hi this is Nate Mathews, my family was in fellowship in Champaign for a number of years. I left when I was 18, and would have left sooner if not for some good people in my life. I'm looking for a number of folks, Tim Smith, Sam Anderson, Eric Bagger, Aaron Cossette, Andrew Bransby, rodger godfrey, Tommy Ward, David Geftakys, and I'm sure I'm leaving people out.
  I had several reflections from growing up "assembly" and I dont know if they have already been said. Part of the hardship of being an AK was the severe limitations put on your social and free time by meetings and other "spiritual" activities. A few years ago I came to realize that much of my built up hostility towards my parents was the result of a belief (borne out in experience from an early age) that my parents loved going to meetings more than they loved me. I cannot count all the times my parents missed activities of mine becasue of workers meetings or whatnot.  In a child who cannot verbalize this however, it builds up a lot of confusion and anger. I'm not a psychologist, but A great book related to this theme of perceived abandonment is Alice Miller's Drama of The Gifted Child.
  Another thing that is very debilitating and damaging being an AK is the rigid code of co-ed interaction. Time spent alone with members of the opposite sex was considered worldly, much less time spent alone with romantic intentions. anyone who remembers the foolish dress codes for women on the Teen Team, or the way males were'nt allowed to sit next to females on the bus will know what I'm talking about. I can only imagine how this damaged mine and my peers perception of the opposite sex. I had a very close female friend in high school who basically had to teach me how to be intimate and open and comfortable in the presence of the opposite sex, and also to be comfortablly aware of my own sexuality. Through her friendship, I discovered things about myself and was able to be intimate, open, and vulnerable in a way that is not taught in Assembly doctrine.
  I can relate countless other incidents related to the Assembly, most of it silliness, a few genuinely damaging. I was fortunate in a way to have few real close friends in the Assembly-- this allowed me some outsider perspective and I was able to identify and move away from some of the repressive rhetoric that is part of every conversation therein.
  One last thing. I have noticed on this bulletin board how many people are still speaking the language of the Assembly..."the Lord's on the throne," "God's doing a work," "lets keep everyone in our prayers" Not to criticize anyone, but LIGHTEN UP!   Stop speaking spiritual language and laugh at your own pomposity. If you are unable to laugh at yourself over this linguistic infection of high-faluting spiritual rhetoric, then start thinking hard about why that is. God, the Universe, Life, its not all warfare, souls, and seriousness! there are purely physical joys in life! Food, drink, watching movies, hearing your favorite song on the radio, running, and just delighting in your physical body! The ASsembly, like many fundamentalist cults, teaches that our bodies are evil things, filled with the polluting influence of the flesh. nothing could be further from the truth! god created our bodies to be enjoyed!!! So laugh and enjoy it! And if you feel the need to dispute me on theological grounds, wait 5-10 minutes, heck even a full day and ask yourself, why am I doing this? Am I engaging in the old assembly practice of straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel?
 The Assembly did not just have some problems or some wicked people. It was and is wicked, rotten, hurtful, and deceiving to the core! Its theology and leadership!
   Thanks thats all. I welcome comments!
             
                                           namaste (I acknowledge the divine in you),
                                                   Nate

andrew = andrew@genuinebeliever.com

the others not too sure about

My Bro. Nate,
So nice to see you posting here. I can't agree with you more on our views of parents missing things due to having to go to a meeting. I am not going to bash on my parents for what they have done because I know they love me, but I do believe that this mindset was put into them when they joined the work. I think that a problem with the assembly is the simple fact that if you don't attend a meeting or if you don't do this or that then you can't be in the "inner ring". Christianity is not a book of rules that we must follow. It is Christ who we need to follow.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for on this board, or why I'm posting really, except to say that I agree with you, Nate. I'm a 20 year-old from Illinois; AK to the max. I'm searching for solidarity, perhaps...

A question (I apologize if this has been covered):
I suppose I'm speaking mainly to AK's here...

Of those of us who were not happy in the assemblies, how many found solace in assembly friendships? Did you have a lot of them? I had one very close assembly friend the entire 18 years I was there, and besides that... I felt very much alone in my "sin." There was always a barrier, which I attributed to my own failings. Clearly, I must have been in sin if I was not content, etc.

Did anyone else feel this way? Am I in the minority and most people interacted normally? Did most of us notice an "inner ring" of our peers, or is that just me? I suppose this is an obvious question, but clearly, it still bothers me.

No, you are most assuredly not abnormal
I, personally, always felt out of place (for the most part) hanging out with my peers in the assembly.  While there are Ones who I was quite close to (and for the most part, still am), those relationships were cultivated outside of just "hanging out".  Whenever I would hang out with a group of my peers, i always did indeed feel that there was an "inner circle" going on; certain people would always be the ones talking, goofing around, seemingly having a great time, ect.  Very seldomly did i feel i was entirely part of that dynamic.

Basically, I truly felt that I was a "tool" in those situations (quite detrimental to the self-esteem too  ).  So I guess *my* answer to your question would be "yes, there existed such a circle, but it was excessively magnified due to the nature of social interactions within the assembly (ie, if you feel out of place, it doesn't help that there are "guidelines" in place detail the way you are supposed to act.......kinda makes you feel like a failure ."

anyway, I hope this helps you out in your quest.  Believe it or not, for any problem that you have encountered, there is *always* someone else who has fought through it before

--
lucas