WOUNDED PILGRIMS

[Mark C.]

Hi All!
  I love the above topic consideration and as such am bringing it back.  I would like to raise the thread again with a story/analogy re. The parable of The Good Samaritan.  Let me know what you think and how you might add/subtract to the story.
   Face down in the dust with not even the strength to lift my head I figured I would be left for dead.  Why did God allow this to happen to me?!
   It all started when others in my village were excited about a new speaker here, so I went to hear him speak.  He taught that we were to head down to Jericho where God was going to start a work of revival and restoration of His Testimony.
   Who could argue against that?!  Israel was far from the purpose of God.  The Prophet's call to a meaninful purpose and godly service struck a chord in my heart.
    There was a large group that headed out of our village and as we went along we picked up many on the way.  Our call to others was to join the group on our journey to follow God's perfect will.  Those who rejected the call were obviously worldly and their questioning of our leader's teaching and motives was devilish.
  Our leader reminded us that we were part of a special group and this made us feel good and able to reject the divisive questions of those who did not join us.  We sang the wonderful psalms of ascension as we journeyed in joy, though we were walking down to Jericho.  
   The nagging questions did bother some as they dropped off from the journey.  We rejected them as worthless, for their weakness.  God used the journey to get rid of those not really strong in their commitment.  God gives grace only to the faithful!  To failures come only wilderness wandering, as our Fathers received.
   The journey was long and hard, as the Leader held to a rigorous pace, though he was often carried by others himself.  This was necessary as he was the leader and needed his strength.  We went to villages around to get food for him and others, while his special associates, and himself, were free of this extra burden.
  The journey now became too difficult for me as I was not only tired, but feeling sick.  I was told if I couldn't run with horseman, what would happen in the swellings of Jordon?  I was faithful, but it seemed that grace did not come.
   One day I fell way behind, and with the other stragglers, was left to perish.  Robbers, seeing me stop away from the group, landed on me and stole what little I had left of the money I took with me for the journey.  Not content to take what I had they proceeded to beat the pulp out of me.  I lay there, my face in the dust, expecting to not last the day.
        To be continued:   Mark  

[Mark C.]

  THE STORY OF THE GOOD SAMARITAN CONT.

  As I layed there a priest of God walked by, but was too busy with his journey to offer anything but words.  I told him I was following God, fell ill, and then was beaten and robbed. He reminded me of the need to forgive those who have offended me and to not be bitter against them.  I told him it was hard not to feel bitter and angry, to which he shared a few verses re. forgiveness and left me there.
  Next a levite walked by and seeing me there also continued on his way.  I called out to him, but he muttered something about, keep looking on the sunny side, as he faded away on the horizon.  I could still hear him whistling the tune after I could no longer see him.
   The next one to pass my way surprised me for he had come up without me hearing him.  He had no words immediately for me, as he quickly came to my side to check my condition.  I was in such bad shape I couldn't make out who he was.  He treated and bound my wounds and then placed me on his donkey.
  I could now see that he was a Samaritan.  Samaritans, by definition, were out of the will of God.  However, I felt that I could talk to this man.  I told him how I had followed the prophet and the rest of the story that led to my being left half dead where he found me.  He listened very kindly, and seemed to understand; tears appeared on his cheeks.
  He told me how he was just like the Levite and priest in his Samaritan religion, but had recently met a man named Jesus Christ who had changed his heart.  The Samaritan, though deeply commited to his religion, admitted that it hadn't changed his sinful heart and ways.
   I recognized from this "Samaritan" that he had been following men and groups and that I had been doing the same.  I also discovered that while the group was cruel to the individual in it's drive to promote the group goals, this man had discovered what I really needed.
   I shared of my anger at the prophet and his followers for treating me the way they did and he also confessed that he was no longer welcome in his village as well.  He said that his Samaritan village saw him as against God as he tried to share with them the things that he had learned about Jesus.  You could tell his anger was restrained by his love of his fellow Samaritans, but that it pained him there was no hiding.  He took me to an Inn and paid for my time of rest and recuperation.
   It was weird not having a day full of exhausting pursuit of the will of God and able to just relax and think.  Though I was not doing anything I felt like I had learned the most in my entire life the last few days.  I saw how I was fooled by my own ambition, and was not following the will of God in my previous group involvement.  The appeal to "be one of God's special one's" led to my demise.  I now hungered to meet the Jesus that had transformed the Samaritan, as I wished to have the same loving heart that he expressed.  I thought, isn't this the fulfillment of the law and prophets?
                   To be continued---   Mark
     

[Mark C.]

              THE GOOD SAMARITAN CONT.

   I was feeling better now and was eager to seek out this Jesus Christ who had helped me through my encounter with the Samaritan.
   I asked around the Inn for information about him, but the consenus was divided.  Regular folks who heard him seemed to be positive and remarked that he had done some notable miracles.  A Pharisee told me that he was a false prophet and that his miracles were from the Devil.
   Due to my past mistakes in following a false leader I was very sceptical of any advice.  One thing I knew; the Samaritan was the only one who helped me when I was down and the reason he did was because of his encounter with this Jesus.
    In my previous group, they talked of the promised Messiah, but he was to appear only in Jericho; through the work of rebuilding the city.  My former leader taught us to see God's Word through his insight and to not trust our own.  We also were to see that God would reveal his Messiah through the group.  To pursue God as an individual was merely an excuse to do our own thing.  The leader reminded us all the tribes in the Wilderness faced the tabernacle where God dwelt.
   Now, as I read the prophet Isaiah I came to  Chapter 53 and read concerning a suffering Messiah who would die for the sins of His people; wounded for our sins.  The passage lept off the page and hit my heart like a tsunami!  The same caring love that the Samaritan showed, but was absent from the others who didn't help me, was described in this passage regarding the Messiah!
   I set out to find this Jesus.  As I travelled I found some of my old friends from my previous group, who had dropped off as I had.  I told them my story of how the Samaritan had helped me and of the Messiah Jesus whom I sought.  Some had heard enough of following any kind of Messiah.  Most, still believed in God, but were totally burned out on the issue.
    The most incredible response was from the former member who shared with me that though the group was off a little, it was still a positive experience for us to go through!  I asked how that could be, to which he explained that there were some good people in the group and we had shared some good experiences.  This person also shared how we had studied the scriptures in a very in- depth manner.  This was good, he explained, because it was like our own Torah school.
    I asked this former member had he not seen the many left for dead on the road?!  How about those who had become so disheartened that they had become agnostic in regard to their faith?!  And, what about the false leader's teaching that led us to a false evaluation of the will of God?!
I then shared my own personal meeting with the Samaritan and my discovery of Isa. 53.
   The former member said that he prefered to focus on the positive and warned me that I was giving into bitterness.  He shared some Proverbs with me re. forgiveness and holding grudges.  I asked this Brother if he didn't feel like those hurt from their involvement in the group might need some help.  His response was to say that they just needed to get over it and to get on with their life; having a big pity party won't help.
   After talking with him I felt similar to when I was lying in the dust and was told to keep on the sunny side!  I was sure that such an attitude was not the way to healing and recovery.  I was still confused though, and had trouble in answering this man.  My conscience was tender and I was afraid that I might be too negative regarding my evaluation of the group.  This man didn't seem to suffer like I had in the group and he did seem to bring away some positive experiences.  
   As I continued on my journey to find this Jesus I thought on these things.  I felt that the "sunny side man" (as I called him from then on) was missing an opportunity to learn some of the lessons available from our involvement in the group.  I also believed that he would not be able to help those hurt in the group.  If he wouldn't address the issues hurting people how could he help them?  Just dismissing their feelings as "bitterness" would only lead to further shame for these wounded souls.  I wondered what the Messiah of Isa. 53 would say regarding this issue?
              to be continued  Mark
   

[Mark C.]

          GOOD SAMARITAN STORY CONT.

      I had heard from some that Jesus was speaking nearby and I was going to make sure that I was able to hear Him speak.  I could see a crowd gathered ahead and wanted to get up close.
     When my former false prophet spoke I was adept at forcing my way up to the front of the gathering.  People, with their families were gathered around, and at first I tried to get through them to the front.  I then thought of the love and care of the Samaritan for me, and how selfish I was acting.  It was funny that while in the group I had developed a hardness in my heart toward others.  I looked over the group and saw people now, instead of those blocking my way to Jesus.  I had been so judgmental and proud in the past.  A wave of self disgust spread over me.
    I found a little knoll over the spot where Jesus was and was content to be at the back.  If God wanted me to hear Jesus then he would help me to hear.
    I noticed that some religious leaders were gathered around Him (I Assumed that He was Jesus, as all were gathered around Him).  I don't know if it was a miracle, or if my position on the hill provided an advantage, but I could hear every word!
    A law teacher asked Jesus how one could inherit eternal life. Jesus responded with a question, "how do you read the scriptures?"  The law teacher had a good doctrinal answer, "love God and your brother and you shall fulfill the law."
    Jesus commended his answer and said, "Do this and you will live."  It seemed to me that the lawyer was trying to trick Jesus into not answering correctly; the body language gave the law teacher away.  Jesus, seemed to be also playing a clever game with the questioner.  
    The lawyer received the correct answer from Jesus, but must of had a twinge of conscience for he qualified his first question by asking Jesus ,"who is my brother?"  I had the same inner check at the correct answer, remembering the very lesson I had learned when first arriving at the gathering; loving my Brother?!  I will never inherit eternal life if is it is based on my doing that!
    I felt down cast, but as I lifted my head I noticed that Jesus eyes were fixed on me!  I looked behind me to see if Jesus was looking beyond me, but no, I was at the top of the hill and there were none behind me!  A loving smile was on his face and I felt as if He knew me and all of my long story of failure!
    He started to tell a story to the Law teacher and the gathered crowd, but all the time he was looking right at me!  It was the story of the Good Samaritan!!!  It was my story!!!  It didn't have all the details in it, but clearly it was my story.  This Jesus knew my story; not just the physical details, but my emotional pain--he knew it!  I could see in his eyes as he looked at me and told my story that he felt every hurt as if it was His own.
    As he spoke I remembered Isa. 53 again and the suffering and loving Messiah, by whose stripes others would be healed.  I now knew that this Jesus was indeed my Savior and loving friend.
   The gathering was over and Jesus and His disciples left, and though I was unable to meet Him and talk to Him personally, I had experienced something more intense and personal then a conversation.  I carried that experience in my heart and it was as if Jesus continued with me.
    This one who knew my wounds, was wounded Himself several years later.  He was crucified by the Romans after the Jewish religious leaders had insisted he be put to death. I now understood the true meaning of Isa. 53. and that he had died for our salvation.  
    He knew my personal story and used it as an illustration of how to find rest in the true love of God!  I have learned so much more now of what that means; of the true grace of God found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
   In my case it meant a special understanding that Jesus is like the Samaritan and not like all those religious folks that I ran into in my past.
   Yes, I was a deeply wounded pilgrim, but Jesus is the real
and original Wounded Pilgrim! And He is intimately aware of all of our painful past.  He understands our anger, bitterness, and disappointments.  He wants to be our friend and take all our burden on Himself.
   My former group was mostly broken up, when the leader was found to be having immoral relations.  Some are still trying to rebuild a new Jericho, thinking that the prophet had some good ideas.  I believe that my story has been helpful to some of these, but others don't want to hear it.
  My prayer is to have the same love the Samaritan showed me and to win my old Jericho friends to understand the grace of God in the Gospel.  One thing is for sure; I will never forget the time Jesus told my story!

        DEDICATED TO ALL WOUNDED PILGRIMS
                            Mark

[Mark C.]

Hi Everyone!
  I shared this story of The Good Samaritan as an illustration of my view of the concept of my much loved thought concerning "Wounded Pilgrims."
  I know it could appear to be a bit contrived; like the Christmas song, "The Little Drummer Boy", as it mixes fiction with fact to make a point.  The story was kind of an experiment and the reason for that experiment I will explain.
  Most of us who were hurt in the Assembly, and are seeking healing and restoration, are now aware of the  twisted version we were taught of relating to God.  GG taught us to serve God on the basis of our performance vs. a gift based relationship.  I have also noticed that though this brings relief to many who discover the above truth, there is still a feeling of emptiness with some.
   When I first left I remember feeling as if a great weight was lifted from me, but also of a great loss; almost a weightless floating in space.  To go from the great security of being on the cutting edge of the will of God, to the knowledge that I had been deceived for 20 years took away any confidence in my previous experiences that I had understood as knowing God's presence in my life.
   The story illustrates the discovery of healing and recovery for a wounded pilgrim, who like many of us, were gung-ho for "the purpose of God" and were left for dead by those who took advantage of our zeal.
  Eph. 3:14-21 is a wonderful prayer that asks God to fill the believers in Ephesus with the "fullness of God".  This comes about by the Spirit dwelling in the inner man and bringing Christ to dwell there through faith; a tremendous intimacy with God that we might grow in our awareness of God's love for us personally.  This love is not a distant doctrinal statement, but the present living thought of God that he wants us to experience in the depths of our being.
   The story illustrates how Jesus is very aware of our wounding and I believe takes a special interest in those who have been hurt in false religious systems.  Jesus demonsrated clearly that he cared especially for children, widows, bent reeds, smoking flax, lost sheep, broken sinners, and the general rag-tag group that sought Him.
   Dear friend, He knows your story and really does want you to know that He is sympathetic.  Jesus really is our best friend!  
          Your thoughts?    God Bless,  Mark
 
   

[jackhutchinson]

Mark,

I loved your story.  I think it really shows what we went through.  I was in the Assembly system for all 19 years of my Christian life.  I went to my first campus Bible study 5 days after I got saved, so it's been all I've known about Christ.  God is good and He has not forsaken me.  I'm enjoying life now more than I have for a long time.  It will take me a long time to unlearn all the garbage, but one thing I know:  I'm FREE and I don't HAVE to do anyting but believe!  I know He is for me.

Jack

[Mark C.]

Dear Jack
  I'm glad you liked the story and found it helpful.  As I said in my last post it was an experiment and runs the risk of making the Bible say something it is not saying (adding to scripture?).
   I think I'm safe from the above charge as I clearly declared the story to be fiction and like a parable, analogous.
  My intention in writing the story was to help those, who after being in the Assembly, and now know their freedom to find healing and restoration in Christ.
   As you said, there is so much to unlearn and yet there is so much to learn as well.  I am so thankful for the website as it helps me to think through both of these things and to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus.  We learn from each other as we share our stories and try to discern baby and bathwater.
   If you don't mind me asking Jack, what Assembly are you from?  How did you find the insight that brought you liberty?  
   There are many that just read here and they might find your experiences helpful to them.
                             God bless,  Mark

[Mark C.]

Hi again Jack!
  In surfing the site I noticed that you are from SLO; so disregard the previous question re. what Assembly you are from.
   I was from the SFV and was in for close to 20 years; I have been out for almost 12 years now.
   Everyone!
  It seems that a few people enjoyed my little story and so that encourages me to try another one in the future.  I have tried to write poetry, but that is not my forte.  These stories were helpful to me because they helped me to see how Jesus might see our present situation.
   Knowing the love of Christ for us as individuals is the key to inner strength.  It is of course a fact, and as such doctrine, but we are encouraged to receive the teaching as our very own.
  "But, what of your post re. the Laodiceans, Mark?  Does that not show that sin can block the experience of that blessing described above?"
   The Laodiceans were way off base and that due to pride.  Wounded Pilgrims, like us, don't usually have that problem; we recognize it was our pride that caused us to join in the elitism.  Jesus talked very roughly with Pharisees and was very gentle with broken sinners seeking mercy.
   When we sin, and we will fail, Jesus is never closer; to those behind the closed door of pride there is only the distant knock at the door.  Remember the parable of the Pharisee and Publican and who left the temple justified?
  It is a sad fact that the one's who need a sensitive conscience are most hard and the one's with the overactive conscience are in most need of consolation.
                                       God Bless,  Mark

[jackhutchinson]

Mark,

After reading some of other peoples' stories I've thought seriously about writing my own.  It will take awhile, though.  My journey has not consisted of a series of traumatic experiences, but I think it will help others see a more complete picture.  Also, I think it will help me to think it through.  People who left a long time ago will also be able to get a peak at what things were like in the Assembly all the way to the end (almost).

In a nutshell, my exit process started last April.  George told me privately that he thought all the negativity in SLO started with Kirk Cesaretti.  While at the time I did not agree with Kirk's actions (stepping down from leadership, later leaving the Assembly, and inviting us to his home knowing Brent would be there), I knew that that comment was not fair to Kirk.  Also, it struck me how easily George shifted blame away from his family.  At George's behest I began to meet and pray with David.  I had the gut feeling David was lying when he repeatedly hinted that he had done nothing wrong, but since I had no evidence I did not confont him.  The Code of Silence was still influential in my thinking, so I did not look for information from the 'outside'.  I was also suspicious of George when he came to SLO in December to 'take responsibility' for his son's actions.  He handled it like a politician (and a bad one at that).

After the meeting between Brent, the leaders from SLO and the pastor from Calvary SLO Danny Edwards said that the website would be used for healing.  I immediately started reading the articles and the BB.  After 4 days of reading the truth about the ugliness of what the Assembly system was really all about, I was free.

The first 10 days were rough, but since then I've been having a great time.  My family (my mom, my sisters, etc.) and my wedding video business are a lot more important now.  I've read 3 books about abusive churches and I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my 4th.  I'm still looking for a church to join, but I'm not in a hurry.  I really enjoy going to church with and hanging out with people who left.  I'm taking things slowly.  This for me is a time for rest, simplicity and contemplation.

Jack

[Tanya]

quote author=Jack Hutchinson

"I'm taking things slowly.  This for me is a time for rest, simplicity and contemplation."


    Good for you Jack!  It's the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in your life & we're so happy for you.
  Your friends, Aaron & Tanya

[Arthur]

Jack, that is so good to hear.  I'm very glad for you!  

[Mark C.]

Thanks Jack!
  I agree with Tanya that you have the right idea re. just relaxing, reading, contemplation, and spending time with friends.  It is wonderful to know that God is not the task masker the Assembly made Him out to be.
  I think your story would be helpful for both the reasons that you gave:  help for others and help in your own thought process as well.  As you look back at all those "gut feelings" and try to put them into words there is a wealth of knowledge re. how religious folk can use certain methods to control others.  Also, there is a wealth of knowledge re. how God is exactly the opposite to this in our relationship with Him.
  I hope one of the books that you have, or are going to read, is The Subtle Power Of Spiritual Abuse.  I think this is the best book in describing the way the abusive system works; I underlined about every word in the book!
  I would encourage others reading here to follow Jack's example of enjoying his liberty in Christ and  taking some time to think these through.
  God can teach us some wonderful lessons from our experiences in the Assembly(no thanks to them) that can make us more like the Good Samaritan in my story; compassionate, caring, healing, truthful, courageous, etc.  When we ignore thinking through our experiences, or take the "sunny side" approach, I think we could remain in the same shallow state that we were in while in the Assembly.
  Depth with God comes from a greater knowledge of His love at the cross; not just in a propositional way, but by knowing that love is His love for ME!  As I trust in His love, that sets me free, I have no fear of being completely honest with God; He knows, and He understands, and He still wants to draw us close!
  I think the "little-big-man" in our story learned from his experience, starting with the Samartian, and ending with Jesus, how God loves him. That transformed the way he looked at others, and his effectiveness in bringing the Gospel to others as well.
        Now I belong to Jesus, Jesus belongs to me; not for the years of time alone, but for eternity    Mark
 

[Sebastian Andrew]

 Depth with God comes from a greater knowledge of His love at the cross; not just in a propositional way, but by knowing that love is His love for ME!

Greetings Mark:

The depth of His love. It requires a little contemplation does it not?

[jackhutchinson]

Mark,

I've read "Churches That Abuse", "Recovering from Churches That Abuse" and "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse".  I'm waiting for UPS to deliver my copy of "Twisted Scriptures".  I also want to read good books on God's grace.  I've spoken to some who are presently choosing to keep their heads buried in the sand.  If and when they become interested in facing up to the truth about the assemblies I will gladly tell them what I've learned and even let them borrow my books.  Maybe they will just need someone to lend them an ear.

Some have said to me, "I never served George.  I was serving the Lord all along."  My response is as follows:

We all know now that George is a self-serving man.  Self-serving people don't waste their time with people who serve Christ (and remember, we can only serve one master).  Self-serving people always surround themselves with people who will serve THEM (intentionally or unintentionally).  So that begs the questions:

If nobody was serving George, then why didn't he go elsewhere to find people that would? - Answer: He didn't need to go elsewhere.  He was in his element.  He found plenty of people to serve him in the assemblies.

Also,  wouldn't those who truly served Christ have left such a place of idolatry? - Answer: They did.  And for that choice they were treated poorly.

Last night I had dinner with a brother that recently saw the light.  It was so refreshing to be able to speak freely with him.  He's even been challenging some of those who still choose to cling to the assembly perspective in their hearts.

God is good.
Jack

[Mark C.]

Hi Jack and Sebastian!
  Very good point re. those who say they weren't serving GG., but the Lord.  Those that seem to think that GG's character didn't really matter because, "his teaching was godly", reminds me of the defenders of Clinton during his scandals.  What Clinton defenders said is, "one's personal life has no effect on the leadership skills of a president".  If that is not true on a secular level imagine how untrue such a position is in re. to the Church of Jesus Christ!
   Greetings to you Sebastian, my good friend!  Yes, I have been having great joy in that contemplation!
                            God Bless,  Mark