Depression

[al Hartman]

The following just came to me via e-mail...  It's not perfect, but it's not bad:


36  WAYS CHRISTIANS CAN REDUCE STRESS
 
1. Pray. All the time. About everything.

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself.  Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns.  If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried needlessly.  Even if it does happen, you'll worry all over again.
If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety.  If you can't do anything about a situation, tell the Lord, leave it with Him, andforget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups:  Keep an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc. (If you find this clashes with #6 and/or #7, refer to #1)

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut).  This single act can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough rest.  

18. Eat right.  

19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems?  Talk to God on the spot.  Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray. (see #1)

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures close at hand.

26. Remember that the shortest route from despair to hope is often a simple "Thank you Jesus."

27. Laugh. (If you have trouble with this one, see #1)

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.  Or stomp on it.  But never stand on it.

33. Talk less; listen more

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36 . Every night before bed, thank the Lord for one thing that you've never thanked Him for before.  

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.  "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

[lenore]

 :DFebruary 15th

During one of my Mood Disorder Groups the topic of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome came up, because of this participants  abusive flash backs the occurred that day, right from childhood through to her marriage to the present.
This participant suffers from Depression. So I did some web research on the topic.  I am sharing with you part of that research.    Lenore
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD)
 

Only recently has PTSD been recognized as a result of whiplash, and as such, there is very little information on it. One study did show that 57% of whiplash patients still suffered from "psychological distress" two years post-injury.

Many studies show that long term psychological distress, even years after financial settlement, is common after head injuries in general, and in particular, following whiplash injuries.
Symptoms
The following offers a brief summery on some of the diagnostic criteria for PTSD.
The patient is confronted with, witnesses, or experiences actual or threatened death or serious injury or a threat to the physical integrity of one's self, or to others. The person must also have experienced the event with helplessness, intense fear, or horror.
The traumatic event is frequently recalled and re-experienced.
Stimuli which cues memories of the event are continually avoided. Thoughts of the event are continually avoided as are people and places that remind the patient of the event. There might be an inability to recall important aspects of the event.
Increased arousal including irritability, insomnia, difficulty with concentration, or an exaggerated startle response.
This condition should be treated seriously. I can only imagine the frustration of a patient with chronic head pain, combined with memory and cognition problems, being told that "the MRI is normal, there is nothing wrong with you." There might be a fear of long term permanent damage. These types of mixed messages might further compound a serious problem. This might lead to anxiety and/or depression.
Treatment
Treatment for this condition is best originated in a psychologist's or psychiatrist's office!
 
----------------------------------------------------
Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome

Post-traumatic stress syndrome is a psychological disorder following a traumatic event. Post-traumatic stress syndrome may manifest in numerous ways. Common symptoms include irritability, depression, anxious thoughts, flashbacks, insomnia, and nightmares. In more severe cases, victims of a traumatic stressor might experience emotional or physical numbness or detachment from reality. Victims may begin to abuse alcohol or other substances as coping mechanisms. Generally, symptoms must last longer than one month for a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress syndrome to be made. Symptoms interfere with sleep patterns, relationships, and daily responsibilities. With prompt recognition and proper treatment, many victims of trauma are able to resume daily living
.................................................................

Symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
 
The development of characteristic symptoms following exposure to an extreme traumatic stresser involving direct personal experience of an event that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury, or other threat to a new physical integrity; or witnessing of an event of the above. The person’s response to the event(s) must involve intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
 
 Symptoms include persistent re-experiencing of the traumatic event, persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness; persistent symptoms of increased arousal. The symptoms must be present for at least one month, and cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, and personal areas of functioning.

I.......................
Symptoms of Grief are Distinct from PTSD and Depression

Although research into the prevalence and intensity of grief symptoms in war veterans is limited, clinicians recognize the importance for veterans of grieving the loss of comrades.  Grief symptoms can include sadness, longing, missing the deceased, non-acceptance of the death, feeling the death was unfair, anger, feeling stunned, dazed, or shocked, emptiness, preoccupation with thoughts and images of the deceased, loss of enjoyment, difficulties in trusting others, social impairments, and guilt concerning the circumstances of the death.  Recent research results, although limited to one sample of Vietnam combat veterans in a residential rehabilitation unit for PTSD, have supported  findings in the general bereavement literature that unresolved grief can be detected as a distress syndrome distinct from depression and anxiety.  In this sample of combat veterans, grief symptoms were detected at very high levels of intensity, thirty years post-loss.  The intensity of symptoms experienced after thirty years was similar to that reported in community samples of grieving spouses and parents at six months post-loss.  This supports clinical observations that unresolved grief, if left untreated, can continue unabated and increases the distress load of veterans.  The existence of a distinct and intense set of grief symptoms indicates the need for clinical attention to grief in the treatment plan.

Traumatic Grief

Traumatic grief refers to the experience of the sudden loss of a significant and close attachment.  Having a close buddy, identification with soldiers in the unit, and experiencing multiple losses were the strongest predictors of grief symptoms in the above sample of Vietnam veterans.  Other factors that may influence the development of prolonged grief syndrome include:  survivor guilt; feelings of powerlessness in not being able to prevent the death; anger at others who are thought to have caused the death; anger at oneself for committing a self-perceived error resulting in the death; tasks of survival in combat taking precedence over grieving; not being able to show emotional vulnerability; numbing and defending against overwhelming emotions; not having an opportunity in the field to acknowledge the death; and increased sense of vulnerability by seeing someone close killed.  Factors important in the Iraq War may include exposure to significant numbers of civilian casualties, exposure to death from friendly fire or accidents resulting from massive and rapid troop movements, and concern about culpability for having caused death or harm to civilians in cities.  These factors may  contribute to experiences of shock, disbelief, and self-blame that increase risk of traumatic and complicated grief reactions.

Normal vs. Pathological Grief

Bereavement is a universal experience.  Intense emotions, including sadness, longing, anger, and guilt, are reactions to the loss of a close person.  Common in the first days and weeks of grieving are intense emotions, usually experienced as coming in waves lasting 20 minutes to an hour, with accompanying somatic sensations in the stomach, tightness in the throat, shortness of breath, intense fatigue, feeling faint, agitation, and helplessness.   Lack of motivation, loss of interest in outside activities, and social withdrawal are also fairly common.  A person experiencing normal grief will have a gradual decline in symptoms and distress.  When grief symptoms remain at severely discomforting levels, even after two months, a referral to a clinician can  be considered.  If intense symptoms persist after six months, a diagnosis of complicated grief can be made and there is a definite indication for clinical intervention.  Complicated grief prolonged over time has been shown to have negative effects on health, social functioning, and mental health.  
.........

[lenore]

 :DFebruary 18th:

Tonight at our Mood Disorder Group Peer Support
A presentation was given with the following :

                        LETTING GO

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring,
    it means I can't do it for someone else

To let go is not to cut myself off,
     It's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
     but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
     which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
     I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,
     but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
     but to be supportive

To let go is not to judge,
     but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes,
     but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not be protective,
     It is permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny
     but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
     but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
     but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
     but to try to become whatever dream I can be.
 
To let go is not to regret the past,
     but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and to love more.

[al Hartman]

:DFebruary 18th:

Tonight at our Mood Disorder Group Peer Support
A presentation was given with the following :

                        LETTING GO

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring,
    it means I can't do it for someone else

To let go is not to cut myself off,
     It's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
     but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
     which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
     I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,
     but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
     but to be supportive

To let go is not to judge,
     but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes,
     but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not be protective,
     It is permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny
     but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
     but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
     but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
     but to try to become whatever dream I can be.
 
To let go is not to regret the past,
     but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and to love more.

For the most part, these are thoughts worthy of reflection.  The important thing for Christians to keep in mind is that the list (and all such material) has been composed by mental health professionals, with the ultimate goal of improving mental health.  That is to say that they mean to improve the quality of life on earth, but they will not and cannot bring one closer to God.  One can come to God only through Christ.

So the Christian needs to consider all such concepts as those listed above within the context of the Person and finished work of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Don't take my word for it; ask Him for yourself...

In Christ,
al

P.S.-- Glad to see you're still with us, Lenore!!!

[lenore]

 :)Yes praise God I still have my internet at the moment. Every day is a gift that I appreciate.

The following is for the women who will be going through the hormonal journey to menopause, and depression that can be associated it with.  There are many web site to research.
I hope who ever reads this , knows they are not alone.  .............Lenore
....................................................................................................................................                               Depression linked to early onset of perimenopause

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Women with a history of depression may enter the pre-menopausal period known as perimenopause sooner than women who have never suffered from depression, according to a report published in the January 13th issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.

Perimenopause is a term for the years before a woman's last menstrual period, when menstruation tends to be irregular.

At a major menopause meeting in 2001, Dr. Lee S. Cohen and colleagues from Harvard Medical School in Boston presented findings from a study of 34 middle-aged women that suggested a link between depression and early perimenopause onset.

In the current study, Cohen's team provides updated results after analyzing data from 332 women with and 644 women without a history of major depression. The follow-up period was three years.

The authors found that women with a history of depression were 20% more likely to enter perimenopause early than women without this history. However, the most severely depressed women were twice as likely to enter perimenopause sooner than their non-depressed peers.

Compared with non-depressed study participants, women with a history of depression had higher follicle-stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone levels and lower estrogen levels, the investigators note.

Women with a lifetime history of depression, as well as an earlier perimenopause onset, may spend a prolonged amount of time in a low-estrogen state, which has been tied to a number of health problems, the researchers note.

"Our research may encourage more screening for depression symptoms and history by gynecologists," lead author Dr. Bernard L. Harlow said in a statement. "Similarly, psychiatrists may also focus more attention on menstrual cycle changes and perimenopausal symptoms while screening late reproductive-aged patients with recurrent mood disorder."

                                    DEPRESSION, DESPAIR, DESPONDENCY, GRIEF

All of these emotions are held in the hormonal organs of the body.. the ovaries and the uterus; the testicles and the prostate gland. The brain will be affected as well if we hold on to these emotions and create the negative state of grief within the system. We all grieve. It is a normal state of feeling after loss. What we need to learn however is that those who remain on this plane have done so to have experiences and learn from their lessons of the past, not stay in them. After a short grieving period, the emotion of celebration for passing to a higher state of existence should be encouraged. When this does not happen, and we choose to remain focussed on past issues, imbalances occur in the body.

Depression manifests in the physical body as crying and exhaustion as well as hormonal imbalances. Women who experience PMS, irregular menstrual cycles, hot flashes, pre- or post-menopausal symptoms may be holding on to the emotion of depression within the system. Our hormonal system is our system of changes in life. We are always cycling in life, as we are cyclical beings. Those who resist change will manifest an imbalance in the hormonal system. Walnut is the flower that helps to balance those who do not do well with changes in life. These people are often powerful people, but can be influenced by those who they believe have more authority than they do.

Those who experience chronic depression may also experience hormonal imbalances. The flowers for depression are listed below. Two herbs that have been used for mild depression include St. John's Wort and SamE. The opposite of depression is learning to be happy in the moment. Focussing our energy into what we love about our life instead of what we think we are missing is the first step in learning to be happy where you are right now. Seeing the magic in every moment is essential to appreciating the beauty around us. That takes practice but it is certainly worth the effort in the end.

Biological factors contribute to or cause a large percentage of depression. Emotional stability is closely related to the normal formation and function of a number of vital chemicals that exist in the brain. These chemicals are called neurotransmitters and are a very important part of the system that transmits information from one brain cell to another. When brain cells lose the ability to make the proper amount of neurotransmitters or cannot store them properly, chronic depression can result.  
      
                                               Hormonal Imbalances
 Hormones are released into the bloodstream by the endocrine glands. Hormones keep the body in a state of balance by regulating metabolic processes such as growth, sexual development, reproduction, sexual activity, heart rate, and blood pressure. The entire endocrine system is intimately linked to the nervous system. For example, norepinephrine, a neurotransmitter that is very important for mood stability can also double as a hormone secreted by the adrenal gland.  
The thyroid gland, which secretes two crucial hormones, is probably the most common biological cause for depression. It is estimated that between 10 and 15 percent of depressed persons have some form of thyroid disorder.  
 
Diseases of the adrenal glands are not as common as those of the thyroid, but can still cause depression. The entire endocrine system can be affected by malfunctions of the pituitary gland, and psychiatric symptoms are present in three-quarters of all cases. Since this gland is directly linked to the hypothalamus and the limbic system, anything that alters it's function is likely to affect one's emotional state.  

Sex hormones, particularly the female hormones, estrogen and progesterone, are often implicated in depression. Depressive symptoms are common among women who are pre-menstrual, pregnant, postpartum, or pre-menopausal.
          
                                                Genetic Factors

 Depression tends to run in families, so genetics may be a factor; however, the role genetics plays is not clearly defined. Not all children of depressed parents suffer from depression.
 
                                            Psychological Causes
  
 About 25 percent of people suffering from depression report experiencing severe stress. Studies show that people who have had a loved one die when they were young are at least twice as likely to suffer from an episode of major depression when they are adults as someone who has not experienced the same type of loss. There seems to be a clear link of some kind between stress and depression, although such it has not been clinically proven that stress causes major depression.  
Post-traumatic stress disorder also seems to have a link to depression. Fifty percent of persons suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder also suffer from depression.
 
Many thanks to the wonderfully talented Penny Parker for the beautiful backgrounds and basic table layout used on this page.  Please visit her on the web at http://www.graphicsbypennyparker.com  
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                              Depression May Affect Perimenopause
Boston (Ivanhoe Newswire) Jan. 21, 2003 -- Women who suffer from depression may end up going into a pre-menopausal stage earlier than those who are not depressed, report researchers publishing in this month's Archives of General Psychiatry.
The finding is especially striking for women with severe symptoms who take antidepressants to treat the condition.
Perimenopause is defined as the stage of life two to 10 years before the complete cessation of menstruation. Characterized by biological and clinical changes, it is often accompanied by a greater vulnerability to depression, and this is particularly true for women who have suffered depression in the past. Previous studies have suggested women who experience perimenopause at an earlier age -- usually before age 47 -- are significantly more likely to have a history of depression.
 
In this study, investigators from Brigham and Women's Hospital and Harvard Medical School followed about 975 women with and without histories of depression for three years. All were between 36 and 45 at the beginning of the study, and each took part in psychiatric interviews and other tests every six months.
 
Results showed a 1.2-times higher rate of perimenopause in women with any history of depression. Women with pronounced symptoms of depression were about twice as likely as non-depressed women to have an earlier perimenopause. Those with severe symptoms who treated their depression with antidepressants were almost three-times more likely to experience early perimenopause.
 
The authors believe the link between depression and early perimenopause is important because it may be causing a longer exposure to estrogen deficiency in these women, which could lead to medical problems such as bone loss, sexual dysfunction and other problems. They also note they can't be sure an earlier perimenopause translates to an earlier menopause, which could mean these women are subjected to a longer perimenopausal period and thus a greater risk of new or recurrent depression.
 
 

 













 

[lenore]

March 28th

Depression or mental illness with its varied aspects of causes is unique to individuals, but individuals need to be aware they are not alone. Not alone especially if you access the various resources that are available, whether it is Christian based or society based.

It is important to have that kind of support, because with out it that alone feeling becomes another powerful destructive force.

Even when you  have that resources, sometimes, for whatever chemistry that is part of the causes of your mental illness, can still cause you to react to a certain way. SOmething that triggers.

Like my case this week, when all I saw was a phrase. I didnt read, or didnt understand the conversation that was going on.
I was under tension, and that sentence just push my buttons that ways already tension tight. So that button release with a snap. Once that tension began to be released all judgement became secondary.

In other words I had to go back and clean up the consequences because of that, apologize. Then the added tension of feeling guilty, worthlessness, the feeling of being no good, not wanted , just tighten the tension back up. The self condemnation but sometime that is my protection as well. The protection of not letting people in to see the real me. Of how I am feeling, because I am a master at putting on the mask and pretending everything is alright. If people say how are you, I say I okay. In fact, the smile is hurting my face.  I have also learned that that question how are you, is just like saying hello. The person is already a few feet away from you, if you reply anything else but okay.


There were a couple of things bothering me this week. I have known that there is something wrong with my father since last fall. My mother told me that he went to the doctor last fall, and he received some news, that made my father just stare into space in his rocker in front of the tv. for a few weeks, and didnt do his usual busy work. My father has not shared with anyone what the doctor said to him.  Well when I went this week up to the mall for the weekly breakfast with my parents. My parents go to the coin wash up there prior to breakfast. I notice as my dad was carrying the basket of clothes out to the car. That he look crabby. My mom said he didnt sleep well last night. I asked if he was sore due to his arthritis, or has a cold coming on.
My mother told me she doesnt know, a clue that it was connected to what ever the Doctor told him last fall.  My dad is the type if the Doctor told him he had cancer he wouldnt share it, or seek treatment. My mother had a heart attack about a year and half ago. So this is worrying my mother. I know my father is probably thinking he is protecting my mother, but it is the unknown that is worrying and adding stress to my mother.

I also feel very tense coming up to a family get to gether like the Easter Supper.
Food was good, and there were nine members around the table. Including my sister and her husband, my brother and his wife and daughter, and my daughter Sara and myself.
My sisters children both had to work. SInce my mental illnesses landed me in the hospital 2 years ago Christmas, that involved my sister daughter who is now 25. I was going to give details but ...
lets just say I am shunned but both my siblings, and just barely tolerated.
My tension was building all week, and I was tight, that even my body is still reacting to it, because I can barely move my back , and tighteness in my chest.

In alot of ways, due to my hugh error of judgement in another post where I had to take up my milk weed fluff again, and apologize, in a lot of ways, even though it was a negative reaction, it was a release that was required, so I can get the strength to deal with what I needed to deal with.  In a lot of ways, even though it was inappropriate, God gave me a safe place to vent, to a person who although I hurt with my negativity, was able to understand the reasons went I apologize. I am not saying that it is okay to do it. But sometimes God gives an outlet even thought it is in hindsight that what, what it was for.

Lets just say Easter afternoon and Supper was a chore to endure, I am still feeling the worthless not belonging feelings at the moment . Tears are just behind the eyes. The heart is heavy. The spirit is low.  Yes even thoughts that what am I really here for came into view a few times.
The what if's!


Reason why I am sharing this, is say, that if some one else is feeling the way I am feeling, to let you know that you are not alone, even though what you are feeling is unique to you, and the journey you are on is an individual thing, but you are not alone.

Sometimes writing it our and sharing it like I am doing helps.

I have to get ready, I have appointment with my pyschriatrist, this afternoon he will be hearing more of the details of what I didnt tell you. 

Thanks for listening.

Lenore

[lenore]

April 12th:

Today I heard of something I never heard of before.

There is a support group in Ottawa, called DEPRESSION ANOMOUS.
Just like A.A. , it follows the 12 steps program.

Apparently there is a web site as well.
Just passing this information on, check it out to see if there is a support group in your area just to have that bit of info.

Lenore

[Sammy]

I was reading Delila’s post from 2-4-04. It sounded so familiar. There was a long time after I left that I would have panic attacks and hives. I too feared meeting any assembly member. I think that was mostly because I had been brain washed into believing that leaving the assembly was proof of the “last days”. “In the end the love of many will grow cold” and all that. I would pull into a parking lot and see a “saints” car and leave. And something that small would cause a week of problems. To this day small things will set off nightmare. However now I find that so many of the times that I just couldn’t seem to be “right with God” it really had nothing to do with sin at all. I found out a few years ago, after a break down, that I am Bipolar. This can be a tormenting and sometimes debilitating disorder. In the assemble mental disorders were not seen as real problems but rather sin nature and could be prayed away. It was nearly unbearable to have bipolar and not only not know why I felt crazy but at the same time being expected to use faith and self control to manage it. Many people with this disorder end up on drugs on killing themselves if it goes untreated. Thankfully I survived the assembly. But there were a few that did not and if they were also bipolar or not we will never know. However I believe that if God is watching the deaths of these people and the suffering of so many others is on the heads of George and Betty and those that held positions of leadership.

[al Hartman]

Sammy,

Thanks for posting you thoughts and feelings, adding to the mutual healing here.  The assembly, which all or most of us once viewed as a Christ-centered local corporate expression on earth of the heart and will of God, has since been revealed to have been the erroneous expression of a misguided man and his misguided family and followers.  There were among us many ailments of physical and/or emotional natures that were misdiagnosed and mistreated by unqualified "practitioners" as spiritual problems.  Those who have found deliverance from such treatment have done so by the grace of our living Lord, and you are quite right in saying that there are those who God holds accountable.

I hope you will find personal blessing here, and feel free to continue to express yourself as you may desire to.  We are the body of Christ, and every member contributes to our health and well being...

In Him,
al Hartman

[summer007]

Sammy, Your experience sounds like a horrible nightmare. I hope you find healing. And remember Christ came so you would have life and life more Abundantly.(john10) God Bless Summer.

[lenore]

April 15th.

Good morning everyone.

I am taking a 8 week self esteem course called A TIME FOR ME.
It is very secular, but Christian values are shared.

There are some poems and writing I will like to share that is in the hand out book.
I hope it will help others to understand what we are going though, and maybe put feet to some of the feelings that need to be expressed.
Lenore
.....................................

ME , MYSELF AND I

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know
I want to be able, as the days go by
To look myself straight in the eye
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.

I don't want to keep on the closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking nobody else would know
The kind of person I really am
I don't want to dress myself in sham.

I want  to go with my head erect
I want to deserve all persons' respect
But here, in the struggle for fame and self
I want to be to like myself
I don't want to look at myself and know
I'm a hustler, a bluff, and an empty show.

I never can hide myself from me
I see what others may never see
I know what others may never know
I never can fool myself, and so
Whatever happens I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience-free.

[lenore]

April 15
                                      DON'T BE FOOLED BY ME

Don't be fooled by me
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a thousand masks
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them are me
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
But don't be fooled
For God's sake don't be fooled
I give the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
Within as well as without
That confidence is my name and coolness is my game
That the water's calm and I'm in command
And that I need no one
And don't believe me
                                                       PLEASE

My surface may seem smooth
But my surface is my mask
Beneath this lies no complacence
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion
In fear, and aloneness
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it
I panic at the thought of my weakness
And fear of being exposed
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind
A nonchalant, sophisticate façade
To help me pretend
To shield me from the glance that knows
But such a glance is precisely my salvation
My only salvation
And I know it
That is if it's flowered by acceptance
If it's followed by love
It's the only thing that will assure me
Of what I can't assure myself
That I am worth something

But I don't tell you this
I don't dare
I afraid to
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed
By acceptance and love
I'm afraid you'll think less of me
That you'll laugh at me
And your laugh would kill me
I'm afraid that deep down
I'm nothing
That I am no good
And that you will see this and reject me
So I play my game
My desperate game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within
And so begins the parade of masks
And my life becomes a front

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk
I tell you everything that is really nothing
And nothing of what's everything
Of what's crying within me
So when I'm going through my routine
Do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
What I'm not saying
What I'd like to be able to say
What for survival I need to say
But what I can't say

I dislike hiding
HONESTLY!
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing
The phony game
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me
But you've got to help me
You've got to hold out your hand
Even when that's the last thing I seem to want
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
The blank stare of breathing death
Only you can call me into aliveness
Each time you're kind
And gentle
And encouraging
Each time you try to understand
Because you really care
My heart begins to grow wings
Very small wings
Every feeble wings
But wings
With your sensitivity and sympathy
And your power of understanding
You can breathe life into me
I want you to know that

I want you to know
 how important you are to me
How you can be the creator of the person
 that is me
if you choose to
PLEASE CHOOSE TO
You alone can break down the wall
Behind which I tremble
You alone can remove my mask
You all can release me from my show world of panic
And uncertainty
From my lonely  person
DO NOT PASS ME BY
PLEASE DO NOT PASS ME BY
It will not be easy for you
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls
The nearer you approach me
The blinder I strike back
I fight against the very thing I cry out for
But I am told that love is stronger than walls
And in this lies my hope
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands
But with gentle hands
For a child is very sensitive
Who am I
You may wonder
I am someone you know very well
For I am every man you meet
And I am every woman you meet.

[night owl]

I hope I am not being presumptuous by mentioning this. I suffered from severe depression for several years which manifested itself in serious marital problems and suicidal thoughts. There is a history of depression in my family. About 14 years ago I began counseling with a Christian therapist from our church and remained in counseling for six years. We dealt with spiritual warfare and bondage as the biggest thing ascerbating the already existing condition of depression. I am blessed with a husband who was willing to hang in there with me while we "slugged" these things out together and sought to do it in a godly manner, resulting in finding out who I am in Christ and the tremendous love, acceptance, forgiveness and freedom that lies therein. One of the turning points in my healing process was reading a couple of books by Dr. Neil Anderson of Freedom in Christ Ministries, one of which was the Bondage Breaker, and the other one was Victory Over the Darkness. Maybe someone has already mentioned these books here, but if not, they were of tremendous help to me. (I may be mentioning an author or ministry that is offensive to some, so don't necessarily go by me. Most helpful to me were his outlines of who we are in Christ according to what God has said about us in His Word, not necessarily his claims that we all, to some extent, suffer from demonic influence, which is arguable. It was at least true for me, without going into my history any more than that.)

[vernecarty]

I hope I am not being presumptuous by mentioning this. I suffered from severe depression for several years which manifested itself in serious marital problems and suicidal thoughts. There is a history of depression in my family. About 14 years ago I began counseling with a Christian therapist from our church and remained in counseling for six years. We dealt with spiritual warfare and bondage as the biggest thing ascerbating the already existing condition of depression. I am blessed with a husband who was willing to hang in there with me while we "slugged" these things out together and sought to do it in a godly manner, resulting in finding out who I am in Christ and the tremendous love, acceptance, forgiveness and freedom that lies therein. One of the turning points in my healing process was reading a couple of books by Dr. Neil Anderson of Freedom in Christ Ministries, one of which was the Bondage Breaker, and the other one was Victory Over the Darkness. Maybe someone has already mentioned these books here, but if not, they were of tremendous help to me. (I may be mentioning an author or ministry that is offensive to some, so don't necessarily go by me. Most helpful to me were his outlines of who we are in Christ according to what God has said about us in His Word, not necessarily his claims that we all, to some extent, suffer from demonic influence, which is arguable. It was at least true for me, without going into my history any more than that.)

Of course you are not being presumptuous. This is the reason this BB was started.
Dr. Anderson's work has been found to be helpful by many.
He is nonethelss a figure of some controversy in the Christian community.
I am very uncomfortable with his teaching that Christians can be demon possessed, and reject it outright.
Christians are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. No one is stronger than He.
I think this is extremely dangerous because it could result in treating someone, based just on their say-so, displaying the signs of unhealthy spiritual influences as a believer, when it fact those symptoms are  actually a warning about the person's true spiritual condition. I have seen several people, and some of them folk I respect, really hurt by this sorry lack of discernment.
I simply cannot understand why so many believers are not willing to try the spirits. and so quick to accept people on the basis of an empty profession, especially when belied by unholy and pernicious conduct. Christians are far too gullible, but those of us who were in the assemblies know that do we not? 
I think Anderson is quite right in the emphasis he places on understanding our identity in Christ.
This is a very powerful prinicple to apply as the Christians deals with sin in His life, that based on who he is in Christ, sin cannot and shall not have dominion...we may fail yes, but victory is our birthright, not something to be earned...
Verne

[lenore]

APRIL 24: 

ENCLOSED IS SOME ARTICLES FROM MY 'TIME FOR ME' SELF ESTEEM COURSE.
The topic was on listening.

LISTEN

WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU START GIVING ADVICE YOU HAVE NOT DONE WHAT I ASKED.

WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU BEGIN TO TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY, YOU ARE TRAMPLING ON MY FEELINGS.

WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO SOLVE MY PROBLEM, YOU HAVE FAILED ME, STRANGE AS THAT MAY SEEM.

LISTEN.
ALL I ASKED WAS THAT YOU LISTEN.
NOT TALK OR DO
JUST HEAR ME

ADVICE IS CHEAP
$1.00 WILL GET YOU BOTH DEAR ABBY AND BILLY GRAHAM
IN THE SAME NEWSPAPER

AND I CAN DO IT FOR MYSELF.
I'M NOT HELPLESS.
MAYBE DISCOURAGED AND FALTERING,
BUT NOT HELPLESS

WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME THAT I CAN AND NEED TO DO FOR MYSELF, YOU CONTRIBUTE TO MY FEAR AND WEAKENESS.

BUT, WHEN YOU ACCEPT AS A SIMPLE FACT THAT I DO FEEL
WHAT I FEEL, NO MATTER HOW IRRATIONAL,
THEN I CAN QUIT TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU
AND GET ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT'S BEHIND
THIS IRRATIONAL FEELING.
AND WHEN THAT'S CLEAR,
THE ANSWERS ARE OBVIOUS AND I DON'T NEED ADVICE.

IRRATIONAL FEELINGS MAKE SENSE WHEN WE UNDERSTAND
WHAT'S BEHIND THEM.

PREHAPS THAT'S WHY PRAYER WORKS,
SOMETIMES ,
FOR SOME PEOPLE, BECAUSE GOD IS MUTE,
AND HE DOESN'T GIVE ADVICE OR TRY TO FIX THINGS.
HE JUST LISTENS AND LET YOU WORK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF.

SO PLEASE LISTEN AND JUST HEAR ME.
AND, IF YOU WANT TO TALK, WAIT A MINUTE FOR YOUR TURN
AND I'LL LISTEN TO YOU

..............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

TIME FOR ME
RECONNECTING:

Awkward and afraid we set out to meet each other.
Our first attempts are slow and hard.
We make small offerings at first, a word, a smile, a feeling shared.
If they're received with acceptance and warmth,
We go a little farther.
So it is with all of us who want love.
Some are encased in a harder, thicker shell than others,
But a human is in there just the same.

I want to tell you who I am.
I want to be understood and loved.
But I'm afraid you won't like me.
I'm afraid you will not accept my inconsistencies,
My feelings,
My failures,
Even my fears of you.

If I am that tender, that afraid, how do I begin to share myself with you:
What kind of things do I say?
What will happen when I start sharing my feelings, with you?

I will present you parts of myself slowly
If you are patient and tender.

I will open drawers that mostly stay closed and
Bring out places and people and things,
Sounds and smells, loves and frustrations,
Hopes and sadnesses, bit and pieces of many decades of life
That have been grabbed of in chunks and found lying in my hands.

They have eaten their way into my heart.
Altogether they are me.
You and I will never see them.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
COUPLES EXPRESS SURPRISE WHEN TOLD 'SHOULD' IS A FOUR LETTER WORD.

Couples are often surprised when I tell them that "should" is a four letter word."

Their initial puzzlement disappears when I ask them how they would feel if I spent the first 10 minutes of our session repeatly telling them what they should or should not do in their marriage. They get the message.

Nothing can be more difficult than accepting advice when it is presented in 'should' or 'should not' statements.
The instinctive response is to reject the information and resent the person offering the advice.

If you listen closely to yourself for a day, you will be surprised at how often you use 'should'.

Avoid imposing or dumping your solution on others. Advice which has not been requested is neither appropriate nor helpful. If you have ideas you would like to share with someone, ask if they are interested. Be direct and specific: ask, "would you like me to share my views on the matter with you"
If they say "no, thanks", respect their wish.

Think about the words you used when you last gave a suggestion to someone.
Expressions like 'YOU SHOULD' or 'HOW COME YOU DON'T', put people on the defensive. You might have been very indirect in how you told someone what they should do. 'DON'T YOU THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER IF", OR 'YOU REALLY OUGHT TO' are "SHOULD' statements in disguise.

If your offer to share ideas is accepted, present them as opinions, not solutions.
Avoid expressions such as 'IF I WERE YOU', 'I'D…."   You are not them. So don't act like you are.

There are effective ways to offer suggestions, comments like, 'ONE OPTION I SEE IN THIS SITUATION IS…." , 'I WONDER IF YOU HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT…" or 'WHAT DO YOU THINK OF…." , all allow you to present ideas without forcing them on people.

Avoid pushing a person to make a decision immediately after you have given them an idea.  Respect their right to make their own decision, and in their own time.
Don't demand immediate thanks. Allow them the privilege of offering it later, if they choose.




Allow the person to let you know when you have given them enough information.
One can have too much of a good thing. It is frustrating to have an answer completely spelled out for you. Don't overload them with  more ideas or opinions than they can handle at one time.

When someone listens to your ideas and suggestions, they need not accept them.
Your suggestions may not be the solution they are looking for or fit their situation.
Having your ideas turned down doesn't mean you are rejected as a person.
When you respect their right to solve their own problem, you will find they respect and appreciate you more as a person.

Suggestion giving can be a positive and caring force in a relationship.
The best way of being helpful is not jumping in and trying to solve problems.
It is by listening to ideas and reflecting on the positive aspects. It may be by telling them you have some different ideas on the matter and asking if they would like you to share them. Then by accepting their decision, sharing your views, and ideas if invited to do so without using 'four letter words"[should], your suggestions may become part of the process by which bonds are strengthened.