WOUNDED PILGRIMS

[Mark C.]

                              TED'S STORY CONTINUED


  Ted's personality, since the experience of the forgiveness of sins, took on a dramatic change.  He went from the expression of a very withdrawn person to one with a new sense of confidence----- and for the first time in his life, a very happy feeling about himself.

  Yet, this same new outlook on life that he now had didn't seem to be shared in the same intensity with many of those in the churches that he visited.  Yes, they believed in the Gospel, but they lacked the zeal that consumed Ted's soul. 

  He settled with a church near where he lived, because the youth pastor seemed to understand Ted's desire to be on-fire in his life with Christ.  This youth pastor also agreed with Ted that "these Christians here were mostly very worldly and some probably aren't even saved."  This youth pastor invited Ted out to a Bible study where there were Christians who were "really serious about their life with God."

  Ted sat amazed as he listened to a man, Bro. George, as he taught the bible.  This man taught the bible like no one else he ever heard, and it was clear that the folks gathered here were very highly committed to the Lord.  One visit on a Sunday and Ted was totally hooked by an experience of total euphoria as he sat in "the very presence of God and heard His voice." 

  Everyone was very nice to him and demonstrated a great care re. his "pursuit of God and understanding of God's heavenly vision."  Ted's involvement with the group was not a result of any "cult-like" strong arm tactics, nor did the guilt/shame issues come into play here at this point.   Ted was still very happy, and confident that his past feelings of guilt had been totally overcome.

  There was a change in his personality, however, at this time, that I'm sure that he did not recognize.  His disgust with "worldly Christians" grew to the point that he treated his former church members with unkind words about their "level of commitment, lack of desire for Christ, etc."  He began to withdraw and only associate with those in the Assembly, as the ministry here strongly formed in his thinking the notion that "lying down with dogs one will most certainly rise with fleas!"

  At this particular point he had a discussion with one of these "dogs", who warned Ted that "it is by grace that we are saved, and that cults emphasize a merit relationship with God."  Ted laughed this comment above off as an effort to say, "let us sin that grace may abound", because he saw the warning from this "worldly church member" as a means to escape responsibility from pursuing "my utmost for his highest."

  Why is it that Ted, whose happy deliverance came as a result of freely given salvation, now took the path that he did?  He started as a soul set free and was now becoming a very haughty, self righteous kind of idealogue.  He still was very much at peace with himself, confident that God was leading him, and joyfull in his life with God.

  Please observe that the Assembly, at this point, could only be blamed for fanning the flames of elitism in the soul of Ted, but that the group was not responsible for Ted's own predisposition to give himself heart and soul to the Assembly brand of "we are the one true church." 

   However, there is much more to Ted's story and we will see how guilt does come into play in his particular situation in the future.  I will also introduce another character to "Ted's story," that will show a different end then Ted's. Both Ted, and this new character, will struggle with guilt, but will end up taking different paths.

                                                    God Bless.  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

                                    TED'S STORY CONTINUED


   Looking back at Ted's responses to his deliverance from guilt by means of the Gospel and his contradictory attitude by joining up in the Assembly, it could lead one to wonder how these two opposites could ever get together.

  The answer to this conundrum is answered when we understand that Ted was reacting to his new faith via how he felt and was not involving critical and honest thinking very much at all.  Ted was caught-up in the euphoria of his release from feeling very bad and felt that his new feeling was the direct action of God on his soul; consequently, his one objective was to continue that feeling of "oneness with God."

  Key to keeping the above feeling was maintaining the "focus" that he was "standing in the light" and that all "negative" thinking, as in self doubt, honest reflection on his own failings, etc. must be supressed.  He incorrectly accepted the notiion that honest thinking is an enemy of faith, but even worse than that he identified faith as being his present emotional state.

  At this time Ted eagerly poured himself into the activities and disciplines of the group, and since he was young, energetic, and had few responsibilities in this life, he excelled and became an up-and-comer within the Assembly system.  He looked down on those unable to keep with up with the frentic pace.  Those that "fell away" were especially despised and ridiculed in his thinking.

 These who could not "overome" actually made Ted feel better about himself, because it gave him the impression that he had "the right stuff" and these others were inferior.  Ted had a lot of self esteem in these days, the opposite of how he felt pre-salvation, and the Assembly fed these self estimations and formed Ted into the arrogant and very unloving person that he had become.  He believed himself to be in a cutting-edge work of God and that he was among the finalists to receive "the gold" for his superior pursuit of God.



----- next,  Ted's views of self come into conflict with some harsh realities that force him to make some decisions.

                                              God Bless,  Mark C.

[Uncle Buck]

                                    TED'S STORY CONTINUED


 

  At this time Ted eagerly poured himself into the activities and disciplines of the group, and since he was young, energetic, and had few responsibilities in this life, he excelled and became an up-and-comer within the Assembly system.  He looked down on those unable to keep with up with the frentic pace.  Those that "fell away" were especially despised and ridiculed in his thinking.

 These who could not "overome" actually made Ted feel better about himself, because it gave him the impression that he had "the right stuff" and these others were inferior.  Ted had a lot of self esteem in these days, the opposite of how he felt pre-salvation, and the Assembly fed these self estimations and formed Ted into the arrogant and very unloving person that he had become.  He believed himself to be in a cutting-edge work of God and that he was among the finalists to receive "the gold" for his superior pursuit of God.



                                              God Bless,  Mark C.

Many people were like Ted, or maybe what I should say is, I and many others I knew(many were or became leading brothers) were like Ted, young, with half the responsibilities and life experience of those in true Christian leadership positions. We had time to invest and a desire to give it our all, unfortunately we developed a huge misconception of what Christianity is, along with a bullit proof confidence that we were in the center of Gods perfect will (as long as it fit the assembly schedule and mandates)
Now removed, I and many of my older assembly friends see our arrogance and mistreatment of those "unable to keep up with the frantic pace". We ignored Biblical principles to uphold assembly principles.
Mark, I look forward to the rest of Ted's story.

Buck

[Mark C.]

Thanks Buck!

  I invite you, if you so desire, to tell your own story here, as I believe some readers are helped in escaping their post Assembly confusion as a result.  My hope is that former members will be able to make key distinctions between the real Gospel and the twisted version of the Assembly. 

    I have a particular slant to my composite bio's and a different real life "testimony" will offer a wider variety of perspective that might be helpful to those whose experiences were not the same as mine. 

  I think the "bio" is able to make a connection in former members, where just straight forward Biblical exposition may not always, because our involvement in the group was so emotionally centered, vs. cognitive.  Even the most brainy former member has more damaged emotions that influence his/her thinking than maybe they are willing to admit to.

                              TED'S STORY CONTINUED

   Ted started to attend college, and along with the responsibilities of school, picked up an additional series of meetings on campus.  He was getting about four hours of sleep a night as a result of his Assembly, brothers house, school, and part-time job duties!

   For the first time since getting saved he was again conscious that his performance was slipping and his answer to this was to try and ignore it.  He was falling asleep on his knees during his AM time, not doing well at school, preparing five minute chapter summaries, and doing a poor job of completing his stewardships.

   Guilt again heavily weighed on his soul and transformed the self confident Ted into his former self.  Ted did not easily receive correction when he was in this mood and his relationship with his Assembly superiors began to worsen.  Ted prayed to God that he could have "victory" over his flesh, and that God might help him to crucify self, but nothing seemed to help.

   There were moments where Ted did experience some relief: during the worship meeting, listening to Christian radio, or hearing a rare message on grace in the group.  However, these did not last because Ted's view that God accepted only those that could turn grace into a pure expression of Christ, not only in their behavior, but also in the very deepest part of one's inner life, as the only legitimate understanding of Christian expression!

  Ted was trapped in despair where the only way out was:

1.) A full and complete experience of practical santification that proved he had successfully achieved "overcomer" status.

2.) A dishonest hardening of his conscience to his sensitivity toward the sin he knew was present in his life.

   Ted tried option #2 for a number of years--- 25 to be exact---- but, he was a very poor actor and unable to control his emotions when stimulated by those seeking to make him "go the way of the cross."  All of his "spiritual strength" came from his feeling that God had made him into a new superior kind of spiritual man who was invicible against personal failure and normal human fraility.

  For Ted to admit weakness was to invite being shamed by the group, and he was unable to stand against this kind of very strong emotional pressure.  Ted was trapped in a literal "no-man's-land" where he was neither human or "spiritual" and where he waited for God to honor his willingness to continue to wait for some kind of break through. 

   Next: Ted begins to question Assembly teaching and practices.

                                                              God Bless,  Mark C.
                                 

                               

[Mark C.]

                                 TED'S STORY CONTINUED
                                 
                                     (and Mike introduced)

  I need to explain what I mean by "sin in his life" that I mentioned in the last post about Ted.  There may be a world of difference between what Ted viewed as "sin" and what you and I may have thought of as sin in one's life.

  Even before Ted was saved, and came into the Assembly, he had an underlying conviction that he was defective/wrong in some kind of inherent way.  Some may say at this point,"well we all are sinners and so Ted was correct to feel this way."  Yes, and this conviction led to his reception of the Gospel, but from that point on he should have been instructed on how to grow in that grace vs. entering a merit based religious system that frustrated that growth in his life.

   Sin, as Ted understood it, was primarily his inability to turn "God's free grace" into "a practical expression of true holiness", as taught and practiced in the group.  "Holiness" was the process of "laying hold" on God's "provision" to achieve a pure, whole, selfless, absolutely committed, etc, inner life.  By making dead ,via the "excercise of his faith," any root of self centeredness God's life would emerge to dominate his entire life.

  So, when I talk about Ted's awareness of sin it wasn't that Ted was doing drugs, stealing, or engaged in immorality, rather he was engaged in the fruitless endeavor of trying to "make real" Christ's work in the very depths of his soul and daily falling short of "finding the victory."  This in turn made him feel like he was a failure and led him back to his old place of despair where he believed that he lacked an essential ingredient of character necessary to follow Christ.

  Anyway, these failings, and Ted's inability to cover-up his deep inner struggles, were a blessing in disguise, because it started to create a doubt in his mind re. the Assembly and a crack of light began to appear in the form of a critical thought or two.

  This is where I should introduce "Mike", because he had the same awareness of his inner failings as did Ted, but he was able to shift these pangs of conscience away so that they would not affect how he was able to relate to others in the group.  The Bible calls this process "the hardening of the heart" and it has devastating results on the character of those who make the choice to avoid being honest.

  Mike moved up in the system as a result, while Ted was on his way down.  Like the Pharisees, both were filled with death, but only Ted showed it.  Ted was soon to leave, while Mike waited until GG was outed as the immoral man that he was.  Ted left under a great cloud of guilt; feeling that he was a failure, and Mike left without any pangs of conscience at all.  Mike blamed the Assembly's demise only on the "failure of GG" and dismissed any criticism of the group as un-founded whining. 

  In the next post I will discuss what paths these two took and you decide which one is in a worse situation vs. the other.

                                                  God Bless, Mark C.

 

[Mark C.]

                              TED AND MIKE'S POST ASSM. PATHS


  Let's start with Mike's story post Assm. first, because that is the least complicated one, though not necessarily the happiest.

  Mike left the group, and seeing that it had little to now offer him since the demise of GG, promptly "got on with his life."  He moved out of the area,  got a great job, found a new church, and by all accounts seems to be doing quite well.

  He rarely reads the BB, but when he does he has great difficulty understanding all the talk re. abuse, wounded pilgrims, and the like.  He feels no particular empathy for former members who are struggling with their past in the group or even any affection for those he used to live together with in that community for the 25 years that he was in.

   "Why should I" he says to himself, " I'm getting on with my life and I just can't understand why these people can't just do the same."   However, Mike's coldness and indifference to those he used to shepherd is just as puzzling to those that he despises who are struggling to recover.

   It is my opinion that Mike is in a far worse condition than Ted is.  Mike learned to survive the Assembly by making his heart resistant to normal human feeling for others around him.  Ted tried to do this, but in the end could not conform to the pharisaical system that the Assembly was.

  The Spirit of God does not work in our lives as we were taught in the Assembly, and the Spirit is not working at all in Mike's life at this time:

1.)We need to change the way we think about how God works in us.

   The Bible is clear that humility is a necessary attitude if God is going to be able to work in our life.  Assembly teaching on grace that exchanges the gift based nature of our relationshio with God for an achievement based one feeds the human sin of pride.  Mike has avoided the pain of recognition of his deep inner need, but the price is being made into a hollow shell; he exsists/functions, but that is all.

  2.) God's spirit can only express itself in us through our humanity:

    What do I mean by this?  Conscience, and this is what I am primarily talking about here with these two characters, is part of our soul.  A professed believer can have an orthodox statement of faith, but true evidence that God is actually working in a life will be evident in their character.

   Now, I recognize that this is a thorny area of theological contention, but I would like to narrow it down to just a practical comparison between Ted and Mike. 

   What did Assembly "higher" teaching produce in the lives of these adherents? Mike became hard, cold, insenstive, etc. and Ted left a wounded, defeated, guilt riddled man.   We could produce even more extreme examples by presenting GG as the ultimate hardened former member and Tom Vessi, who committed suicide, as possibly the saddest example at the other extreme.  No doubt, most of us fall some where in the middle, but can you think of any former members who flourished as believers in that environment?

   To be human is to have a conscience, along with other things, and to be without conscience is to become inhuman (a beast).  One cannot love as God does without moral sensitivity (conscience).  This means we will feel badly when we do what is wrong; whether that is when we violate God's law, or hurt our fellow human being in a careless act of disregard for them.  (we will talk more of this when we get back to Ted).

  All the biblical polemic in the world, and claims of fidelity to orthodoxy as well, is not sufficient if we don't have love.  Mike has banished himself to a world of self love, but without the joy of participation in God's love.  His total lack of care and despising of his former comrades reveals his true character and it is a very bad place to be indeed!

  Now, some may say that Ted is not expressing God's love either, and most certainly is not involved in any kind of "joyful participation with God", but we will get to Ted here next.

                                                   God Bless,  Mark C.

 

[Mark C.]

                             TED'S POST ASSEMBLY STORY

    When Ted left GG was still very much in control and the Assemblies seemed to continue on as they always had.  "God was in the midst of the group" but Ted felt very far away from God indeed.

   Ted never lost his conviction in the fact that there is a God, the bible is God's word, and that he was a "Christian", though the last belief in this list is there in quotes for a reason.  What was that reason?  Ted felt he was "barely saved" and a "nominal believer" at best.

   Of course, this was due to GG's "overcomer theology" and Ted's great tendency toward a great sensitivity to his own inner failings.  What kind of inner failings?  He fought his natural desire to give and receive affection, because this he believed was sinful.  Indeed, he wrestled against any kind of "selfish" desires at all, and as such, never married, stayed in a low-level job, and constantly was filled with loathing with himself when any sign of "self" appeared.

  One example of this can be provided:  Ted went to the beach on a weekend and what should have been a fun time turned into a terrible guilt-fest that beat him to a psychological pulp!  He got into the water, started riding the waves, began to feel good, and that feeling immediately started a process of self condemnation over that inclination.  Then he noticed some of the ladies strolling by in their skimpy suits and that sent his "inner discipline" into a big tail-spin where he had to just leave and go home.

  At home that night he began to think about what "The Saints" were doing and this started him longing for his old feeling of being "close to God" and of "going the way of the cross."  His life seemed empty, hollow, without meaning, and basically far from God.  He couldn't just "go back to the World" and yet God lived in a place where he could never get to!

  At this time all of the business about GG broke and the Assemblies came crashing down and Ted found the various websites that exposed the truth re. the situation.  Ted experienced some relief in the knowledge that at least some of his guilty feelings were not justified, but his main reaction was one of great anger!

  It is important that we note Ted's reaction here, because it has been misunderstood by many former members in my opinion.  It's not that "anger" is in, and by itself, some kind of key means of recovery, it is just a very normal human response, and not necessarily "unspiritual."

   Like it or not, our souls' are governed by the fact that we are human.  This means change involves a process and this will affect our whole person.  We don't radically change our thinking without engaging our emotional life as well. We cannot just in a "Spock" like manner set aside the interaction of our human sensitivities with a whole new way at looking at God, self, and the world at large.

   All discussion of throwing verses at Ted here and attempting to instruct him in the higher virtues of controlling one's temper misses the point and would not be helpful for someone in this kind of condition.  Is Ted living some kind of confident and happy life in Christ at this point?  No, but try and put yourself in Ted's place and then consider "Mike's" situation and decide who maybe is in a better condition to find God's working in their soul in the future?

  In the next post I will discuss how Ted progresses from here, because we are not going to leave him in his state of anger.

                                                        God Bless,  Mark C.
   

   

[Mark C.]

                              TED'S ANGER CONTINUED

  "Ted was the one who willingly joined the Assembly and bought into the teaching so what is he so angry about?"--- some may be asking at this point.

   Ted is not angry because of GG's phony representation of a holy life or even his presentation of a false merit system to earn one's way to Heaven.  Even though this above created great guilt, shame, and tremendous pain in his life, this is not why he is most angry.

 At this point he isn't even really interested in trying to understand what healthy Christian teaching is, because his soul is filled with rage against those that he submitted to for 25 years and who took advantage of him.  They stole his life from him, and even though the whole Assembly thing has been revealed for the fraud that it is, these former leaders (like Mike) just got on with their lives and left without even a very small apology.

  Let me see if an analogy might help you to understand:  Ted was in love with the Assembly, like he might be in love with a woman.  This "woman" (in my analogy) won his heart and promised to be true, and to meet his deepest needs. 

   In this analogy, the woman became very controlling of Ted, and what Ted thought was love from her actually was her charming way of luring Ted into a very manipulative relationship.  When Ted caught her in infidelity she denied it, and started to insult Ted, and finally just abandoned Ted to his broken heart.

   This kind of emotional relationship describes what Ted had with the group and what he thought was God's Spirit working in his soul.  He identifies God's presence in his life with these feelings of belonging, being loved by others, etc. and the absence of it means God is no longer there.

  If these former leaders and associates of his would just be honest and admit they used and abused him in the name of God, and come clean with the whole thing, he feels that he could have some sense of closure, but their continued hardness in refusing to even participate in a public discussion makes him as mad as a jilted lover!

  One thing Ted needs to realize, and that is that these former leaders are very much like all false religious leaders.  In what way?  They have followed the path of a hardened conscience that is "past feeling." These folks (like GG) who preached so much about "self denial and going the way of the cross" became the opposite of what they preached!  They are so utterly filled and corrupted with pretentious behavior that it has literally given them moral blindness.

   Ted will never get any reasonable satisfaction from these people, nor can he mend his broken heart via their repentance; they are far-- and probably getting farther-- from the heart of God.  These are the kind that would lecture Ted on his anger and ask him, "are you walking with God Ted, and how is your morning time?"  They are charter members of the Church at Laodicea.

   Jesus came with the promise to "mend the broken hearted" and this is Ted's condition and it overshadows everything else in his life.   

  How can we help Ted?  When we try to mend a broken heart via reasonable lectures on the wonderful truth of grace, God's love, etc. he finds it very difficult to separate such talk from the "God talk" that was used to seduce him to 25 years of commitment to the Elmer Gantry's that stole his life from him in the Assembly

  "Expert" recovery counsellors are viewed with the same suspicions and he wonders what kind of game they are playing; he is very sceptical now, to say the least.

   So I ask again, how can we help Ted?

1.) Just listen to what Ted is saying, and if you are a former member I think you can say, "I understand how you feel Ted."  He doesn't need a lot of advice.

2.)  It takes time to get over a broken heart; be patient and let him have that time without laying a bunch of expectations on him.

   Ultimately, it will be up to Ted which course he takes, and when his anger begins to die down then advice from those that have been there can be very helpful, I know it has been for me.  I will share in the next post what I would say to Ted, if he was ready to listen, re. getting back to his guilt free early days.  I would say that he will more than get back to his initial joy for he has learned some incredibly valuable lessons for others to profit by.

    There is great hope for people like Ted, for one of the kinds of people that Jesus did come to our world to especially help were those who had broken hearts, and he can heal them---- indeed, they must be repaired, for real damage has been done and this fact can't be ignored.

                                                      God Bless,  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

                               TED FINDS THE ROAD TO RECOVERY


    I said in the last post that I was going to mention what I might say to Ted, but on second thought I think that it might be better to see how Ted found out on his own.

  Ted went to work one day and he noticed that a fellow worker of his seemed to be very distressed.  Ted asked the guy what was going on and this fellow went on to tell a very sad tale about his wife.  It appears this guy's wife had a drug problem that she refused to face and he was going to have to get a divorce from her.  Children were involved and the man had to do something to protect them, and hopefully force this woman into facing her drug problem.

  This man's story had a dramatic effect on Ted.  In the past, Ted would have shined this guy on because he was not a Christian, but this time he was able to feel a sense of compassion for the pain this fellow was going through. 

  Ted just listened to what the guy had to say and at the close of their conversation the guy said: " you know, you are very different from the way you used to be when you were a part of that church (in the past Ted was very aloof from his fellow workers; cold, self righteous, and distant)."

Ted then realized that indeed he had changed and could now see that he shared the same basic humanity with his co-workers. Ted now knew he was no better than these guys and that his "super-christian" life in the Assembly was a sham.

  Ted mumbled out some kind of explanation to the guy about how God could help him and that one's relationship with God had nothing to do with what church one went to, but Ted felt his words were weak, as Ted felt a great deal of shame due to the fact that he was now aware what a Pharisee he had been in the past, and how others must have viewed him.

  With this experience came a huge change in the way Ted saw God and how he also saw God wanted to relate to him and others.

   All the reading he had done on God's love and learning to live by grace never seemed to penetrate his thinking as he was locked in to his past twisted Assembly view of trying to earn God's acceptance.  This bad thinking was wrapped together with his emotional make-up that held the walls and bars of his prison in place.  God got to his thinking through his heart. 

    After this experience Ted started down a road that he never really had been on before.  This road could be very simply described as "love" and enabled him to think about others in a way that he never had before.  In the Assembly days, people, if they weren't in the group, were pretty much considered worthless--- unless somehow they appeared possible new converts to the group. 

   When Ted began to think about others as if God loved them, and of course then Ted himself, he thought a whole lot less about those in the Assembly who had done him wrong, his lost years to the group, etc.

  It's amazing, but for all the high claims by the Assembly of living "a committed and God centered life" the actual result was a very self centered and unloving bunch of people.  For those that left, like Mike, and for the others for whom this crucial revelation that Ted had has not come, they remain locked in that same prison of Phariseeism that GG created.

  I will not say that Ted attained Nirvana here, nor did he find some kind of secret to "abiding in Christ" that led to a total "victory" over his human weakness.  He was still lonely, found it hard to read the bible, and the prayers didn't flow with the great eloquence they once had.  He also sometimes fell into his old predisposition to feeling guilty, but at least now he had some hope and this was an anchor for his soul in all his emotional storms.

   I have an idea though that Ted will do much better in the future.  In trying to find a wife he will be a lot more attractive as a person whose thoughts aren't only focused on his own great needs and sense of victimization.  Nobody wants to hang around someone who has a dark cloud over their head all the time.

  Also, as a person who has experienced the depths of despair in a place like the Assembly, he has a profound sense of understanding re. what it really means to "walk with God" and so he can provide essential help to others in that same situation.

   In my next post I will finish up with Ted, someone for whom I hope some may idenitfy with and for whom I think God has a great deal of affection, by contrasting him with another individual who decided to stay with one of the exisiting Assemblies.

                                                     God Bless,  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

            Ted and Jake: A present member meets a former one.

         
    Ted still lived in the town where his group used to meet, but rarely saw those that chose to continue with their version of "Geftakys Lite".  He often had rehearsed in his mind what he would say if he were to run into one of these who still continued with the Assembly.
 
   Lo and behold, while shopping in town who should he run into but one of his ol' brothers house buddies "Jake."  Ted thought he was ready for such an encounter but when he saw Jake's big smile and heard him call out "Hey Ted, how are you doing?" Ted had a surge of anxiety and attempted to stuff it down, but this only made him very self conscious and looking very uncomfortable.

  Ted was afraid that this gave Jake the "spiritual" high ground, as in his Assembly days, where the individual who could present the most confident presence proved that they were closer to God than the one who felt anxious in any kind of personal encounter.  Ted was wanting to convince Jake that he really was walking with the Lord, but in the face of Jake's confident beaming attitude he felt like he was not very spiritual at all.

  Then Jake said, "we miss you brother."  Jake paused as he saw Ted's sullen reaction that was on the verge of becoming a groan.  Jake then said, "the group has really changed and we refuse to allow George to come to the meetings.  George called me after he left asking me if I could be counted on to support him, but I told him off!"

   For some reason this last comment shook Ted up and he was able to get out of the old Assembly game of one-spiritual-upmanship via who could show the greater pretentiousness, to make a comment.  Ted didn't feel he could challenge Jake's feigned interest in Ted's condition while looking at Jake's smiling face ( though Jake never once tried to contact Ted when he first left and refused to respond to Ted's letters).  Ted felt it was not right to judge Jake's sincerity, but the mention of George and Jake's assertion of separation from the rascal was enough to bring forth a challenge from Ted. 

   Ted asked Jake, "George started the Assembly and controlled it all along; how can you say that you are really free of GG's influence now? How to you get good water from a spring that has been poisoned? George created an abusive system that destroyed individuals in an effort to serve his own personal lusts!"

  Jake cautioned Ted, "be careful brother of throwing around the word 'abuse', as that is a worldly psychological term and remember that there is no such thing as a perfect church; all groups will have problems. 'If' I've done anything to offend you in the past please forgive me.  I want to be clear before the Lord when that final day comes."


  "Well",  answered Ted, "the difficulty is not realizing that people have problems, but do we recognize them and are we willing to work on resolving them.  The Assembly called any attempts at honest evaluation of teaching and practices as being 'attacks of the enemy!  It's not that I don't forgive you personally Jake, as I know you were just as big a victim as I was in the Assembly, it's being truthful about what went on in the group; this is my big concern."

   Jakes self confident smiling face was now replaced with an impatient denial of the facts Ted raised, which everyone associated with the Assembly knew was clearly true.  Jake obviously was the one not comfortable now, and didn't wish to continue the conversation.  Ted asked if he could have Jake's email so they could continue the conversation and Jake refused on the grounds that Ted was just filled with bitterness and unwilling to have a forgiving spirit.

   Jake then tried to turn the tables on Ted by asking him, "are you even walking with the Lord, having your morning times, and attending church?!  Or do you spend all your time reading pop psychology from that Enroth guy!  You know, that author never even visited the Assembly and received his info. from disgruntled former members!"

   Jake stormed out and Ted felt a little guilty (that's our Ted) because he wondered if he had been too blunt with Jake.  However, he remembered the verse in James that says that, "the wisdom that comes from above is easy to be entreated," and realized that Jake had failed the true test of spirituality.

   Ted learned a lot from that encounter with Jake.  Mostly, what it really means "to be walking with the Lord," in the new sense he had been learning vs. the old Assembly view. 

1.) A confident (joyful?) attitude by itself can just as easily be self delusion as it can be a result of a healthy relationship with God.  Just a happy greeting, and even an expression of general apology does not mean a willingness to face the truth.  When Jake shut off the conversation it really showed who was on the "spiritual" side of the argument.

 2.) "Walking with the Lord" wasn't about religious activities, such as AM times, etc, necessarily, but about being truthful and having a real loving concern for others.  Jake feigned these things, and was good at it, but proved by his actions when Ted left, and by this present conversation that he was a phony.

      Ted had come a lot further along than he knew, and though he was unable to convince Jake, this experience had helped him greatly in his own understanding and healing.

                                                       God Bless,  Mark C.       

   

       

[Mark C.]

                          BAD CHILDHOOD--- GOOD LIFE

    I'm going to switch gears on this thread from my Assembly "bio" offerings to do a book review, of sorts, on Dr. Laura's new book on "becoming a Victor instead of a Victim," with the above post title (I've yet to read the book and am just going on articles I've read that quote it).

   In reading a review about the book I was struck with some interesting similarities between recovery from suffering abuse in the Assembly and getting over a bad childhood as Dr. Laura describes in her book.

   Many of us grew up as baby Christians in a dysfunctional enviornment that had a profound and lasting effect on us.  Those who never experienced this kind of situation can't understand why we can't just "get over it" and lead a productive and happy Christian life. 

  I believe that there are former members who refuse to admit that their growing up in the Assembly did some deep damage and that their refusal to acknowledge it leads to sudden surprises in their lives when negative reactions just kind of pop-out without warning.

   Dr. Laura says in the book, " Too many folks don't seem to have compassion regarding the undermining aspects of childhood experiences, and say things to those affected such as, 'get over it---stop blaming---enough with the excuses!' The fact is that most foks don't even realize how, and to what extent, those early life experiences control their present, and therefore limit their futures, even if they are aware of a problematic childhood or parent.  The connection between childhood and adult behavior and emotions is usually a surprise to them."

   Now Dr. Laura is not known as a "pop-pyschologist", or one who holds Freudian views on human psychology.  She seeks common sense answers to human problems and believes that most of our problems are rooted in moral struggles vs. "emotional illness" (in other words. she doesn't isolate morality from psychology).

   Dr. Laura calls those who have come from an abusive childhood, "the walking wounded----whose lives have been shaped and twisted by their childhood experiences---victims unable to break the chains forged when they were children.""

   She goes on to say, "-----some of the their less pleasant or destructive adult emotional reactions are reflexive responses forged by their unfortunate childhood challenges.  Many sinply fail to grasp the extent that childhood experiences have had on their thinking, acting and feeling."

  Re. "finding closure": (this is something that many ex-members have trouble with)--Dr. Laura says, "People do not need 'closure' to make that journey toward a good life.  Closure implies that they are done and over with the past.  Closure implies that there is some end or cessation of the pain, bad memories and fears.  That never happens.  People don't 'get over it,' they 'get on with it.'  The secret is to forge on despite the past."

   For those wondering why they still feel badly and are having trouble adjusting from their Assembly days it seems an expectation that these negatives will all just cease as time goes on is one that is unwarranted.

   However, it is just as important to notice that "everybody" can press on despite our painful past to have a happy and productive Christian future----Dr. Laura, " There is no such thing as not being able to move forward from any place we are psychologically or emotionally.  And how far we can go is limited only by the will and constitution of the individual, not the serverity of past experiences.  Everybody can move towards a good life.  Everybody."

   I would be interested in hearing what others have to say about this and if they see the same kind of parallel between Assembly abuse and childhoold abuse.  Also, whether or not what Dr. Laura is saying here rings true with them.

                                                       God Bless,  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

Hi Everyone!

  Well, it appears that my last post didn't inspire a flood of response, but maybe if I answer it myself with a bit of personal scandal possibly it will be more provacative  .

  In the last post I asked for comments re. my review of Dr. Laura's new book, "Bad Childhood----- Good Life", which deals with recovery from childhood victim to a place of adult strength.

  Now, I know that Dr. Laura is not a Christian, nor did she write the book from a religious perspective at all, but (as I wrote in the last post) she is not writing from the perspective of modern psychology.  She writes from a practical and moral (common sense answers for living life) view.

  I do not agree with all of her advice, nor all of her radio show methods for confronting callers, and am just trying to ask whether or not her general thesis re. having a bad childhood in some way might be like your Assembly experience.

  As I previously said, many of us grew up as Christians in the Assembly, and some of us literally grew up as children in the group.  We may think that we have no more issues in light of that past and then all of a sudden we react (Dr. Laura calls them "reflexive responses") and they can have destructive influences in our lives.

   Okay, now for the "personal scandal" and true confessions re.  my own struggles that is sure to invoke a response  !

   I have been out for 15 years and daily pray that God would keep me from bad attitudes and behavior.  The world is full of self centered, mean, and down-right evil people whom we are forced to interact with on a daily basis.  I understand this, and try not to let my strong resentments against the above provoke a response.

  However, sometimes, from out of the blue, I get very angry at certain jerks and respond in a very wrong way (suffice it to say that my language becomes loud and offensive)  . 

   Whether this reaction comes from my being  (spiritually) raised in the Assembly or not is an interesting question that I do feel must be answered, but more importantly is how can I stop this and learn to control this problem?

  Just to limit the possible answers that might be presented in response to my question I will list what I have already tried:

1.) Prayer and devotional reading.

2.) Resolving to do better.

3.) Trying to adopt a better attitude/more positive thought pattern.

4.) Standing on Biblical promises re. my status as a "new creation."

   It is my belief that my previous up-bringing in the Assembly does have something to do with why I react so strongly against those that are trying to take advantage of me (and/or others) and that understanding where that reaction comes from will ultimately help me to be strong in face of the temptation to provocation.

  But, maybe you have a better/different answer, or are struggling with a similar issue and can offer a helpful solution.  Now that I have revealed a bit of my own human weakness it might make it easier for others to feel comfortable with laying bare their own difficulties.

                                        God Bless,  Mark C.

[rachel.angel.]

I've read Dr. Lora and all her books too and many more, and I COME FROM A DISFUNCTIONAL UP BRINING TO..

[tenderhearted]

I've read Dr. Lora and all her books too and many more, and I COME FROM A DISFUNCTIONAL UP BRINING TO..

Julie:

Hello Stranger!!!!!!!!

How are you? I been wondering what happening with you!!!!!

How's the boys?  Any Grandkids yet?

Contact me at lwhalen@getmail.ca

It's been awhile since you visit me with those two boxers dogs.

Contact me okay.  I am in the Arnprior's phonebook.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Lenore

[Mark C.]

I've read Dr. Lora and all her books too and many more, and I COME FROM A DISFUNCTIONAL UP BRINING TO..

 Hi Rachel.Angel, Julie, et al.,

   You seem to have many different names.  Which name would you prefer that I use?

  The post of mine that you have responded to was not meant as a promotion of reading Dr. Laura's books, rather it was intended to bring up a single point that Dr. Laura raises in her new book.

  I was trying to ask whether or not her general thesis that dysfunctional childhood is very debilatating, yet can be overcome, is something former Assembly members can draw a parallel from.

  Since you come from a dysfunctional childhood and were in the Assembly for 15 years maybe you can provide some answers for the questions that I have asked?

                                                                      God bless,  Mark C.