WOUNDED PILGRIMS

[Mark C.]

                          ANN'S STORY CONTINUED


   Ann has not been able to solve her great discomfort of being in an organized group of Christians, due to her constant fear that someone "in the name of God" is going to control her life.

   She does not trust "worldly" counselors, or their Christian counterparts either, to help her with her problems.  She has no respect for her husband's advice, as she still remembers what he did in taking the Assembly's side against her so called "negativity."

   Ann thinks this BB is mostly a waste of time, and believes that many of the posters have brought their former controlling ways from the Assembly to this place as a means to feel self important, and that these same posters have no interest in an honest evaluation of their past.

   Ann has discovered the only safe option is isolation, and for these kind of wounded souls this weakness probably will be a life long companion.  You cannot force this kind of individual to overcome their fears via intimidation, even the the biblical variety.

   God truly loves this poor wounded sheep, and is not interested in trying to control them via guilt, or in somehow forcing them into some kind of "fellowhip" where she can take "sides against herself" and become compliant and submissive to even well intentioned folk.

   It is my opinion that church is not the answer to her recovery, and in her case it actually hindered her progress.  She is learning that it is okay to be independent from the control of others, without feeling guilty about meeting Christian social obligations, and to be straight forward with telling people "no", or that she is not in agreement with their opinions.

   She is learning that God respects certain boundaries and does not give permission for others to use her as a door mat, even in the name of God!  These things can be learned while still having a true faith in Christ and a desire to follow Him, for salvation is in a personal relationship with Christ and not in membership in a group.

   I think Ann is doing much better now, and will continue to do better.  She is attending an independent Bible study with other women where she is free to come and go as she desires to, and has really enjoyed the lack of "spiritual government" and respect in the relationships.

   If you are like Ann, there is no need to feel guilty or like some kind of second class citizen because you have many of the same feelings that Ann has.  God does indeed understand, and wants you to know his deep affection for you in your distress.

  Recovery, in your case, is not getting a lecture on attending a healthy church and making a commitment to it, but of learning how to be a healthy individual independent of any group at all.

 Take all the time you need away from advice givers, controllers, well intentioned cajolers, and all group pressures to just rest in the fact that your relationship with God is all you really need.

  Since Ann probably won't ever read this, pass it on to any of the "Ann's" that you know; though they may think I have some kind of agenda, maybe some of it will be a comfort and help to them. 

                                                God Bless, Mark C.

[al Hartman]

Mark, and All,

Because God rescues us from a state of absolute enmity against Him, and is bringing us to the glory of sonship and heirship as kings and priests unto Him, it is necessary that many changes take place in each of our lives.  Often these changes are painful and (initially) undesirable to us, but they must take place in order for us to advance upon the journey toward Him.

What you are illustrating by Ann's example, and what she seems to be discovering personally, is that none of us (despite our massive troves of wisdom ) is able to dictate with certainty how God will deal with another individual.  For example, I may conclude absolutely from the Bible that God wants His people to gather together, and to build them up into one new Man.  But I cannot determine when, how, or even if Ann or anyone else is going to realize that.

My responsibility is first and foremost to personally obey how I find God instructing me to behave toward Him.  Because I see something clearly does not necessarily indicate that I am to impose it upon anyone else.  It is perfectly natural to want to show everyone how enlightened I have become, but that is precisely the problem:  it is natural, not necessarily spiritual or godly.  If we are truly spiritual and godly, wanting others to recognize that about us will be far from our minds.  Rather, we will seek to please God, and to bless His people.

One hopes that the Anns among us are in a good place before God, where they are being taught by God of His love and care for them.  The best service we can do them is to privately pray for them, and personally seek to encourage them by example rather than dictum.  Most of us here should be learning that as we mature.

Thanks, Mark, for sharing these true examples...

al

[Sondra Jamison]

                          ANN'S STORY CONTINUED


   Ann has not been able to solve her great discomfort of being in an organized group of Christians, due to her constant fear that someone "in the name of God" is going to control her life.

   She does not trust "worldly" counselors, or their Christian counterparts either, to help her with her problems.  She has no respect for her husband's advice, as she still remembers what he did in taking the Assembly's side against her so called "negativity."...............

Hi Mark,

(I am not focusing on that one sentence I quoted from your post.  I went over in size of post and had to cut your quote in order to get my whole post in   ).    I could relate to a lot of what you share from Ann's story.  Yeah, George used to tell me that I was negative when I brought us criticism.  I was very open and honest with George.  (I doubt anyone doubts my word on that by now).  

But there is great hope for the "Ann's" who continue with the Lord.  I needed a lot of what I have been through and it sounds like Ann did too.  Ann was injured, but it has been my experience that, although I lost an eye, the single one I have left is very sharp indeed....in comparison to my previous two-eyed vision.

Now, I don't put up with people telling me that I must be imagining things, that I am just being emotional or irrational when I know I am recognizing patterns and know that unmistakable "check" of the Holy Spirit in my heart.   I don't allow control, yet have had to learn the balance there....still learning.  I won't allow people to put me in a box. I will not be negated and have my views negated. I suppose this makes me sound like a pretty tough cookie and perhaps I am in some ways, but to the best of my knowledge, my heart has been softened before the Lord and to be obedient and live honoring to Him and under His control alone, I have had to get tough.

Before the Assembly experience I had no Wisdom in these areas.  So, did I like the method of teaching God allowed?  Nope.  But am I glad I went through what I did?  I would not have missed it for the world. 

Mark, I really appreciate your "Ann" story.  The way you presented this story made it clear to me that you do have an understanding of what some of the women went through in the Assembly.  I still say, I have never known such an incredible group of men and women of God as I knew in the Assemblies and I have been involved in many fellowships and ministries hence although I do not "go to a church." 

My question is this.  What could Ann have experienced instead of the Assembly that would have put steel in her backbone?  I know for me, it had to be done just as it was done.  I made the best choices I could for what I had to work with, given the needs at the time.  Needs were met, but in the interim, I swallowed a hook that eventually would have to be cut out, so to speak.

I went to the Cross and it killed me.  But you see, I needed killing and I couldn't do it myself.  I was exposed in the Assembly.  I needed it.  I acted nice on the exterior, but I had a raging maniac inside me and I knew it.  

I left the Assy because I had had something accomplished in me.  I died in the Assembly.  God resurrected me and I left.  I began to hear God call me out.  I heard God in a way I had never heard Him before and suddenly I knew that I couldn't listen to others to know what I should or shouldn't do anymore.  I grew up spiritually and was no longer a child - spiritually speaking.  I was "churched"/"discipled" and knew I would never need to do that again.  I am still on the learning curve, but also I know that something of the cup within has been filled.  When it's full, it's full.

God is sooooo Good.

Sondra  

[Mark C.]

Thanks Al and Sondra!

  Al: your point that God deals with us as individuals is a very important one, and the reason that there are many stories yet to tell here.  I think this is one reason we have so many different "stories" in the Gospel's where individual's interacted with Jesus in their own unusual ways.

  For those who see themselves in these short bio's, there can be immense profit in understanding and comfort.  It can ultimately lift a fallen believer through the encouragement it offers.

 I also hope that it can provide those wanting to help others recover from their Assembly past with the ability to "make a difference", which is your point Al, in how you treat former members.  Some (as we will see in the next "story") need a strong confrontation, vs. just a listening and compassionate ear.

 Sondra:  Yes, it is clear that many of us have been formed via our reactions to our Assembly years.  It is a positive that you, and many other "Ann's," have been able to retain their faith in the face of those who subtley take a little one's simple faith and use it to meet their own need for domination.

   You mention an important point when you say that one needs to retain a softness of heart toward God, while being very resistant to would be controllers in our lives. 

   Ann is learning balance, or else she could resort to total isolation and cynicism in her life.  It is very necessary for such to learn the liberty and dignity that God intends for their lives, but we also need to learn how to receive the truth about ourselves and accept that we could be wrong---- in others words being humble without becoming a door mat.

    I must admit, that though I have been out for about 15 years I have great difficulty with this and often react with strong emotion against any kind of criticism from others.  The "wisdom that comes from above" is easy "to be entreated", and how that fits in with standing my ground in the face of controllers is a valuable meditation for former members.

   Am I "letting others push me around", or am I, " not listening to the wisdom that is from above?"   The "wisdom" being discussed in the book of James is not coming from an individual perception of the Spirit's communication, rather it is other believers trying to confront me with how I am behaving/believing.

  This is the crux of the problem for many former members as they can quickly react out of their pain to any "suggestions" as it is immediately interpreted as their former abusive treatment.   

    I have no quick solution to a difficulty that admittedly I still suffer from, but I would say that just being aware of my own bias is the first step in the right direction.  When confronted by someone that wants to put you into their spiritual agenda it is okay to say "no thanks", but I still don't want to cut myself out of someone God may be using to correct my life----because I do want to submit to God's agenda (will).

                                                                  God Bless,  Mark C.

[al Hartman]

   Am I "letting others push me around", or am I, " not listening to the wisdom that is from above?"   The "wisdom" being discussed in the book of James is not coming from an individual perception of the Spirit's communication, rather it is other believers trying to confront me with how I am behaving/believing.

   This is the crux of the problem for many former members as they can quickly react out of their pain to any "suggestions" as it is immediately interpreted as their former abusive treatment.   

    I have no quick solution to a difficulty that admittedly I still suffer from, but I would say that just being aware of my own bias is the first step in the right direction.  When confronted by someone that wants to put you into their spiritual agenda it is okay to say "no thanks", but I still don't want to cut myself out of someone God may be using to correct my life----because I do want to submit to God's agenda (will).

          Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
                         Oh, what needless pain we bear,
                                          All because we do not carry
          Everything to God in prayer...

The conundrum you address, Mark, is frequently said to be a matter of our personal relationship with Christ-- if we'd just get that straightened out, everything would fall into place.  I suggest that such a prospect places the cart-before-the-horse.

What we need is to see, appreciate, accept and act upon Christ's relationship with us.  No, I won't launch into a sermon here...  It's all in the Bible for any who want to learn of it-- What Jesus did and why He did it, how His work affects us, what His attitude is toward us, what He does for us today, and what He will do for us, in us, to us and through us for all eternity.  We must discover these realities and embrace them, because there is salvation for us only there and nowhere else.

I repeat, it is not about our attitude toward Christ, but it is all about His attitude toward us...

al

[Mark C.]

Hi Al!

  Thanks Al for responding to this thread, and others are welcomed to comment also.

  I cannot deny the very important fact that salvation is found in God, and most certainly not in ourselves, however Ann's need, as well as most on this BB, is not in finding salvation but in trying to live their lives here and now.

  Ann now knows that she is saved by grace, and has rejected the GG theology of a believers hell.  Her problem is how to relate to people, not God, and especially how to get along with church folks.  In God she trusts, but all others must "pay in cash", so to speak.

  God has only blessed her, and she is very thankful for His kind mercies toward her, but other people (especially Christians) have hurt her deeply, and this has made her very wary.

   This does not mean, as Sondra has said, that this hurtful experience cannot be used by God to form her for His special use, but it may be our purpose here to help such folks in the practical recovery of their Christian lives.

  Our attitude/behavior, while adding nothing to salvation, can make a very big difference in the quality of our life. 

Take GG for example:  He probably believes that God's attitude toward him is just great and consoles himself often in that fact------ however, he is an unrepentant sinner and mired in deep evil!    Does his attitude of hard heartedness have an affect on his life and the lives of others?

  The bible has a great deal to say about Christian behavior and attitude, and how important they are because as believers we can still make a ship wreck of our faith (I also will refrain from launching into a sermon here )

   Let me know what you think of the next "story" because I hope that it will provide a picture that will avoid a 1,000 words of explanation from me.

                                                              God Bless,  Mark C.

                                                                       

   

 

[Sondra Jamison]

..............
   Ann is learning balance, or else she could resort to total isolation and cynicism in her life.  It is very necessary for such to learn the liberty and dignity that God intends for their lives, but we also need to learn how to receive the truth about ourselves and accept that we could be wrong---- in others words being humble without becoming a door mat.

Among people who are healthy and unbiased, among people who are not well taught in "how to control other believers" I would agree with you, Mark, but I think there is often a subtle tendency to skillfully attempt to teach others by coming to the back door with little messages.   I don't believe God needs as much help as we often think He does. 

After all, I think your example here is in itself a little out of balance.  Numbers of people who see something a certain way - does not truth prove.  You see, there have been whole Assemblies FULL OF PEOPLE, thousands, who would have and did counsel others wrong, right?  Everyone had their noses in someone else's business, counseling through 'discernment'.  There is no reason that I can see to trust others until they have earned it in a very personal way.

So, really, I think we do well to listen to the Lord and let the Lord manage the "heart to hearts" with people regarding their problems especially among former Assembly men and women.

God is so good at revealing His messages to people through people who aren't even trying.  My guess is, when we are trying to fix the lack of humility in others - it will only be a momentary fix anyway. 

    I must admit, that though I have been out for about 15 years I have great difficulty with this and often react with strong emotion against any kind of criticism from others.  The "wisdom that comes from above" is easy "to be entreated", and how that fits in with standing my ground in the face of controllers is a valuable meditation for former members.  Am I "letting others push me around", or am I, " not listening to the wisdom that is from above?"   The "wisdom" being discussed in the book of James is not coming from an individual perception of the Spirit's communication, rather it is other believers trying to confront me with how I am behaving/believing.

  This is the crux of the problem for many former members as they can quickly react out of their pain to any "suggestions" as it is immediately interpreted as their former abusive treatment.   

I believe that former leaders have more of the problem of trying to control and former followers have a tendency to be controlled and lay down like lambs...while I think both roles can be mixed at times too.  So I believe that former leaders need to be extremely cautious when they feel like they want to fix others and former followers need to be extremely careful not to submit to people who are attempting to give them "wise" counseling "from above."  Wisdom from above is from within and that Wisdom is intreatable of God and very discerning otherwise.

    I have no quick solution to a difficulty that admittedly I still suffer from, but I would say that just being aware of my own bias is the first step in the right direction.  When confronted by someone that wants to put you into their spiritual agenda it is okay to say "no thanks", but I still don't want to cut myself out of someone God may be using to correct my life----because I do want to submit to God's agenda (will).

Ok.  No thanks.     No, I think former leaders have learned well how to sell their wares and that selling comes out over and again, perhaps instinctively and even unaware.  Old tactics are visible to those who have had to work through that type of "help" that was not helpful. 

God is so capable of enlightening us about our sin.  It is God who convicts our hearts of our sin.  I know it immediately when I have offended the Spirit of God within my heart.  He speaks to me.  I am not saying we learn nothing from those around us, we do, but I think we have to be extremely careful as to what we receive from those who have been indoctrinated to adjust the attitudes of the "unentreatable."

Question Mark.  What do you think needs to be corrected? (quoted above)  In other words, it sounds like you believe that we are to correct one another.  Who has that wisdom?  Isn't God regenerating our lives?  Isn't that different than correction?  Where is correction found in the scriptures?  I really don't know if it is in the Word? and perhaps you do??  I believe that God is converting us more than correcting us....from natural to spiritual.  Isn't correcting more about a system of the Law, a right and wrong, good and bad? 

On Edit.  It was late when I posted this - to clarify my last paragraph.  Yes, to entreat one another, to correct another in the sense of small issues in their lives, but otherwise, shouldn't it be the Word of God and the Holy Spirit's job to correct the sin nature in the lives of believers?  The disciples wanted to "get things straightened out quick" in the lives of others and the Lord said to let the tares remain with the wheat until the harvest.  I know the word "correction" is in the scriptures - I meant to refer to the concept of directly correcting one another's sin nature through entreaty.

Sondra

[Mark C.]

Hi Sondra!

  You ask some very deep and penetrating questions that I'm not sure that I can answer, as only God knows the heart.----due to the fact that these are issues that need to be taken on a case by case basis (regarding the topic of accepting correction), and are beyond my ability to really know another's motives.

  However, I think there are certain aspects of "correction", coming from other believers, that I think are pretty much hard and fast principles in all Christian relationships:

1.) We are not to judge one another's motives:

    Paul tells the Corinthians not to do this and also says that he does not even judge his own motives.

    2.) We are to judge and confront sinful behavior.

   A lack of humble reception of another's rebuke when I am clearly involved in sinful actions on the grounds of refusal to be controlled is out of line. Now, when I say "sin" I'm talking about clear biblical instruction, not the extra-biblical Assembly kind of rules they made up.

    3.) We are to judge heretical teaching.

  Paul, Peter, and Jesus himself taught that what we believe as Christians is very important and can be judged to be orthodox or false. We have to make these judgments as each individual believer does not have the liberty to create their own private interpretations of scripture---- such claims to autotomy are very dangerous and must be corrected.

     3.)  We are to hold leaders/groups accountable for their practice of the faith.

       Some believe that as long as a group is "orthodox" in their "essential" teaching they are not a cult and basically deserve a pass.  This is a great mistake, and as Peter was "corrected" by Paul for "not walking according to the truth of the Gospel' so groups that practice hypocrisy need to be judged and entreated.

     As to believers being involved in a kind of nit-picking with one another that amounts to an attempt to control:  "never again," should be a former Assembly member's motto, and all of the little psychological tricks used to manipulate us should be flatly rejected!

   Tell me what you think of the next "story", as it will provide an example of a former member who needs to receive correction, vs. the two former examples who needed to free themselves from abusive control.

                                                        God Bless,  Mark C.
   
     

 

[Mark C.]

                  RANDY'S STORY

  This next story is my biographical view of a former Assembly member that I'm sure "Randy" would have strong disagreements with.

  Someone probably will recognize who this person is (though I've changed the name) and relay to him my version of his story.  It would be great if that stirred him to write a rebuttal, but I doubt that he would have the courage to have an honest conversation about his experience with the Assembly.

  Randy is very much unlike either Carl or Ann, in that he to this day believes the Assembly to be God's highest and best plan to pursue as a Christian.

   Randy finally was forced to accept that GG was guilty of philandering (though he had to be grabbed and taken kicking and screaming, so to speak, to finally accept these facts as true), but I am getting ahead of myself in telling this story and need to go back to the start.

   Randy came to the Assembly as a sincere and true believer in Christ.  He saw in the Assembly a serious desire to complete allegiance to the Lord, and this is what drew him in.

  He was a good and honest man with only the best of intentions as he attempted to live "his utmost for his Highest."  One of his strengths was his ability to work together in unity via his reliable and loyal attitude.

  So far, Randy seems like an individual of stand out character and worthy of praise, but as the pharisees  "made" religious converts into "twice the sons of hell," so the Assembly began to subtely work on Randy to form his soul into a person blind, insensitive, cruel, and basically opposed to the Spirit of God.

  If you met Randy and talked with him today you would probably think I've exaggerated his condition by calling him "blind, etc." because, to all appearances, he seems to be a sincere and devoted follower of the Lord.

  As an aside, I know many Mormons who have solid character and strong proclamations re. their fidelity to Christ, but this of course does not mean that all is right with God in their lives.   

  So, how do I know what is really going on with Randy?  In the last post didn't I just state that we're not to judge the inner life of a professed believer?

  I know Randy's "inner condition" only because of how he has reacted to my conversations with him about the Assembly----his words, and then finally running away from my confrontation of him, tells me where he's at.

  But, and again, I am running ahead with his story, and we need to see how Randy got to the point that he did.

   Randy had one key weakness that the Assembly knew how to use to form him as they did, and this weakness was used on many young men that came into the group: ambition

   There is nothing wrong with having personal ambitions, as in wanting to have a good education, job, or even being a good preacher.  However, a problem arises when the ambition is to achieve a place of prestige and power for self alone, and then especially to call such a pursuit "for the Lord."!!

   Examples abound from history of those willing to sacrafice certain ethical standards to achieve a place of power.  The great fear of the Pharisees was that they might "lose their place" if Jesus teaching gained acceptance by the people.

  Randy's strong loyalty was to the group, as a means to climb the ladder to leadership in the group, but this took him farther and farther away from loyalty to the Lord he proclaimed that he served.

   George, as do all cult leaders, knew how to fan the flames of the ambitous, and in the Assembly this was systemitized via the creation of a pecking-order.

 Being at the bottom of that order was a miserable place, as those like Carl and Ann well knew, but being at the top had it's perks. 

  It feels good to be admired and shown respect as someone of spiritual achievement, and for this Randy hungered and eagerly pursued.  The Assembly knew how to reward loyalty to the group, and this was the chief way they evaluated your place there.

  I'm sure that Randy was not unaware that Assembly leadership took dishonest and harsh stands against certain members who appeared to threaten the system, but he was able to rationalize all such feelings away.

   How the above rationalization works is this:  The Assembly is God's government and this is administered via the leaders.  "We must always submit to God, via these leaders, even when they are wrong.  If we do so, God will vindicate us---- taking all lack of submission to the cross and letting God kill our self will?!!"

  What the above accomplishes in our soul is the hardening of the conscience, the denial of critical thinking, the formation of a very unloving person---- the splitting of the soul into pristine public performance, on the one side, and the true person that is hidden within.

  "Wow! how can you say all that?"  For the answer to that we will have to continue "Randy's story" later on.

                                                 God bless,  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

              RANDY'S STORY CONTINUED:


  To understand how I can make such harsh judgments re. "Randy's" spiritual condition, and know what is going on inside, you must understand how Randy reacted to GG's fall and the eventual fall of the Assembly.


   Randy was an Assembly leader in a satellite group (not in Fullerton) and his responses to the pressures from the members tells us a whole lot about what Randy is really like.

  The leaders (Randy included) saw the members' demand for answers to their stand in light of GG's excommunication (these leaders refused to take a stand for many weeks) as an unfair, hateful, and Satanically inspired attack against them.  The leaders had no interest in honestly facing any questions re. the group and how (or if) it should continue.

  To this day these leaders refuse any kind of honest evaluation of the Assembly, their involvement in it, or how they treated members.   If they could not continue the group as authoritarian and beyond any accountability then they would just abandon the whole thing!   And indeed, they did just this, by walking out in self righteous indignation!!!

  I attempted to contact Randy and he reacted to my email entreaty by blocking my address and refusing to respond!

   "So, maybe you are just angry at Randy for his personal rejection of you, and are reacting by attacking him," some may say.  "It is unfair to judge Randy's relationship with the Lord based on your bad experiences with him," may also be the response of some.

  Yes, it is true that I find Randy's behavior toward me rude and hurtful, but I do not write his story based on my emotional reactions to him, but rather as a means to describe a particular kind of wounded individual from the Assembly in an attempt to help others in similar condition.

  Randy, and other former leaders in denial of what they were involved with and what the group made of them, only hope is to see that they live in a dishonest and false reality they believe as "living for Christ."

   The Assembly basically is divided into two different kinds of individuals:

 1.) The Carl's and Ann's, who are dealing with broken hearts and confused minds.

 2.)  The Randy's, who are living in a very dangerous denial of what God actually thinks about the Assembly, their "service' while a leader/member, and their reactions to the demise of the group.

  Why can't we just leave Randy alone (and forget the entire Assembly history as well) and just get on with our own lives?  Why spend so much time attempting to ascertain the effect of Assembly involvement on our lives?

  The answer is that only by facing the truth can we ever be recovered to a healthy, strong, and meaningful relationship with the Lord in our lives.

   "Yes, but is it your truth, or God's truth?  And are you not just forcing Randy to submit to your views of reality and calling it God's view of things?"

   The above question is of course a possiblity, but Randy's refusal (and other former members as well) to have an open discussion strongly weighs against him as being in the right in this discussion.

 A very clear biblical direction has been given to us that suggests a refusal to receive entreaty---- (As James 3:14 outlines) is a very serious departure from God.

         "But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.  Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is eathly, unspiritual, of the devil.  For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice."

   Notice the repeated use of the phrase above "selfish ambtion" and how I relate this as the key to Randy's "making" as an Assembly leader.  This condition creates a kind of melting pot for "every evil practice" and Randy denial that these practices were evil---- calling them good---- creates the kind of blindness, hardness, and lack of spirituality that James describes above.

   What's the cure?   James 3:17

     "but the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, and good fruit, impartial and sincere."

  Pure?  without a mix of self protective motives; as in, a willingness to consider things that go against your own image of yourself.  The entreaty of Jesus to the Laodicean's provides a good analogy of what purity re. wisdom means in his particular case. 

   The Laodiceans had a view that they were spiritually correct and in the truth, but their view of self was tainted by their self protective reactions they believed were "spiritual."

   God loves Randy very much, and views him as a victim of his own selfish ambitions (where the Assembly helped inflame and develop those passions), but for him the only escape is to respond to the Lord's call to:

   1.) A willingness to receive entreaty.

    2.) An honest reception of the complaints of former agrieved members.

    3.) A sincere, specific, and meaningful apology for what he did as a leader/member.

    4.)  An active pursuit to help those hurt by the policies he supported and enforced.

     Without these Randy will continue to live in a delusional world that he calls "walking with the Lord" when in reality God is on the outside and knocking to have fellowship with him in his life.

    Confrontation with the truth is the only way to deal with those in such circumstances, as their dream world has to be broken through.  When, and if, they respond to such an entreaty then it will be time to "weep together", but as with Joseph and his brethren we must "hold back the tears" and allow conviction of the truth to do it's work first.

                                                 God Bless,  Mark C.
                                           

[Mark C.]

                                        ANITA'S STORY


   "Anita" represents a composite picture of a type of single female member from the Assembly that never got married, though they all hoped that they would some day.

    Anita struggled against the typical temptations of youth in a college town, and consequently felt very guilty, but was unable to find the strength to make the right choices.  This led her into struggles with compulsive behavior, such as eating disorders, where she" binged and purged."

  Then came the day that she found the campus bible study and "The Saints" who welcomed her with affection and sincerity with an invitation to a place where God would meet all of her needs. (I'm not being sarcastic of "the Saints", in this description, for I am sure they believed these things to be true.)

   Anita eventually joined the main group, moved into a sisters house, followed advice to have little to do with her parents/family, broke up with her boy friend, and was unable to keep up with a full school schedule due to Assembly meeting commitments---- the Assembly was now her entire life; and it would be for the next 25 years!

   This group seemed to love Jesus, follow his word, and in a tight knit family enviroment enforced the kind of life that Anita yearned to have, but could not possess via her individual effort alone.

   Anita did not care about theological discussions because they had no impact on her actual life, and she didn't interact with the world on a philosophical basis anyway.  The Assembly devotional only method of reading the bible interacted perfectly with her interpretation that certain good feelings were actually God's Spirit working in her heart.

   This kind of pursuit of God meant God led her by "laying a burden on her heart, giving her a feeling of purity inside, providing a sense of well-being."  The problem with this kind of "spiritual" life is that sometimes it was there and sometimes it was not.  Her "spiritual" highs could be very wonderful indeed, but the lows became deeper and deeper as well.

   Anita would often come up after the meeting to talk to a brother who had just given ministry.  She often came up after I ministered because I seemed to offer her some hope, as I usually centered my message on God's grace.   She lived an impeccable Christian life, but struggled with "her heart" because she felt conflicted over her normal human desire to get married.

   Other sisters got married, and this made her envious, and this in turn made her feel guilty---- another emotional vicious cycle--- because in the Assembly God rewarded the truly faithful with marriage, and consequently those not married must be somehow flawed.

  "Why didn't Anita just leave?" some may ask.  She couldn't; because she was trapped.  How?  If she left she believed all the old demons would just lead her away into a life of flagrant sinfulness and darkness from which she could never recover!  She knew of some sisters who had left the group who ended up going wild and renouncing their faith in Christ!   

   Anita's "high's" became less and less, and her continual state was one of deep despondency.  This literally made her sick and she had to quit school altogether.  In public she could maintain a good image, but inside she felt hopeless----- trapped in a kind of in between world trying to reach God, but not quite able to make it!

  Anita stayed even when others left.  I saw her several months after leaving and just happened to bump into her.  She pretended to forget my name, and acted like she hardly remembered me.  Her incredible phoniness was heart breaking, and I suppose the reason that she did it was an attempt to hurt me by saying, "I don't miss you one bit--- you traitor!"

   When the GG scandal broke and the group fell apart she finally was forced out of her prison, but what would she do now?  In her mid 40's, unmarried, never finished school, and very, very confused!

   To find out what happens next you will have to wait for the next installment, but before I continue ask yourself how you would advise "Anita", knowing what you do about her now---- what is the best course for her to take to recover from her past and move forward in her life with Christ?

                                                     God bless,  Mark C.

[grown up]

Hi Mark, I've read the last couple story's but have been so busy so to get caught up without making a post that hides todays story from others I've picked out some things that jumped out at me from Ann's story and also Randy's. I was out way before the GG events took place but Randys response to you sounds familiar. When it was time to leave I got similiar reponses from "saints" All of a sudden when i left I was a unredeemable and should be avoided at all costs-Oh wait that happened while I was still in "fellowship" allthough I never at that point deserved this treatment. I think I could sum this up with what you said in Ann's story " She also learned that her initial joy of salvation by grace was not just "the launch pad" of her Christian life, but that it was supposed to be the entire means of her life in Christ." I think with some leadership ambition has blinded them to the initial joy of their salvation and caused them to loose sight of life in Christ then of course that has an affect on the Ann's of the gathering who start out full of joy only to become beaten down by those who say she cant hear Gods voice. Ok this should be enough for now

You said

What's the cure?   James 3:17

     "but the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, and good fruit, impartial and sincere."


This is a good cure and they are also good attributes to posess.

[grown up]

                                        ANITA'S STORY


   "Anita" represents a composite picture of a type of single female member from the Assembly that never got married, though they all hoped that they would some day.

    Anita struggled against the typical temptations of youth in a college town, and consequently felt very guilty, but was unable to find the strength to make the right choices.  This led her into struggles with compulsive behavior, such as eating disorders, where she" binged and purged."

  Then came the day that she found the campus bible study and "The Saints" who welcomed her with affection and sincerity with an invitation to a place where God would meet all of her needs. (I'm not being sarcastic of "the Saints", in this description, for I am sure they believed these things to be true.)

   Anita eventually joined the main group, moved into a sisters house, followed advice to have little to do with her parents/family, broke up with her boy friend, and was unable to keep up with a full school schedule due to Assembly meeting commitments---- the Assembly was now her entire life; and it would be for the next 25 years!

   This group seemed to love Jesus, follow his word, and in a tight knit family enviroment enforced the kind of life that Anita yearned to have, but could not possess via her individual effort alone.
   This kind of pursuit of God meant God led her by "laying a burden on her heart, giving her a feeling of purity inside, providing a sense of well-being."  The problem with this kind of "spiritual" life is that sometimes it was there and sometimes it was not.  Her "spiritual" highs could be very wonderful indeed, but the lows became deeper and deeper as well.

  Other sisters got married, and this made her envious, and this in turn made her feel guilty---- another emotional vicious cycle--- because in the Assembly God rewarded the truly faithful with marriage, and consequently those not married must be somehow flawed.

  "Why didn't Anita just leave?" some may ask.  She couldn't; because she was trapped.  How?  If she left she believed all the old demons would just lead her away into a life of flagrant sinfulness and darkness from which she could never recover!  She knew of some sisters who had left the group who ended up going wild and renouncing their faith in Christ!   

   Anita's "high's" became less and less, and her continual state was one of deep despondency.  This literally made her sick and she had to quit school altogether.  In public she could maintain a good image, but inside she felt hopeless----- trapped in a kind of in between world trying to reach God, but not quite able to make it!

  Anita stayed even when others left.  I saw her several months after leaving and just happened to bump into her.  She pretended to forget my name, and acted like she hardly remembered me.  Her incredible phoniness was heart breaking, and I suppose the reason that she did it was an attempt to hurt me by saying, "I don't miss you one bit--- you traitor!"

   When the GG scandal broke and the group fell apart she finally was forced out of her prison, but what would she do now?  In her mid 40's, unmarried, never finished school, and very, very confused!

   To find out what happens next you will have to wait for the next installment, but before I continue ask yourself how you would advise "Anita", knowing what you do about her now---- what is the best course for her to take to recover from her past and move forward in her life with Christ?

                                                     God bless,  Mark C.

Wow I could have changed the name to my name and this story would almost fit my experience perfectly except I only was in for 14 years and not a sister. When I was first saved I felt I was brought to a perfect place where I thought everyone loved the Lord and were so full of Joy. These things I saw pushed me to further committment and a desire for a closer walk with God. I felt that a door was opened for me when I had the "priviledge" to move into the brother's house. So the assembly was becoming my life. Gradually i noticed after awhile the joy(in the assembly) was fading so it seemed. why I would ask and pray. Only one time did I discuss marriage or spending time with a sister and after getting a non answer I let it go. "guess it wasn't the leadership's will" I watched others "spend time" and get married. I would pray and pray during my times with the Lord and still it seemed as though others as you mentioned were rewarded with marriage thus i am not worthy. I began to notice how controlled I was even to the point that it would appear that maybe only the leading brothers can hear Gods voice. I'll make this short. What would I say to Anita. Walk before God and not men, you are not trapped seek the Lord and He wil llead you  Remember that initial joy when you first asked Him into your life. "Look to the Saviour who died for thee."
On a side note I can't stand it when you know for someone for many many years and they pretend they dont know who you are or have forgotten youre name.     unless they are suffering from memory loss. I dont know what I'd say to that      I bet I could name 1/3rd of the people at the last midwest seminar I attended.    ok maybe not that was 8 years ago but I still wouldnt disrepsect you as a person by pretending to ignore you.

Thanks Mark for these contributions I think they do make a difference.

[Mark C.]

Thanks ABD2 !

  I think your advice to these former Assembly members to "return to the joy of their salvation" is correct, but I wonder how these individuals would respond to such a suggestion.

1.) Ann:  To her such a suggestion would sound like her husband's kind of rose-colored-glasses approach to life where she should just lay aside her cynicism and see the glass as 'half full.'
 
 In other words, certain very good biblical phrases/words like "rejoice" are received as used by the group---- slogans that work as propaganda to control those questioning the Assembly's beliefs and tactics.

   2.) Anita:  Of course we are not done with her story, but I think we can make a guess from what we know so far that she may be so confused that she wouldn't even understand what "the joy of her salvation" means at all!

    Before coming into the Assembly her Christian life was a mess and she saw the Assembly as her only salvation from her own weak will.  All the Assembly talk about "an individual walk with the Lord" was code for giving up individuality to serve the greater good of the group.

  Biblical terms and conepts were so twisted in the Assembly that one literally has to start over from the very beginning in transforming the twisted into what God really intended his blessed word to mean.

  Example:  "Joy"

   Assembly meaning:  Don't be negative, but positive about the directives of the leaders because they represent God's government--- ad nauseum.

      Biblical meaning:  Without going into a big Greek word study it is pretty obvious that joy is a deep spiritual experience that springs from faith in a believer's eternal security in Christ.  This security is due to God's gift and not my effort=grace.

    It is entirely possible that some former/present members never actually experienced salvation and only know a kind of Phariseeism as the context for what they view as "Christian."

 3.) Randy: (and those like him)

    Randy is threatened by any kind of honest "advice" and sees it as a threat to his view of self as an "overcomer", since he is unable to humbly accept that his Assembly life was in reality very wrong and in some cases evil!

  Asking him if he is "rejoicing" would bring an automatic response of "yes, but how about you bro.?---- are you rejoicing?!!

    Straighforward and honest confrontation of Randy is the only course that I can see to try and make an inroad through his hardened conscience.  More than likely these former leaders will try to band together again and form their own version of the Assembly.

     With those like "Ann, Carl, and Anita":  We need to be able to just let them tell their story without any comments from  us at all.   Just being a friend who can lend a sympathetic shoulder for them to cry on can provide an important ministry for them.

   For most there are no quick and easy answers to whisk away their grief, sense of loss, and confusion.   These are all maladies that come from a broken heart, which only Jesus can heal, but if we are to be co-ministers of Christ we need to be wise in how we try and help those thus damaged.

                                                    God Bless,  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

                ANITA'S STORY CONTINUED:


   These "stories" would be much, much better if told by the individuals themselves, vs. my attempts to relate them to you.  I'm sure that I miss some of the most important aspects of these former members experiences in the group.

   Also, such short articles about decades of another person's life, fail to provide the wider depth necessary to reflect what these folks really went through.

  I say this as an invitation to others to share their own story here, even if it seems to run contrary to the "picture" that I have painted in the individuals I have written about, or the conclusions that I have drawn from these biographies.

  Back to "Anita"----

   Anita called me up after her local Assembly fell apart to apologize for calling me a liar, etc. after I left the group and her sincerity moved me deeply (it is always a wonder to me that those that hurt me the least from the Assembly always are the most apologetic for how they treated me upon my leaving).

   However, she did not want to talk about the group, recovery, or be involved in anyway in a discussion about her past because it made her feel so bad to do so.  I could tell she was in real anguish, but it was difficult to understand why she didn't want to talk.

   I thought about this conversation, after the fact, and since this was the last time that I talked with her I can only guess what was going on in her heart.

  I know that when I first left I felt very guilty about talking "bad" about the group, and as a matter of fact refused to say one bad word about the brothers who forced me out of the group, though I had many opportunities to do so.

  With Anita I think she was deeply conflicted because the group did help her in a number of ways, and some of these Assembly members were genuinely kind to her.  She would never term what the group did as abusive, or that the members were not sincere in their desires to serve Christ.

   The above view merits consideration on the part of many that may read this site, because we often engage in sarcasm at the expense of some former/present members here.  Likely, much of this sarcasm is deserved and also very funny--- providing a needed release from taking ourselves too seriously.

   I say the above not to opine that we abstain from humor, rather as an opportunity to understand those like Anita, and why they feel unwelcomed in places that discuss the Assembly as being abusive, evil, and where opinion can get rather sarcastic.

   I believe that Anita, while knowing something was very wrong with the group and her behavior while there, still saw these errors as much less than what she was doing before she joined the group.  "These Assembly folks were just 'dear brethren' who got off track a little bit and to call them abusive is just too extreme a charge to make against them," she may have been thinking.

 She wonders what she would have become had she not met "the Saints" and continued her life of sin.

   My experience tells me there are quite a few just like Anita out there who, though saved, are still very confused about what it means to be a Christian, yet are fearful of taking the necessary steps to make an honest evaluation of their past experiences in the group (fear was/is the controlling emotion in her life--- fear of her own propensity toward evil.)

   Those like Anita can get involved in a church, be fully involved in a responsible life (in other words they don't turn into skid row bums) and yet are running away from Him who loves them very much.

 They can feel very empty, without purpose, and still long for a place like the Assembly where they can recapture that special feeling they had.

   In the next segment I think it would be a good idea to try and address the often difficult conundrum of how a group like the Assembly can be both "good" and "evil" at the same time, and how we might be able to communicate to the "Anita's" the need for her to make that study herself.

  She should consider:

  1.) Is church a place to protect us from our own evil inclinations?

       2.) Does God want us to view life with a sense of continual fear over the possibility that we might fail?

        3.) What does God consider "spiritual abuse" or is it just a false concept altogether and to be ignored?                                                      

                                      God bless,  Mark C.