Life Together

[Vandyyke]

I figure that my own tranquillity today is more important than mulling over what happened to me back then.  Forgiveness allows me to say, "Its over".  Those guys will go on doing whatever they are going to do, and God will deal with them in his wisdom.  Not my problem any longer.
                                                                                            Quote from Tom


   To be 100% honest I can't just forgive. I've tried to just put it all behind me but I can't. These people told me directly and indirectly that I was less than they were. One brother told me, "If you ever leave fellowship you won't amount to anything!"


   O.K. It might be a sick thing to live for but I am doing it!  I am living to prove him wrong! I am living to be able to look myself in the mirror and say, "I am better than that!"

After I left the Assembly I lived in another "Christian house" This was a house in La Mirada. The owner, "Scott" was a control freak. He converted his 4 bedroom home into eight and rented to Biola students. Scott thrived off of continually condescending to his little flock. He constantly made up new rules in the home. "Don't put that there!" "I don't want you parking your car..." "You owe me for using too much electricity..."
He also relished the fact that he was financially better off then anyone in his house and he reminded them about it often. He was the "Alpha Dog". People moved in and out of his home quite often. Some left in "good standing" Others left "angry." I've had it!

     I tried to leave in good standing but it was obvious I was sick of Scott's crap. Last year I went and visited Scott. I had such a great time responding to his arrogance and condescending attitude with, "Oh I have a house too!" "Oh, I made lots of money in the market, did you?" "Life is great!"

  When I left that afternoon I had a sense that I had overcome Scott's abuse. I had a sense that I had risen above it/him. This is what I want to do with GG. Am I sick?

   In the book Jane Eyre the main character is the victim of abuse. I'll try to remember exactly the setting, her father remarries and himself dies. She is left with a horrid stepmother and is daily tormented by her stepbrother. Jane chooses to leave the abusive home. But before she leaves she lets loose on the *&^%$
"I'm going to tell everyone I meet just what sort of person you really are!"  This fills the old hag with terror!


    I don't think Jane is doing anything wrong! I think she is just bringing the truth out into the open!



  John Cage took things like saws, ashtrays, tin cans and turned them into music. He wanted to take things that repulsed him, filled him with fear and objectify them. Make them his own, turn them into art! The thing that once controled him now he controls!

I just finished turning my experience in the Assembly into three graduate level units! That's money!

[Explorer]

When I think of this topic,this verse always comes to mind:

"See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled." (Hebrews 12:15)

I think that the trouble that is caused from bitterness is mainly to ourselves, but also to others.

As to when we say "I can't forgive" (and believe me, I'm speaking to myself, so this is not a direct shot at you Dave) this verse seems to indicate that we can, but only by the grace of God.

I hope that helps.

[Vandyyke]

I wish it was as easy as it sounds. Oh I just need to take care....but the truth is you can live the rest of your life, doing your best to, not give place to the feelings that are in your heart!  "I admit that I am an alchoholic...." Or you can take charge of your feelings and do something constructive with it. Turn it into something that will work for you or others.

 The man who wrote "Clockwork Orange" was the actual victim in the story! He took it and made it something he could control!

[Vandyyke]

I know I'm sounding very arrogant. I know that I cannot be in total control of my life. Tomorrow I be diagnosed with cancer, disabled in an accident etc... So I don't really know where this is going...its an experiment.



   What's wrong with taking GG and putting him in a laboratory? What's wrong with disecting his brain.

     Let's just take it all apart, bit by bit, piece by piece and maybe we can learn something that we can pass on to future generations!


  I want to leave the children and grandchildren of the "saints" something they can use!

[moonflower2]

Hi Vandyke,

I think a difference between one of the well-known, or leaders of the group and one further down on the "rung" like me or you, (I'm assuming you weren't an LB?), is that their stories have already been published and "aired".

Why don't you publish your complete story on the other website along with everyone else there? and publish it on a website that focuses on abusive churches. Get it out there.

A phrase that comes to my mind when I read about the cover up and lack of acknowledgement of sin is "the enemy is the accuser of the brethren". In other words, if you brought something negative up because you didn't know how to deal with it, you were told that you were playing on the wrong team. Hmmm.....

Personally, I still wouldn't have any problems with shoveling dirt over the body.........
I'm a mother.

BTW, I think it's a good thing to accomplish something, in the way that you did, to prove someone wrong. Many people have acchieved in areas of life just to prove someone's ignorant comment about them to be wrong!

Just remember that the image you are fighting against is not true and was coming from someone else, so that at some point you will not need to prove anything anymore because you realize that you are OK.

[Vandyyke]

BTW, I think it's a good thing to accomplish something, in the way that you did, to prove someone wrong. Many people have acchieved in areas of life just to prove someone's ignorant comment about them to be wrong!




Thanks,  it's not the best way to be motivated but one that works for me.