Handling Offenses

[vernecarty]

Goodbye and God bless!
Verne

[BenJapheth]

From Verne Carty...

"Nonetheless that encounter has always left a bitter taste in my mouth.  Am I suggesting we dredge up every little, petty incident that ever ocurrred? Absolutely not! Some of us are far too easily offended. I do fear, however, that many of you may wait for an apology that never comes,  A good rule of thumb? If it still bothers you, you may need to address it. LET'S SETTLE OUR ACCOUNTS!"

Amen!  Yes, Verne! ...If it's still in your heart it can't be that small.
 

[ptemplin7]

I ditto Chuck,

I think that many have years of broken people  and messes to clean up.

I have been considering the same thing about being proactive and establishing contact that there might be an opportunity for reconcilliation. Remember it takes two!

Great suggestion!  Paris

[Aslan213]

Sorry Guys !!!!!

  A good rule of thumb? If it still bothers you, you may need to address it. LET'S SETTLE OUR ACCOUNTS!

This is one of my few post under my husbands ID but I  sign my name.  I'm not a good writer but hope it is clear what I am trying to say.
 
The Leadership in the Valley at least have been preaching for the last two years that if you are offended by anything you are in sin.  You need to be not so touchy.  No matter how wicked they treat you, you can not be offended.  It is all your problem and you need to make it right.  They again put the responsibility on the little lambs rather than being an example.  

Mt 5:23-24
If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way;  first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
Emphasis added is mine

I do agree though if I think someone looked at my crossed eyed and I'm offended, thats my problem and is sin if I continue to intertain that offense.  

But these men  have dealt shamefully with Gods people for decades and they need to humble themselves and seek out every little lamb they have every had "authority over" and make it right if they are really repenting.

Lorretta Buchmann

[ptemplin7]

I agree Lorretta,

I guess the appraoch I really am considering is not so much making it our problem, there's been enough of that!, but that we might be able to help our brothers get there by our contacts. Giving them the opportunity to reconsider their lists.  

I guess I didn't want to give the impression I gave that somehow we the agreived are at fault. If we are then we should make it right. I've had the priviledge of doing just that with some I've known and I abused in my time their.

This reopentance is a hard thing. I takes great stength to humble yourself. Its not easy! We need to help in way possible to support and encourage the brethern to continue.

I do so love this bulletin board! And being instructed by a sister at that. Oh yea, that one of those things I had to unlearn!

Keep up the posting sister. It helps make us brothers stay honest!  Love you,

Paris

[Kimberley Tobin]

The problem with some of these people still left in the assembly is their twisted thinking.  While most of us on this BB would agree certain offenses committed were wrong (i.e. the abuse trained in the assembly re: child training, wife training, entreaty of others for all kinds of things, etc.), THEY WILL NOT agree it is wrong.  In fact, they feel CALLED BY GOD to do this.  This is wrong!  We know it.  BUT THEY DON'T.  

Until they make a clearing of themselves before God, realizing that what George taught was heretical and damaging to God's people, they won't receive us telling them that they have offended us and they need to make it right.  In fact, I could see a scenario, particularly with one individual, where he would twist things around and make it appear as if I WAS THE PERSON WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO HIM.  UGHHHHHHHHHH.  No!  

With these individuals, until I see a real turning in their hearts towards the Lord, standing with the brethren in Fullerton and excommunicating George, repudiating his teaching, asking for help to make things right in their gatherings regarding their heretical teachings, I WILL NOT go to them.  I don't need to ask for more abuse than I've already suffered.  

Please don't respond with things like, "I sense your angry, sister, you need to make that right.  Remember, be angry and sin not."  That is the assembly line.  These people are in sin and THEY NEED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.  I am not going to submit myself to this system anymore, I have been delivered!

I will however, do as Chuck Vanasse encouraged but on the flip side.  I will write down all of those things that I can think of where men and women in this ministry have offended me and I will bring this before the Lord.

[Suzie Trockman]

I remember hearing things like: "Believe the best, Just forgive, I'm sorry I offended you, The reason I did that is because you........................." This type of apology always left me feeling dumped on, and that it was my problem.  Quite often there was no repentence, and I was left with an extra burden, when I was innocent.

When we left the assembly, I held to all the "conditional" if, then verses. ie. If he repents, then forgive,  If we confess our sins, then..., If my people humble themselves.......then.......... I was going to always wait until the ones who offended me came to ME. Then I would forgive them.

I was in bondage in this area.

On Saturday, I learned something.  I was reading in Genesis about Joseph.  I soon realized that this man had forgiven his brothers, before they came to him.  The Lord was softening my heart.  I saw that  it was between me and the Lord, that I was to forgive, even if they don't come to me first. I think most of the time people don't even realize that they have offended.  It reminded me of the Lord's words on the cross,  "Father, forgive them! They don't know what they are doing."

This is not to be confused with reconciliation, which is what the goal of forgiveness is.  Yes, Joseph forgave his brothers, but in the end he was reconciled with them.  I have forgiven my brothers and sisters, and have reconciled with many of them. Do they know all the things they have done?  No, and neither did I.

The Lord certainly didn't show me all at once. Otherwise, I believe that I would have been crushed.  In order to reconcile, we need to forgive.  Without repentance, there can be no reconciliation.  

This is just my .02c's!

Suzie

[ptemplin7]

Suzie,

You hit it on head very well!  

This is the key. My point of real recovery was when I could honestly forgive the damage and hurtful things done to me before I left. Did I only have to forgive them once. Well yes once and for all. But yet I found I needed to keep coming back and forgiving them again when I found myself getting bitter. It was a burden to come before the Lord and give the hurt and bitterness back to him and re-affirm my forgiveness for the brethern who wronged me.

In this way I was very ready to renew fellowship with those who had when they started to repent.

Put away all bitterness and clamour.....

Paris Tmeplin

[David Mauldin]

Hi Paris I never knew you very well but I had the priviledge of working with your mom. during the summer of 94.