Exit Process

[outdeep]

I came into the Assembly in 1978 and first had concerns as early as 1980.  I visited other churches and wrote Christian Research Institute with my concerns.  

A sister got on me for visiting other churches ("not being a good example to the campus ministry").  

Even though deep down I began to see "yellow flags", I stuffed my concerns.  After all, it may simply be my carnal desires not wanting what the Lord wants.  In the Assembly, I was at war with myself as concerns surfaced and were then put down.

It was ten years before I left in 1990.  One big help was reading "How to Read the Bible for all it's worth".  I had an objective standard by which I could see the flaws in how George handled Scripture.

Another big help was hearing the same story that I had from other people.  It wasn't "just me".

I would like to hear from people about your exit process.  How long did it take before you first suspected something was "wrong" and you finally acted upon it by leaving?  What were some things along the way that "woke you up" and saw that you weren't just giving in to the "lies of the enemy"?

[BeckyW]

Dave,

We had misgivings for years, but my husband and I would tell each other that these leaders' lives, from the top down. "were an open book".  Brothers among brothers. We actually believed that.

For example, we thought the leaders in Fullerton really did hold George accountable for his behaviour, schedule, etc.  And we really believed the money we gave went to a group of these men who really prayed about how to spend it, sent it to where it was needed around the world, etc.

When we heard that the sin issues in Geo.'s life went back at least 20 years, we felt like scales fell off our eyes.  Phill almost immediately said, 'How could this man have been led by God to begin a work here in the mid-80's?'  We still don't understand a lot, but this was our take on it.

After leaving, we began calling former friends who had left previously, to apologize for our attitudes, and renew our relationships wherever possible.

One brother said he had been praying for us, that we would see "How big God is..."  That really spoke to us.
Phill says we had become so narrowed in our own selves.  I saw soon after that, in Jer. 23:24,  "Do not I fill the heavens and the earth? declares the Lord".  He is so much inexpressibly greater than any vision, pattern, testimony, etc. that we might try to confine Him to, or ascribe to Him.

"How to Read the Bible for all it's Worth" was also especially helpful to us and continues to be.

Perhaps more another time,

Becky

[mithrandir]

For years before January of this year, I knew that there were things wrong with the Geftakys assemblies, yet when I exited, my exit was rather sudden.  As far as the trigger that set me off, one thing I have noticed about the Geftakys assemblies is the rampant nepotism among the leaders, with leaders promoting relatives and family to places of prominence, regardless of whether they were qualified.  So when George made his pathetic "apology" for what was happening in SLO during a prayer meeting in Southern California last year, I knew something was up.  After asking around, I got the full picture from people who were willing to tell me the truth.

Though I was not a worker or leading brother, I had a position of relative responsibility in one of the California assemblies.  Yet when George was excommunicated, and I saw that there were those who after this were unwilling for a new beginning, it was very easy to walk away from all the Assembly garbage.  I am not sorry that so many of the Geftakys groups have collapsed (though I do feel sorry for those who are still meeting).

I think one thing that makes it hard for some to walk away from the existing groups is pride, especially among those who were highly priveleged in George's hierarchy.  These are people who have built their entire identity on their position, and on their elevation above others around them.  One gets the feeling that these would fall to pieces if their audience was taken away from them.

My main struggle at present is letting go of my anger at the things that were done, not only by George, but by many of his henchmen.  Too many of these henchmen have not yet come clean.  I hope one day to be able to leave all my anger behind and to get on with my life.  I also see the need to make things right with those whom I hurt while I was part of the Geftakys cult.

mithrandir

[Kimberley Tobin]

My main struggle at present is letting go of my anger at the things that were done, not only by George, but by many of his henchmen.  Too many of these henchmen have not yet come clean.  I hope one day to be able to leave all my anger behind and to get on with my life.  I also see the need to make things right with those whom I hurt while I was part of the Geftakys cult.

mithrandir

I don't know when you exactly made your exit, but anger is one of the steps that I believe you must go through on your road to recovery.  The Lord said, "Be angry and sin not."  Anger is not a sin.  I think the emotion "anger" is one of the things that will motivate you to examine your involvement and take the steps necessary to change.  Just don't stay there.  

What I finally realized was that my continued anger was not hurting the individuals I was angry with, it was only hurting me and those closest to me.  But it was a catalyst.  I have moved from the place of wanting my "pound of flesh" (wanting those who hurt me and those I love, to be held accountable-NOW) to a place of leaving it with the Lord.  My trust is in the Lord's judgement with these individuals.  This has freed me to go on with my life and relationships that are most important to me.  You can get there too.

[M2]

I speak from personal testimony here, but I beleive that this applies to many ex-assembly-ites/assembly-ites.

Why did we go to MWS, or MTT, or ECC, or camp-outs, or BET, or ... ? Often we would be asked, "What is your expectation?" and I must confess that I wasn't spiritual enough to come up with one. I knew that I was at least going to enjoy the fellowship of the saints, and I wanted to be with the saints (and still do). So we endured the long rides, and the trouble of setting up and taking down our tents, etc.

That love for the saints, and the fond memories of fellowship with them, still remains. I personally would never have left the assembly if it was only because of seeing the existence of Geftakysism-problems in our midst (or else I would have left long ago). I could have 'toughed it out', after all I'm almost mil-spec by now.

There is a higher law however, and that is our love for God. When I recognized that Geftakysism-problems were a symptom of a deeper problem, ie the assembly-system is a false-religion, then I had no other choice but to leave the assembly. By speaking the truth about why I left, it has cost me the friendship and contact with most of those still 'in'; and I was 'in' for 21+ years.

When I post on this BB, it is not meant to be an 'attack' on anybody still 'in', but to expose (by citing examples) the deeds of Geftakysism(darkness). Most who remain 'in' are still sincerely deceived, but others should know better.

That's all for now,
Love and God bless,
Marcia Marinier

[M2]

I also see the need to make things right with those whom I hurt while I was part of the Geftakys cult.

mithrandir

This is a true fruit of repentance. Many individuals say they've repented and want change, but they have not made things right with individuals they have hurt. They have instead proclaimed 'how great they are' and 'how they did not succumb to GG-isms'. etc.

Lod bless,
Marcia

[James]

I also see the need to make things right with those whom I hurt while I was part of the Geftakys cult.

mithrandir

This is a true fruit of repentance. Many individuals say they've repented and want change, but they have not made things right with individuals they have hurt. They have instead proclaimed 'how great they are' and 'how they did not succumb to GG-isms'. etc.

Lod bless,
Marcia

There may be some that do not feel they did anything wrong. Often before we see repentance in others lives they need to see it in ours.
"Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance." Matt 3:8

[Mark C.]

There may be some that do not feel they did anything wrong. Often before we see repentance in others lives they need to see it in ours.
"Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance." Matt 3:8

 Hi James!
  I hope I got this quote thing correct and it shows your quote re. the possible need of EX- Assembly folks first showing our repentance before present Assemblyites can see to repent themselves.
  This is a classic tool that the Assembly used to avoid receiving entreaty in their long and illustrious career as abusive.  In other words: until the victim has the right attitude God can not work.  When the member is in proper submission to God, then, and only then, will God open the eyes of the leader.
   This above confusion is also used in cases of wife abuse to further place shame on the abused and to excuse the abuser.  It often works because the abused already feel a great deal of undeserved guilt and the abuser knows how to manipulate them.
   What do you expect former victims of Assembly abuse to repent of?  Have we not offered both cheeks to our abusers yet?  I spent 20 years bowing and scraping to these leaders and it only strengthened their abusive practices.
  I find your suggestion ignorant of the dynamics of abuse in the Assembly, supportive of a concept that reinforces unrepentant attitudes among present Assemblyites, and thoroughly repugnant.
                                           God Bless,  Mark

[James]

This is a true fruit of repentance. Many individuals say they've repented and want change, but they have not made things right with individuals they have hurt. They have instead proclaimed 'how great they are' and 'how they did not succumb to GG-isms'. etc.

Lod bless,
Marcia

Mark:

My comments were not about GG or his emissaries. It was in response to MM statement that there are "many individuals" that have not repented in the proper way. They can be told how deceived they are and how evil the system is or they can respond by witnessing the true fruits of repentance in the lives of those who have truly repented.

I want to be careful where I point fingers before I examine my own heart.

[brian]

My comments were not about GG or his emissaries. It was in response to MM statement that there are "many individuals" that have not repented in the proper way. They can be told how deceived they are and how evil the system is or they can respond by witnessing the true fruits of repentance in the lives of those who have truly repented.

so you're saying that if those in the assembly see our sadness about our involvement in an abusive system, our joy at repenting from that involvement, and our open attempts to make right the effects of our involvement in it they will be much more likely to follow suit? that this open repentance might be more convincing to them than the facts they have already been presented with? you may be right, its tough to say what can open a person's eyes. but i think you are also saying that we should be paying more attention to our own repentance than to those who have not repented, which is a bit messier statement, because it almost sounds like 'mind your own business' - although i don't think that is how you intended it. i think its true that our first priority should be clearing our own heads, but a close second is helping clear the heads of those we care about, and preventing others from being hurt. its an intertwined process of realization - self-discovery and other-discovery. as our perspective of ourself shifts, our perspective of others shift as well - some of whom we have known and loved for years. exploring that together is what this bb is all about. we don't have to completely understand ourselves in order to make an attempt to put others in perspective. does this make sense?

brian