Laughter..the best medicine

[editor]

I know I am going to get clobbered on this one, but I can say without sarcasm that there are times I enjoyed George's messages.  When I go through 1 Samuel, I still think back to some things he said in the first seminar I attended in Fall, 1978 - The Wars of David.  In Spring, 1978, he did a seminar on Ephesians called "In the Heavenlies" which touched upon things that most Bible teachers teach on (H.A. Ironside also called his commentary on Ephesians, "In The Heavenlies").  And, yes, I remember perking up to a story and laughing at the punch line.  Even the Open Brethren recognized that, though he was too controlling for leadership, he was a gifted teacher in their circles.

As Tom Maddux said on this board once before, even a broken clock is right twice a day.  

What I think George's problem was that (using his terms) he didn't have the "capacity" to preach and teach to the extent that he thought he did.  Some seminar lectures, I followed pretty well.  Many others, I was lost right out of the starting gate.  Further, his move away from accountibility and the subculture that demanded that he was beyond criticism (yes and his enormous ego needs tied to his mystical approach that caused him to believe that God spoke right to him) greatly corrupted what could have been a half-decent ministry.

I agree - I always loved Jim Hayman's messages and always wondered where he could have been if he was given some freedom.  Tim could have been just as effective as Greg Laurie.  Dan Notti could have written some thoughtful Christian books.

There was a particular brother, who I won't name, who was extremely faithful (meaning he popped up at every opportunity), but a notorously poor preacher.  Several times I considered tieing his shoelaces to the metal chair to leave room for someone else.

Dave,

I thought about clobbering you, but I decided to agree with you instead...with this caveat:

You left in the early 90's, I believe.  George got worse, much worse, throughout that decade.  The last few years, he didn't preach anymore, he just read his notes to us.  I believe the reason he did this was to make it easier to get them into book format.  You have never heard drier, more lifeless messages that those read from 1998 on!

I was also encouraged from time to time in the eighties.  Frequently I was encouraged by Jim Hayman, as I have mentioned below.

Had Jim been given freedom  (Or more precisely, had he walked in the Freedom we all have in Christ---he failed to do so...) he would have been 10 times the "preacher," George never was.

Now, you have been quite clear where you stand with regard to the whole thing, so don't be afraid to say something nice about George, if warranted.  

He bought me breadfast once....

Brent

[Recovering Saint]

Today’s funny

A blonde suspected that her boyfriend was cheating on her, so she bought a gun. She went to his apartment that same day, with the pistol in hand. Sure enough, when she opened the door, she found her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. Overcome with grief, she put the gun to the side of her head. Her boyfriend screamed, “Honey, don’t do it…”
The blonde yelled back, “Shut up! You’re next!”

[outdeep]

Brent,

I agree with you and I think he did get progressively worse.  Those who were in the Assembly before I was say he started out with pretty standard PB doctrine and dispensationalism.  I guess after thirty years of young kids saying to you, "I don't know what you're saying but it sure sounds glorious", you start believing it -

"Hey!  Maybe I am God's Announted One!"

-Dave

[d3z]

There was a particular brother, who I won't name, who was extremely faithful (meaning he popped up at every opportunity), but a notorously poor preacher.  Several times I considered tieing his shoelaces to the metal chair to leave room for someone else.

I think these type were common.  Always "exercised".  Again, no names, but I know exactly what you are talking about.

Dave

[Scott McCumber]

There was a particular brother, who I won't name, who was extremely faithful (meaning he popped up at every opportunity), but a notorously poor preacher.  Several times I considered tieing his shoelaces to the metal chair to leave room for someone else.

"Brother, if after 20 minutes you're still drilling . . . stop boring!"

I wish more bros would have heeded GG's advice! No chance that he believed it applied to himself.

S

Maybe it was, "If you're still boring . . . stop drilling!" That makes more sense.

[al Hartman]

Plays Upon Words (a compendium of "groaners")


Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon Vu - the same mustard as before.

The rigors of camping are in tents.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a man with a wooden leg but broke it off.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

The optician who had an accident with the lens grinder made a spectacle of himself.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

The pediatric nurse who inoculates small children gets a little behind in her work.

Please don't shoot the messenger!
al

[Recovering Saint]

Terribly funny Al. I am not worthy. That sure is a lot of PUNishment.  

Today's funny

Waiter, Waiter,

Max: Waiter, is this peach pie or apple pie?

Waiter: Can't you tell by the taste?

Max: No, I can't

Waiter: Then what difference does it make?

[al Hartman]

     Back in the days of the Soviet Union, the CIA employed a Czechoslovakian circus midget as a spy, because his size allowed him to get into places others could not.

     One night, agents of the Russian KGB discovered him at work and gave chase.  Mere moments ahead of his pursuers, the diminutive operative fled into an unfamiliar neighborhood of Prague, and unwittingly ended up trapped at the terminus of a deadend residential street.

     Facing imminent capture, the tiny man hammered desperately on the nearest door.  Facing the bleary-eyed resident, he pleaded urgently, "Sir, I hate to disturb you at this hour, but could you cache a small Czech?"

[Recovering Saint]

I heard an announcer on the radio complaining about people giving warnings to drivers to slow down and not tailgate after having two days of extreme cold with black ice on the road (invisible to the eye and that gives people a false sense of security). So we have had over 400 fender benders in that time and I think I have a warning for this fellow.

WARNING ABOUT WARNINGS

We would like to warn you of a warning that could help you if you hate warnings. Warning don't read this warning if you know everything. But if you have an accident I will laugh at you for being so stubborn and  lacking in humility. Good on you bozo now you know why that warning was for you.

So I wonder if we warn the leaders do you think this is probably their attitude. Who are you talking to we know everything you can’t tell us. And when they mess up are we not entitled to say "We told you so. Now will you listen to us".

[editor]

I heard an announcer on the radio complaining about people giving warnings to drivers to slow down and not tailgate after having two days of extreme cold with black ice on the road (invisible to the eye and that gives people a false sense of security). So we have had over 400 fender benders in that time and I think I have a warning for this fellow.

WARNING ABOUT WARNINGS

We would like to warn you of a warning that could help you if you hate warnings. Warning don't read this warning if you know everything. But if you have an accident I will laugh at you for being so stubborn and  lacking in humility. Good on you bozo now you know why that warning was for you.

So I wonder if we warn the leaders do you think this is probably their attitude. Who are you talking to we know everything you can’t tell us. And when they mess up are we not entitled to say "We told you so. Now will you listen to us".

Yes, that's pretty much what we have been doing.  We gave warnings, and then reminded people of the warnings.  Then the truck crashed and burned and now we are warning them to get away from the wreckage before the fuel tank ingnites.

Sure enough, there are going to be some seriously hurt people, even worse than those of the past.  Think what will happen when some of the "dear ones,"  in San Francisco, wake up and realize that they have been totally, repeatedly manipulated, with lie upon lie.  I promise there will be suicides.  Tragic?  Horribly so.  Awful, terrible, and sad.  Yet, if we study other groups we can only conclude the obvious.

I wouldn't be surprised if there are homicides as well.  Either a leader killing an outspoken sheep in a fit of rage, or a downtrodden sheep who suddenly snaps and kills a leader.  These things are less common than the suicides, but are entirely likely.

Remember, David Koresh broke off a fringe group from an already fringe group.  The "double fringe," took on a fortress/persecution mentality and the rest is history.  Of course, the government is to blame in a big way there.

Then there is Jone'sTown, Solar Temple, Heaven's Gate, and who knows how many others.  

Oh....I just remembered how I got on this.  Hugh made a joke.  Sorry to ruin your joke Hugh.  Maybe I'm a little to doomsdayish today.  Perhaps I need to go sailing.

Brent

[summer007]

I was called a Computer Nerd last nite...Funny Not...Me A computer Nerd Impossible you have to at least be able to set your margins for that title....(my son cant figure out what I'm doin Ol)....he,he...

[Scott McCumber]

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.

The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.

The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some jerk wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here.

"Where are you from, son?"

"Texas, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

"No kiddin'?!" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

[Tony]

IF you violate numerous sexual harrassment policies and are not even counseled...


IF you have worked for a company for nine years and people are still shocked to meet you on an elevator...



IF  at a team building exercise, all employees are told to pay no attention to you...



IF  many people would call you the hardest working employee in the building, yet you are never considered for a promotion...



IF your minority status has no bearing with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission...



IF you're not asked to bring your favorite dish to the Christmas party...



IF you regularly wear leather and chains to work...



IF the ladies in the office can't seem to keep their hands off of you...



IF you think that all of the food in the cafeteria is delightful...



IF many of your coworkers admire the job you do while others don't believe you should even be there...



IF  there are more employees at your retirement ceremony than any other...


Chances are...




...you are a corporate working Guide Dog!

Something I wrote for my Guide Dog's retirement.

--Tony Edwards

[H]

While we're at it, we need a law requiring that all deceased starfish be clearly labeled: ''DO NOT HEAT IN MICROWAVE.'' I say this because of a homemaker-advice column called Ask Mrs. Oliver from the June 4 Eugene, Ore., Register-Guard, sent in by many alert readers, which includes the following homemaker letter, which I am not making up:

``How do you remove an awful smell out of your microwave? I found a dead starfish on the beach and brought it home. It was very wet and I thought placing it in the microwave for a few minutes would help. The starfish exploded on my second attempt to dry it.''

Dave Barry (http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6491504.htm)

[al Hartman]

While we're at it, we need a law requiring that all deceased starfish be clearly labeled: ''DO NOT HEAT IN MICROWAVE.'' I say this because of a homemaker-advice column called Ask Mrs. Oliver from the June 4 Eugene, Ore., Register-Guard, sent in by many alert readers, which includes the following homemaker letter, which I am not making up:

``How do you remove an awful smell out of your microwave? I found a dead starfish on the beach and brought it home. It was very wet and I thought placing it in the microwave for a few minutes would help. The starfish exploded on my second attempt to dry it.''

Dave Barry (http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6491504.htm)

     WOW-- I thought everybody knew that the way to dry a soggy dead starfish is in the clothes dryer with a load of clean towels!!!

 ::)al