WOUNDED PILGRIMS

[An Ngo]

Hello Dave/Mark

I was discipled by Danny Edwards at CSUF.  Admittedly, I had a rebellious streak in me back in the 80's, but I wanted to know and serve the Lord. 

I was already meeting with a campus worker with Campus Crusade for Christ and we were both praying that God would give me a confirmation to leave or maybe flee would be a better word.

The confirmation came when Mark Miller prayed that we would dress conservatively and appropriately.  Yes, he was praying towards me instead of praying towards the Lord.  What a coward!  I was a college student with a knowledge of about 10 bible verses and he could not brave himself to speak to me face to face.  Instead, he cloaked legalism behind a cheap veneer of spirituality.

That was the confirmation that I needed to flee. After I left, a sister named Angel tried to slander me, I called her several times to confront her but she would not call me back.  I ran in Tim Geftakys on CSUF and he was surprised that I was still walking with the Lord. 

Say, what ever happened to Mark Millard, Mike Glesener, Dale Suzuki, Bryson XXXXXX  and Kathleen XXXXXX?  I believe, Kathleen used to be George's assistant.  Please don't tell me that she was one of George's accusers.  I will always remember them fondly, because of their genuine love for the Lord.

What are your stories?

[vernecarty]

Hello Dave/Mark

 I ran in Tim Geftakys on CSUF and he was surprised that I was still walking with the Lord. 

Of course he was. You must understand that in his mind the assemblies (and more specifically his false teachings of his father) were the fount of all goodness and light. It was certainly not in any way possible for anyone who left that hallowed realm to have anything resembling  a serious relationship with the Lord Jesus. Don't you understand that once you "left the covering", you were doomed to a llife of abject misery, spiritual failure and entire desuetude so far as the work of the kingdom was concerned? How dare you walk with the Lord while "out of fellowship"!?
Remarkably, there are some still singing that siren song...
Verne

[Joe Sperling]

Hello An----

You said:


"Admittedly, I had a rebellious streak in me back in the 80's, but I wanted to know and serve the Lord".

That "rebellious streak" was probably more like "common sense" at work.   
(False teaching creates false guilt, and false guilt can take common sense and make it feel like "rebellion",
when all it really is is "honest inquiry").

Example: (not that "head coverings" are "false teaching"--if you want to be religious, be religious  --but an example of how asking a simple question in an atmosphere centered around false teaching can create false guilt and it's consequence):

A Brother:   "Is George really right about head coverings? Maybe he is misinterpreting the verse or taking it out
of context. Why do so many other churches not have head coverings? Are they all wrong?"

Brother of "greater stature": "Are you questioning the Lord's Servant? He knows a lot more about the Word of God than you do. Remember brother, The Bible says that 'rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft'. We're following the Lord's pattern here, given to us by the Lord's servant, so be careful not to murmur brother".

Same brother later that evening: "Oh Lord, help me not to be a rebel. I really want to be obedient Lord. Please forgive me for murmuring and questioning your Servant Lord. I feel terrible about it. Help me to humble myself Lord".

In the Assembly the "Nobel Bereans", Paul spoke of, would have been considered to have a "rebellious streak" for asking too many questions.

--Joe

[outdeep]

About that rebellious streak:  Most of us had that.  It is called being young and immature. 

An anecdote:

Lee’s problem was that he was intelligent.  I knew him when he was in high school and he could read deep theology while his classmates were going to sock hops.  As a youngster, he didn’t yet have the emotional maturity to handle his own intelligence.

When he started to come of age in college, he saw through George’s teaching.  He began discussing this openly.  Many things he handled admirably.  Other things, he probably did in ways he now regrets.

George knew that this kid was going to be a problem so he drove him from the church.  He magnified Lee's youthful immaturity to protect his own interests.

Lee went to a church out in the valley where there was a kindly, wise college minister.  I don’t know all that happened, but I suspect this man shepherded Lee allowing him to cultivate his gifts while gently modeling how to use one's gifts in a mature manner.  He sought to redeem Lee, not destroy him.

Lee became highly respected in the college group and went on to be a respected pastor.  He once shared a conference platform with Os Guinness.

Sure Lee was cocky in high school, a “rebellious streak” if you will.  But much of that had little to do with his ultimate character – he was simply coming of age.  He was a gifted kid growing up.

The Assembly’s practice to deal with these “rebellious streaks” in a heavy-handed, condemning way (take everyone to the "cross" until they submit, break or leave) is where the fault lies.  True shepherds seek to redeem.

[Mark C.]

Hi An!

  You asked: "What are your stories?" and I have told my story here before, but tend to wax lengthy at times  .  Suffice it to say that I was in Fullerton near the beginning and left in May 1991.  I lived in the San Fernando Valley and became a "leading Bro." when that Assembly started to meet.

  Tom Maddox and Joe Sperling, who also post on this site, "served" with me in the Valley (as in time served ). 

  I came out of the hippie era, finding the Lord before coming into the group, and was attracted to the sincerity, zeal, and genuine love of the members in the group.  I believed in the message that this group was superior to all other groups and very close to God.  I also believed that the leaders were God's true servants who spoke His word.

  Almost immediately I was aware of some problems with teaching and practice, but was persuaded by GG, etc. that allowing such thoughts was: "negative, of the Devil, giving place to the flesh, ad naseum."  I was also convinced that leaving the group would mean to leave God and face "great loss and removal from God's covering."

  Besides the above negative consequences of leaving there would be the loss of all my very dear and close friends in the group for whom I had a great love.  Once a person left they were shunned and rejected and this would be very painful.

  Through the aprox. 20 years I was in the Assembly I had nudges of conscience and finally a bunch of these drove me to the place where I packed up the family and moved out.  Adjustment was difficult, but one source was a great help to me and is the reason I started this thread, "Wounded Pilgrims", named after another BB of the same title which addressed issues of how I was feeling.

  You see, I had straightened out my theological thinking rather quickly after leaving, but was still feeling lost, empty----- kind of like experiencing the loss of a loved one.  I have gotten through that period of grief, but recognized that many former members have not dealt with the process of healing from their painful past and hoped that reading here might help them as I was so many years ago at the Wounded Pilgrims BB.

  Unfortunately, there will always be groups like the Assembly and there will always be those who will need help from those that have been where they now are.  Some have rejected the bible and any belief in God as a result of their experiences in the group; and so it is also my hope that these will see that God totally rejects GG and his "vision" and yet it is possible to recover to a strong faith in the true God of love and grace!

  Your story An, along with others, serves the purpose I mention above and offers hope to the down and confused who are trying to put their lives back together.

                                             Thanks and God Bless,  Mark C. 

[Mark C.]

                                      THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED

   (Time for me to get back to our Smith family as I know many of you can't wait for the next installment of how they are adjusting to post Assembly life .  Seriously though, if anyone has some helpful suggestions for them please feel free to interrupt, as Margaret did.)

   Our Smith Mom was listening, of all things, to Dr. Laura on the radio when she heard a caller ask how to deal with the pain they felt due to the loss of a loved one.  The caller wanted to know how to get over the pain she felt as it had been months and it wasn't getting any better.

  Mrs. Smith interpreted the whole conversation as a very good example of how she felt since leaving the group; in short, she understood that she had a very strong emotional connection to the group, and people in that group, and that all that was ripped away from her life and it hurt!

   Yes, she had her husband and children (which is something other singles didn't) but, there was a strange kind of distance between them now.  With the kids, because they were no longer there, and without the Assembly they had nothing to keep them together.  With Ol' Mr. Smith, she was seeing things differently than he was and no longer gave him the respect of the "man of God" title that the Assembly assigned him.  Nope, as we've been seeing, Mr. Smith is realizing too he's very human and not unlike those around him.

  Anyway, the advice that Dr. Laura gave was along these lines:  "Yes, it hurts, and it's supposed to, but it will get better as time goes on."  Mrs. Smith had noticed that the pain, anger, etc. had diminished over the years, but how to replace the sense of purpose and fulfillment in her life was the main problem.  "How am I ever going to have that wonderful joy of belonging to God, knowing I'm in the center of his will, or of a daily family life filled with meaning?"---- this is what she was thinking at the time.

  In a different kind of way, Mr. Smith was in the very same place---- he was searching for a replacement for what he lost.  He knew all the right answers:  "God is enough, seek Him in the word, get involved in a good church, etc."  Privately he thought: " How is God enough in my life, I do seek Him in the bible but I doubt my understanding of it now, and I think these churches I've visited are not to be trusted (at least not for me to get involved heart and soul)?

  I can't blame them for having these thoughts and I'll tell you why I think so:

1.) As to the "God is enough" question:

   In the group the phrase, "God is enough," meant we must derive all emotional and intellectual satisfaction from a personal and continual inner experience with God.  This understanding is not unusual to the Assembly as many evangelical Christians would agree with this.  However, I think God might disagree with this, as when he created Adam he declared that "it was not good for man to dwell alone" and created a human companion for him.

   Why? because as humans we have certain emotional and physical needs that cannot be filled by a spiritual relationship alone.  As an example, sometimes we need an actual person to talk to, empathize with us, encourage us, etc.

  I can remember having times when I felt so confused and distraught over struggles in my life where I begged God to sit down in the passenger seat of the truck I was driving and explain to me what was going on in my life, what he wanted, and why things were not working out the way I thought was "God's purpose in my life!" 

  At that moment I needed a human to pour out my heart to because, as God said, solitary and companionless life is "not good."  We need supportive family and friends in order to really experience personal satisfaction with our lives. Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't pour out our hearts to God and that he was not interested in my distress--- or that I didn't find verses that helped my distraught heart-- however, my isolated suffering is not to be the normal Christian life (why do you think the bible is loaded with the concept of minstering one to another?)

  "So, how do I interpret the Ps.23 verse-- The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want?" , some may ask.  David in the Psalm (read it and see if you don't agree) is expressing his trust in God's care for his life. He knows that whatever may happen that his God is bigger than all of them---even the "Valley of shadow of death!"  For sure, this will bring emotional benefits (certainly peace), but when we attend a funeral of a loved one we need a human presence to take bible verses to interpret and apply them in a manner that brings comfort to our hearts (I've yet to attend a funeral where there is no speaker and only an invitation, in the form of a tract, for grievers to seek God alone in their own sorrow).

  "What if I have nobody who I can call a companion or friend? Or, what if a believer is locked up in solitary confinement and tortured for his faith?"  As to the second issue: God is able to sustain his children in such circumstances.  Re. the first:  They need to find a friend--- or better yet a companion.

  With Mr. and Mrs. Smith they are married, but they are not friends and also not companions---- so, they have a ready made answer available, but they just don't know it yet.  One thing many seeking "spiritual" answers miss is that solving the needs we are talking about are not always solved by inner spiritual experiences (as in enlightened states, feeling God's presence, etc.) True spirtuality is expressed in some- thing the bible calls love---receving and giving (more on this later, and also questions 2 and 3).

                                                             God Bless,  Mark C. 

           

[Mark C.]

                                     THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED

         We were talking about how Mr. and Mrs. Smith were dealing with their feelings of loss and lack of purpose since leaving the Assembly.

  I mentioned in the previous post that there were three questions that Mr. Smith was struggling with:
 
1.) "Is God enough?"
2.) "Are all our needs met via spiritual disciplines as in reading the bible and prayer?" 
3.) "Finding a healthy church will fill the gap left by leaving the Assembly?"

  I've already wrote in the last post re. the "God is enough" topic, but all three of these questions basically will have similar conclusions--- depending on your view of faith and your present human existence.   Either you will decide that your life is lived in a spiritual bubble or that "life in Christ" includes life in time and space in our human bodies.

   Some will answer the above questions with quoting certain proof texts from the bible such as, "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want", and for them that is end of all discussion.  They will do so even if their own experience is in direct contradiction to their understanding of the verse.  This interpretation is based on the assumption that all truth is "spiritual" (and only revealed in the bible) and all that goes on in the world, or my own soul, is to be ignored.

  Spiritual truth is empty profession if it does not include a corresponding ability to be honest about my own life . The bible is actually filled with instruction and examples that make this point, but it is an easy and oft repeated error to have a belief that is not thought through and practiced via the check and balance of personal honesty.

  The parable, "The Good Samaritan," given by Jesus, does a wonderful job of challenging the Pharisees belief vs. how they actually behaved.  A Samaritan demonstrated simple human compassion, though his doctrinal belief was heretical, and thus Jesus showed that true following of God is not just a matter of quoting the right verses.

  However, the Smith's had learned in the group to ignore contradictory inclinations in their own lives (reckoning dead the old man) and this led to a fear of being honest with one another.  Without this admission of their own humanity (vulnerabilty) they grew apart(cold and distant).     

 Is God, the bible, and church attendance able to produce a satisfying emotional bond in this marriage, and/or relationships with family, etc., without dealing with these most basic human relationship issues?  If we don't we face developing a kind of character that the Pharisees displayed which is arrogant, dishonest, and most certainly not what God wants.

  When the Smith's left the group they were deeply hurt as former friends rejected them--- and then even after the group broke up there were no apologies from those that abused them!  They sought to deal with their pain via the same "spiritual" methods they practiced in the group--denial and escape!   All this did was make them angry and resentful and this made for a very confused and hurting inner life.

  To say the least, God in practice was not enough for their struggles, and often they were very depressed.  Their reading of the bible seemed to mock them in their need and the churches they visited only brought back painful memories of their experiences in the group. 

They plodded through life the best they could, and to their credit they were able to hold on to their faith, but their heart sickness needs to addressed.  How can they have hope, joy, and peace instead of the very opposite that they now feel?  How can they deal with all the contradictions within and without them and still maintain a confident faith?

  This life will never be without disappointment, pain, doubt, etc. and we will never attain in this life to a state of perfection.  This promise of "spritual perfection" that GG proffered via allegiance to his cause created a false expection in the members. 

  [u]Here are a few of my suggestions for the Smiths:[/u]

1.) Lower your expectations of yourself and others.  "What?!" some may respond to this suggestion.
 The longer I've been out the less I hurt from the lack of admission of former members for how they hurt me when I left.  They are human too and many of them are far worse off than I am.  Nobody escapes the consequences of such behavior and my attitude now is that I sincerely hope they will discover the joy of repentance.

  As to myself, I recognize that I am far from the super Assembly Christian that I aspired to, and am content to accept that fact.  It is silly to try and impress others re. how "spiritual" I am (especially family) and honesty goes a long way toward healthy relationships.

  2.) Include a biographical (human) side to your bible reading.  "huh?!" some may say .  Just reading verses out of context and developing doctrinal concepts by themselves lacks the opportunity to think about how God's truth needs to be lived in real life.  Abraham, Jacob, Peter, etc. provide a view of how heart mixes with truth.

 3.) Expectations for churches need to be changed from how "they appear" to a support of true Christian character.  This can be an opportunity for former Assembly members to make a great contribution to a church.  We are painfully aware of dangerous tendencies among a religious group and also what is a better way to advance God's pupose in the church.

                                                         God Bless,  Mark C.

           

 

[Mark C.]

                                         THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED


  Of all the family members it may appear that the Smith daughter is the most "unspiritual" one of the bunch.  The Dad and Mom are trying to work out their new life outside of the group within a biblical context, while the Smith boy is confidently settled within his "superior" knowledge of all things from God. 

  The daughter doesn't read the bible much, and only occasionally goes to church.  She doesn't wrangle with doctrinal twists, or think about her former life as a child in the Assembly.  However, it may surprise you to know that she is learning some very important lessons that the rest of her family is not.

   The daughter's new job working with the handicapped has touched the most important part of the soul in regard to recovery (and living a productive and happy life) that can be discovered----loving care for my neighbor.  This job freed her from the morbid preoccupation with self centeredness that had controlled her.

  The above understanding of setting aside my own inner strife--over past hurts and present contradictions within my own soul---in favor of actively helping those needing help provides a wonderful opporutnity for transformation of one's life.  You just don't have the luxury of self preoccupation when others are dependent on you. 

  But what of her relationship with God?  Are not our convictions re. eternal biblical truths the most important aspect of our lives?  Is it that our knowledge of God's love and grace for us are the only truly transforming power for a human soul?

  "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.  The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.  But the man who loves God is known by God." I:Cor. 8:---3.

   An example of "the man who thinks he knows something" would be the Smith son, and I think we would all agree that he lacks a great deal in re. to his knowledge of what God wants.  The parents are searching for "the answer", and are making progress, but they still feel some confusion and lack of fulfillment in their lives.

   I do believe that our pilgrimage continues in the understanding God's attitude toward us is one of unconditional love.  That grace transforms sinners character via the miracle of the New Birth many of us can testify to.  Why is it then that our wounded Smith family pilgrims can't just easily bounce back via a better theology?

  I don't know about you, but I was saved in the midst of an emotional crisis, though I had a knowledge of Gospel truth prior to that moment in time.  I accepted and came into the Assembly via a very strong emotional appeal.  I left the group with a whole bunch of damaged feelings and this led me to seek out answers to set things right inside my soul.

  The strongest of the above emotions that God gave us is our need to be loved and to feel love toward others.  When I speak of love I am using it in the highest use of the word---"for God so loved the World, etc."  This love has a moral quality to it that brings a sensitivity to our intellect. 

 How?  We get outraged when we consider that some abusive tyrant is killing innocent children in some hell-hole of a country in Africa.  Why is that?  Good theological reasoning might suggest that these children will all go to heaven and find true relief from disease, hunger, etc. and as such would be better off dead.  However, our moral sensitivities stir in our hearts and fill us with outrage.

  If there is not such a response there is something very wrong in our lives.  Former/present members of the Assembly who are "past feeling" when it comes to moral outrages of GG and the Assembly are also a good example of those who may have doctrinal understanding of God's love but, like the Corinthians, lack the most important aspect of a life that pleases God--- a loving heart.

  Again, Jesus parable of The Good Samaritan addresses this very clearly, and it would seem that we can learn something from our Smith daughter, though she has not the theological prowess of the rest of her family.  I don't say all this to argue that theology isn't important, only that bible truth finds it's meaning in context with the human experience of life and that without that context we can find ourselves spinning around in our pilgrimage toward recovery.

                                                               God Bless,  Mark C.

 

 

[Mark C.]

                                        THE SMITH FAMILY CONTINUED

   I think it is time to move on from our Smith family, so this will be the last entry re. these folks.  Their story will go on, as our story moves forward, but I'd like to end my thoughts re. them by considering what their future may hold------ in other words, "where are their choices taking them?"

  The Smith Dad:  I don't know about you, but I like his chances for both holding on to his faith and for real healing in his soul.  "Why?" some make ask.  He has a conviction that the bible holds the truth, but he also has the humility to understand that his prior views of scripture were in error.  Our Smith dad could have just chucked the whole "Christian thing" as being a means of controlling and using him, but something kept him from this.

    Had he done so it would have just been a reaction of his own pride---- an unwillingness to accept that his thinking had been flawed.  However, Mr. Smith, though still confused, has made the effort to think about: 1.) What he was involved with in the Assembly.  2.) How the teaching and practices specifically worked on him and his family.  3.) Where God wanted his thinking to be now---- or, who God really is and how that should effect his life.

    I am fairly confident that those former members not willing to go through the above process will be unable to find recovery.  Ignoring our Assembly past, by trying to forget it or by trying to minimize the actual destructive dynamics within the group, will lead to big problems on down the road of life.  This is not a difficult concept to accept as it is based on the simple common sense thought that "chickens do come home to roost."

The Smith Mom:  She had shut out all emotion that did not support the one goal of loyalty to the group.  Her mother was the key in waking her up to the role ones feelings play in life, and that this part of our humanity is important in our perception of God and his ways.

  "But," some will say, "feelings are only reactionary and have no cognitive or perceptive characteristics at all."  Of course, without a brain the rest of our inner life cannot function in this world, but the mind and the heart can work together in a way that does allow the latter to inform the former.

   With our Smith Mom, she "learned" from her unsaved mother that God's love did not fall into the narrow interpretation of loyalty to the group and coldness to all others.  The very fact that she felt this almost loathing toward her unsaved mother did inform her thinking that something was very wrong with what she had committed her belief to.

   The bible teaches us that to be "past feeling" is a sign of immorality, and of course that expressing God's love will reflect the emotional attitude that reflects sympathy, empathy, humility, kindness, non-judmentalism, etc.  So, good sound bible thinking should express a human being that is not like what Mrs. Smith was in the group.

    We also see in the bible that the worse kind of immorality is from those claiming to represent God and yet whose behavior is cold and unresponsive to just the regular human needs around them (as in the Good Samaritan parable, etc.).  Some evangelicals would fear the danger that the Gospel could be "humanized" and that the "spiritual truths" found in adherence to doctrine could be in danger by accepting the above premise.  The plain and simple fact is we need both (mind and heart) to work together in harmony in making us into a whole person who are truly living for God.

   I will have to continue the conclusion in another post to include the two Smith children. 

                                                                        God Bless,  Mark C. 

[Mark C.]

                                      THE SMITH FAMILY STORY CONCLUDED


   Okay, this will most certainly be the last installment on the continuing saga of my Smith melodrama  .  However, if any wish to comment on our beloved family please feel free.

    I still have to discuss the two kids who I have with purpose presented as a kind of polar opposites.  It would be simplistic to say that any former member actually perfectly fits the extremes these two children of the Assembly exemplify.  I have designed my characters the way I have in an effort to make clear what it means to "recover" from being in a group like the Assembly.  That my bio's have an instructional agenda will be obvious to most.

  What do we learn from the Smith son?  That a sharp theological mind, and being possessed of a strong self confidence in ones knowledge of the bible, without a loving heart, is a clanging cymbal.

    What do we learn from the Smith daughter?   That submission to theological instruction is not the only means whereby God can reach and recover a lost sheep.  Such an individual will recoil from being force fed dogma.  Is there a means to reach such a person with spiritual truth via a kind of communication that differs from indoctrination?  The one who leaves the 99 to find the one understands the uniqueness of each individual and as the Author and Finisher of our faith will find the means.

   The two above illustrate the mind and heart of an individual.  The Assembly accomplished control not only in what we believed, but over our emotional lives as well.  The makings of false religion that Jesus spoke of in Mt. 23 must be reversed in those whose inner life has been formed into the inhuman shape (twice the sons of hell) that was produced.

  In Mt. 23 we see what a cultic system can produce---- the hypocrisy, the cruelty, the desire to control other lives, the inability to be intreated, the power to twist it's converts into inhuman beasts.  Jesus does not condemn them for "teaching the law" only that their behavior was at odds with it.  These "spiritual guides" used the law as a means of control and for their own personal gain.

   You can see the problem that former members of such a system will have in learning that God intends his word to be a means of "building up", as they will tend to associate biblical instruction as a means to control and use them.  This is a learned emotional response that has been aptly described in the metaphor of the hot stove and the cat.  I'm sure you remember this illustration where a cat once burned when jumping up on a hot stove will never jump up on a stove again--- whether it's hot or not!

  We like to think that we are perfectly rational individuals and that our emotions have been properly placed in the tail position.  Some of us are more blessed than others with a more objective means of facing life, but after being subjected to the subtle spiritual formative forces for decades in a group like the Assembly we need to pay special attention to recovering our humanity.

  Yes, it is our humanity that has been disfigured and this requires not only biblical instruction in how to think differently about God, but instruction on how to think about others and ourselves.  Again, Jesus rebuke in Mt. 23 has to do with false religion's self centered inhumanity, not about incorrect teaching of the law. 

  Some of the worse kind of inhumanity we learned was against our own humanity!  We might be very kind to others, but learned a continual state of guiltiness and self disgust that also has a power to disfigure our life.  Getting out of this walled city may well take some help from someone skilled at this kind of work.  I may take a stab at a bio in the future that deals with such an individual.

  The inability of some former members seeing how wrong spirited the Assembly was across the board declares a Laodicean hardness of heart that shuts them out from recovery of their souls from what was formed in the group---- Jesus stands outside their lives knocking!

  The inability of some other former members who feel deeply wounded to find a means to relate to God again as a result of the "cat on the hot stove" reaction also prevents these from enjoying the feeling of God's deep care for them! 

   Both of these situations are very difficult for they are magnified through many years of involvement under the pressures the Assembly system produced.  I think that God is very patient with these "little ones" who were victims of this abuse and that it is good advice for us to be patient as well (and this goes for with yourself as well).

                                                              God Bless, Mark C.

   

 

     

[Mark C.]

                                  CAN GOD'S HEART BE WOUNDED TOO?


   

  There are those who believe that being strongly effected in ones emotions negatively could be only considered as human weakness.  Some also would consider a broken heart as a reaction, that if it continues, could be only considered an immature character trait.  You know, a 'crying in your beer' kind-of feeling sorry for yourself---- or possibly, wallowing in a sense of victimization.

  Consider the verses below from Hosea 11: 1-11-------

    "When Israel was a child I loved him and out of Egypt I called my son.-------- It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them.  I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.-------"How can I give you up Ephraim? How can I hand your over, Israel?  How can I treat you like Admah?  How can I make you like Zeboiim?  My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.  I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.  For I am God, and not man"-------.

   In this passage God declares that he is "not man" and yet reveals that his judgment is swayed by what he feels in his heart toward Israel.  That this book of Hosea reveals that God has an inner conflict between what "he should do in judgment" and his tender feelings toward these Israelites is obvious.

  I don't think it is a stretch to conclude that God here is experiencing a wounding of his heart due to the rebellious antics of his people.  It would have to follow then that we in our human experience also would have emotional conflicts or wounding that shouldn't necessarily be considered as something "weak or bad."

  In the above passage God most certainly is not "playing the victim" nor is he "whining" how badly he was treated by Israel.  However, he does reveal his vulnerability of heart that inspires the Hosea lament.  Knowing this, as believers and as former members of the Assembly, might offer some consolation for us that our damaged emotions are not something to be ashamed of.

  To accept my above premise does not make us "humanists", as the aspect of God's character that reveals he has a heart, like us, that is capable of being hurt, is not what he is suggesting makes him: "For I am God, and not man."  What distinguishes his divinity in this passage is that his faithful commitment to love toward Israel is not able to change,  whereas man is fickle, as demonstrated by Israel.

  Also, God can do something with his broken heart that we cannot do, because he is God, and that is he can take the action of redemption to "bring back" those who have caused him so much pain and make them his delight again.  The hope of recovery is what is at the center of God's heart--- as the Gospel reveals.

  For us just normal human types, our recovery from wounded hearts (damaged emotions) will require a source outside of ourselves.  Trying to ignore the damage within caused by the betrayal of those in the Assembly whom we put all of our trust in with some kind of stoic "putting to death" of the trouble and pain I feel will not be successful.

  Recovery is not a self-help methodology because only God is capable of recovery and healing of the soul.  Also, and most importantly, the rape of our spiritual innocence by a false religion can only be effectively treated in the discovery of the reliability of our God's true attitude toward us.  There is true safety for the innocent vulnerable heart in the loving care of our God and Father who is not without sympathy for what we went through in the group.

  God understands your inner confusion, feelings of pain--- that can jump from anger/resentment to large self doubts re. whether your life will ever be able to get back on track with God again.  This knowledge allows us to come close to him and experience the "taking them by the arms"---- and, "I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love."

  What are "cords of human kindness?"      At the very least, I think that this means that God relates to the fact that we are emotional beings, as well as rational.  In vs. 4 the verse goes on to say, " I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them."  I would say God's way here is in direct contrast to the Assembly method of control.  However, it may also suggest a path to recovery for us. 

  Since recovery of our faith, and the function of that faith in our lives, is tied to understanding what these "cords of human kindness" might be I think it might be worth it to continue this thought in another post.  Please feel free to offer any comments you may have.

                                                                    God Bless,  Mark C.



 

     

[tkarey]

Bless You, Mark


Karey

[Joe Sperling]

In Psalm 103 it says "As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear
him." It says "He remembers that we are dust". He knows our weaknesses, and knows all
of our faults. When we deserve judgment he shows mercy. The Lord is "ready to forgive,
and merciful to all who call upon him".  Thanks for what you shared Mark.

[jackhutchinson]

Thank you so much for what you've shared, Mark.  It has been a blessing to read about God's kindness in your posts.  God is patient with us, with all our failings.  I'm finding as time goes on that I'm reacting less and less to past triggers.  I used to bristle when we sang the old hymns at my church.  Now I can enjoy them in all their depth.

Recently I saw a woman in church with a headcovering on, which she promptly removed at the end of the service.  I was surprised by this, and it did freak me out a little, then I laughed it off.  I didn't approach her to see what the deal was, since I was afraid I'd come off as judgmental (like we did when someone showed up in the Assembly with tattoos or earrings).  She may have been the mother of a former Assembly member who attends my church.

Jack

[Mark C.]

  Thanks Karey, Joe, and Jack for your comments.  It's a great encouragement to hear that you can now laugh off things that used to trigger negative feelings Jack!

  The reason that I shared the particular passage in Hosea is not only that it shows God's loving attitude toward us in our failings, but that God has kindly feelings that show him to be more accessible to us than maybe we have thought in the past.

  Bible believing Christians have a fear of becoming "modern/liberal" in their view of God by "making God in their own image" via the error of humanism.  This is a very real danger, but then there is just as big a danger of falsely portraying God as being aloof, austere, etc. which "makes" God into a harsh image that I don't think is true either.

  How this all plays out in our emotional life is either supportive or destructive in how we live out our faith.  This is especially true for former members of a group like the Assembly where associations were made between "God's Word" that were used to control and abuse.

  The phrases that God uses in Hosea to describe not only his feelings toward his people, but how he would seek to recover them via "cords of kindness" seem to indicate God's desire to make an emotional connection with us.  Were these "cords" just words through the prophet Hosea, and how exactly was God going to work this out?

  Theologically we can know that "God is love," and the truth of the Gospel that God himself became man, lived a perfect life, and laid down that life for us.  How the Assembly could ever take that liberating message and make it into a cruel method of control and abuse is an amazing study in itself, but once we have cleared up the confusion in our minds we still have to be able to experience that love in a way that brings joy and peace to our hearts.

GG put a million miles between us and God and it was up to us to try and close that gap.  GG said, "Jesus is not your buddy on the beach" and that "when we sin we scare the Holy Spirit away from us!" 

  Okay, we know that now, and we are now convinced that "God truly loves us just as we are ", but somehow I often just don't feel that way.  How can I bring my feelings in line with the truth of the grace of God? Maybe the "cords of human kindness" might hold an answer for us. 

 I will venture a guess that the word "human" is key to making the above connection I have been talking about here.  What makes us human vs. say angelic or animal?  I would say to be human is to be a moral creature, but that this morality has a passionate component as well.  Without either of these we are either spirit beings or just animals (without emotion or amoral).

 We have conscience (awareness of right and wrong) and we can become emotional about moral issues when either good or evil is done.  An inability to "feel" outraged re. evil or inspired by good means that something is not right with us---- but again, it is this definition of what I am calling "human," which I think we sometimes misunderstand; it is this human component that God is talking about as his means of "drawing us back" (recovery) to himself.

  So, my ability to be passionate as God demonstrates in the Hosea passsage where, "his heart is changed within him", might be something that God wants us to experience as well.

 Does this sound crazy to anyone?  How can I regain a kind of inner strength that demonstrates a confident, and joyful expression that springs from my relationship with God?  What are "the cords of human kindness" that can heal and recover my soul?

  I'm not sure (though I have some ideas), but I think it will be a happy topic to consider and hopefully a great blessing.

                                          God bless,  Mark C.