Assembly Rumors

[Luke Robinson]

Do you have any rumors about the assembly?  Since you can't seem to keep them all inside, why don't you write them down here?  Mind you, this thread is not to be taken seriously.  So put all you knee-jerk thoughts about anyone or anything right here.    And, hopefully, no one will come to your house and hit you with a mallet.

"I heard that GG was a Communist double-agent who used all the offering money to start an off-shore drilling business, and bought stock in Kosher Beef hot dogs.  He also began the Torch and Testimony Olive Oil Business in Greece."

Is this post tongue-in-cheek or not?  Am I bluffing?  You'll just have to guess.  
Now comes your turn.

[David Mauldin]

I heard a rumor that things are just the same as always!   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[samwise]

It has come to my attention that George is having a Mideast Conference in Baghdad this weekend. It is entitled "Abounding in Deceitfulness While Not Leaving Your Change on the Counter. Part one."  Betty will be meeting with the sisters for lunch between the meetings to discuss submission, toe-nail polish, and off-shore accounts. The fellowship in the park will start right after the meeting. Please provide your own gas masks.  

[Luke Robinson]

It has come to my attention that the afore mentioned rumor on my part is made up.  

I was given a tip by a foolish anonymous person.  

[Joe Sperling]

Luke---

I heard a rumor that people in the Assembly have electronic devices in their heads. This was done while they were sleeping. Most of us are not aware we even have these devices in our heads.  The women were given even stronger devices to keep them in submission. Constant radio contact was made, infusing the brain with thoughts about submission. A way to strengthen the radio message and keep it internalized longer was to cover the head with some form of cloth. This caused a form of electro-magnetic interference and the sister was brought fully under control.

The brothers had a different device that had "code words" which would release a stronger signal. One of these Code words or sentences was "Rejoice brother!"--hence the continous use of the term, especially when entering the place of worship. head coverings and code words----pretty clever huh?  This is just a rumor by the way, so don't take it too seriously.   Rejoice Brother!!    --Joe

[Bluejay]

I heard a rumor that George, Tim, and David Geftakys were going to star in CBS's new reality TV show "The Bachelor".  Since they have apparently been acting like bachelors for some time now, CBS has overruled the former rule that one must be single to appear in this show.  

Tim is the odds on favorite to win, which of course would be by default.

[al Hartman]

     What is WRONG with you people??!!!  Do you realize that just since you started this thread, assemblies have sprung up in Death Valley, Salt Lake City, and the Mississippi
Delta, where the brothers are wearing aluminum collanders on their heads as yarmulkes, and the sisters' head coverings are made of Reynolds Wrap, just to screen out those RUMORED controlling radio waves!!!

     If you MUST start rumors, at least try to stick to the facts!

     For example, in the original concept of the Torch and Testimony, the "Torch" was a blowtorch that GG used for cracking safes, and the "Testimony" was him pleading the fifth amendment on the witness stand after he was caught & brought to trial.

     ...and now you know the REST of the rumor!

[Arthur]

Funny, I've heard that the torch was something that George carried as he ran for the olympics, and the testimony was that people said he looked funny wearing those little running shorts.  

[Joe Sperling]

Al, Arthur---


 

--Joe

[Sebastian Andrew]

          ...and now you know the REST of the rumor!

You stole that one, didn't you?

[al Hartman]

     BORROWED, S.A., BORROWED!!!!!

al

[Joe Sperling]

Remember when you would listen to George and you would hear what he was saying but not really understand it? It was almost as though he were speaking in another language? Rumor has it he really was. You see, George and Betty were sent here from another planet. When George spoke of "stages on the journey" he was really referring to his trip here in a space ship. The journey was long and hard and the only way to stay awake the whole time was to receive a constant supply of coffee enemas along the way.

He and Bettty's task was to gather a following, implant electronic devices in their heads, and bring the most brainwashed back to his planet. There they would become slaves who did "stewardships" gladly with broad smiles on their faces. They would also administer foot massages at his beck and call. Since there were many "George's" on this planet, many slaves were needed.

Every Winter George would go on a "journey" taking with him a few of the brainwashed. The others in the "Assembly" would hardly miss them, being told they had "left fellowship". They would become slaves on the planet. the planet's name is Geftak. The name "Geftak-ys" literally
means "of Geftak". It is a very difficult planet to live on because everyone is named George or Betty, and all of the George's think they know more than all the others.

Imagine all of these "George's" giving seminars at the same time!! It happens on Geftak. rumor has it George may be heading back there for good now. They will probably assign him to another planet since the attempt failed for the most part.

If you suspect you still have an electronic device in your head please call Dr. Oswald Shavers @ 313-404-9988 to have it removed.

--Joe

[David Mauldin]

George is a Godly man!  

[retread]

George is a Godly man!  

Do you mean that he thinks of himself as if he is a god?

[al Hartman]

     i still had one of them thangs planted in my head, but that doctor's phone was always busy, so i shot it out with a .22