical men that couldn’t make it anywhere else and so used the assembly to fill their needs. The abuse I witnessed by almost every leader shut me off very young. By the time I was 15 I was laughing in their faces and by the time I was 17 I told my dad that I wanted no part of it any more. I was angry and I guess still am. Day dreams of revenge are nice but really logically don’t help. There is no revenge. Nothing can be done now. My childhood is taken and none of the letters they write or repentance they clam will give it back to me.  Wow that was a load of bitterness that just came out!

I have several very good friends who were formerly in leadership under Geftakys' regime.
Nonetheless as a group I have taken them heavily to task.
Some have accused me of promoting a spirit of hatred in the strong language I employed but I suspect a genuine love of the flock of God does not reside in these folk.
There were some good men around George, but for some reason they were unable to excercise the kind of spiritual authority that I believe God gives to every person called to this kind of service.
The folk who think that I have been too hard on these men are somehow implying that I care about faithfulness in God's leaders more than He does.
Does anybody really buy that notion? I trow not.
Facing the Chief Shepherd is going to make me look like an advocate.
I have to say this to you Sammy.
Your memories of these men does not, and should not set the standard.
There are, in this world, men of God whose conduct and manner of life truly inspires.
Men who truly bear the familial resemblance of the Lord Jesus, and are of such integrity that would not have permitted them to endure a man like Geftakys, no not for one hour.
Ask God to bring you to a place of fellowshhip where men like this are serving.
It is the finest anti-dote for spiritual assembly toxemia   
Verne

[M2]

I was free and clear 5 years ago but my spirit was gone long before that. From the time I was 14 I disdained all the self-righteous and condemning attitudes. I looked at the leadership as a bunch of power hungry, egotistical men that couldn’t make it anywhere else and so used the assembly to fill their needs. The abuse I witnessed by almost every leader shut me off very young. By the time I was 15 I was laughing in their faces and by the time I was 17 I told my dad that I wanted no part of it any more. I was angry and I guess still am. Day dreams of revenge are nice but really logically don’t help. There is no revenge. Nothing can be done now. My childhood is taken and none of the letters they write or repentance they clam will give it back to me.  Wow that was a load of bitterness that just came out!

The Lord Jesus condemned the power hungry, egotistical leadership of His day and any who stumbled the little ones.  I have heard of places that are worse that the Geftakys assemblies, but IMO the same evil is/was at work.  It is truly tragic that nothing can give you back your childhood.  I know of individuals who feel similarly about wasting the prime years of their lives in a Geftakys assembly.

I can understand that anything that reminds you of your assembly days would give you a bad taste in your mouth re. spiritual matters.  I can even understand the panic attacks etc.  However, since you say "you still believe in God" then don't allow Geftakys to continue to rob you of that which is most important, ie a loving relationship with your heavenly Father.

Healing takes time and the first step is recognizing that there is a need for it, and you are already there.  The resources recommended on www.geftakysassembly.com may help, as may the "Wounded Pilgrims" thread on this BB.

Though the effects of my assembly years remain to a certain degree, there are a number of things that have helped me on the path to healing.  I share them hoping they will be of some use, and I hope others will share their experiences as well.

Open honest inquiry and discussion.  I used this BB for that.

I found a 'living growing' church and joined small group Bible Studies.

Dave Sable wrote an excellent article re. healthy assembly afterlife.  see: www.geftakysassembly.com/Articles/TeachingPractice/HealthyAssemblyAfterLife.htm

Though I know the Scriptures well (because of being an ex-assemblyite) I determined that I would do more listening and inquiry than telling in small group studies.  Increasingly, I am sharing my opinion in various discussions now.

People have problems, so all churches have problems.  The Lord Jesus faced people problems.  He rebuked the arrogant leaders and forgave the repentant sinner.  Mark C summarized it well, the difference lies in the spirit of evil vs moral failure.  See:

God bless,
Marcia

[Bernice]

Any one else that has started going back to  church having problems with certain words raising hackles on the back of your neck.  I recently visited a church that a friend goes to and the music minister before starting asked a question directed to the children "Little children do you know what were to do always??" answer of course " Rejoice  again I say rejoice!!!!"  I got to admit I wanted to bolt for the door.    (if you are reading this and were not in the assembly it was a common start to a seminar)     The other words that have been raising hackles (that I'm hearing are  "in the flesh"  "I'm detecting some pride" well there are others but thats enough venting I dont come to this website and the bb to often because it stirs up to much inside.  However, I really feel I've come to a stand still in some areas and can't seem to move forward.

[Mark C.]

Hi Bernice,

  Yep, I know exactly what you mean!  Certain words/phrases trigger a memory from my Assembly past and the suggestion causes an emotional reaction.

  One former member told me they were sitting in church and listened to a sermon on Acts. 2:42-47 that sounded oddly like "The 4 Anchors" of Assembly fame.  This reminder of her Assembly past made her so uncomfortable she could not take it anymore and had to leave!

   This former member had been out for years and had been attending church for years as well.  It seems that this kind of reaction is quite normal and that just the passage of time doesn't necessarily cause it to go away.

  I don't think that just trying to avoid the BB, and consequently the memory of these things that have hurt us, is an effective answer for most of us (not that the BB is the only way to deal with one's recovery).

   I can tell you what has helped me, though I recognize we are all different, and as such, my thoughts may not be that helpful for you:

   I had to take back the Bible, hymns, etc. from the Assembly and make it my own.  What I mean by this is that GG had distorted biblical truth and changed the meanings of what God really intended the words to mean.   GG claimed ownership to the true interpretation of scripture, but I decided to wrest back my bible from his control.

   1.)  For a long time most of my bible reading came via commentaries, books about the bible, etc. as this presented scripture to my mind in a completley different "voice" than when I just read the bible alone.  It's amazing at how that process opened my mind to "hear" these words and phrases from the Bible free of the old emotional context, and thus removed the "trigger."

   2.) Along the same lines of "ownership" of one's spiritual life, I realized that allowing GG to still terrorize and control me is something I had to face with courage.
 GG has been exposed as a false teacher, abuser of members, adulterous philanderer, and totally hardened to admitting his guilt in the face of all these facts!  Now I know all this, and have been out of the group for 15 years; why should I let this evil person still control my emotional and spiritual life anymore?!!!

      We all have fears, doubts, and are tempted to try and avoid that which makes us uncomfortable; however, we will never be happy in our Christian lives as long as these dark emotions control us. 

   This is a battle that I think God intends for us to win and which can ultimately make us into the strong minded and hearted believers of which is our destiny as his beloved sons and daughters.

  I hope this helps some.                    God bless,  Mark C.