Laughter..the best medicine

[al Hartman]

               I suspect that Al copied the test wrong.

                Oh, sure--  shoot the messenger!      

[al Hartman]

Making money in the stock market is easy. Just buy stock in companies
that will merge. Here are merger predictions from a broker in New York.

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and
W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers will join
forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining
will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and
become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

[al Hartman]

> The following quiz consists of 4 simple questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."
>  
> Scroll down for each answer.
>  
>  
> The questions are NOT difficult.
>  
>  
>  
>  
> 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
>  
> This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> Did you say, " Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? " (Wrong Answer)
>  
> Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the  giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
>  
> This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.  All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the  refrigerator. You just put him in there.
>  
> This tests your memory.
>  
> OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> 4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles.  How do you manage it?
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
>  
> Correct Answer: You swim across.
>  
> All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
>
>  
> This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
>  
>  
>  
> According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.
>  
> But many preschoolers got several correct answers.
>  
> Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

[sfortescue]

This is an experiment to see whether Al's test can be posted efficiently.

To see an answer, position the mouse cursor on the word "Answer", then look at the status line of the browser.

The following quiz consists of 4 simple questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."

The questions are NOT difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Answer  Commentary

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say ...  Answer  Commentary

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.  All the animals attend except one.  Which animal does not attend?

Answer  Commentary

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles.  How do you manage it?

Answer  Commentary

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.

But many preschoolers got several correct answers.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

[Scott McCumber]

This is an experiment to see whether Al's test can be posted efficiently.

To see an answer, position the mouse cursor on the word "Answer", then look at the status line of the browser.

Now THAT'S cool!

Yeah, I know, all the Super Geeks are like, "It's actually very simple."

Whatever. It's cool!

S

[al Hartman]

This is an experiment to see whether Al's test can be posted efficiently.

To see an answer, position the mouse cursor on the word "Answer", then look at the status line of the browser.

Now THAT'S cool!

Yeah, I know, all the Super Geeks are like, "It's actually very simple."

Whatever. It's cool!

S

     I'm happy that it works for you guys-- the status line on my browser comes up with an illegible hodge-podge of % amounts interspersed with words from the answer text-- an unreadable mess.      

al

[Kimberley Tobin]

OK, my family always says I'm really gullible..........but Al, you have to be reading between all the % and "gobbledy gook", right?  There's your answer!  OK, I'm gonna assume the jokes on me and Al really does see all the words in between mean something.  

[al Hartman]

OK, my family always says I'm really gullible..........but Al, you have to be reading between all the % and "gobbledy gook", right?  There's your answer!  OK, I'm gonna assume the jokes on me and Al really does see all the words in between mean something.  

Kimberley,
     I truly appreciate your giving me the benefit of the doubt.  I really can't read the whole thing between the %s-- it's an unitelligible mess with only some of the words of the answer appearing in readable form.  Also, when I try to go back to the previous screen, I have to travel through 3 or 4 screens that I haven't even visited...  Maybe it's my pc?  Or my isp?  But there's a good chance it's me...

     's OK, I'll live.  But I am an impossiby slow learner when it comes to technology.  e.g., even with Scott's detailed instructions, I can't figure out how to get a photo onto the BB .  Heck, when hand-held calculators came out, I still hadn't mastered the slide rule!  My kids keep telling me I need to enter the 20th century!

     No wonder my hope is in the world to come-- I'm hopeless in this one!

 ;)al

[Recovering Saint]

    's OK, I'll live.  But I am an impossiby slow learner when it comes to technology.  e.g., even with Scott's detailed instructions, I can't figure out how to get a photo onto the BB .  Heck, when hand-held calculators came out, I still hadn't mastered the slide rule!  My kids keep telling me I need to enter the 20th century!

     No wonder my hope is in the world to come-- I'm hopeless in this one!

 ;)al

Al the picture below shows how to add a picture. Put a picture file .gif or .jpg ending that is less than 200 KB  in size in a location where you can find it again. Then click Quote or Reply and click on Browse to select the picture and that is it.

You didn't ask me for this advice but I figure as a friend I would help you out. The picture is kinda small so right click on it and "save picture as" image to your desktop. Double click on the file you saved and it will appear full size.

Hugh

[sfortescue]

Al,

From your description, it sounds like you might have clicked on the word "Answer" rather than just hovering over it.

When the mouse cursor is pointing at a link, the address string appears at the bottom of the screen in the browser status line.

It's possible that it's disabled.  You should check to see if the "Status Bar" option is checked in the "View" menu.

[sfortescue]

The picture is kinda small so right click on it and "save picture as" image to your desktop. Double click on the file you saved and it will appear full size.

Hugh

Or else just click on the blue file name of the picture, in this case "attach.jpg", that appears above the picture.

[Recovering Saint]

Or else just click on the blue file name of the picture, in this case "attach.jpg", that appears above the picture.

Thanks ya that works faster and is easier.

Hugh

[al Hartman]

OK--Here goes:  Hey, it worked!  Thanks, fellers!!!

This is what I looked like on Christmas eve, 2003.
I'm now a blond 27 year old Latina-- it's part of the federal witness protection program.  (You never know what'll happen when you set out to witness)  

[Nancy Newswander]

Verne,

I'm not sure I understand your "sticker shock" when traveling abroad.  I guess living in Champaign, you are sheltered from big city economics?  Now that I'm living in Aledo, where they scoff at Starbucks' "$3.00 for a cup of coffee!!!", I crave urban thinking.  It looks like you need an upgrade, too.

I'm not sure I understand your comparison between the Swiss and Chicago - all I know is that when you are acclimated to Chicago, its resources seem infinite and the opportunities seem limitless.  

The train to O'Hare is fantastic - and extremely convenient.  Most, however, are either unaware of it, or else, they think that driving is preferred.

Glad you had a safe, enjoyable time on vacation.  Hopefully, it helped you unwind a bit, so your posts will be a little more compassionate and gentle.

[moonflower2]

No point in supporting Daley and his henchmen huh?  They should call Chicago the city of sticky fingers! Do you see the way they set up out of town drivers with those bogus parking tickets? They are a lot like the Swiss!  Hey Nancy News, what's up wiht that?!

The sticky fingers are from all the Crispy Creme donuts that we eat and the tickets are just to make outsiders feel at home. I would think that as a Midwesterner you would know genuine hospitality when you see it!