ASK REVEREND BURT

[Joe Sperling]

Dear Stu---

It's always good to see a man doing his darndest to obey the Word of God. I think when you read that verse you misinterpreted it.  Do not use motor oil when filling your horn,  use Wesson or Crisco oil instead. I think you will see immediately that vegetable oil is the intended meaning for that passage of scripture.

God bless you!

Reverend Burt

[outdeep]

Dear Brother,

"Faithful is he who called you who will also do it."  Thank God for the precious promises as we travel abroad on the highway of holiness.  Our eyes our lifted upon the king in all His glory and our mind is set not on things below but those things that are above where Christ sits at the right hand of God.

I think you misunderstood that verse due to your lack of spiritual sensitivity and discernment.  The horn is a type of Christ as expressed in the weekly announcements.  It gives God's people a clarion call and marching orders for all who are following him out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light and life.  Praise God.  You see, my friends these are realities that we enjoy now, not somewhere someday beyond the blue, but now.  Many people don’t know this and they settle for a same-tame ho-hum Christian life.  But praise God we don’t get distracted with those who want to play church.  We are on the kingdom road, my friend.  We have heavenly stardust in our eyes.

The oil is the Holy Spirit that is released as we die to ourselves and let God do his crucifying work in our lives in order to release the precious flow of living water that comes from within.  Thank God many years ago when I was a young Marine, God broke me and I daily know the inner sensitivity of God’s oil of life flowing in and through me.  Thank God I am crucified with Christ and it is not I who live but Christ who lives in me.  You see, lots of people don’t want to hear about the cross.  They want to be anesthetized with sermonetts for Christianetts.  But here, we have capacity!  Thank God for this ministry.  I always say that it will either straighten you up or send you out.  That’s the truth, my friends.  Praise God.

I hope as you receive my instruction born out for fifty years of meditation on my knees on an open Bible - getting up every morning at 4 AM to spend my first five hours in prayer with my precious savior opening the secrets of heaven - as my ministry has been preached on every continent in the world that it brings insight, encouragement, healing and heavenly vision.

On the Journey,

A Faithful Brother for Plain Readers
GG on the Heavenly Journey
Chapter Summary Bible Study Every Wednesday Night at the Happy Horsefeathers Rest Home 7 PM

[Joe Sperling]

Happy Horsefeathers rest home!?  LOL 

You nailed it Dave. Hilarious!  If this really is Dave?  Would George....?  Naw.

 

[Joe Sperling]

Hello Dear Friends,

Reverend Burt O'Leary here. I am rejoicing today dear ones as I meditate
upon the return of the Lord Jesus to this earth.  Hallelujah!!  And we want
to be ready don't we friends??  He is coming very soon indeed, and preparation
is the key word to consider when contemplating the arrival of this blessed event.

As always I seek to be a blessing to the dear sheep of God, and I have an amazing
offer I want to share with you today!! As that day is approaching we should be in great
anticipation, and watching for Jesus with the greatest fervency! Therefore I have designed
some items I think you will want to have immediately!  The first is the "O'LEARY
RAPTURE CHAIR". It is perfect for a rooftop---entirely foldable, and cushioned with
the softest of foam. The slogan on the back "I was at the Rapture and all I got was this
lousy chair" (this is a little joke for those who have been left behind) is written
in bright red, and embroidered in the most delicate and artistic manner.  You are going to
love it!

Secondly I am offering the patented "O'LEARY RAPTURE SNACKS"--entirely designed for
one to snack on in outer space. Should the rapture come right before lunch you will be
prepared my friends!  There are a variety of freeze-dried sandwiches available, along with
a mini-packet of TANG juice drink to wash them down with. We don't want to be caught
unprepared during the Rapture---I suggest you buy these now--they are going quick.

I also have the "OLEARY RAPTURE PARACHUTE"--specifically designed for those who might change their minds during the Rapture, or were taken by mistake due to some clerical error. You simply hand the parachute to the frantic person and they can descend back to earth unharmed, or use it yourself to descend if you find you are more earthly minded than you thought.  

Lastly, I would like to offer the "OLEARY RAPTURE WALKIE-TALKIE". Imagine if you are raptured and then remember something very important, and need to reach one of those you know are still on earth? You will still be able to reach them dear friends---imagine that!!
 
Example:

You: (just hold "speak" button on O'leary walkie-talkie and speak):  "Henrietta, is that you?"
Henrietta: (holding walkie-talkie left on earth): "Why yes it is, how are you?"
You: "Listen Henrietta, I've been raptured. Can you please take the turkey out of the oven, it will burn".
Henrietta:  "Sure, will do. I guess we won't be seeing you for dinner".

It could come in quite useful dear friends!  I would suggest you buy all the items friends.  I am offering them separately, or in a fantastic combined deal (see below):

Rapture chair----$625.00
Rapture Snacks--$15.75/each
Rapture parachute---$1245.75
Rapture Walkie-Talkie---$729.00
All Items in one combined "package from Heaven for Heaven"----$2475.00

Thank you dear friends, and God bless you!  I'll see you as we all meet the Lord in the
air!  Let's be prepared to meet the Lord friends! Hallelujah!!

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. box 2323
Barstow, Ca, 92233

No personal checks please.

[moonflower2]

lol 
I'll take the parachute on the probable chance that I may change my mind if I see that my neighbors are getting a big house and I'm just getting another tent. Do you take gold bars for payment? (because that is all I have.)

Do you have anything special for animals, like cats? I know that dogs won't be raptured, but I need something for my cat.

Moonflower

[Joe Sperling]

Moonflower-----

The rapture of cats and dogs does not appear in scripture, but we also cannot rule out
the possibility of it occurring.  A well known animal psychic, Dr. Anita Spaulding Whittmeyer,
who is able to communicate with animals, states that cats and dogs are definitely awaiting
such an event.

Dr Whittmeyer in her book "Feline Psychosis and Theological Belief" states the following:

"During a session with a rather high-strung calico cat named "Princess", the feline stated that she, and many other "believers" were awaiting the return of one "MORRIS THE CAT" from the heavens, who would "rapture" them to some catnip filled paradise, where they would claw at huge carpet covered towers, and 'ascend the heavenly draperies' for the 'ages to come'." (pg. 47)

Whittmeyer also states that canines are awaiting something called "milkbone rain" as a sign of the end when a Heavenly 'Great Dane' named "Curtis" will return for them also. Apparently milkbones will literally fall from the heavens in a great deluge shortly before 'Curtis' returns.

According to these canine believers, and stated with runny tears flowing from their eyes(especially the poodles and chihuahuas), Curtis will "remove all fleas from their fur, and Mail Men and rolled-up newspapers will exist no more". They also speak hopefully of a river "lined with 12 enormous fire hydrants of different colors".

However, neither of these stories can be confirmed Biblically.  For a more detailed explanation of these animal beliefs (including the great parakeet rapture) write for a copy of my book "Animal Rapture? Truth or Fiction?".  Simply enclose a money order or cashier's check for $38.75 + $11.00 for postage and handling, and mail to:

Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. Box 2222
Barstow, Ca., 92233

God bless you my dear friends!

[matthew r. sciaini]

Reverend, you're a fraud.....your zip code on your address is wrong!   :rofl:

[Joe Sperling]

Dear Friends---

It's a miracle!!!!  Our blessed brother Matthew pointed out below that I have been listing the wrong zip code for my address (92233). It should be 92312.  Thank you brother Matt!!

But dear friends----the Lord in his Providence has been directing your mail to me despite the wrong zip code!!!  Even today I received a money order for $250.00 with a note that read "Dear Reverend, please use this where most needed".  Shortly thereafter, on my way to Best Buy I thought of how generous the supporters of this ministry truly are!  And the Lord made sure that I received that $250.00 even though I gave out the wrong zip code.  He truly works in mysterious ways!  Thanks again Matt for using your obvious gift for observing detail. May the Lord bless you for it!

God bless you my dear friends!

Reverend Burt

[Joe Sperling]

Hello Dear Friends!

Reverend Burt O'Leary here. I have not posted for a while as I have been on a short vacation
visiting the incarcerated at a local prison.  Due to fortunate circumstances I was able to both live
there for several months, and befriend several of the inmates during my stay there. It was quite a
restful and satisfying experience for me.

But friends, now that I am back, I want to make a fantastic offer to you concerning a book I wrote
during that magnificent rest period entitled "Little known headlines from Biblical Times". It contains
actual "clippings" from several news stories written during Biblical times.  Let me give you an example.  We all know this well known verse:

"And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger". (Luke 2: 15,16)


Of course, these verses appear after a group of the "heavenly host" had appeared to the shepherds announcing with joy the birth of the blessed Savior.  But how many of us have considered what took place the next day?  Well, amazingly enough, a newspaper clipping from that very day was recently unearthed in Bethlehem and reads as follows:



Bethlehem Bee                                       Vol 7,  #234



SHEPHERDS HEAR VOICES, LEAVE FLOCK;
HERD FOLLOWS AND WREAKS HAVOC


"Late last night several shepherds, claiming to have heard voices from the heavens,
abandoned their flocks and headed into Bethlehem. The shepherds, claiming they had been
told of some miracle in the city, hurriedly made their way there, unaware their abandoned flocks
were following them some yards behind.

The flocks, totaling some 2000 sheep, began to eat the vegetation in front of the homes, and to
leave their "droppings" wherever they went. After a short hour, the devastation incurred was tre-
mendous.  "It was horrible!!" said Moishe son of Shiloh, "my garden was destroyed within minutes,
and it stunk to high heavens after they left" he added.  Many residents were in tears, and angry beyond words at the shepherds, whom they considered to be drunk with wine due to their claim of seeing things, and "hearing voices".

It will take several days to clean up the mess, and to re-landscape the ruined yards, and the damage is estimated to be close to ten thousand shekels.  It took hours to re-herd the flocks, but the shepherds finally returned to the fields with their flocks early this morning. As of yet no arrests have been made in the wake of this fiasco".


Dear Friends!  Isn't it wondrous to consider? And there are many more "headlines" just like this that deal with Biblical events and their aftermath to those actually living at that time!!  Don't miss out!  Get a copy today:

LITTLE KNOWN HEADLINES FROM BIBLICAL TIMES
BY REVEREND BURT O'LEARY.

$99.99 + TAX.  Allow 6 weeks for delivery. Send Money order (no personal checks please):



Reverend Burt O'Leary

2222 Knights Cross Lane

Barstow, Ca., 92233



Thank you dear friends!  May the Lord richly bless you!

[moonflower2]

Deir Reverent Burt,

You have been gone too long, but I can see that you have not left your sense of humor locked up.

Since I can't afford your 99.00 book, can you tell me the story behind the story of the woman who left her water jug at the well? Was her jug then stolen? Did it fall to the bottom of the well only to shatter in pieces? Did it disappear in the sands of time?

I just can't sleep at night, thinking about it!

Please help!

Aunt Aggie