fantasy meetings

[1 al Hartman]

There were times that I would be in the meeting and the first brother would run up and give his message, the second brother would get up and the message sounded almost like the first brothers message, then the third brother would get up and by the time he got to his second point half of the saints were in the back room "resting"   Even funnier were the ANOP's( All night of prayer) where it would start and have a full house and by 2 am the Amen's and the crowd start dwindling until there are 3 brothers left. 

Man, I almost (but not quite) wish I'd been there.  In the early days in Mecca (F'ton) nobody left an ANOP early!  In the wee hours, the Amens would dwindle & the heavenward utterances became less intelligible, but nobody dared vamoose until the Referee called time!

In all seriousness, the church I now attend is a sheer delight in that children wander in & out of the worship service, babies cry, parents get up to look after their kids, and people actually go to the restroom during prayers, ministry, singing etc.-- all without causing any major distraction.  There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus...  Real liberty without licentiousness.

al

[Joe Sperling]

I could add one other character to the list:

Mimicking Mike------Mike has all of George's mannerisms, inflections and voice tone
down to a tee. He clears his throat just like George does and even uses the same
phrases George does even though he's only 22 years old. He'll share a verse, clear
his throat, and say "Isn't that grand?"("grand" being a term that was used when George
was a kid that means the same thing roughly as "isn't that cool?") It's kind of like
Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers movies and his smaller version,  "Mini-me".

[grown up]

Dave---

That is hilarious! "Deer in the headlights Don" reminds me of the one time I got up and
gave a "word" one Sunday morning. I had convinced myself that I was to give a word,
and I worried about it all night, and Sunday morning too. I did exactly what you said---
I literally lept up when the brother finished the prayer and beat all the competition to
the front. I had prepared what I thought was a good "word" and had a line-up of one-
liners to go with it. I actually got quite a few laughs, and sat down, with quite a few
brothers eyeing me suspiciously.

I was "sincere" about giving the message, and several brothers told me I was "really growing"
in the Lord due to giving the word. But it had all actually been quite forced, and scared the
living daylights out of me at the time. Your other characters ring quite true also--that is really
funny!!

--Joe

"deer in the headlights" reminded me of one of the few times I got up. I write down all these notes and verses and get up there and just freeze.  Oh afterwords everybody was so encouraged that I stood up. If I could read minds I am sure I would have heard them laughing their heads off

[GDG]

the readers have to guess the names of the speakers.  Try these:

1. Consequences: why they must never be positive.

2. The purpose of nepotism in the Work.

3. Fanning the "heavenly breezes" into a category five hurricane.

Ooooh, Oooooh, Oooooh, Leme guess, leme, PLEEEZ!!!!!! I know who #1 is.  It's Betty.  Am I right? Huh? Am I??  She may not have actually been the face that was seen giving the word, but she was a very gifted ventriloquist 

Hey, I like this game!!!

Gay

[grown up]

Elizabeth had added a novel twist to the fantasy game:  The poster gives the themes of the messages, and the readers have to guess the names of the speakers.  Try these:

1. Consequences: why they must never be positive.

2. The purpose of nepotism in the Work.

3. Fanning the "heavenly breezes" into a category five hurricane.

(Hint: There may be several correct answers to any of these.)

al

I think I got #3= George, maybe this would be the topic of one of a Seminar meeting maybe the first Satuday meeting to prepare us for The full force of a Sunday full of lectures 

[Elizabeth H]

Try this one. 1 point per correct guess.

1. Wife Training, OR, how to spend all my time sipping venti lattes in starbucks (and chatting with single sisters) while my wife slaves away with our many children=   Brother ____________?

2. The Knowledge of Good & Evil, OR, a great excuse to show off my PowerPoint skills during sunday afternoon meetings= Brother _________?

3. Pro-Creation, OR, why birth control is of the devil (every sperm is sacred!) = Brother ____________?

the first one to post the 3 correct answers is the daily-double winner!

[outdeep]

They allowed PowerPoint at an afternoon meeting?!?  I guess things have changed after I left.

[Elizabeth H]

dave, you never heard about the wild n' crazy 90's? 

yeah, things were OUT of control, man!

[Jem]

OK Liz,

Best guess here: 1. Rod 2. Dan N. 3. Dan M-B

[Jem]

I suppose this would fit under the fantasy meetings theme (or nightmarish). Anyone at the meeting in Fullerton where the brother got up and his text was, "We have a little sister and she hath no breasts." From Song of Solomon. Then he went on to compare--spiritually of course--a woman's chest size to her spirituality. And by the end of his word all the sisters--who hadn't gone to the bathroom to laugh out loud--had their arms fold across their chests.

That one was hysterical, even more so because it happened. What a leading brother's meeting must've followed that one.

[Elizabeth H]

OK Liz,

Best guess here: 1. Rod 2. Dan N. 3. Dan M-B

#1 &#3 are incorrect. but, i guess a couple of these are interchangeable, now that i think of it.

#2 is correct! ding! ding! ding! what does she win folks?

congratulations, jem, you and a friend have received the consolation prize of 2 nights in Beulah Land where you will be treated to corn & wine and will take in a spectacular show of zephrys floating on the breeze! Music swells: Oooooooooooooohhhh, Beulah Land! Sweet Beulah Land!

[outdeep]

I suppose this would fit under the fantasy meetings theme (or nightmarish). Anyone at the meeting in Fullerton where the brother got up and his text was, "We have a little sister and she hath no breasts." From Song of Solomon. Then he went on to compare--spiritually of course--a woman's chest size to her spirituality. And by the end of his word all the sisters--who hadn't gone to the bathroom to laugh out loud--had their arms fold across their chests.

That one was hysterical, even more so because it happened. What a leading brother's meeting must've followed that one.

That is absolutely hilarious!  I thought the prize for the worst spiritualization was when a brother got up and likened Ehud getting his sword swallowed by the fat belly of Eglon, king of Moab (Judges 3:15-15) to "thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee".   This one you share, I admit, takes the cake.

[Elizabeth H]

jem, yes i was there for the Big Breasts=Godly Woman analogy. it was at a prayer meeting just after the seminar on the Song of Solomon. in all fairness, this poor single brother (who was and is actually a friend of mine) was simply regurgitating what he'd heard GG say at the seminar. of course, it was considered perfectly spiritual and holy for GG to say this in the course of his seminar lecture, but wholly inappropriate for this single brother to repeat it at your run-of-the-mill weekly meeting.

another facet of our fantasy meetings should be: Run-Amok Analogies.

[brian]

omg dave, those are hilarious!    i must have been at least three of those stereotypes at various points in my assembly career.

at prayer meeting this one unfortunate fellow was expounding on the 'organism vs organization' nature of the church, building up to the impassioned climax of his message: "and so we all work together like one Huge Perfect ORGASM"

*shocked silence*

"er, um, organism..."

[just me]

Dave:  you are hilarious!  I was there for all of those guys.  I know them by name and you have them pegged.

Ok Elizabeth: I want to guess too.  Here is my guess.  1. Jim McAllister 2. Dan Notti - OF COURSE 3.  Jim McAllister, Rod Zach, Jim McAllister and every other guy with more than 6 kids.  I wonder what Jim's total is now.  Anyone heard?  Of course his sperm is sacred because he is of the enlightened.  His wife is of the......(how can I say this nicely)... oppressed, abused and lower caste.


Jem - I missed the full breasted ministry.  We must have been backslidden and missed the meeting.  What a shame.  That would have been good for quite a few laughs.  Should we tell some stories about HB?
me