I got fairly good at acting the part in the assembly, since all men were supposed to lead. I only found it burdensome and somewhat depressing, since I knew what was really inside me.
David's words above resonate in me. It is a hollow, empty sound. I spent about a decade functioning in the role of LB & worker in the Fullerton assembly and the San Fernando Valley without ever rising above the condemning sense of "what was really inside me."
In retrospect, I realize that, had the whole thing been legitimate as I thought it was then, GG's acceptance of me in that position would have spoken loudly of his lack of spiritual insight in not recognizing my inner turmoil and unfitness to lead.
As it was, the fact that he used me in that capacity for that lengthy period tells that I must have been somehow useful to him in getting and keeping what he wanted.
Either consideration is mind-numbing and stomach-churning.
Thank God for His grace bestowed upon us in Jesus Christ and for the Holy Spirit's work revealing all to us...
al Hartman