Laughter..the best medicine

[Oscar]

   ...speaking of Yankees & Southerners, here's a fun quiz for you:

http://www.chuckchamblee.com/dom/fun/yankee_dixie_quiz.htm

     (it's legitimate-- check it out, it might surprise you.)

I'm 48% - Yankee. I got a lot of Great Lakes/Midwestern expressions.

S

IMHO them folks don't know nuthin about talkin Southern.

I scored 45% Yankee.  Ahm shamed, durn well shamed.

Now just hold yer 'taters folks...

They weren't no questions about HOtels, Rasslin, Here ketch aholt of this, goober peas, chiggers, dumplins, dinner vs supper, grits, hominey, Texas caviar, Bobwar, suckle rods, range fries, blue ticks, corn pone, or lit'n a shuck.

Did you know why the history books call the first battle of the Civil
War the "Battle of Manassas Junction"?   Its cause them Yankee folks can't say "Bull Run" cause they don't know what a run IS!

(its a crick)

Well, I'll talk to you folks later...if the hogs don't gitcha and the rivers don't rise.

45% yankee...the shame of it.

Thomas Maddux

[al Hartman]

     There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."


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     While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign ... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."


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     People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.


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     "Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.  There are those who wake up and cheerfully say,  "Good morning, Lord."
Then there are those who wake up, groan and mumble, "Good Lord, it's morning."


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     A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.  He put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
     When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."


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     A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
     His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
     The son replied, "I do know!"
     "Okay, Son," said his father. "So tell me, what does the
Bible mean?"
     "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth.'"


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     There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
     "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
     "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.


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     The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought
in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
     "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
     Before closing  the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.."
     At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

[M2]

    A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
     His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
     The son replied, "I do know!"
     "Okay, Son," said his father. "So tell me, what does the
Bible mean?"
     "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth.'"

Al,

Re. 'Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth.'

Do you kow what they, the basic instructions, are?

If you have heard a popular song by a Christian Group, Burlap to Cashmeer, the song goes like this:

'Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth.'
Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie

 
Marcia

[Joe Sperling]

I'm surprised. I scored 70% Dixie on the test below--
and I've lived in California all of my life.

--Joe

[al Hartman]

I'm surprised. I scored 70% Dixie on the test below--
and I've lived in California all of my life.

--Joe

     Well sure, Joe, but Southern California!!!

al

[Rachel]

I scored 40% Yankee.  My mother's family would cry to hear that.  Most of my words came from Western Great Lakes.

[BeckyW]

66% Dixie.  When I told co-workers in Omaha once that I was going out for a soda, they all thought I meant ice cream and asked me to bring some back for them.
Born near the Mason-Dixon line,
Becky

[al Hartman]

     (I can't verify the conclusions of this test, but give it a shot)


Test:  
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Just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one. You do not need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised.

Start:
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How much is: 15+6
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3+56
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89+2
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12+53
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75+26
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25+52
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63+32
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I know! Calculations are hard work but it's nearly over...
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Come on, one more...
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123+5
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QUICK! THINK ABOUT A TOOL AND A COLOR!
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Scroll further to the bottom...
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A bit more...
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You have just thought about a red hammer, haven't you?
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If this is not the case, you are among 2% of people who have a "different" if not "abnormal" mind. 98% of the folks would answer a "red hammer" while doing this exercise.

If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send it to your friends.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

P.S.--  I'm in the 2%...  no surprise to many, I'm sure!!!

al

[Scott McCumber]

I said yellow screwdriver.

Guess that means I need a drink!

S

[sfortescue]

I suspect that Al copied the test wrong.

[Scott McCumber]

I suspect that Al copied the test wrong.

What makes you say that?

What did you think of?

S

[moonflower2]

You Know you were in the assembly when....

you catch yourself mat training your dog

 road rage means screaming, "are you rejoicing Brother" ?

you place food orders for female restaurant patrons you don't know

you can sit longer than anyone you know

you give your cat consequences

you take notes while watching the Wheel Of Fortune

at work seminars you randomly blurt out "AMEN"

I know I'm late reading this thread, but this is really funny!  

[moonflower2]

How about a normally colored wrench on a red cloth?

[Scott McCumber]

How about a normally colored wrench on a red cloth?

Oh, man, you are REALLY twisted!

S

[moonflower2]

Well, I am a 38% Definitive Yankee. We women do our own plumbing around here.