Psychological problems?

[fibonacci]

Anyone ever hear of AKs in trouble with the law, possibly because of psychological problems associated with being an AK?

I am one. I accept full responsibility for what I did. GG did not make my choice for me. But the way we grew up has to have some bearing on how those choices were made.

Imprisoned by shame and peer pressure as a youth and young man, now imprisoned by choices I made as a result of that.

I try to look to the future and not to the past - to what could still be instead of how bad it was. But the vast difference between what could have been, for myself and progeny, and what could be now - having chosen poorly - causes me to cry aloud some nights.

Sorry to be so gloomy. I used to have a sense of humor. When I used to have a more significant future in these four dimensions. Some days are better than others.

Just wondering if there were any other cases like mine?

Fibonacci

[juststarted]

I was a non-assembly kid who had trouble with the law growing up. I believe there are many cases like mine. I found where sin did abound grace did much more abound. I've been set free to walk in liberty. God has done the same for you. Press on to what is ahead.

[Mark C.]

Hi Fibonacci,

  You seem to have a well balanced response now to your past.  I was an adult member of the Assm., but had two daughters who were born and grew up in the group.

  Each experience will differ depending on how well the parents fared in the group.  Also, it makes a difference as to which Assm. a former member attended--- some were more intense than others.

  Are you willing to share some specifics re. your own experiences?  This will help in finding those who have gone through the same things and how they handled it.

   As you said, we must take individual responsibility, but our childhood Assm. environment does have an influence on how we end up making decisions.

  As an example, if one gets the idea while living in the group that God is unjust, vindictive, and a cruel taskmaster, then it is quite understandable that this child will reject that god and carry with them a belief that they are worthless.  This, of course, can lead to the hopeless kind of choices that lead to drug abuse, etc.

  I was able to separate the Assembly from God himself (after some years of work) and I think this helped my daughters do the same thing.  Yes, we all still bear scars from our past, but with a faith that is still intact I realized that God's love for me wasn't based on my performance in a church.

  The cruelest kind of abuse, and the most damaging, is the kind that robs a child of the hope that there is knowing the true God.     

[moonflower2]

I find the name "Fibonacci" rather interesting.

Pronounced out loud is fibbin' at chee, ie "fibbing at ye".

What isn't real: the Post or the Poster or the Name?

Moonflower2

[Oscar]

Moonflower,

A Fibonacci series is a mathematecal term.

Here is a link to some information. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibonacci_number

Tom Maddux

[outdeep]

I do believe there is some merit in looking to abuse or problems in our growing up years and how it led us to problems.  I know some clear abuse and dysfunction in my family had led me to some wrong ideas about acceptance, intimacy, purpose, God etc. that made me ripe for going into the Assembly.  The Assembly furthered some of these wrong ideas.  Nevertheless, there comes a point (as a friend of mine says) that the statute of limitations of the damage of the past has run out.  In other words, there were things in the Assembly and before that put me on the wrong direction.  Now I say, "but I don't go there anymore".

[fibonacci]

Fibonacci was a mathemetician that discovered the number series 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21... (adding the first two numbers equals the third, the second two equals the fourth, etc.) There is a ratio to these numbers that also is found in nature. The logarithmic spiral has the same ratio, and is found in sunflowers, seashells, as well as other places. This ratio is commonly referred to as the Golden Ratio or the Golden Mean Ratio. This is one place where I see intelligence in the design of the world around me.

Interestingly, Fibonacci was not his real name. So maybe there is something to the fibbin at ye thing...

With all of that, the answer is obvious, my name is not Fibonacci. I only wish I was that good with numbers. As Galileo said, mathematics is the language of science...

As for the main subject, it is my personal belief that the first three years of life are the most formative in a childs character. I was born in the assembly and learned to conform very early, and how to be deceptive when I grew tired of conforming. I went for years in the assembly living one way when "the saints" were around, and the opposite way when they were not. I did this because I was afraid to face the consequences of open rebellion. This carried on to later years as being one way with my spouse and another way when my spouse was away. It was so natural for me to decieve, I did not even realize how harmful it could be, and indeed was.

Once again, I admit that I made my own choices, I accept full responsibility. I just wonder sometimes if I had had a different youth, would my choices be different? But that is looking at the past, which cannot be changed.

[Oscar]

Fibonacci,

A few months after I left the assembly I visited an old family friend. I shared with him my strong feeling that I had wasted my most productive years for nothing. His reply surprised me. He said, "Maybe God was protecting you from something worse."

You say that growing up in the assembly led you to develop a dual life, one for the saints and one when they weren't around. Actually, that is what legalism produces in just about anyone. I was 29 when I met George Geftakys. But I remember being profoundly relieved when I was in circumstances where I could just be myself. I wasn't into anything particularly evil, but just being able to do normal things unobserved or go to a movie was a tremendous relief.

 The assembly was filled with people who had vague, undiagnosable illnesses that sapped their energy and made them stay home from meetings. These emotional disorders were probably a way of giving ourselves some living space from the assembly lifestyle and expectations.

I can see how having to live your entire life under assembly scrutiny could really engrain this habit into one's character. But, God be praised, we can change when the desire is there.

Tom Maddux

[moonflower2]

Okay, Mr. Fibonacci, I apologize.
It is an interesting name and we have had "players" on this BB previous to this.

[fibonacci]

Moonflower,

No need to apologize, it was a reasonable question.

Mr. Maddux, I appreciate your input on this subject. I am going through therapy right now to help me understand why I did what I did. My assembly experience was only partially the cause - there were many other factors. I do have the desire and the will to change. I try not to dwell on the past, but when the consequences of past decisions affect me every day it is difficult not to think about what my potential used to be, what might have been. As you said though, what might have been, might have been worse.

I had never really thought about all of the people I knew in the assembly who had as you said "vague undiagnosable illnesses", or how that might relate to the circumstances of assembly life. I guess if I thought anything about that, it was that the illness caused them to seek God not the other way around. You are most likely right.

[Joe Sperling]

I'm not fibonacci when I say that mad ducks need a sable environment to
eat their Campbell soup under the moonflower. Don't stop me now, I just started.

Did I use everyone in the thread?   

[fibonacci]

Yes, but I wonder why Campbell was the only name capitalized? Is this subliminal marketing?  Also, you forgot yourself in the thread...

[Joe Sperling]

Yes, but I wonder why Campbell was the only name capitalized? Is this subliminal marketing?  Also, you forgot yourself in the thread...

Subliminal marketing? bean with bacon  Not at all!! minestrone I simply capitized Campbell  beef and barley because I felt like it  cream of asparagus.  You're right though  chicken noodle  I didn't use my own name in the thread.  chicken with stars.  Not sure how to use Joe S. though  tomato  Need to think about that one.   

[Mark C.]

  Speaking of "issues that one brought into the group"----- The only reason Joe capitalized my name was in an attempt to trigger painful childhoold memories I experienced as a result of having Campbell as a last name! To the contrary, he capitalized my name alone to emphasize the negative vs. a means of positive marketing.

  Can you imagine how difficult it was for me to endure the constant ridicule when being referred to as Chicken Noodle, etc. as a child!

  The true reason Joe mounted his humiliating campaign against me is because I discovered his alter-ego, Burt, is a charlatan who is making a profit off of the scams he runs on this site! 

  He also knows that I have attained to the highest possible level of spirituality known as, "Super Overcomer", and is jealous of my great inner purity, renowned wisdom, loving example, and of course my perfect humility (I know of nothing between my soul and the Lord for the last 2 decades) .  :rofl:

                                                    From the mountain top,  Mark C.
                                                     

 

   

[fibonacci]

Okay, so my understanding is that while I may have had overly negative consequences partially resulting from being an AK, some of you have been deluded into thinking you are comedians?

Yes, I remember the good old days of brothers joking around during the announcements before each meeting, but we are more spiritual than that now. We are here to worship the Lord, not to have fun...

Just kidding guys. I do still occasionally remember my sense of humor. Usually just after I look in a mirror. I have to laugh, or I'll cry.

Fib