ASK REVEREND BURT

[Joe Sperling]

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233

Dear Friends,

In an effort to help as many people as possible, I am offering godly advice right here. Please, by all means, if you have a question, a problem, or a dilemna, feel free to post it, or to mail it to the address I have given above. I will then reply with wisdom that is indeed heavenly, and not as the world can give.
I received the following letter just yesterday:

"Dear Reverend Burt, I need your help. I keep trying and trying, but just cannot get past this certain sin that plagues my life. I often feel I have it beaten, but then I fall once again. I want to overcome so badly, but just cannot seem to find the way. Can you help me?

Thanks,  Ted


Ted---

Let me tell you--the answer is easy. You just don't have enough faith. "Ask and ye SHALL receive, seek and ye SHALL find, knock and it SHALL be opened to you".  Ted---you just need to CLAIM this!! Make it yours Ted--it's as simple as that!! You need to express your faith! You need to show God you mean business!! And what is the best way you can do that right now??   Ted---sit down right now, pull out your checkbook and tell God "I am not going to let the devil beat me!!" and write out a check for more than you can actually afford--this is TRUE faith my good man.  Remember the widow who threw in her two last mites Ted?!!? You need to do the same!!  Do it today!!!   Claim your blessing!!  You write that check Ted, write it for MORE than you can actually afford---give up your groceries and fast for a week if need be! (suggested donation not less than $100.00 dollars).
Say to the devil "I am giving this to God and you're not going to stop me!!"  And then you run down to the Post Office--TODAY TED---and you drop that letter in the mail to:

Reverend Burt O'Leary Ministries
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(Ted---no personal check less than $100.00 please---send Cashier's check or Money order for a larger  amount and expect an immediate blessing so incredible your overflowing joyful heart will barely be able to receive it!!!).

Do it today Ted. Make faith a reality--don't delay. If you would prefer to send the money to another cause, send it to the address below:

Needy Children
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(Cashier's Check please---you will get the money to the needy children much faster this way).

I hope I have helped you Ted. I believe God for a miracle in your life.  I believe that you will be writing again very soon with a praise offering, and a letter of thanks for all that has happened because of making that commitment Ted. Because you have sown in faith, you shall reap your reward. You WILL overcome that sin Ted, if you take the steps I have mentioned, and REALLY express that faith by your giving to the Lord.   Thanks for the letter.

Friends----I would love to hear from you, that I might impart to you some spiritual gift, some blessing, some encouragement. As the Lord said "Tis more blessed to give than to receive".

I look forward to hearing from you.  Until then, may the Lord richly bless you.

In His service,  Reverend Burt.

[outdeep]

Dear Reverend Burt,

I just had a sex change operation.   Should I now wear a head-covering?  I am very concerned that I do the right thing.

Brandy

[Joe Sperling]

Brandy---

Thanks so much for your question. Let's start off by looking at a Scripture reference:

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female,
for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Gal. 3:28).

According to the above I could be a Jewish male into bondage, or a Greek female into free expression, and it wouldn't matter, because this physical world is not really what is important. However, there is another scripture in 1 Corinthians that mentions that a female's head should be covered. But what if a male is really a female inside? What if a person is experiencing what you experienced Brandy?  What if Reverend Burt is really Reverend Burtina inside, but doesn't have the needed funds to make the change he so desperately wants to make? What if he rains tears of grief onto the pink bunny head slippers he wears each evening (with matching pink scarf and beret), dreaming of such a change, but knowing that financially he is unable to do so? (these are only "what-ifs" of course). Should such a one wear a head covering?  I have to answer yes.

Brandy---it doesn't matter what you are--male or female, a male trapped in a female body, a female trapped in a male's body-- or even a Reverend who wears pumps with 5 inch heels for that matter. You are loved Brandy, that's what's important. But because of the verse in Corinthians, and the myriad of folks who exist, we should ALL wear head coverings in church. And Brandy---I have just what you need--isn't it amazing the Lord sent you to me? Please see below and order as soon as possible because they are moving fast!!


1)Reverend Burt O'Leary Pink Head Covering (for women--or if you think you might be one)-----$50.00
2)Reverend Burt O'Leary Blue Head Covering (for men---or if you think you might be one)-----$50.00
3)Reverend Burt O'Leary Pink and Blue Head covering (for those who aren't sure, or have had surgery)---$100.00

Brandy---I would go with offering #3--I can personally attest that the blue and pink head coverings are very comfortable, and are also machine washable.

I hope this answers your question Brandy. I KNOW you will want to buy one of the head-coverings and also help this blessed ministry at the same time. Please send your offering today!!

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(Cashiers checks please)

[Joe Sperling]

I received the following message and thought I would share it with you:

"Dear Reverend Burt----

Do you believe that Psychics exist?"

Leroy Smythe
Smooker, West Virginia

Leroy---

Yes, of course I do. In fact, I myself am Psychic. And it has truly been a great help to me. Two weeks ago a friend of mine and I were going to see the Lakers play. We had to be to the Arena by 6:00 P.M., but first we had to stop at the Mall to pay a bill. On the way there we were forced to pull to the side of the road to make way for a blaring ambulance which had come up behind us on it's way to an emergency.

My friend said "Good Lord, that's loud. I sure hope everyone is alright".  I replied "Yes they will be OK. In fact, I called the ambulance myself."  My friend stared at me, perplexed, and asked "But why would you call an ambulance?"   I replied "Well, friend, after we arrive and exit the car at the Mall, I am going to slip on some freshly spilled soda, and crack my head open on the cement. In an effort to save approximately a half hour in ambulance transit time, and to make it to the hospital, receive treatment, and make it to the game by 6:00 P.m., I have taken it upon myself to call the ambulance ahead of time."

When we arrived at the Mall and exited the car, I did indeed slip on some freshly spilled soda, and cracked my head wide open on the cement. But, due to my psychic ability, the ambulance was ALREADY THERE, and we were able to exit the hospital by 5:00 P.M. (I received 17 stitches) and make it to the Basketball game for tip-off at 6:00 P.M. !!!   It is truly an amazing gift--but I can teach YOU how to receive it and use it for the same blessed results I have just recounted!!  Write today for your copy of "Psychic Ability--Why you WILL buy this book" by Yours Truly. Don't miss out friends---this gift truly is one that can be used by all.


Send $100.00 Cashier's Check or Money Order to:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233

[Christine]

I received the following message and thought I would share it with you:

"Dear Reverend Burt----

Do you believe that Psychics exist?"

Leroy Smythe
Smooker, West Virginia

Leroy---

Yes, of course I do. In fact, I myself am Psychic. And it has truly been a great help to me. Two weeks ago a friend of mine and I were going to see the Lakers play. We had to be to the Arena by 6:00 P.M., but first we had to stop at the Mall to pay a bill. On the way there we were forced to pull to the side of the road to make way for a blaring ambulance which had come up behind us on it's way to an emergency.

My friend said "Good Lord, that's loud. I sure hope everyone is alright".  I replied "Yes they will be OK. In fact, I called the ambulance myself."  My friend stared at me, perplexed, and asked "But why would you call an ambulance?"   I replied "Well, friend, after we arrive and exit the car at the Mall, I am going to slip on some freshly spilled soda, and crack my head open on the cement. In an effort to save approximately a half hour in ambulance transit time, and to make it to the hospital, receive treatment, and make it to the game by 6:00 P.m., I have taken it upon myself to call the ambulance ahead of time."

When we arrived at the Mall and exited the car, I did indeed slip on some freshly spilled soda, and cracked my head wide open on the cement. But, due to my psychic ability, the ambulance was ALREADY THERE, and we were able to exit the hospital by 5:00 P.M. (I received 17 stitches) and make it to the Basketball game for tip-off at 6:00 P.M. !!!   It is truly an amazing gift--but I can teach YOU how to receive it and use it for the same blessed results I have just recounted!!  Write today for your copy of "Psychic Ability--Why you WILL buy this book" by Yours Truly. Don't miss out friends---this gift truly is one that can be used by all.


Send $100.00 Cashier's Check or Money Order to:
Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233

Dear Reverend Burt,
Just a few questions about this story maybe you could help with since you are of such great ability 

1)Who did the lakers play, did they win are you sure it was 6pm you heard
2)whats the name of the Arena that the lakers play in?
3 How on earth did he manage to fall and crack his head, get to the mall, hospital receive 17 stitches  and the lakers game and still make tip off? I assume this is a lakers home game.  I have been to Los Angeles and wow traffic during the time frame indicated hmmmmm 
4 Can you tell me in your psychic ability will my husband let me send you 100 bucks

warmest regards
c

PS I have my checkbook ready only say the words and I shall write 

[Joe Sperling]

Christine----

The whack on the head I took has given me a form of strange amnesia. I have forgotten many of the details concerning the game (who played, who won, the venue, and the "tip off time"--I was just giving an estimate, though I do know we did make it on time), but amazingly, my psychic ability has not wavered a bit. In fact, I knew you were going to post on this thread. See below----I have cut and pasted something I wrote down a week ago:

2-18-07

A person named Christine will be posting soon questioning my abilities. She will ask if she should indeed send in $100.00 "if her husband will let her", and of course, she will send in the money. I will have enough then to purchase that ticket for the Mexican Cruise."

Of course, I was kidding about the Mexican Cruise---the monetary donations I receive go to either needy children, or to the furtherance of the Gospel. I am really not too sure why I went to the Lakers game in the first place, not being a fan and all, but it did reveal my psychic ability, and did lead to you, Christine, giving generously to this ministry. You WILL send the money in to this address:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233
Thanks ahead of time for sending that Cashier's check Christine.

[Christine]

Christine----

The whack on the head I took has given me a form of strange amnesia. I have forgotten many of the details concerning the game (who played, who won, the venue, and the "tip off time"--I was just giving an estimate, though I do know we did make it on time), but amazingly, my psychic ability has not wavered a bit. In fact, I knew you were going to post on this thread. See below----I have cut and pasted something I wrote down a week ago:

2-18-07

A person named Christine will be posting soon questioning my abilities. She will ask if she should indeed send in $100.00 "if her husband will let her", and of course, she will send in the money. I will have enough then to purchase that ticket for the Mexican Cruise."


Of course, I was kidding about the Mexican Cruise---the monetary donations I receive go to either needy children, or to the furtherance of the Gospel. I am really not too sure why I went to the Lakers game in the first place, not being a fan and all, but it did reveal my psychic ability, and did lead to you, Christine, giving generously to this ministry. You WILL send the money in to this address:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233
Thanks ahead of time for sending that Cashier's check Christine.

Thats Ok my dear Rev. Burt. Thanks so much for clearing that up. I wasn't questioning your ability but perhaps it was my unbelief...Oh the shame of it all

Dear Rev. Burt
Forgive me for my disbelief
I admit that i am filled with disbelief
and have been preoccupied with this disbelief
I thank you for showing me the way to beleive
and hopefully will convince my spouse of his disbelief
so that he will grant me the 100 dollars to send you.


best wishes
C

[Joe Sperling]

Dear Friends,

I'll share one more letter with you:

"Dear Reverend Burt,

One doctrine I have trouble with is the Virgin birth. I find it very hard to believe. Are there any other
documented cases of a virgin birth? It might make it easier for me to believe if I knew it had happened more than once".

Thanks,  Chester Furlong,  Freeman, Texas


Chester---

Thanks for the question.  No--there are no other "documented" cases of a Virgin birth. The only other Biblical reference to a birth that might have come close to being immaculate was "Joshua, son of Nun". However, we do not have any details concerning this nun, and  therefore we cannot put it in the classification of a miraculous birth, though being born of a nun, who had kept her vows, would truly be an amazing thing.

I'm glad you asked though, because this question, along with many others, are tackled in my newest book "Your Bible Questions Answered" by Reverend Burt O'Leary. Such questions as "Who was the shortest man in the Bible?" or "Was a motorcycle mentioned in the Bible?" or "Was a prayer meeting ever held near a Honda?" are answered, along with "What was Rachel's favorite cigarette?" or "Was the world created during a baseball game?"  or "Did anyone ever get stoned before the hippie generation?"  These, along with many other questions, are answered in a concise and factual manner, with supporting Scriptural references, to satisfy the most curious enquirer.  Order today!!  Please send $112.75 ($12.75 to cover shipping and handling) to:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(this book is worth it's weight in gold, so if you can send gold it would be much appreciated)
Thank you my faithful friends!

[Joe Sperling]

"My name is Oswald Merriwether of the Internal Revenue Service" (pushes glasses with very thick lenses back up to the bridge of his nose, and plops a large briefcase onto the desk). "In a combined effort with the FBI, I am seizing control of this Thread due to suspected criminal activity, and non-payment of taxes on earned income. A 'Reverend Burt O'Leary', a "minister" of the Gospel, has been using a computer owned by someone else, and this thread, along with several other threads, to plead for funds from unsuspecting victims, then absconding the money, which he uses for "the work here and abroad". Of course, this "work" includes stops in Mazatlan and Maui, where he claims the "fields are white onto harvest", and where he is known to spend upwards of $5000.00 per day on rental properties he uses during his "mission outreaches".

Everything has been siezed (motions towards several boxes of head-coverings, books, etc.) and no posting will be allowed until this matter has been settled, and all improprieties have been investigated. Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated. Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Mr. O'Leary should report this information immediately to the authorities.  Thank you."

[Joe Sperling]

Hello friends, Reverend Burt O'Leary here.

It's been quite a long while since I have posted. I have been away visiting. I won't go into details, but the place where I stayed for a while was a bit different than that to which I am accustomed. But at least there were (3) square meals a day, free dental work, medical help if needed, and a bed (though very uncomfortable) to sleep in.

Most of the earthly amenities I am used to had to be bartered for though--a simple pack of cigarettes (though I, myself, do not smoke as my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost) can cost one his lunch in trade for a week! One also needs to pay for protection in that place.  But thank the Lord, I am now back in good old Barstow, and pursuing the work of the Lord.

So,  I thought I would come to you my dear friends, not that I need your assistance, for the Lord will take care of me, but because I thought I would give you the opportunity to be blessed by helping one of the Lord's true servants. The other night, as I lay upon my bed, praying about how I could be a blessing to others, I heard a loud voice say "Oh man greatly Beloved, because you have not asked for yourself, but have asked for others to be blessed, I will give you the very desires of your heart". I said "Thank you Lord. But let me have only those things YOU desire for me-- for I am thy servant, oh Lord".

The next day I was led by the Lord to Rodeo Drive, in Beverly Hills.  As I passed by a store window, I saw a jewel encrusted baby lamb jacket of the highest quality imaginable. It was very costly, in terms the world would use, but I knew that to the Lord the cost is but a pittance. Dear friends, I know the Lord wants me to have that jacket---I just do not have the resources at this time to provide myself with what the Lord wants for me.  As I thought upon the jacket, the Lord impressed the following verse upon my heart:

"But whoever has the world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?"(1 John 3:17)
 
Dear friends, will you allow the Reverend Burt O'Leary to go in need? Is that what you really want?? Will you indeed close up the very bowels of your heart, and not give to a brother who is a man greatly beloved, and a true servant? Think about it my friends. If you do indeed say "no" I have to ask you my friend, how does the love of God abide in you?  Please friends, do not let your beloved Reverend Burt O'Leary go without that which the Lord desires for him.  Please give today, won't you friends? Help Reverend Burt stay warm at night with that jewel encrusted baby lamb jacket, that will bring so much comfort to his heart, as he labors in prayer for others each night. My bedsheet is truly drenched with my own tears every night, as I pour forth intercession and supplication for you my very dear friends, in hoping you will respond to such a blessed opportunity to give, and to be a great part of this blessed ministry. Please do not miss out dear friends!  Be a part of the Lord's work today!!

Please send in your offerings today:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2233
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(no personal checks please)

[moonflower2]

Hello friends, Reverend Burt O'Leary here.

The next day I was led by the Lord to Rodeo Drive, in Beverly Hills.  As I passed by a store window, I saw a jewel encrusted baby lamb jacket of the highest quality imaginable. It was very costly, in terms the world would use, but I knew that to the Lord the cost is but a pittance. Dear friends, I know the Lord wants me to have that jacket---I just do not have the resources at this time to provide myself with what the Lord wants for me. 

Please send in your offerings today:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2233
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(no personal checks please)

Very Reverend O'Leary,

I saw that exact jacket you are talking about in one of the pictures that I took during my visit to the Ocean View NASCAR Freeway along the coast of CA. In the picture, the backside of the label is shown, which says "Barstow" under the last word, "dryer".

However, the pattern of spots on the jacket isn't very clear in the photos, 

I have two missing lambs, so I'm curious about what the pattern of spots looked like on the jacket in the shop.

Since gas prices have sky-rocketed, I will be stuck in the Midwest's moving earth and unable to race my Ferrari along Speed-demon's Coastal Trail for some time.

Any information that you can give me will be appreciated,

M

P.S. Here's to thicker bars and stronger locks..........

[Joe Sperling]

Moonflower---- 

Reverend Burt here saying thanks so much!!  I wanted to say that the letters that flowed in with donations were
touching indeed.  I am wearing the lambskin jacket, even as I type. It is so comfortable--I am
sure the Lord is very happy with those who made it possible for me to obtain it. Here is a
sample of one of the letters I received. It held only a $1.00 donation, but every cent is
gratefully accepted when it comes to completing the Lord's good work:

"Dear Reverend Burt---

Enclosed is my "generous" offering. Why the hell do you need a lambskin jacket encrusted with jewels, for
Pete's sake!!?? The Lord LED you to Rodeo Drive?? That's like saying the Lord LED me to the Liquor
store to buy that six pack of Bud I drank last night before I dozed off and entered oblivion!! I hope
you enjoy the jacket! You won't need a jacket where you're going for eternity!

Thanks,  Bertram Jackson, Collingswood, KY"

Thanks so much Bertram.  You're so right--I won't need a jacket as I walk on those blessed streets up
above. I'm sorry to hear you were "led" to buy that Budweiser, Bertram-- I really don't think that was
the Lord's voice. His children should be consuming something more worthy of their kingly status, like a
cool bottle of Heineken for example. But thank you for your donation--it really helped to fulfill the will of the Lord for his dear servant. Next time you may think of sacrificing a bit more financially though--it really is a wonderful opportunity for you to be used by the Lord in fullfilling his will. In fact, the same store where I was able to purchase that jacket, has a jewel encrusted cap made of the same smooth and soft lambskin. I know the Lord wants me to have it or he would not have led me back there this past weekend.  Bertram---God is the God of second chances----won't you donate again? And donate all you can this time---in doing so you will not only be blessing the Lord's dear servant, you will also be blessing yourself in the process!! I will only receive a jewel encrusted lambskin cap, you will receive a much greater reward indeed!! Don't fail to repsond to this opportunity to be a blessing Bertram--instead of sending one "Washington", why not send two "Franklin's" instead?

Reverend Burt O 'Leary
P.O. box 2222
Bartstow, Ca., 92233

[moonflower2]

My dearest Bust-your-buttons Burt,

Sooooooo good to hear from you and your devouring ministry.

Your taste in jackets has spread to the Midwest. Everyone wants one now!

Macy's is now selling them! As I drove past their window, I could see a rack of them! They had their labels flipped up and they said "Barstow" under the word "dryer".

I thought what a "coincidence" this is, so I had to stop in since I have a 20% off coupon that was emailed to me. There were racks and racks of lambskin coats. Some had spots, even on the skin, that looked very familiar.

I am becoming suspicious, dear Butcher, of your Barstow "work". There are a number of missing lambs in the Midwest. I'm starting an investigation and getting CSI in there to get DNA samples from each one of those jackets.

From now on, all you are getting from me is COUPONS. Coupons for a trip to where the heat is free.

[Joe Sperling]

Hello Friends----

I wanted to invite all of you to go fishing Saturday, 5-24-08.  Bring a rod, reel and
plenty of bait, and go to the Santa Monica Pier in Southern California. For every fish
that is caught I will be donating $5.00 to the "Children's Fund" for Colombia. All I ask is
that you make a $10.00 donation to this ministry to cover the costs first.
 
Send a cashier's check or money order, and make it out to Reverend Burt O'Leary, C/O Burt O'Leary Ministries. I will make sure the money is then forwarded to those poor children who are so deeply in need at this time. It really is a great cause and I do it every year. It is my own personal invitation to you to have an absolutely wonderful time of fishing. Be sure to bring a camera, so you can take pictures of the event, and can always remember that you were part of a truly blessed day. I will not be able to be there as I will be ministering in Las Vegas the whole weekend.  But my thoughts and prayers will be with all of you!  I just know that you will catch a lot of fish, and feed a lot of hungry children in the process.  Please don't forget to donate to this ministry first though---it is your "seed offering", and a guarantee that the fish will be biting on your line!  Have fun dear friends!  Send $10.00 for registration fee to:

Cash for Bass
C/O Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233

[moonflower2]

Hello Friends----

I wanted to invite all of you to go fishing Saturday, 5-24-08.  Bring a rod, reel and
plenty of bait, and go to the Santa Monica Pier in Southern California. For every fish
that is caught I will be donating $5.00 to the "Children's Fund" for Colombia. All I ask is
that you make a $10.00 donation to this ministry to cover the costs first.
 
Send a cashier's check or money order, and make it out to Reverend Burt O'Leary, C/O Burt O'Leary Ministries. I will make sure the money is then forwarded to those poor children who are so deeply in need at this time. It really is a great cause and I do it every year. It is my own personal invitation to you to have an absolutely wonderful time of fishing. Be sure to bring a camera, so you can take pictures of the event, and can always remember that you were part of a truly blessed day. I will not be able to be there as I will be ministering in Las Vegas the whole weekend.   But my thoughts and prayers will be with all of you!  I just know that you will catch a lot of fish, and feed a lot of hungry children in the process.  Please don't forget to donate to this ministry first though---it is your "seed offering", and a guarantee that the fish will be biting on your line!  Have fun dear friends!  Send $10.00 for registration fee to:

Cash for Bass
C/O Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233

Burt!
What a coincidence! I'm going fishing for sharks in Vegas the very same weekend that you will be there! Fisherman Quinn wants to meet you, so I'm taking him with! He has $10,000 CASH with him and is real excited to contribute to your cause.