Death of a friend

[outdeep]

My wife's friend Carolyn just died suddenly.  Lori was talking to her just last weekend discussing Carolyn's nausia.  Suddenly, she is in the hospital with a blocked intenstine and she loses consciousness.

Many from the church and community gathered and prayed.  She had surgery and stablized enough for a helecopter ride to Charlotte, but didn't make it.

I'm glad I'm not a pastor now.  I wouldn't know what to say.  Yes, I know the verses and I believe in the resurrection but I think if I tried to share anything spritual like that I would feel like I am trying to recite a sales pitch from a marketing brochure to make them feel better.

Her husband Gary was an alcolohic and abandoned the family years ago.  I remember working on Carolyn's house a few times when Gary was gone.

The oldest son was filled with rage after Gary left and acted out.  He tried robbing a house once and had the misfortune of robbing the house of a prominant government official so he got thrown into jail with the maximum sentence.  The daughter is college age.  She went to a Bible school for a little while but I sometimes think her spiritual talk is a way to mask the hurt and anger inside.

Daniel is Josiah's age.  Josiah used to be his best friend when they were younger but they gravitated apart.  I don't think he has many friends because he is a bit of an airhead and childish at times.  He gets angry at times and Carolyn had to work hard to handle him.

Carolyn held the family together.  She pulled Gary out of his alcoholism and he has been back home for a couple of years.  He even tried to start an addition support group at our church, but it never flew.  I don't know if our church of 1,000 doesn't have anyone with additions or if no one wants to admit it.

I know some people get hung up with the question, "why is there suffering in this world?" or "why would God let something like this happen?"  

I guess I don't get hung up on questions like that.  If there wasn't a God, we wouldn't even bother asking the question.  I am willing to say that I don't know the answer and I doubt if God is going to tell me what he is thinking about Carolyn and Gary and their angry children and airhead son.  Sometimes I wonder why worse things don't happen to me since I am very aware of my sinful inclinations and selfishness.

I don't think God is a Santa Clause God that smites us when we are bad and blesses us when we are good.  I think blessings and hardship comes our way for reasons that are not apparent to us and for reasons we may not know for a long time.  I guess our job is to accept God's hand in it all and do our best to respond accordingly.

I sometimes lose my temper and get very angry when I am stuck in traffic.  I hate to think of how I would react if someone in my family were to die unexpectedly.

[lenore]

 Dave:
Please relay my condolences to your wife, to the family that suffered this tragic loss.

Please accept my prayers.

I believe prayers should be immediately upon hearing such a thing.

Dear Heavenly Father:

Please dear Lord, your word says you are the Great Comforter.
Lord  I uplift this family to you that suffered the lost of a wife and a mother.
Lord this family has suffered greatly in the past few years.
With Children going there own way, suffering the consequences of their actions. Even then Lord you say that you are with us in such times.
Lord I lift up the ones who are grieving. I pray that they will seek you out as their source of comfort.
I pray for the one who is in prison, I pray that he will see you as source of companionship and comfort. Being away from house and home. Now loss of a mother.
I pray for her husband , who is the sole parent now to these children.
I pray that he would seek you out for the guidance he will need in the coming days as he works through his grieve and  parenting his children.
I pray for the one who seems to be floundering with her spiritual walk. I pray you will take her hand and guide along your path.
I pray for Dave and his wife as they offer the support to this family.
I pray that you will give them the strength and stamina and the wisdom of know when to give aid and when to just be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on .
I pray that I up hold this couple to you. That you will be able to use this couple mightily for you as they minister to this family.
Lord I leave this situation entirely into your hands.

In Jesus Name

Amen.

[Joe Sperling]

Dave---

Thank you for sharing regarding your wife's friend's death. My prayers and condolences are with you and your wife. There really isn't anything you can say to someone who is experiencing the sorrows associated with death--especially an unexpected one. All one can say is "I'm sorry and will pray for you and your family".

Having recently gone through the unexpected death of my brother I can testify to this. No amount of words can replace or drown the amount of emotion one is feeling.
But the Lord knows all and He is definitely there to comfort and help if we look to him. He truly is the God of all comfort.

I'm normally such a "complainer", but my reaction at my brother's unexpected death was to look to God for comfort and understanding, and not to anger or blame.
But I know what you mean about getting very angry in a traffic jam. I've used my "right mouse click" finger on the freeway a few times myself I'm sorry to say.

Thanks for sharing this Dave, and I will pray for you and your wife.

God bless, Joe

[Mark Kisla]

Dave---

Thank you for sharing regarding your wife's friend's death. My prayers and condolences are with you and your wife. There really isn't anything you can say to someone who is experiencing the sorrows associated with death--especially an unexpected one. All one can say is "I'm sorry and will pray for you and your family".

I agree, sometimes that's all people need to know is that you care and that you are praying for them.
Years ago I was hospitalized for a month, the nurses asked me to go talk to a Christian Brother who was in the burn unit and depressed. He was badly burned trying to free his trapped wife and 2 year old daughter from their burning vehicle, they were burnt to death before his eyes. To me telling this guy at that time 'God has a plan', would be like punching him in the face. Instead we watched Hogans Heros everyday and played cards. He talked and I listened, one day he said, "God will show me the way thru this".

[Mark C.]

Dave,

  I also thank you for sharing about the death of your friend.

  I agree words fail at such times and maybe that is why we are told to "weep with those that weep", by Paul.  God is opposed to the Assembly view of the denigration of our humanity, as when we have feeling for others in pain.

  Just being there and wanting to comfort communicates so much in a time like that.  I think Mark Kisla's story is a perfect picture of what God would have us to do in such a situation.

   Thank you so much Mark for sharing that story and that you did not use the Assembly "hammer and anvil" approach and preach the "way of the cross leads home" to this needy soul!

                        God Bless,  Mark C.

[al Hartman]

Dear Dave & Lori,

     There is nothing I can add-- just want you both to know that Cathy and I are standing with you and your friend's family in prayer...

al

[M2]

Dear Dave and Lori,

Sorry to hear of your friend's death.   I pray for your family and hers.

God bless,
Marcia