Hi David
I can not comment directly re. the attitude of the individuals you described because I don't know them. To have a concern re. what an individual believes is not necessarily a bad thing, if that is what you mean by asking your question.
I have a concern for those who, due to their Assembly involvement, have rejected the Biblical faith. My motives for this concern are based on the exclusive nature of the Christian faith. To believe, for instance, that there is only one way to Heaven through Christ, is not a message of intolerance, but a necessary distinction in keeping with my faith.
That you ask the question is a very good sign, as it means that you are troubled by it. Your doubts re. exclusivity were earned by your suffering under an system of elitism that excluded others on the basis of membership and loyalty to a group. It is only normal that you would be sensitive to those who claim "to have the one true vision/church", but then how can we ever be sure of anything again?!
The disciples asked Jesus if they should forbid those not "with them" from using Jesus name to do His work. We all know Jesus answer was to reject this kind of exclusivity based on group membership. The important distinctions were those based on faith in Jesus and the fact that they were able to cast out demons shows that it was effective faith.
Jesus taught an exlusive faith, but understood human fraility in understanding and believing the one true way. With the Samaritan Woman Jesus told her that,"salvation was of the Jews" and that her doctrinal understanding was in error, but still proceeded to meet her in a personal and powerful way to communicate salvation to her. What this demonstrates is that faith does not come by deciding what belief system is most accurate, but by a personal encounter with Christ(the word is near us). Many Jews of the time were involved in God's "true" religous system and yet rejected Christ.
To come to salvation is not to overcome all one's doubts and objections to the Gospel, but to bring one's troubled heart to the Great Physcian. I still have many questions re. the seeming contradiction of God's love and those eternally lost, and yet my faith is not based on my ability to rationalize this seeming contradiction. The supreme revelation of God's love in Christ on the cross tells me He is just and understands things in a way that I just can't comprehend.
Salvation is between God and an individual and is the work of God in that soul. We Christians often do more harm than good in our sincere efforts to understand and communicate the Gospel. Our best efforts are when we send the needy soul to God, where the heart's needs are met. We need not sacrafice the true distinctions of the Gospel but with that understanding realize it is God that sets our feet on that path.
May God richly bless you David as you continue to seek answers to the needs of your heart.
Mark