Hello Everyone,
I don't want to point out the obvious, so I'll just mention the thread, "Welfare Myths." I think you know what I am talking about.
It started off one way, took a steep, downhill turn, leveled off, and now I see a cliff up ahead. I don't want to go off that cliff, and I don't want anyone else to either.
It's over.
I'm sorry for getting Lenore so upset, even if it wasn't my intention. I'm sorry for making the "offer," even if I was totally sincere.
I am sorry for making the second "offer," because, unlike the first one, it was a game that I knew I had won. No joy for me in that, and certainly none for Lenore. The sad part about that is that I am 99% sure that it wasn't her idea in the first place.
I have strong opinions on certain things....most things actually. That's who I am. In spite of that, I really don't want to hurt people. It's plain that Lenore was hurt and I apologize to her. Do I agree with her? That's not the point. The point is that it's not worth hurting her over.
I haven't changed my beliefs, but I do wish that none of this had happened.
Here are the lessons that I have learned from all of it:
1.)Don't give off spiritual advice, testimony, correction or instruction if you can't stand being corrected or having someone disagree with you.
2.)Don't share minute details of your life in a public forum if you can't stand having someone comment on it in a critical manner
3.)Don't be so proud that you can't back down and be defeated, for the sake of a weaker person. Choose your battles.
4.)If you are going to name Christ, and claim the spiritual high ground all the time, it is a shame to be found wanting at the first sign of conflict.
Don't play games with people's lives. I did this with my second offer. It was wrong, whether I can justify it or not. I shouldn't have done it.
Someone else did it too, when they counseled Lenore to do what she did by "challenging" me. It is not healthy to carry someone else's water, or use the manipulative tactics of triangulation as has been done here. I am ashamed that I was a mover and player in this.
I determine that it will never happen again.
I am going to drop the matter, and will not speak of it again, as far as I can tell.
Brent
To the BB:
This is a public apology to Brent for my bad judgment re. the whole situation with Lenore, and to clear up any misunderstandings that some may still have in re. to this.
I picked-up this above debate late and made some erroneous conclusions based on the few posts I read, and email's I received from BB members complaining that Brent was being cruel to Lenore.
I attempted to contact Brent via email and did not receive any response. I
assumed Brent was ignoring me because of this, and so decided to go public with a rebuke of what I thought was rude behavior on his part.
I now know that Brent did not receive these email's and I apologize for previously stating publicaly that he was "ignoring me." I think that possibly these messages were sent to an old address I had, but that is beside the point because the problem was that I jumped to a conclusion that was very wrong.
I have also learned that Lenore had sent very nasty email's to Brent, even after he had sent the very concilatory apology above to her. I asked lenore last week to write a public apology to Brent for her behavioir toward Brent and Marcia, but I have not been able to find any such post.
I offered some bad advice to Lenore in this situation, based on my wrong interpretation of the events. I told her to "take the high road and to be the mature one by not returning insult for insult,"when I should have told her to be honest re. her angry and insulting treatment of both Brent and Marcia.
While I still believe we should strive to be forgiving and kind to those struggling with emotional problems, this should never mean the creation of a double standard where we support the character flaws of these damaged souls.
I was doing this with Lenore when I supported her view that Brent and Marcia were just being mean and vindicative and that she (Lenore) should just take the "higher ground" by not responding in kind. I also should have advised Lenore that she should not have started the argument in the first place by personalizing the argument and then attacking Brent with great hostility.
I would like to also reiterate my prior apology where I attempted to use Rom. 14-15 as a means to discredit Brent's position re. "the weak and the strong." The passage does include an exhortation to "the weak" and I was refusing to admit this.
Honesty is key to the survival of the BB and indeed to the nature of what our life will be as former Assembly members. Along with that honesty there should follow a willingness to forgive one another. If there is a refusual to admit our wrongs we cannot expect to be forgiven and treated with loving acceptance. Hence, GG and other former Assembly members who are unrepentant are not honored here.
I am not "taking sides" here, nor does this mean that I am now against Lenore. Lenore is still a child of God and I am in support of her having a blessed life in Christ. It is in her best interest to come clean with what she has done in this situation with Brent and Marcia and ask their forgiveness.
In researching my apology I for the first time saw Brent's posted apology and now see how wrong my judgment was in this situation. If there are other errors that I have made please feel free to let me know so that I can correct these too.
I understand that there are those on both sides of this who have decided to leave the BB and I hope that I have made clearer what has become an issue that challenged the viability of the BB.
On one side, it was an issue of truth, and the on other, one of being tolerant. Some saw it as method over substance, while the other side one of promoting my opinion over concern for the soul of the hearer.
Love does not tolerate sin, or make excuses for it; we don't build self esteem by supporting moral flaws in one another's lives. We are to be tolerant of another's moral failures if they are owned up to when we are confronted with them
In the Assembly all things were made into moral failures, and we were falsely confronted with things that the leaders had no business in trying to make us feel guilty for.
On the bb we don't want to cross these kind of personal boundaries by attemptiing to police one another by insinuating what one another's motive is. In other words, don't try to interpret the "tone" of the poster because we will often be wrong in our assumptions.
God Bless, Mark C.
