First I want to say that we deeply love our brethren in Chicago. Both Teresa and I were 18 years old when we each first came out, so they are closer than our natural families.
I also still believe that the leadership in Chicago is sincere and deeply loves the flock.
As for going back . . .
I do not know that I have enough perspective yet. It has been less than a week since I first read this BB. I am still sorting out what I believe, but this is my current perspective:
I remember DG once turning red with anger and yelling at me (he did not raise his voice, but it WAS his form of yelling) "Your problem is that your parents did not spank you enough, I need to get myself a whip, my dad use to beat me senseless"
When I read one of the articles on abuse the light suddenly flicked on that DG was the product of an abusive home, that abusers tend to produce abusers, that people that come out of abusive situations tend to seek another abusive situation (it is home), that most of the "Saints" come out of drugs or other abusive situations and have suddenly found an abusive situation that they can feel good about. That the abused move up into leadership and become abusers.....
[LD--Assembly Doctrine] You say you have power, I will show you the power of the Holy Spirit, see this picture of the Saints, this one was a Hell's Angel, this one was a prostitute, this one was a drug dealer.....
No, it is not "malicious", in the abusers' mind if no one saw it, it did not happen. [LD] Man looks on the outward appearance ... and remember that!
The outward appearance becomes everything. [LD] The way of the cross, the flags, the selfers' prayer, the hectic schedule that does not leave time for "the flesh"
Instead of the cross being just the beginning, a school master to lead us to Christ (to lead us to the joy of resurrection life), it becomes the end, a place of bondage (just like home to the abused). A way to control the outward appearance. If no one sees it, it did not happen.
The problem is, most men tend to focus on the logic of one part, women are more likely to see the broader picture [LD] the woman is deceived. She is to keep silence (doesn't that sound like the standard code of silence in abusive homes?)
[LD] And now for my final point (very loud praise the Lord), I have 7 sub-points (collective sigh)You know despite all the calls to "take a stand", stop supporting an abusive situation. . .
And despite all the reasons I gave for leaving. . .
The real break thru came after saying [LD] "I have never done things based on other people's expectation"....
I asked my wife, "you never do things because it is expected of you, do you?" She said, "I have always felt guilty and pressured into doing things"
We talked for a while and I realized that her view was that Emily was being treated badly and that women in the Assemblies are always treated badly.
That is when I realized it would not be enough for the Assembly in Chicago to break away from Fullerton, rather [LD] "as a good shepherd I need to find a place where my wife and children can flourish"
With much love,
Bob S.
Bob@Sturnfield.com
