Here's a question for anyone who wants to take the challenge: what DOES the Bible say about dating?

The bible actually says not a thing about "dating".  {to my knowledge} The scriptural method for finding a mate and marriage was actually betrothal.
When you were betrothed, you were legally bound.  To end a betrothal covenant, a divorce was actually needed.  So much different than what we have now-a-days.  Even in the "church".  

You could go to biblegateway.com and do a word search for betrothal and it will tell you all the scriptures where you find that word.

Another option is to search out current teachings on betrothal/dating/courtship.      www.boldchristianliving.com

Dr. SM Davis' ministry.  http://www.drsmdavis.com/module/store/vbc/21/
You can find the names and descriptions of his 9 tape audio series on betrothal.  {I won't post them here, but will just let anyone interested follow the link.}
 
There is also a web site with all the different perspectives, including a good link for betrothal.
http://www.girlsoffaith.com/betrothal.htm       The articles at the bottom are a good read, as well.    You can click back to home page from this link for courtship and dating articles.

hope that helps.
blessings,
auntiefluffy

Tom,

Excellent point. Something I've had to work out for myself over the years while praying about jobs, moves, etc. Never could find a scripture telling me what to do.

It's something I've been clarifying in my mind recently but if you could expand on that same topic, I would love to hear it.

Scott

Hi
My name is Gary Wilson
I am in Fullerton. First started coming out in 72
Actually meant my wife a year before.  But started courting
her right around the time I came into fellowship in Fullerton
I never asked anyone for permission to spend time with her.
Prior to being saved I had dated alot.  Kinda like the candy store thing.  You know sample this - sample that.

When I started spending time with Linda things were so different.  I believe God had changed how I viewed dating.
Linda and I used to go to Costa Mesa Calvary Chapel together.  A brother and sister thing.  But God put her on my heart gave me a promise and off I went.

What was different was I asked her to go to Calvary like before but I knew things were different.  That night in fear and trembling I told her I thought God might be bringing us together.  I wasn't dogmatic.  It was just on my heart to be right up front with.  No games.  Just simple honesty.

She asked the question, if God is bringing us together, what does he want?  I told her I would pray about it.
God begun to give me so much light on our relationship and
what he wanted.  We were both astounded.

But God changed so many of my attitudes about relationships between men and women.  He gave me a value for Linda that I had never had for other women.
He forced me to take the lead in so many ways.  In confessing my love for her, in caring for her, etc.

So is dating wrong:  What is dating?  You could say Linda and I dated.  But the content [value] of what we did was so different.
To me dating is just a word.  Call it dating, spending time together, courting, blah blah blah.
I think the important thing is what is the individuals motives and intentions.  If there is mutual respect, openness and honesty then the chances of damage are lessened.
I think we all need to remember the other person we are involved with belongs to God.  The world approaches things so differently.

Oh, Linda and I started spending time together (dating) in
November.  I asked her to marry me on April 6th (her birthday).  I also believe God gave me the day to ask her.
That is another story.  I never asked permission to ask for
her hand in marriage.  I did let some in leadership know that
was my intention.

I hope that helps.  This is not to say God always leads how he lead me.  I simply say God knows and God works.

I came across this thread and laughed.  I have often wondered how I might find a future wife, and even though i kept a stand that the Lord will lead me to that perfect partner, the wonderment toward what *I* could do to add or supplement the process often went through my head.  

With a glimpse, one can easily see that the widely sold form of meeting your future spouse was based on the concept of (as someone put it) sampling a little bit here and there to find exactly what qualities you would want.  I personally quickly likened this to a variation of divorce, although without the binding agreements.  When 2 people come together in a relationship meant to be close and intimate (such as dating), emotions will flair and hormones will soar.  Due to the lack of binding dedication, the couple has no reason to stay together when it comes convienent to seperate, and off they are to sample something else.  

Although one can examine the themes of the increasing in dating and the parralleled increasing divorce rates (does this teach us that we can marry, sample, and re-marry?), there is a biblical side to all of this.  When a man or a woman gets into a close relationship with another, those emotions will fly, "love sickness" will become prevelent, and the thought will come "what can i do without him/her".  If one stirs up such emotions, than breaks them off to move on to something else, that person has just defrauded that other.  They have tempted him/her with something they were not willing to give / could not give, and have thus stolen those feelings without care that his/her future spouse will be defrauded as well.

I know that the above has not been eloquent, but it is hard (at least for myself) to put ideas that the Lord has given, onto paper.  Just think about what is "consumed" during the dating process, what is left behind on the 2 involved (scars?), and how does this affect the future spouse (and even the individual in the first couple, caring needless scars).  Any way it goes, i have learned that the Lord does indeed guide us to where he wants us, and all we can do is maintain that holy fellowship with the brethern and sistern of Christ.

Sounds to me like a young man with personal convictions about purity and holiness in relationships.  1 Tim 5:2
Joshua Harris has a great book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".  He came to these same conclusions without ever being a part of the "Assembly"

Joel

Tom, you had an interesting question. You asked, where does the Bible promise that God will lead whoever to His perfect choice for their husband or wife?

Psalm 84:11 says, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly."

I know this verse doesn't say, "The Lord God will lead thee to thy perfect companion." But don't you think that if God has a will for each of our lives, that will includes who we will marry? Would God leave out such an important part of our lives in his will for us?

I also think that there is not much difference between dating and courtship; courtship to me seems to me more focused than dating, with the intent of possibly marrying this person from the get-go, but you're still spending time with a person you like.

I have much to learn, believe me, but those are just some thoughts.

Phil,


"I know this verse doesn't say, "The Lord God will lead thee to thy perfect companion." But don't you think that if God has a will for each of our lives, that will includes who we will marry? Would God leave out such an important part of our lives in his will for us?"

Aha, now we get down to the nitty gritty.

"If God has a will for each of our lives".  The idea we picked up in the assembly was that God had a perfect will for every Christian, and if we strayed in any detail, we would miss "God's best".  (A Fullerton elder once tried to keep me in the assembly with this appeal).  

Where does the Bible teach this?  The Bible teaches much about our character and behavior.  How to live, work, talk, and live our married lives.    

But it says nothing about WHERE to live, WHERE to work, WHAT  to say, WHO to marry.  So Christians head straight for mysticville and try do discover God's will by some subjective experience.  One hears the words "sense, prompting, urging" and so on.   BUT WHERE DOES THE BIBLE TEACH THIS?

Of course, if you are in the assemblies, you could just head for the nearest leading brother and ask HIM to go to mysticville to find out God's will for you.  Again, where does the Bible teach THIS?

So, Phil, I would have to say that the answer to your question, "would God leave out such an important part of his will for us?", is yes He would.  Deliberately.  
That is why He has placed us as Sons.  We are supposed to become adults!  Could the Lord Jesus figure out a good marriage partner for you?  Of course.  We are supposed to grow to the "measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ". Eph 4:13.

In our culture, marriage choices are the responsibility of adults.  In the past, these choices were made by parents.
But, in our part of the world, that seems to be finished.

If you have a copy of  "Knowing God" by Packer, read the chapter "God our Guide".

God bless,
Thomas Maddux