Another Abused Wife Comes Out of the Closet

[al Hartman]

Tom -

Thanks for the update.  I appreciate it, and apologize if I've said something out of line.  I'll keep more close watch on what happens to the best of my ability.

Robb,
     You've said nothing "out of line."  To the contrary, your contribution has been a blessing, and your continuation here will be most welcome.
In Christ,
al Hartman

[Robb]

Al-

Thanks for the vote of support.

Although I was unaware of John Malone's leaving when I posted my original message on this thread, the statement I posted still holds true.  Those who are abusive towards spouses, children, whomever in the way that has been described, and those who think along the lines that John did are lacking the basic respect that Jesus demonstrated to those women, children (and men) whom he encountered - like the Samaritan woman at the well, the children that Paul chided to get away from Jesus, etc, and so on.  

I could go on, as this subject is one that I am passionate about, being a man who does the best he can with his God given talents to care for and love my wife and children.  Yes, my wife and I have had heated arguments and times when we disagree.  But in the end, God gave me the privelege of having a beautiful and wonderful wife who loves me and whom I love, and three lovely boys who keep me young (and awake more often than I like!)  

Again to all, thanks for keeping me posted.

[amycahill]

I thank God that I wasn't married in the Assembly.  Even so, my husband has had to work very hard to convince me I'm an equal.

One of the Huntington Beach brothers whose walk with the Lord was very vibrant and who I greatly admired (it was genuine, not the phoniness of the Assembly) married.  He was then convinced after a year in a leading brother's house that his wife was totally inferior to him.  When they first got married, he treated her kindly (according to what she told me) and in a relaxed manner.  After indoctrination and finding out I had married, he went so far as to send me "The Other Side of the Garden."  He was totally brainwashed.  He embraced these Assembly ideas as completely as he had once accepted Jesus.  I thought it was very sad.

I am SOOOOOO sorry your husband beat you.  What a church, if they teach husbands to beat their wives.  What a testimony, had to be the REAL house of God, right?

*sigh*

God bless,
Amy

[amycahill]

I never saw abuse (I was single during my years in the Assembly) but I did see totally ridiculous things between married couples, things I even recognized AT THE TIME as weird.

A couple pulls up in their car.  The wife opens the door and says, "Honey, can I get out of the car?"   Mmmm -- I don't know, can you?  <sarcasm>

Another married woman explains this "funny" story about how she was in bed with her husband one night freezing because her husband wanted the window open.  A normal woman would have either overriden her husband and closed the window or, if she didn't want to do that, gotten an extra blanket so she wouldn't be so cold.  This woman did neither.  She just lay there, freezing, and "trusted the Lord" that all this was somehow His will.  Ha ha.

I heard a lot, a lot of married sisters talking about "trusting the Lord" for their husbands.  What they really meant is, he's an idiot and I am bravely putting up with him.  Me, I TALK to my husband and we tend to make decisions together.  Novel idea.

Again, you have my deepest sympathies.

God bless,
Amy

[amycahill]

Rachel --

I asked Margaret Irons to pass on a website to your mother through you.  Did you get that okay?

Please let your mother know I am thinking about her even though I've never met her.  I grieve for the horrors she suffered.

[amycahill]

There is a thinking so pounded into a victim's brain of self doubt, thinking no one will believe you or even care, and an intense fear of the abuser on more then a physical level, that it takes time not to be completely paralyzed with fear at the intimidating prospect of facing your abuser in court.

I relate to this sentence very, very well.  In my case, a certain type of abuse happened and I doubted FOREVER that it was really abuse, because I pretty much thought it was my fault.  I exposed the abuse a month after it happened because I felt the person who did it would harm someone else.  I paid very dearly for it.  In the end, the Lord vindicated me.  But still, it plagued me.  Was I abused?  Was it my fault?

Very recently, about 10 years later, I realized that my abuser had admitted to me that he had abused me.  MY ABUSER THOUGHT IT WAS ABUSE.  Wow!  Can it get much clearer than that??? It took me TEN YEARS to see it.  

The victim mentality is strong.

[amycahill]

For a wonderful, godly book about abuse (especially for abuse victims of any kind) please peruse The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender.  This book really got to the wounds I'd been hiding from in my own sexually abused past.  It was the most painful book I've ever read - because I generally avoid pain like the plague, and it helped me face it, in a godly manner.

Door of Hope by Jan Frank really helped me.  The only thing she recommends that I think is totally wrong is deliberately re-traumatizing yourself to get through the gunk.  I think you should let things come up when they are ready to.  Otherwise, good book!

[amycahill]

This is for you, Susan.  And Judy.  And Rachel  With my deepest sympathies.  If you like the lyrics, it's on her "Little Earthquakes" CD.

God bless,
Amy



Tori Amos -- Silent All These Years

Excuse me but can I be you for awhile
My DOG won't bite if you sit real still
I got the Anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah, I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know but NOTHING comes
Yes, I know what you think of me
You never shut up
Yeah, I can hear that

Refrain
But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey, but I don't care 'cause sometimes
I said sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been HERE
Silent all these years.

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you?
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven
Where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker
Do you think it's enough to get us there
(Refrain)

Bridge
Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds raining in my head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
'Til finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we're too easy EASY easy easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby don't look up
The sky is falling
Your MOTHER shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you
Here take hold of my hand
Yeah, I can hear them
(Refrain)