WOUNDED PILGRIMS

[Mark C.]

                                 THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED

   The Smith daughter, though she had found her own way now of relating to God, was still subject to her own mood shifts.  Her brother was right when he warned her that relying on soul searching in her life with God had it's limits.  However, this is how she related to life, and she refused to be herded down someone's logical maze only to arrive at their theological conclusion.

  If she could have put these feelings into clear expressions of thought they may have produced questions like this:

1) Do we only know God via well argued doctrinal propositions, or is their a place for ones heart with God?

2.) How about those who have great biblical knowledge and orthodox belief who act like the Devil?

3.) Can we be confident in our faith and yet be tolerant of those with different views?

   If she had continued in her writing and discussion with others re. these things she might have been able to move out of the realm of her own private musings alone in her room and find healing and growth.  However, she lost interest in this and the realtionship with her parents only got worse.

   She decided to try and get a job so that she could move out on her own.  She looked around town and started working at a Starbucks coffee place, but her self conscious and dark attitude was not well suited to serving the public.  It was a good thing, because she was tempted to try and fit in with the workers there who invited her to party with them (her natural tendency was to try and fit in with those around her, as this was how she was raised in the group).

   She saw an ad looking for those to work with handicapped folks.  She went down and applied and was hired on the spot.  Her job was to do simple things like feed those that couldn't do it for themselves, clean them up, wheel them around, etc.

  This job was a miracle of God's grace in her life: it brought out her true gift as she was able to patiently minister to these, discover how others needed her, and most of all brought her out of her own private world to see that she was not the center of the universe.  She couldn't let her dark moods draw her away from those that depended on her.

  Nothing her parents had done in raising her had discovered this gift above, and in Assembly terms, she was viewed by God (and her parents) as lazy, fat, morose, etc.   She was basically worthless, and this was how she felt.  Learning about the doctrines of grace and God's love couldn't change her own perception of self as being a big zero!

   When I say it was "a miracle of God's grace" I was not using hyperbole, rather I believe it was literally God's way to reach his beloved child.  This should help those of us, like the older brother, who can't seem to understand why former members can't seem to think their way out of their Assembly training/raising.  It has been my experience that many former members attachment to the Assembly has little to do with following incorrect teaching (even though they listened to a lot of it) because they relate to God solely on an emotional basis.

   We can see this with the Smith Father who stayed, against many doubts, because he was looking to fill his emotional need of a place of honor and respect in the group.  The Smith Mom sought acceptance of the group in her fidelity to the training methods employed and the promise of the rewards of following "God's perfect child raising plan."

   The way to healing and restoration for emotionaly damaged former members will never happen via just finding "a healthy church with good teaching", because this solution is not the necessary anti-toxin to the bad experiences in their past.  For those, like the older son, who never swallowed the poisonous notions GG and the group proffered found his way out that allowed him to leave rather unscathed.

   Each former member is different, and this means we have to be humble and sensitive in trying to help those who have shared our past.  When Paul tells the Galatians to "restore him gently.  But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.  Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he decieves himself." Gal. 6: 1-3

   God himself takes a very personal interest in his beloved Smith family and is able to make them to stand.  He who leaves the 99 to find the one lost sheep is ultimately the hope of all those bruised and damaged as a result of the false use of his name by those like GG.  Yes, we were fooled, some even joining in with GG's evil abuses, but this does not put us beyond the reach of his very long, strong, and loving arms! 

                                        God Bless,  Mark C.         

[Mark C.]

                                        THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED


    I'd like to bring us up to date with the Smith Mom of our story now. 


    She, like the rest of the family, no longer operates as part of a unit, rather as a group of individuals who are all trying to figure out who they are and what direction they are heading.  The Assembly provided a false kind of adhesion based in the need to preserve a facade that maintained their good standing in the group.

   With the false front falling apart it revealed what was always there: some very needy humans who sought to fulfill their spiritual, emotional, and physical needs (just like any other human).  Of course, in the Assembly, they had to deny they had these needs and pretended that they were "full of the Spirit" and living the 'victorious life."

   To admit any kind of failings would tag you and your family with a permanent stain that could not be removed, because it meant you were not being faithful in your life with God.  For moms in the group success was reflected in how well your children performed in public.

  As we've already noted, some of the moms who were higher up in the group (leading bros. wives, and Workers) were able to escape a lot of this kind of accountability.  Their loyality excused them from a strict view of these standards, but it also reinforced a deep compromise with their consciences.  These moms will have suffered more deeply from this process of the hardening of the heart, but I will talk about this in more detail later.

   However, our Smith Mom was not in this elite class and suffered from the guilt that her two children were spiritual failures:  Her Son, a rebel who had great disdain for his family, and an obese, depressed, and anti-social daughter!  She internalized the choices of her children as her own personal failure, and believed that she had failed God.

  Now, most of us, would probably see the Smith kids as not being in such a bad state.  The "rebel Son" was a believer in Christ and living a moral life.  The Smith daugher is starting to show some progress and making important discoveries about her life with God.   

  The problem for the Smith Mom that makes the above such a "failing" scenario is that she still holds to the Assembly belief that "faithful" parental instruction is an unfailing spiritual axiom that assures a certain kind of outcome.  "Raise up a child in the way that he/she should go, etc."---- this, she understood, was a proverb that guaranteed a promised end if the child was raised correctly.  This "promise" was for a perfect disciple of Christ, after the Assembly model of perfection.

   Consider the great responsibility that this Mom was carrying around:  Her performance would either produce heaven for her child or hell!  Neither of her children were "going the way of the cross", having rejected their instruction, and thus were on the wrong path!  This was a graceless theology that was as hopeless as it was harsh, and was guaranteed to bring a very dejected Mrs. Smith.

  The Smith mom took her bad feelings out on her daughter, husband, and son, but of course this only further distanced herself from these.  The Smith dad tried to "encourage" his wife with hopeful bible quotes, but the mom had no respect for her husband's leadership.  She saw him as weak (which he was from years of being controlled in the group) and that his bible quoting was just an attempt to avoid the stark truth of their failure as parents.

  This caused the husband to just give-up trying to say anything and created a very icy relationship (to say the least).  They attended church, but due to their former Assembly membership were not about to confide with anyone that they were having these kinds of problems.  It was so deeply ingrained in their thinking that to reveal personal problems would lead to only embarrassment and permanent stain that it must be avoided at all costs.

  So, they were locked in isolation; a kind of prison that their former Assembly training provided the walls, even though they were out of the group!  Some former members may have just chose to break up their marriage in such a situation, others may decide to just continue in the bad relationship.  The only other way to take is to break down that old Assembly false code of silence by getting counseling.

  Many former members refuse to accept seeking this kind of help, and the Smith's were still of this mindset re. talking with, say, a counselor at the church.  I understand their fears and reluctance, as they had been taught that "psychological" help was not only not spiritual is was down-right devilish! 

   The Bible talks about those that are gifted in giving emotional support to other members.  The Smith's do have problems that might be difficult for those who have not been in a group like the Assembly to understand, but then again that is to be expected.  A place like this BB, or the Reflections site might be a place where the Smith's could find some aid, but they needed help as a family and this would mean all of them coming together to work things out.

  In the next post, the old walls get a crack in them and start to come down!

                                                                        God Bless,  Mark C.       

[Mark C.]

                                      THE SMITH FAMILY STORY CONTINUED

    Need drove our Smith Mom to seek solace in a place she wouldn't normally think of as a place of comfort.  This place was her unsaved mother; the one person she had rejected as being, at best, a worldly person under the control of the god of this world.

   Our Smith mom didn't mean to say anything when she visited her mother, but when her emotional dam broke she ended up blurting out all her confused pain.  Her mother cried with her and showed more compassion then any Assembly member had ever showed her.

  Her mom had no words of wisdom for her, no advice, and certainly couldn't bring in any biblical comfort--- but,(and this is what made all the difference) she was able to have a moment of emotional release.  This moment of release seemed to help her and clear her mind some.  Our Smith sister could not have had this honest moment at home, and had been trained in the group that these kind of emotional displays were signs of character weakness.

   Did this mean that our former Assembly Mom was losing faith in God and just learning to cope with pain instead of finding God's help?  Can dealing with emotional issues help us in our lives with God, or is this a sidetrack to true faith?  How about the fact that this help came from an unsaved person?!

  I don't claim to suggest that God must always work this way with everyone, but in this case it seemed to work his ends.  This mother and daughter discovered a relationship they never had before and because of that a door of communication had been opened.  The Assembly girl's Mom saw her daughter as a needy human now instead of some kind of a fanatic religious person.  The Smith Mom saw her mother as a precious soul, vs. just a rejector of God.  It did no damage to the daughter's faith and opened a door for further heart to heart conversations with her mom.

  When the Smith mom got home she began to see her children and husband with softer, less critical eyes.  She also started to look at herself with less criticism.  She also went to a bible book store and bought a book that talked about healing damaged emotions.  The author made the point that understanding the grace of God is more than just a mental grasp of the facts, but that grace needs to make a difference in how we feel about ourselves, and how we see others.

  She wasn't so sure about some of what the author was saying, as he used terms that seem better suited to pop psychology then what she knew of Christian spirituality.  As an example, the book mentioned the phrase "a good self image", and this seemed opposed to the holiness teaching she had been taught in the group.

  Though she had lots of doubts she knew one thing:  The Assembly holiness teaching produced hypocrites at the top and some very defeated ones at the bottom!  The words of Jesus came to her mind, "you will know them by their fruits."  It would take our former Assembly sister some time to learn a new way to think about her life as a believer, but she was now on that road.

  What was the main thing she was going to learn?

God is loving and gracious.

  Okay, we all know that this is what we are supposed to believe as Christians, but she only knew this as the right answer.  How we can actually take this into our life and enjoy it had not been her experience since she was first saved.

  How did she learn to enjoy it?  She could start being a human again: she wasn't the perfect mom anymore, she could admit she was a needy vulnerable person, that God himself was the means of salvation (not her faithful service) for her kids, and that God loved her just the way she was!

  The huge weight that she had carried was now being lifted from her back,and though she sometimes habitually fell back into old patterns of feeling and acting, they no longer had control over her.  This, as I mentioned above, helped her in her family relationships.

  What set her on this healthy pathway?  Was God in it, or was she just learning how to cope with life?  Does the end justify the means?  These are some of the things her husband was thinking, and we will next deal with how he tried to figure these out (you are welcome to post your thinking as well).

                                       God Bless,  Mark C.
 

[Mark C.]

                                         THE SMITH FAMILY STORY CONTINUED

   Our Smith Dad had been given a lot to think about with the recent turn events with his wife.  He certainly couldn't be opposed to the benefits from Mrs. Smith's new found attitude and behavior.  However, it did start up an old debate that he had tried to work out way back when he was first considering leaving the Assembly.
  That old debate could be concisely described in his evaluation of the actual condition of most of the Christian world in the phrase, "shallow vs. mature believers."    When he joined the Assembly it was because they seemed to pursue a deeper life with God, vs. the easy belief systems that he saw at most churches.

  Now, the Smith's left before GG was unmasked as the evil despotic charlatan that any reasonable person would admit that he is (at the moment we won't evaluate those that take the unreasonable position that GG is a Man of God).  They left a systemized place of manipulation that was designed by GG to line his pockets and provide the fulfillment of his sexual lusts, etc.
  There are those former members who, while admitting GG had moral laspes and deserved to be excommunicated, had created a system that was far superior to any groups gathering to serve Christ today.  Brother Smith left with the belief that the Assembly's good beginning had ended bad only because of swerving slightly in the implementation of the will of God.

   Upon visiting churches when he left the group our Smith dad saw those there who "appeared" very shallow----- but, here is the key to understanding his basic error in evaluating spiritual depth---The word I underlined above, "appeared"!  He looked for individuals intently following the preaching and engaged with constant "amens" and "praise the Lords", to only see some falling asleep, not having their bibles open and making notes in the margins,etc.

  Wasn't our Smith dad right to expect true Christian belief would produce a strong commitment, as evidenced by attitudes and behaviors that reflect a high standard of public testimony?  Does all this talk about God's love and grace create an environment of low achievement and easy believism?
  Mr. Smith had some basic problems in how he evaluated  "depth and shallowness" in a believers life, and this is because his tool for making judgments was only by viewing appearances in public.  Now, judging behavior is important in the determination of what is truly godly or not, but our Dad was focused on the same kind of criteria that Jesus condemned as being the wrong way to make such decisions.

  Jesus gave a parable re. the Pharisee who in public appeared to demonstrate a very high level of spiritual commitment vs. a known sinner who had a very weak display while at worship.  The Pharisee "prayed with himself", while the Publican had a very poor public image.  Paul tells us not to attempt to "judge one another", when it comes to knowing what is really going on inside another believer,  because this is beyond even an Apostle's ability to know(he refused to even judge himself in this way).
  The truth of the matter is that those who still hold to the GG-bad-but-Assembly-thinking-good concept, are prisoners to a Pharisaical mindset that prevents the mercy and grace of God from living in their hearts.  I have yet to find one of those who believe this above Assembly thinking who exhibit the fruits of knowing God's love and grace in their lives.
  How so Mark?  And, aren't you the one being judgmental now?  As to the second question: we are to make judgments as believers, but not like we learned to in the Assembly.

  As an example: We need to make "righteous judgments", not based on eloquent prayers and other such appearances, but on actual behavior in real life.  Those who act unloving, controlling, hurtful,etc. by taking advantage of their positions of power in a group to satisfy their own lusts must be brought to judgment swiftly!  Those that don't say amens or take notes in a service should not be judged as being shallow.

 In the Assembly we were told to leave such leaders in the example of above, "for God to deal with", and yet we would exhort the poor brother after the all night of prayer for falling asleep at the worship meeting!  This, like the way the Pharisees thought, is the way the Assembly made their evaluations and it continues in the same vein for those groups still in existence.

  Okay, now for the first question: "How so Mark?"

 The answer is found in how Paul judged righteously:  "Fruits of Repentance"

  Not one of the former members who still continued in these groups (sans GG) made any effort to contact our Smith family and offer an apology for how they treated them.  The few that posted on the BB attacked former members who pointed out Assembly problems with an arrogant denial of any personal culpability.
   This discussion above only covers one area where our Smith dad needs to change the way he thinks.  He still has a huge problem with his wife's acknowledgment that emotions might be important in how one lives their life as a believer.

  Are all these changes positive for our family, or are they into "worldly deceptions" that are not true bible based solutions to their essential needs?   Are the Smith's in danger of reacting so strongly against a cold hypocritical religious system that they end up over compensating in the direction of a kind of weak humanistic philosophy?  How do they find the proper balance?  (your comments are welcome).

                                                        God Bless,  Mark C.  

[Mark C.]

                                   (A temporary pause to the Smith Family Story)

                                          THE HIGHEST AND THE BEST

                                    (A poem--of sorts, and an ode to GG and his higher life)


   I will not settle for average, or even better, for I must have what is the highest and the best.
I know that I can find it, sooner or later, if only I keep looking---- my Shrangra La, a place of no distress.

   In this place there is nothing common or mundane, nothing average that brings me to the ground.
Perfection can be achieved and the escaping of all my human weakness can be found!

   God dwells there in perfect light, and with Him there I can stay---
that is, he will let me, if !If what? If I can make my soul and heart follow without delay.

   I want this so bad I must banish from my thought all that admits of self seeking---
all that hides any of my true humanity from others peeping.

  This bad looking for worldly human comfort, a place in this world--- you know, life in the soul.
vs. a true place of spiritual life and exquisite experience above any and all!

  Ecstatic joy, peace, and purposed life----
where I know I'll never have to deal with any inner strife.

   Never any doubts, contradictions, failures, difficulties or pain----
None of these worldly soulish feelings can remain!

   Escape the lowly and the material bottom of our existence---
purge yourself of all that from which between you and the higher purpose creates any distance.

  Join only with those who share this same goal and hunger---
for all others will only bring you down and under.

  Yes, only I (and a few others) know the true Shepherd, and can explain---
all His mind, will, vision, and make it plain!

  Those that are holy only God will accept----
if free from sin then, and only then, will God you not reject.

  I thank God that I am not like others---
you know, those that are the self lovers.

  The cross I have to myself perfectly applied,
and my need for repentance I deny.

  Yes, I am the true pursuer of the Highest and the Best----
the other mass of persons they settle for what is less.

   Such a wonderful place I now live--beyond the reach of my guilt--
far away from any pang to make my conscience tilt.

   If I did once make a mistake, it wasn't I that was to blame---
 No, it was only because you made me do it, and this is to your shame!

                                                                                 Mark C.

 

     


                           

[Mark C.]

                        BACK TO OUR FORMER ASSEMBLY FAMILY--- THE SMITHS

    I would like to continue with the difficulties our ex-Assembly Dad is facing.  He still strongly believes that the Bible holds all the answers for his, and his family's, finding the right pathway for their pilgrimage.  However, he is faced with the somewhat paradoxical facts surrounding his wife and daughter's adjustments to post Assembly life.

   In the Assembly it was rather easy to discover God's perfect will for ones life.  This was accomplished through prayer and an open bible:

  1.) First ask God to remove any selfish motives and give you a clean, whole, pure, perfect, etc. heart.  (This discipline was difficult for those honest ones who realized they never quite realized this).

   2.) Then, allow God to speak to your heart from the bible. (This is based upon many verses from the bible that promise God's active participation in our lives via the Holy Spirit.)

   3.) Check your answers/directions from God via your submission to Assembly leadership for confirmination.   (The Assembly justification for this necessary step is explained as a need for humility that safeguards us from our own potential to misinterpret God's direction.)

    The last step seems to place a large question mark over the reliability of the first two.  It seems that any personal impressions from God could be vetoed by those higher up in the Assembly and that those hearing from God directly (GG/Betty) were somehow free from scrutiny re. their own instructions from on High.

    Our Smith Dad had figured out that step # 3 was unreliable, but he still tried to ascertain God's will via steps #'s 1 and 2 after he first left the group.  His experience, however, with his wife and family caused him to doubt his trust in the Assembly devotional method of understanding God's will and the experience of true life in the Holy Spirit.

   His son did not have these doubts.  He rejected the whole Assembly system as heresy and immersed himself in a particular theological view that he was sure was the only true way to interpret and follow God.  He became very rigid and intolerant of those outside of his belief system and this was demonstrated in his ridicule of his sister, mother, and lack of respect for his father's struggles.

   Our Smith dad decided he was going to try and work through these difficulties, and to do so he started to write out his thoughts (not so much different from the approach his daughter had tried).  He found that trying to put into words his inner musings brought a helpful clarity to his thinking.  This provided a different method for understanding his relationship with God. 

   His new discipline could be described as follows:

1.) We can't hear God's direction for us without a thought process. (Impressions, feelings, intuitions, etc. by themselves are not sufficient.  Though God can give these, they must be interpretated via reasonable methods. Trying to find God's thinking and impressions from a "spiritual" experience that can't be explained is an excercise in futility (1 Cor. 14:2-5).  This, "reasonable test," is necessary if we are to find, "edification.")

   2.) Our thinking through, and understanding, of our relationship with God requires the acceptance that we are very limited.      Not in the Assembly sense where only the big spiritual Kahunas have the higher knowledge.  We, as humans, do not possess the omniscience of God.  We walk in the shadow lands and this is why there are so many differences between those that call themselves Christians. This does not mean that we can't have a faith that is strong and based on an absolute foundation (more on this later).

  3.) How our lives are lived are just as important as what we think and believe about the bible.
This puts to death the notion that "GG had good teaching, though he lived like the devil."  If someone is abusive, unloving, unkind, dishonest, immoral etc. they are not receiving Heaven's communication (James 3:13-16).  There is an absolute connection between good bible thinking and good moral living that when disconnected (re. either thought or action) distort God's thinking and communication to us.

    As an example: the Smith son who scoffs at this family and treats them rudely distorts following God though he has a good grasp of orthodox biblical theology.

   Some former members have rejected the hard work of trying to think through the tough questions our Smith dad is facing.  Yes, we can just, "move on" and "forget those things that are past", but the benefits of making the effort to understand our Assembly past and what it truly means to know and follow God has the benefit of finding true riches that will build up ourselves, our families, and other folks we meet in life.

                                                                            God Bless,  Mark C.     
     
     
       
                         

[Mark C.]

                                          THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED


  (Maybe some of you are getting tired of hearing about the inner wranglings of our Smith family, or you think they are in a reactionary mode to their former Assembly life that is not positive.  Please feel free to make comments on this thread as we go along.  This family is trying to adjust to life outside of the group and attempting to make sense of their faith as they go along.  You may not agree with some of their decisions, or thoughts, but, they are trying their best.  If you have any advice for them I'm sure "they" would appreciate it.)

   Our Smith Mom has been doing a lot of reading lately re. God's love, and how important understanding it is to her spiritual well being.  In the Assembly her instruction on God's love was made practical for her in how she raised her kids.  This meant (as we discussed in the past) to harden her "mother heart" and to root out sin in her charges via strict discipline.

    She naturally interpreted this kind of love as the way God viewed her too, and others as well.  "God is not your buddy on the beach", GG would say, "as he is a holy God who is angry with you when you fail him!"  To be loved only when you can purge all sin from your life and be perfect before Him, for the honest soul, means we will never win God's love---- but, we must keep trying!!

   Not only is God not approving of his children if they can't overcome, he is incapable of the kind of love that we as humans would call affectionate (tender, empathic, sympathetic)--- or so goes the logic behind GG's "holy God."  In this version God has a very qualified version of compassion that would seem to be very limited indeed.

   Mrs. Smith was beginning to realize that this GG version of God's love had worked in her, her family, and in the group to damage that part of the personality that makes us most godly.  Without that sensitivity that the heart touched by God provides we can behave as monsters, though we live strict religious lives in the Assembly sense. 

    The thought that God actually and really loved her---- not in some kind of abstraction, or in a a very conditional sense---- but in a manner that is more heartfelt than any kind of human love ever known; well, this was a startling revelation to her!!

   This was why God could use her unsaved mother to open up that part of her soul that had been made resisitant to "natural" affection.  This, by the way, is why her daughter found insight in her job helping the needy.  The Smith Mom had forgotten how that she had first come to God when in an emotional crisis and how God had met her inner need as she sought Him for relief.

   The Smith dad was very concerned about his wife, because he thought she was becoming dependant on "her feelings" to guide her vs. relying on the bible.  He had attended a pentecostal church prior to joining the group and was deathly afraid of trying to live ones faith via experiences with God.  He was (as I mentioned before) suspect of what sounded like pop-psychology to him too.

   He was constantly reminded in the Assembly that "you can't trust your feelings" to guide you in your life with God, and he supposed that meant that feelings were always bad.  It was his "feelings" though that told him that something wasn't right in the group---- what I mean by this is that he sensed (a function of the conscience and normal affection) that something wasn't right when the leaders lied and treated members harshly.

   Is their a healthy balance between heart and mind for this family that is actually in God's will for them?  Can they be biblically sound and still have some kind of healthy emotional functionality?  Does God want them to have joy, peace, and love in their relationships?   Can both of these work together to strengthen faith and build good character?  Is this too much to ask of our Smith family in trying to deal with these issues on their own without any outside help?

  None of us are capable of a perfect life of joy, peace, and love--- and when it comes to our daily experiences in a family situation we will fall very short of loving like God loves us--- but, it is absolutely necessary to have our souls anchored in faith to the solid rock of God's unconditional love to experience any fruit at all.  The highest ethic can not be achieved without ones inner human life. 

   However, that fruit is expressed in the kind of love that is tender, kind, sympathetic, forgiving, compassionate, and a whole bunch more adjectives that describe just the kind of behavior/attitude that can only come from a heart--- and one made in God's image.   

   To know God--- the one who came to us and died for us--- is to love Him---- It can't be helped!! "We love Him because He first loved us!"


                                             Blessed be God!   Mark C. 

       
                                 

[Mark C.]

                                      THE SMITH FAMILY---CONTINUED


   We haven't included our Smith son's experiences very much as yet, and we shouldn't neglect his contribution, because he may have some interesting things to teach us.  Remember, he was the "Rebel" who refused to let GG and the Leading bros. control him and was able to escape and maintain his independent reasoning skills. 

  You may also recall that this Smith boy was disdainful of his family's responses to their involvement and recovery from the group.  This lad was very confident of his views and often used sarcasm to demean those that did not agree with him.  It was very difficult to win an argument with this guy and defer this sense of logical verbal combat he brought to most of his enounters with his family.  He despised their "victim" status and just couldn't understand why his parents and sister couldn't get over it.

 He did have an orthodox biblical belief and lived a clean moral life, but his inability to have compassion for those struggling with some weakness made him rude and abrupt in his attitude.  His Mom shared verses with him about having compassion for the weak, but the Son saw the weak as those who used their weakness as a means to control others.

  The Smith Dad admitted to his Son that "the weak" could use their status as victims to manipulate "the strong", but that this wasn't always true.  He also reminded his Son that the Bible was full of instruction re. having empathy for those struggling with their own humanity.  The elder Smith reminded his boy of Paul's exhortation to the Galatians re. how to treat those "taken in a fault' (Gal. 6:1-5). 

   The boy deftly turned the argument away by attacking his parents views as being "sloppy Agoppy" and decided he was not going to have anymore to do with his family.  "They", he reasoned in himself, "were living in an unhealthy continual victim status and would forever abide in the shadow of their Assembly past."  He just couldn't understand why they seemed to constantly live their lives as if GG and his group still had power over them----"couldn't his parents understand that they were now free!!?"

  One thing this boy was to learn was that even "the strong" are human and require the mercy and grace of God.  Oh, he knew this in theory, but in real life experience in his own life he was yet to discover how God teaches us humility.

  He was was very intolerant of those that disagreed with him and this made him unwelcome in many social settings (to the say the least).  He had joined together with a small group of believers that were "faithful" to the "true" teaching of the bible and who had great disdain for those that disagreed with them.  Now, most of us can see the danger that our Smith Son has entered into and we might call it, out-of-the-frying-pan-and-into-the-fire, but the kid saw his involvement as "confidence in his faith."

   This brings up some questions that maybe many of us might ask at this point:

1.)Doesn't the fact that I have a confident faith like this boy mean that I am in the will of God? 

           And, for those who have some confusion and doubt re. their faith does that not then mean that they are out if the will of God? Doesn't the Spirit provide a clear guiding light for us to follow--to all those that with sincerity seek his will?

    2.) Is there not a clear cut distinction between "worldly wisdom" and "true spiritual insight"?

           For instance, how about considering psychology in understanding ones life, along with biblical teaching?  In another area, how about applying methods of scholarship/science to the study of the bible and it's present application to our lives?

  3.) Why are there so many different opinions about "the truth" and how can anyone be confident as what direction to take?

         The easiest answer to this is to just become an agnostic and avoid the whole thing all together.  As such, we can become functional agnostics--- though we retain an orthodox confession of faith.  For former Assembly members it would certainly be understandable if we became very cynical of any particular religious belief.

     I do not advise that we become agnostics, however, and think that there is much to be gained by thinking through how to help our Smith family.  In the next post I will attempt to offer some advice to those engaged in this struggle. 
                                                                  God Bless,  Mark C.
       

[Mark C.]

                                      THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED


       (Note: Some have written me in the past re. these bio's wondering whether I have someone in particular in mind re. the characters.  I try very hard to keep from doing this by making my story participants composite's of many different people I remember from my Assembly days until now.  It should be obvious that I have a definite point of view (bias) and that a whole bunch of what I relate speaks to issues I have struggled with myself.  This is why I invite comment as my perspective will be limited and will never be able to adequately paint a picture of what recovery will look like for every former member.)

     I promised to answer some of the questions that I posed in the last post re. the Smith son and his life post-Assembly.

   1.) A confident and self assured Bible believer is not necessarily demonstrative evidence of God's grace working in a life.
 
 "What?!" some may respond to this assertion.  The bible teaches us that "love" is the surest "sign" that grace is operative in a believer's heart and the absence of it declares a serious problem in the life of the professed believer.   The road to discovering the above truth is plain in the bible, but really understanding it in one's life is a life long pursuit.

  That learning process is progressing in our former Assembly family, with the exception of the Smith boy.  Of course, we are not going to cease having hope for his eventual enlightment.

  But back to our point re. those that are very confident in their knowledge of God vs. those who struggle with doubt.  Isn't it good to have a strong faith?  Are not our Smiths' trying to separate "baby from bath water" as they get rid of the bad Assembly interpretations and attempt to learn what the bible is really saying about being a Christian?

   What the confident son demonstrates is that just knowing "something was wrong" with the Assembly theology and practices doesn't help us understand how our involvement in the group worked upon our soul.  The son reacted against the group's abusive control in his life in a knee-jerk kind of emotional response and developed his rational defense mechanisms as a result.  His "confidence" is really a means to cope vs. a true expression of faith.

   "How do you know all this Mark?"  His behavior tells me where he is at.  His rude, unloving, and sarcastic actions demonstrate something is amiss.   

    Consider the story of "The Good Samaritan" in the bible where Jesus confronts the serious religionists of his day by making the "hero" of the story a heretical Samaritan.  Just the notion of a "good" Samaritan must have made the bible "experts" testing Jesus very disturbed.  It is obvious that the point of the parable is to demonstrate that loving action is the result of proper bible belief and that faith without loving works is dead.

   Jesus was not teaching that theology is not important, but that faith must have a component that runs deeper than our faculties of reason.  The Good Samaritan "had compassion", which means he had the ability to feel sympathy for human pain and need.  The Smith boy did not have this capacity and had no patience for the struggles his family was going through.  He did not have the moral sensitivity(empathy) to the pain he caused others in despising how they were feeling.

  My contention is that we can split the soul by denying that we have an inner life (heart, self awareness, sinful tendencies, need for affection, ego, etc.).  It is possible to deny/ignore all these things swirling around in our life via the "power of positive thinking", but eventually living life will out you and problems will develop as a result (positive thinking is not faith).

   When former members demonstrate little patience for their former comrades in the group, though they seem to exude a great confidence in their lives re. their own convictions, you can be assured there is something wrong.  Harsh and uncaring denunciations of those who are struggling with hurt hearts does not come from the heart of God.

 We'll see how this works out as our story continues.

                                                     God Bless,  Mark C.

[Mark C.]

                                    THE SMITH FAMILY STORY CONTINUED

       Our Dad in this story is slowly becoming aware that he is very careful how he acts when around other Christians, his family, or other similar situations where he is expected to behave as "a servant of the Lord."  When around unbelievers at work he is not so careful and has a secret place in his thoughts that he allows his mind to wander.

      He does the above because it becomes a great burden on him to keep up the acting 24/7 and he needs a little relief from the "pure heart" that isn't allow to demonstrate that he has the same kind of human needs and desires that all of us have. 

    While in the Assembly he attempted to kill ("via putting the flesh to death") the normal kind of human emotions that would try surface in his life.  Things like just wanting to enjoy some recreation, instead of attending long meetings, or a day off where he did nothing at all except loaf.  The result of his decades long efforts to "deny self" created two people in one body.

   Some may ask at this point: "Doesn't the bible teach us to put the flesh to death and to deny ourselves?"  Yes indeed, but it is important to understand what this means and how the Assembly distorted this teaching.  God doesn't want us to learn how to become good actors like the Pharisees, as this is very bad for the development of our character and can cause some deep damage to our emotional life.

  When the bible talks about "the flesh" it refers to sin and not to normal human wants and wishes.  You will never be able to "put to death" the desire to feel loved, appreciated, the desire for peace, joy, and comfort in an effort to become ego free.  Jesus died to save you, and this means your person in all it's individual characteristics that make you a "self."

  Think about it, when Mr. Smith got married he was not thinking about "advancing the work, serving the Lord, or raising a godly heritage"; he was really thinking about his emotional desire that spanned his need for a soul mate to share his life with to his basic hormonal inclinations.  However, he had to deny the facts of his humanity in order to present the proper public image.  This is not the kind of "denial" that salvation is supposed to produce in our lives.

   Our Mr. Smith was beginning to understand these things and to realize that he didn't have to keep up the appearance of invulnerability that he presented.  "To be an example," he was learning, was not an excercise in pretence, and as he began to face his hidden suppressed self it was scary to see what kind of person he really was. He also had no skill in handling this Pandoras box of human desire that had been unlocked.

   Another result of this learning about how the Assembly had "made" him into this phony religionist was the horrified realization that he judged others based on their acting abilities as well.  As in the Assembly, the projection of the false image was everything, and as such, a church member whom he observed to not demonstrate enthusiastic attention in a meeting must be "carnal."

   He, however, was confused with how to deal with all this and found himself swinging back and forth between "what he should be" and his need to not be the disgusting phony that he knew lurked in the shadows of his soul.  He needed some help here, but didn't know where to go with it.  His wife would never understand his difficulty and he feared being honest with her.

   (Maybe there are some readers here who could offer some suggestions or who are experiencing something similar to our Mr. Smith and would care to offer a solution, or at least commiserate with our good friend.)

    I would contend that God is working in his life through this whole process of the cracking of the hard outer shell that our dad has created over the years.  Grace cannot work apart from truth, and that truth has to do with our being honest with our own inner condition (John 9:41---"Jesus said, if you were blind you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains").   

   There were former members that Mr. Smith knew who went on from their Assembly experience without any of these deep soul searchings and it began to make him feel like he must have been a special kind of weakling with deep personal flaws that these did not possess.  He did not realize at this point that some of those who despised this pilgrimage of his, which displayed a step that limped, were firmly in the grip of their Assembly training as practiced hypocrites.

   These former members without any seeming ill effects in their lives could quote the bible easily, had their AM times, demonstrated confidence in their beliefs (just like the Smith son), and had little patience for those who had a hard time with their lives since leaving the group.  These same folks usually refused to admit that the Assembly was abusive or that they had a part in a false religious system; not only this, they refused to even discuss this----- why?    They feared that their facade will be torn down and they will have to face the facts that they were very wrong and earn a devastating loss as a result---death to self?---- quite the irony, is it not?

                                                           God bless,  Mark C.   

[Margaret]

Mr. Smith's "dual personality" problem is something that was discussed at Wellspring: cults tear down people's natural personality and substitute the cult personality--in our case, the phony religionist. They emphasize how vitally important it is recover the interests, talents, needs, perceptions, etc. of your true self. My observation is that you are then faced with learning how to express these appropriately--it's like being an adolescent again in some ways. All these facets of our true self had to be shut tightly in a box in the Assembly, and now they have to come out and be reintegrated into the real world with its different social constraints. People who don't do this are likely to have them come out sideways after they leave the box (and in some cases, even if they are still in the Assembly box), in such ways as marital affairs, secret pornography, secret alcoholism, etc.--in spite of the continuing "phony religionist" persona. I would just say to Mr. Smith, rediscover the things you love and encourage your family to do the same, and then go do those things for awhile. C. S. Lewis says something to that effect when Screwtape berates Wormwood for letting his patient do some things he really enjoys--he reconnected with his true self and slipped through Wormwood's fingers for the moment.

[Mark C.]

Thanks for the response Margaret!

   I will try and answer for our Mr. Smith with what I believe might be the questions he might have in regard to your insights and suggestions.

  Our former Assembly member, while starting to become aware of his need to change his way of looking at things, is very fearful of being drawn into the dangers of "worldly wisdom".  He still believes that the solution to all psychological difficulties in life are found via an open bible in the presence of God. 

  Below are his objections to your advice:

1.) He does not believe the Assembly was a cult and can't accept the fact that sincere and committed born again Christians could ever be involved in such a thing as a cult.  He now knows the group was very wrong and the leaders abusive, but that is as far as he is willing to go with it for now.

2.) He has great difficulty with allowing himself to enjoy anything and is afraid of what he might do if he let himself go.  a verse that he can't get out of his head says, "he that lives in pleasure is dead while he lives"!  Anyway, it's been so long since he's allowed passion in his life he wouldn't know where to start!  (I know what you're thinking: "this guy must be a fun guy to be around"

3.) He is terribly afraid of telling anyone about his "secret life" because he fears it will bring down his entire family with  him.  He's afraid no one will understand and will reject him when they discover his desperate weaknesses.

   I know it's going to be difficult to reason with someone who is as fearful as he is.  Because I believe there are quite a few "Mr. Smith's" who may read my posts here I try to build a bridge over their fears by trying to present solutions as being rooted in the bible----- not as a technique, but because I really think that a true knowledge of God can dispel the fears that keep our former member from honestly facing his issues and getting someone to help him with them.

  He, first and foremost, will not be able to separate his psychological condition from his spiritual roots in the bible, nor would I think it good to try and attempt this (I know you are not suggesting this).  He is still very sensitive to reacting to the false image of God created by the group, even though he knows there is something wrong with it. 

   The idea that God loves him just as he is (secret sins and all), would allow him to enjoy normal human desires (much less believe that God would actually want him to enjoy life), or discover things that he might love is beyond his grasp right now.

  I know I've created a man here who has really isolated himself from any attempts to help him recover, but I actually think our Mr. Smith is better off than many former members who have never even gotten to the stage where they are beginning to doubt their own deep need for a turning and renewal.

  It is for these that I know God longs to shed abroad in their hearts his love--- to demonstrate the true affection he has for those who, like Mr. Smith, lay alone, wounded, and confused by the side of the road.

   Thanks again Margaret, for your post will start Mr. Smith thinking in a way that he had previously not considered.  There will come a time when he will be able to accept these concepts and find the joy and peace that will result.

                                                    God Bless,  Mark C.

 

     

[An Ngo]

Hello all.  This is my first posting and Lord willing not the last. 

I was involved with the Fullerton Assembly from 1984-1986 as a new Christian.  Praised be the Lord, it was only about 2 years. 

After reading all the different postings it saddens me to see the devastations that the Assembly system has caused. 

I was prepared to never post because it did not seem necessary.  However, my heart changed this Sunday because I ran into a former “Worker” from the Fullerton assembly at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton.  He complained that church meetings were not as spiritual, he was not as motivated to prepare and share, and the assembly members were the “Special Forces” of Christians.

At first, I challenged his position.  I argued that George was illogical at best and very, very, very close to meeting the biblical standards of a false prophet. 

Then God reminded me of His grace.  This man has yet to taste true grace.  Grace that brings truth and peace.  Grace that brings victory and liberty.  Grace that brings love and intimacy.

It’s so sad.  After 25 plus years of involvement in the “Work” he has lost sight of “Jesus”. 

[outdeep]

Hi An!

Thanks for posting.  I should remember you because I was living in Steve Iron's house from around 1983 to 1986 and lived with my wife in Fullerton until we left in 1990.  (I was in the Beach from 1978 to 1983).

Nevertheless, my brain is not bringing up your image. 

What you say is true.  The transition of serving God expressed in certain activities, ideas, and affiliations to serving the true God who is there in any context that He puts us is one we have to move through.  Even in the Assembly I was taught that Jesus is a Person, not an ideal (at least Tim Geftakys used to harp on that).  That worker friend needs to start really beliving that.

-Dave Sable

[Mark C.]

 

I was prepared to never post because it did not seem necessary.  However, my heart changed this Sunday because I ran into a former “Worker” from the Fullerton assembly at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton.  He complained that church meetings were not as spiritual, he was not as motivated to prepare and share, and the assembly members were the “Special Forces” of Christians.

It’s so sad.  After 25 plus years of involvement in the “Work” he has lost sight of “Jesus”. 

Hello An!

  I am glad that you decided to post and I look forward to your participation in the future.  I was a "Valley Saint" during your time with the group and so was spared day to day Fullerton involvement.  Dave can remember what he was doing at that time, but to tell you the truth I can't remember a thing except I was attending a whole bunch of meetings  !

  Your encounter with "The Worker" is very interesting and fits some of the characters that I've been discussing here remarkably well.  This "Worker" still thinks of himself a special kind of Christian and looks down his nose at those not as zealous as he thinks himself. 

   What is amazing is that after the leader of "The Special Forces" Overcomers of the Assembly was unmasked he still believes what he does about "spirituality!"  You point out correctly that trust in the grace found in Jesus is not his focus----- how can that be?   A born again believer who at one time came to God as a needy sinner now blind to what it means to be a Christian?!  Still caught up in all the ego stuff of the pharisee that needs to have a special place to strut his "spiritual" stuff in an effort to achieve personal glory.

   There is a flip-side of the coin of finding grace that is located in the condition of our hearts.  Unless we can give up all the self righteous "Special forces" stuff and join the rest of humanity as just plain ol' sinners we will be blind as bats to who Jesus really is.

  Mr. Smith, in my story, is just beginning to discover how his "Overcomer" training formed his attitudes that caused him to despise those in his new church setting.  This formation caused him to judge by appearances, as in the kind of things this "Worker" mentioned ( "the meetings were not spiritual.").  To be spiritual, in a biblical sense, is not performance in a "meeting" but a life that expresses God's truth and love.  A truly spirtual person would love those in his church and desire to bless them vs. bemoaning his lack of a place to perform in the group.

  This Worker's attitude does indeed show the destructive power of the Assembly's ability to take a believer's desire to "be more for God" and transform them into a slave of their own pride(the "sin of the devil.")

                                                                                   God bless,  Mark C.