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Author Topic: Laughter..the best medicine  (Read 124190 times)
al Hartman
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« Reply #105 on: January 27, 2004, 12:18:23 pm »




    My son emailed the following to me, a series of utterances attributed to children.  Probably some adult made them up, but they could have been said by kids, and should make those of us who are parents stop & think as we chuckle...


3-year-old, Reese:

"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen."

       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

A little boy was overheard praying:

"Lord, if you
can't make me a better
boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good
time like I am."                  Grin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten
Commandments. They were ready to
discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone
could tell her what it
was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,

"Thou shall not take
the covers off the neighbor's wife."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the
way home in the back seat of the car. His father
asked him three times what
was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,

"That preacher
said he wanted us
brought up in a
Christian home, and
I wanted to stay
with you guys."    Cry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter,
Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer
for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat
after me the lines from
the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated
each word right up to the
end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation,"
she prayed,
"but deliver
us some E-mail.
Amen."  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

and one particular four-year-old prayed,
"And
forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they
were on the way to
church service, "And why is it necessary to be
quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are
sleeping."                    Cool

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel
were sitting together
in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.   You're not  supposed to talk out
loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel
asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men
standing by the door?
They're hushers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin,
5, Ryan 3. The boys
began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the
opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were
sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his
younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

A father was at the beach with his children when the
four- year-old son ran
up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay
dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the
son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"     Huh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table,
she turned to their
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to
say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife
answered.
   The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on
earth did I invite all
these people to dinner?"    




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Scott McCumber
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« Reply #106 on: January 30, 2004, 08:19:37 am »

In keeping with Al's theme:

In his beautiful book, "I Shall Not Want," Robert Ketchum tells of a
Sunday School teacher who asked her group of children if anyone could
quote the entire 23rd Psalm.


A four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who
raised their hands. A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could
really quote the entire psalm. The little girl came to the front of the
room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and
said.......................


"The Lord is my shepherd, that's all I want."


She bowed again and went and sat down.

That may well be the greatest interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever
heard.
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Recovering Saint
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« Reply #107 on: January 30, 2004, 07:12:09 pm »

One day in court

One day in court, the judge warned Mrs. Smith that she would be fined for defamation of character if she called Mr. Jones a pig again.

Mr. Jones smiled broadly upon hearing the ruling.

“Your honor,” Mrs Smith said, “if I can’t call Mr. Jones a pig, can I call a pig Mr. Jones?”

“Yes you can,” stated the judge.” “You won’t be fined for calling a pig Mr. Jones.”

Walking toward the door, Mrs. Smith looked directly at Mr. Jones and said, “Good afternoon, Mr. Jones.”

Hugh  Grin
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delila
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« Reply #108 on: January 31, 2004, 09:09:47 am »

1) Hugh, why is your penguin standing still?  Is it that cold in Ottawa?  We've had a week of between -30 to -45C.  A pleasant blizzard today.  Wednesday was the really cold day though.  We went out anyway.  Let the van warm up for about an hour and then drove down the road, my tires, still flat on the bottom going whump whump whump

2) This made me laugh.  Maybe it's just me.  I got an email recently from an old friend.  When I left fellowship she asked Betty G why I left.  The reply:
"Oh, She had a lot of problems!"
I'm sorry but, the logic blows my mind.  Now that I've read all that I didn't know about Betty's dysfunctional family, I guess I didn't quite have ENOUGH problems to fit in.  
Dear sister, though, that Betty.  There's grace to cover that, I'm sure that's what she was thinking too.

3)Tim told me in his last letter that he was concerned with my " increasing inability to relate to people"
Should have stuck around really.  I'm sure he could have taught me lots more on that 'issue' in my life.
I'm probably the only one laughing.  But I'm laughing.  I'm finding all this really funny today.
drj
 

ps: I had a bad habit once, of snorting when I laughed.  When I joined the assembly though, that all stopped!
Ha ha ha
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Recovering Saint
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« Reply #109 on: February 03, 2004, 06:42:53 pm »

Joey: Pop, Mom just ran over my bicycle while backing out of the garage!

Dad: Well, Son, it serves you right for leaving it on the front lawn.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2004, 06:45:06 pm by Hugh » Logged
Recovering Saint
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« Reply #110 on: February 04, 2004, 06:50:38 pm »

T.J.: So you got an F in spelling today?

R.J.: That’s right. The teacher didn’t like the way I spelled Tennessee.

T.J.: How did you spell it?

R.J.: One-a-see, two-a-see, three-a-see…
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al Hartman
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« Reply #111 on: February 05, 2004, 02:12:07 am »



     A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.  At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to
his repeated knocks at the door. Undecided  Therefore, he wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of one of his cards and stuck it in the door.
    When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.  Added to it was the message, "Genesis 3:10." Checking the reference in his Bible, he broke into gales of laughter. Grin Grin Grin          
     Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."      Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid Shocked for I was naked." Embarrassed  


 ;)al

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Scott McCumber
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« Reply #112 on: February 05, 2004, 04:23:54 am »

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly  walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra
for my wife."
 
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"  

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all
of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose
from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, The Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...The
Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts
the fallen. The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."


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Recovering Saint
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« Reply #113 on: February 05, 2004, 10:21:19 am »

1) Hugh, why is your penguin standing still?  Is it that cold in Ottawa?  We've had a week of between -30 to -45C.  ...

My penguin is not very excited he finds it too warm. His favourite temperature is below -50F. He's really quite cool when he is in the Antarctic. We have had our share of cold now we are going to get snow.

BTW the winterlude festival starts this weekend. Anyone who wants to come it is a great time.

PS: The Dead Sea Scrolls are in the Ottawa area in the Museum of Civilization. We are going to see them as a goup from our church.

Hugh  Grin
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outdeep
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« Reply #114 on: February 05, 2004, 07:27:22 pm »

Satire from www.scrappleface.com: Cheesy

Focus Groups Pan Crucifixion, Gibson Drops Scene

(2004-02-04) -- Actor-director Mel Gibson announced today that he would drop the crucifixion scene from his upcoming film The Passion of the Christ because focus groups didn't like it.

The announcement comes a day after reports that Mr. Gibson would cut another scene, also panned by focus groups, involving Jews calling for the Christ's crucifixion. Both scenes portray events from the New Testament of the Bible.

"It didn't work in the focus screenings," said an unnamed associate of Mr. Gibson. "Frankly, I understand how people could be offended at the mutilation and execution of an innocent Jewish teacher."

Marketing experts say that without those two scenes, The Passion of the Christ should be "the feel-good hit of the season."

« Last Edit: February 06, 2004, 01:19:52 am by Dave Sable » Logged
delila
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« Reply #115 on: February 06, 2004, 04:31:43 am »

overheard in the staff room this week:

This lady is at the check out counter, unloading her eggs and bacon etc.

"So, must be single, eh?" says a drunken man, standing behind her.

"Oh, how did you know?" the lady asks, looking at her groceries for some clue that pegs her as single.

"Because you're ugly." says the drunken man.
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al Hartman
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« Reply #116 on: February 06, 2004, 06:02:07 am »



Exercise for Seniors

For those who are getting along in years, here is a little
secret for building arm and shoulder muscles.  You might
want to adopt this regimen!  Three days a week works well.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.  With a 5 lbs  potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can.  Try to reach a full minute, then relax.  Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a few weeks, move up to 10 lbs potato sacks, then try 20 lbs sacks, gradually working your way up to 50 lbs potato sacks, and eventually a 100-LB. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, start putting a couple of potatoes in each of the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it.

Works for me...
al Wink

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Recovering Saint
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« Reply #117 on: February 06, 2004, 06:36:04 pm »

Lily: What do you do for a living?

Willy: I am a kidney and liver specialist.

Lily: Do you work at the local hospital?

Willy: No, the local butcher shop.
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enchilada
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« Reply #118 on: February 07, 2004, 04:06:21 am »

Here's a fun game for those who like baseball and penguins:

http://home.kabelfoon.nl/~hopha/penguin.swf
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Scott McCumber
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« Reply #119 on: February 07, 2004, 06:29:59 am »

Here's a fun game for those who like baseball and penguins:

http://home.kabelfoon.nl/~hopha/penguin.swf

My best score: 525 Cool

542.9, baby, yeah! Cool

Gotta get the little guy to hop and skip a bit to get that extra distance!

S
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