Loving our Children

[al Hartman]

Delila,

     Thanks for explaining-- I understand and assure you I am not, nor have I been, offended.

     One of the ways we bless our children is by not subjecting them to our personal vortex.  We tread sludge, exhaustedly resisting the insatiable draw of the black hole, but when the child looks our way we smile and say that it's just a casual swim and we'll be done in a minute.
     It is not a lie; it is Love at work.  Yes, Love IS work-- read 1Corinthians 13:  Love does certain things, and doesn't do certain things.  On the cross, I may well have looked down and railed, "This is all YOUR fault!!!"  But Jesus didn't do that.  He didn't complain, didn't describe His pain to us, didn't tell us how awful His life was just then, didn't subject us to His vortex.
     So it is His Love at work in us when we spare our children from exposure to our sufferings-- we may explain all to them in due time, but as much as possible, we will bear pain to spare them.  It is one of God's wonderful designs for getting the parent through the trial, having us care for our children the way He cares for us.
...............................................................................................

     Suppose I ask you now, "Are you rejoicing?"  Would you be offended?  Don't live in flashbacks!  I am not assembly/borg.  I am not pretending that my life is all smiles.  But the Word of God does not tell us, "Rejoice in the Lord always..." to mock us, and my asking you to rejoice implies no more than that it is possible, and that sometimes I also need you to remind me.
     When I wallow in self-pity, nothing snaps me back more quickly than to realize that someone else is depending upon me.  For my own sake only, I might choose to wallow on, possibly even enjoy it, but for the sake of my child I will focus hard upon the possibilities, ignoring the symptoms of my present reality in favor of the promises of the greater, surer reality.  In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer:  I have overcome the world.

     So I ask you, Parent, Are you rejoicing?  Please don't neglect to ask me the same...


al

[Peacefulg]

Hi Al, to backup what Vern said, there have been people that have been stumbled by this and other groups so badly that by the Grace of God they would never "recover!".

This being a Childern's post I will use a child example to point this out.  My wife as a small child loved cornbread.  One day her new Stepfather being mean made very dry cornbread, and forced her to eat it without any milk or drink of anytype, she cried for an hour having to eat a pan of dried cornbread.  Needless to say her love for cornbread just like that was ruined.  It took over twenty years and my Mom's cornbread stuffing to get her back to the point were today she will eat it.  

Having said that, I would not be afraid to use "former Assembly" speak, since it is as Al pointed out biblical what is being said.  When the Jesus would address the crowds we was using some of the same exact language and speak that the religious leaders of the day use, but clearly pointed out how they had twisted it.  Paul rejoiced that the Gospel was preached, even though it was done for the wrong reasons.  I am very glad that HIS Word is everlasting.

Cheers,
G

[delila]

Delila,
> >
> >You asked me to write about 'doing right by our children.'  I can't tell
> >you how fortunate we feel to have been able to raise our children outside
> >the 'assembly'.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means learning how to say you are sorry to your
> >kids when you make a mistake. We've made our share!!
> >
> >Doing right by our kids means teaching them how to connect with others.
> >Emotional IQ is far more important than raw IQ.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means teaching them to love others and appreciate
> >our differences.  People of all ethnicities deserve love and acceptance.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means always letting them know that when mistakes
> >are made, and they will be made, that we didn't like their behavior but
we
> >will always love them unconditionally.  Doesn't matter where they've
> >been-it's where they are going that counts.
> >
> >
> >
> >Here are some practical ways to connect with your children and  remind
them
> >of your tremendous love, they might sound hokey but they work:
> >
> >
> >- have a secret I LOVE YOU signal- a V sign with our fingers
> >
> >- make a photo album for each child to keep not just photos of them
growing
> >up but also first drawings -            memorabilia-sort of a ME book.
> >
> >-have a special verse to help  them understand just how wonderful they
are
> >
> >-leave surprise love messages  in unexpected places- post it notes work
> >great for this
> >
> >- praise your children in front of others- so they might 'accidentally
> >overhear the good things you have to say         about them
> >
> >-tell your children frequently "I am so glad that God gave you to me"  --
> >if I had to choose from others I would still  pick you!!
> >
> >-along with prayer and a good night kiss - tell them all the good things
> >you observed that day
> >
> >-make homemade cards for one another-to show special feelings of love and
> >caring
> >
> >-drive by the hospital where they were born and remind them of that
> >incredible day when they came into our lives
> >
> >Sounds like you are on the right path Delila- the desire you expressed to
> >'do right by them' shows where your heart is!!  We all make mistakes- no
> >matter how hard we try, we still make mistakes- but with God's grace and
> >mercy we keep trying.  It's easy to love them- sometimes hard to
recognize
> >the different developmental stages and always be on top of it.  One thing
> >I've learned is that our kids are patient and forgiving!!
> >
> >Well, I have lots more - but school beckons!
> >
> >Love to you,  Anna and River John,
> >Mary B.
> >
> >
>
> _________________________________________________________________
>
http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-ca&page=byoa/prem&xAPID=Home   

[Oscar]

Delila,
> >
> >You asked me to write about 'doing right by our children.'  I can't tell
> >you how fortunate we feel to have been able to raise our children outside
> >the 'assembly'.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means learning how to say you are sorry to your
> >kids when you make a mistake. We've made our share!!
> >
> >Doing right by our kids means teaching them how to connect with others.
> >Emotional IQ is far more important than raw IQ.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means teaching them to love others and appreciate
> >our differences.  People of all ethnicities deserve love and acceptance.
> >
> >Doing Right by our kids means always letting them know that when mistakes
> >are made, and they will be made, that we didn't like their behavior but
we
> >will always love them unconditionally.  Doesn't matter where they've
> >been-it's where they are going that counts.
> >
> >
> >
> >Here are some practical ways to connect with your children and  remind
them
> >of your tremendous love, they might sound hokey but they work:
> >
> >
> >- have a secret I LOVE YOU signal- a V sign with our fingers
> >
> >- make a photo album for each child to keep not just photos of them
growing
> >up but also first drawings -            memorabilia-sort of a ME book.
> >
> >-have a special verse to help  them understand just how wonderful they
are
> >
> >-leave surprise love messages  in unexpected places- post it notes work
> >great for this
> >
> >- praise your children in front of others- so they might 'accidentally
> >overhear the good things you have to say         about them
> >
> >-tell your children frequently "I am so glad that God gave you to me"  --
> >if I had to choose from others I would still  pick you!!
> >
> >-along with prayer and a good night kiss - tell them all the good things
> >you observed that day
> >
> >-make homemade cards for one another-to show special feelings of love and
> >caring
> >
> >-drive by the hospital where they were born and remind them of that
> >incredible day when they came into our lives
> >
> >Sounds like you are on the right path Delila- the desire you expressed to
> >'do right by them' shows where your heart is!!  We all make mistakes- no
> >matter how hard we try, we still make mistakes- but with God's grace and
> >mercy we keep trying.  It's easy to love them- sometimes hard to
recognize
> >the different developmental stages and always be on top of it.  One thing
> >I've learned is that our kids are patient and forgiving!!
> >
> >Well, I have lots more - but school beckons!
> >
> >Love to you,  Anna and River John,
> >Mary B.
> >
> >
>
> _________________________________________________________________
>
http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-ca&page=byoa/prem&xAPID=Home   

And all the saints said, "AMEN!"

Thomas Maddux

[delila]

“Utopia”  by Szymborska Wislawa

An island where all is elucidated.

There, it is possible to stand on the ground of proofs.

No other roads there than the roads of arrival.

The bushes are heavily loaded with answers.

A tree is there of the Correct Guess
with branches disentangled for ever.
    A dazzling simple tree of Comprehension
by a source which bears the name That’s-how-it-is.

The further you advance, the larger it opens,
the Valley of Obviousness.

If any doubt appears, the wind dispells it.

The echo takes along a voice without being called
and willingly elucidates the secrets of the world.

To the right, a cave in which Meaning resides.

To the left a lake of Profound Conviction.

The Truth tears itself from the bottom and lithely
   flows to the surface.

The valley is dominated by Unshaken Certainty.
From its peak there is a view down on the Heart of
   the Matter.

In spite of its charms, the island is uninhabited,
and tiny traces of feet, visible near the shore,
without exception are turned toward the sea.

As if only departures were practiced there
in order to plunge irrevocably in the deep.

In life beyond understanding.

[al Hartman]

     There is nothing more important to a parent than prayer.  Prayer is a topic to be addressed for its own sake.  When the Bible says "Pray without ceasing," it obviously is not referring to the "every head bowed, every eye closed" variety.  What then?  We are to learn to recognize our proximity to God (Lo, I am with you always) and behave accordingly, not waiting for a special time to bring every new development before the Lord.  Boldly.  We are to deal with our missteps abruptly, and to present ourselves before God as acceptable living sacrifices; to let Christ's Spirit teach us to say, "Father, not my will, but Thine be done."  Always.
     I write these things to you not as one who has learned them, but as having learned that I must learn them, for I have nothing to present to God that He has not given me.  Nothing in my hand I bring; simply to Thy cross I cling.

     The responsibilities of adulthood are the natural consequence of survival to a certain age-- responsibilities that can overwhelm.  But parenthood is modeled after the One-on-one relationship that our Father in Heaven has with each of us who has received the new birth He has given.
     Our tendency is to allow the pressures of being adults to take the forefront in our lives, pushing the unspeakable privilege of parenthood to the back burner-- we don't exactly neglect our children-- we just put them off until everything else gets taken care of.  But it never does all get taken care of, does it?  And we relegate our children (and they accept our relegation of them) to permanent positions of secondary importance.
     This is a dilemma to which, outside of prayer, the most brilliant of us has no solution.  Lord, teach us Your priorities, and to make Your priorities our own priorities, and to address them with Your wisdom and in Your way.

     We are responsible to teach our children, but we are also responsible to learn from them!  Observe: a child trusts its parent implicitly, without limit or measure.  So must we learn to trust our Father in heaven.  
     Lord, with all the circumstances of my life pressing upon me, how can I take the time to spend with my child?  I am beaten to exhaustion -- where can I find the strength to do it all?

              He was just waiting for you to ask...  His
          ways are higher than our ways.  Consider the lillies of the
          field... the birds of the air... how much more will He meet your
          needs?  Has He promised and will He not also do it?  His
          strength is made perfect in your weakness.  Take courage
          and draw your strength from Him.  Is anything too great for
          the Lord?  He is for you; who then shall stand against you?

     We absolutely cannot teach our children a spirituality we do not ourselves express.  Will we teach them a form of godliness but deny, before them and to them, His power?  God forbid!  Rather, let our children see us bow before God and entrust to Him the meeting of our needs and the relieving of our burdens.  Let them learn to do so too, by following our example.  The little ones do not need to learn that father knows best, but that our Father knows best.
     Pray as often as you think of it for the salvation of your child's soul, and pray that you will think of it more often.  Pray to become the kind of example that will point them toward the Lord.  Pray to be open to the Lord's correction, as you pray for them to be open to yours.  Pray to know how to pray and what to pray for.  Although God has given us wonderful minds, it is not by our wisdom that we shall enter into His kingdom or lead others to it, but by the wisdom that comes from above.
...............................................................................................

     We will slip at times.  As long as we must indwell these husks, awaiting the full manifestation of our redemption, we will err.  Some time when you are railing at your daughter or son over some misdeed, God will touch your heart and say to you as His prophet said to David, "You are the sinner." and you will see yourself in need of immediate repentance.  What to do?  What will my child think if I stop mid-tirade?
     Dare to find out:  Stop.  Is a confession in order, if not for your topic, then for your temper?  See our Example:  Jesus, being without sin, took our sins upon Himself and made apology on our behalf to the Father:  "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."  Humbly ask your child to please forgive you and pray with you.  Don't put on a show-- just pour your heart out to God.  Be real.  Pray about what matters.  God will speak to both your hearts.

...............................................................................................

Delila, please thank Mary B. for us and ask her to write us more...

al

[al Hartman]

     Everyone who reads these posts has been a child.  (Oh, yeah-- that al is a deep thinker!!)  Besides that, probably well over half of us have raised or are presently raising children.  So why aren't there more posts on this thread?
     My theory is that most readers don't want to admit their failures.  The real irony is that one of the most common of these is the failure to recognize our successes.
     Only wise people learn from their mistakes.  That means that if you've made mistakes you're already half-way to being wise!  (I'm half-way to being very wise, because I've made a lot of mistakes.)

     One of my mistakes was making myself believe that I was instrumental in a great work for God and, therefore, I could devote my full attention to my assembly responsibilities and God would be obligated to see that my children learned what they should.  (I must have supposed they would absorb life's lessons by osmosis from being in such constant proximity to ministry, prayer & bible study.)
     My involvement with the assembly was so extensive that my personal walk with the Lord consisted primarily of preparing for meetings:  studying, praying for inspiration, praying with others, etc.  I didn't realize it, but I suffered from a lack of intimacy with my God and Savior.  I was so busy, so tired & so pressed for time that I usually only approached the Lord for help with my responsibilities.  Even worship was a responsibility.  In retrospect, my Heavenly Father was a distant image, a figurehead, a name on the door.  I was not intimately acquainted with Him as I desperately needed to be.
     Likewise, my children desperately needed intimate involvement with me, but I denied them that by pouring my energy into meeting the demands placed upon me, like pouring sand down a rat hole.  I was drained.  I had nothing left for my children.  I let my wife and the brothers in our house raise them.  (Understand:  I loved them.  I just didn't know what to do about it.)

     Another mistake of mine was thinking of prayer as a last resort  instead of first.  My prayers for my family were very general, generic, even vague.  I didn't have (didn't make) time for more specific, extensive prayers.  Virtually the only time I prayed with my children, or even my wife, was at meals & in prayer meetings.  Again, I was subconsciously hoping they would learn from observing my example.  They did, of course, but they saw through my self-deception & learned to model themselves after an example that was sadly insufficient.

     A specific mistake of mine was spanking too hard.  I must have thought that strength would drive out disobedience.  How dare they disobey me?!!-- I would exorcise their rebellion by force!!  My heart breaks now over the pain I inflicted without the balance of sufficient effective instruction.  Thank God there is now no condemnation to we who are in Christ Jesus!

     I also expected my children to understand me on an adult level.  If what I said made sense to me, it should make sense to them!  I demanded adult self-control, self-discipline.  What was I thinking?-- I'm now 61, & still trying to work those things into my own behavior.  I denied them one of the basic benefits of childhood:  being allowed to think like children.  Of course, they thought like children anyway; it's all they were capable of.  But I blamed them, sometimes punished them for its being a shortcoming.

     I had essentially no example from my own upbringing which I could follow.  I had the assembly pattern.  I did have direct access to the throne of grace, where I could ask & draw upon the wisdom of the Ultimate Good Parent, but I didn't understand that at the time.  So I followed the non-example of my parents, the ineffectual legal standard of the assembly, and I neglected the gift of intimacy with the Lord.

     Can you relate with any of my failures?  Please recognize that they are not posted so we may commiserate together and cry on each others' shoulders.
     Learn from my errors!  Learn that they are not necessary for you.  Do the things I neglected, and abandon the things I did.
     And-- just a suggestion-- sit down & write about your mistakes...  If it comes out legible, post it so others may learn from your example also.  That is the way we are truly the family and community of God-- His living testimony on earth.

God bless,
al

[Recovering Saint]

Some people contend that one of the most serious failings of those involved in the assemblies was our spiritual pride. While this is true, there is another word that more accurately describes the great sin of that system.

The word is IDOLATRY.

Verne

Yes Idolatry. The Assembly God is an Idol created by man. His demands, and almost everything about him are man made. Oh we use scripture (to justify what we believe) but it is only one man's view of God). We are going through the Purpose Driven Life book together in our Singles group. In Chapter 12 it calls many types of worship in the Church today Idolatry. Why because people are not worshipping aright. They create a style of worship and a concept of God to suit their model. So well put. In the chapter it talks about how some are motivated to true worship by various things and that unlike what we had drummed into us there is room for various styles of worship. The only prerequisite is that we know biblically who we worship and do it from the heart. So it is in Spirit and Truth.

Hugh

[al Hartman]

Verne,

     Thank you so much for that wonderful verse by Tersteegen-- it belongs on every thread of this BB!

     There are infinite variables within any congregation which affect the conduct of the worship service, so that it cannot strictly follow a form and yet be pure.  The service combines the worship of the assembled individuals, and no one can dictate to another precisely how to worship, for none of us knows our Lord in precisely the same manner or measure as another.
     It is as we individually learn Christ, as we allow and see the formation of His nature and character in our thoughts and lives, that our worship of Him becomes true.  When someone built before us a structure of wood, hay & stubble and mounted a sign upon it which said GOD and we believed it, all our true spiritual growth was shunted off onto a siderail.  Our distraction with the form we accepted cost us the intimacy with God upon which true worship relies.

     Returning to the theme of this thread, the same principle prevails in the relationship between parent and child.  Think how faithfully God pursued us when we wandered astray.  No matter how far from His face we were, He held us dear in His heart and never forsook us.
     So, as parents, we must pursue the hearts of our children.  We must pursue them in prayer, asking God to open our eyes to their needs; to establish and maintain communication with them across all generational barriers; to make us sensitive to the example we set before them in our attitudes, words and doings.
     We must pursue them in practice, not allowing anything to seem important enough to come between us and them.  Yet we must pursue them by not smothering them with our anxieties on their behalf.  I speak frankly:  Our realization of the impossibilty of the task of the parent is one of the best things that can happen to us.  It is only when we are utterly confounded that we cast ourselves utterly upon the Lord for His help.  And it is surely only in our nearness to Christ that our children can and will see Christ in us.
     One can almost sense a divine purpose in the plan of  parenthood, if one will stop trying to do it by the book, and will ask and permit the Spirit of the living God to guide us in doing it by the Book.  
     The active link from Father-to-child/parent-to-child is the key to parenthood:  For a short time we are the conduit through which He reaches our children.  The job assigned is far beyond our capabilities.  We must work while it is day, clinging close to Him and holding them close to us, all by His grace...

               Jesus loves the little children...
                              They are precious in His sight...

al

[al Hartman]

But One Thing Is Needful:

     What if you were going away?  I don't mean off to work for the day or away to a weekend seminar.  What if you were being sent overseas, or to prison, and didn't know when, or even whether you would return?  What if you were dying?
     What would you say to your children?  What final word would you impart, that they could hold dear & cling to in your absence?
     Would you tell them to be good?  Or that you love them?  Would it be where to find the key to your safe deposit box?  Or to remember to floss?  To obey their elders?  To not fight?  i before e, except after c?
     Suddenly and without warning it is too late for a long and structured series of lessons.  If you had time for only one message, what would it be?  ...and why would it be that?

     Why do I ask?  Because it could happen.  None of us knows what the next moment holds in store for us.  God could call you home in an instant.  What will you have left behind with which your family can comfort and sustain themselves?
     They will grieve at your absence, but will they also be able to rejoice?  To carry on without you?  To fulfill their destinies?  
     You may not have even the luxury of foreknowing that last encounter.  What can be done while there is yet time?

     In asking what is the single most important thing you can impart to your children I am, of course, asking:  What is the key factor in your biography?  There is nothing you can say that will have more impact than that which has underwritten your own living.  Is it your principles, your ethics, your morals?  Perhaps your politics or your societal views, your economics?  Because if any of these things has held the primary place in your heart and mind, nothing else you preach will ring true.  If there is anyone on earth who can see past a person's facade it is his or her own child.

     What I am about to tell you is my confession of failure:  I did not show my children Jesus Christ as they were growing up in my home.  I imparted to them my ethics, the principles by which I lived, and those were pretty good by the world's standards.  All four of them have a strong work ethic.  They are compassionate people, those to whom others turn for help in times of crisis.  My son recently told me that my training has made it virtually impossible for him to lie.
     But I did not show them Christ.  I told them about Him.  They saw what evidence there was of my belief in Him.  But they never saw HIM, and today none of the four is walking with Him or even recognizing Him as a need in their lives.  Where did I go wrong?
     The fact is, I didn't go wrong in rearing my children.  I gave them the best that I had to offer.  I went wrong with myself.  They never saw Christ because when they lived under my roof Christ was not central to me.  My "Christian" life was comprised of things.  There were morning times and evening times, but they were just times.  There were meetings, study, fellowship; all just ends in themselves.  I saw many things pertaining to the Lord, but I did not see Jesus.  It is impossible to show someone what you yourself do not see.
     I did not withhold Christ from my household.  I simply failed, myself, to acknowledge Him as Lord of my life (although I said often unto Him "Lord, Lord").  He was not enthroned in my heart & therefore neither in my home.
     I tried to do the things it seemed He wanted of me because I thought I'd better.  I believed in my salvation through Him and I had a genuine compassion for the lost, wanting them to be saved, but my faith didn't translate into a redeemed way of living.  I was a sinner, saved by grace and trying to live a better life.  I read about Jesus and heard about Him and even prayed to Him but I didn't see Him and I didn't know Him.

     Someone has said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.  While I wouldn't contest the importance of that, the greatest thing a parent can do for a child is to love their Redeemer.  We cannot love whom we do not know.  We cannot know whom we do not encounter & associate with.  Learning about Him is only a beginning, to be followed up with turning to Him, actively engaging Him, associating closely with Him in, during and throughout all of life's endeavors.
     Shall I bless you with the deep insights of my knowledge of walking close with Christ?  Perhaps, someday, when I have attained to such.  But I have only begun to understand what is possible (all things) to us who believe.  We can know and love Christ because He first loved us.  Because His love constrains us, we can love Him with all our heart and mind and strength.  Even having not physically beheld Him, we can see Him and learn of Him.

     I don't, cannot, know whether I will have another face-to-face with my wife or any of my children, but this one thing I want them to know:  God has promised, "...you shall seek and find me when you shall search for me with all your heart."  He wants our undivided attention; our unqualified devotion, and He has provided the wherewithal for us to give Him His desire.  All we have to do is ask it of Him.
     There is no greater gift I could give them.

al

[Oscar]

Al,

There are a few things you need to keep in mind.

1. At the human level, every individual makes his/her own decision as to what they will do about God.  We can feed,clothe, shelter, and teach our kids...but we can't believe for them.  They do that on their own.

2. There are kids who have grown up in excellent Christian homes who have strayed.  In contrast, Madeline Murry O'Hare's son is an evangelist.

3. The whole story hasn't been written yet.  Keep praying.

God bless,
Thomas Maddux

[Mark C.]

Hi Everyone!
  My children are grown now and married.  I have five very grand-grandchildren as a result of this!
  What fine advice can I offer on this topic?  Not much really, as my wonderful wife really raised our children due to the same reasons Al has shared.  She home schooled them, child trained them, and disciplined them as best as she could. She often bucked the Assembly "suggestions" in favor of what she thought was best for them.
  It is obvious to most of here that you can't "discipline" a child into accepting Christ, though there is a place for discipline in a child's upbringing.
   What can we do?  I consider those here who talk about us being examples to them, and I can't argue with that.  I also consider what Al had to say about "giving our children Christ" and I wish with all my heart that this was within my power.
  Though of course these two things are very important there are those reading here who were trained how to parent in the Assembly and when they hear "be an example" and "give your children Christ" there is a shrinking away from the perception of another impossible burden being loaded onto them.
   God was the first parent and His two "children" Adam and Eve failed miserably.  God was a perfect example and had divine powers to provide spiritual graces that exceed ours and still His kids fell into sin.  Suffice it to say here that we need not get discouraged if we have struggles with our children and they choose a path other than the way of righteousness.
  We set ourselves up for great discouragement if we think that by "doing" all the right things we can insure correct choices that our children will have to make on their own.
   If I had it to do again I would chuck the Assembly plan of "training my children into the kingdom" and instead just try and enjoy them more.  We had great vacations, when we were away from the Assembly, where I would read to the kids, swim, hike, fish, fly kites, etc. with the kids.  They remember these times best and it was these normal kind of human/family times that bound us together.
   I think this why my kids wanted to get married early and have kids of their own, because the values they picked up from us were that it's more important to enjoy family life vs. pursuing a career.  They picked these values up because it is what brings happy memories.  If you want your kids to choose certain values give them plenty of happy memories of those values and they will fall into like a water slide into water  !
  Those who don't see the need to build bonds of human affection fall into the Assembly methods of "spiritual training" that are not spiritual at all.  God became a human and only when our spiritual life expresses itself in our human relationships is anything communicated to our children at all.
                                   God Bless,  Mark C.

[al Hartman]

     I just received this in an e-mail from my oldest daughter.  Its original source is unknown to me:
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Why God Made Moms -- Enjoy the answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions:

 Why did God make mothers?
 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
 2. Mostly to clean the house.
 3. To help us out of them when we were getting born.

 How did God make mothers?
 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He
     just used bigger parts.

 What ingredients are mothers made of?
 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel-hair and everything
     nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
     use string. I think.

 Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
 1. We're related.
 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
     moms like me.

 What kind of little girl was your mom?
 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
     pretty bossy.
 3. They say she used to be nice.

 What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
 1. His last name.
 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he
     get drunk on beer?
 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
     YES to chores?

 Why did your mom marry your dad?
 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats alot.
 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

 Who's the boss at your house?
 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such
     a goofball.
 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
     the bed.
 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do
     than dad.

 What's the difference between moms and dads?
 1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got
     to work at work.
 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause
     that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

 What does your mom do in her spare time?
 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

 What would it take to make your mom perfect?
 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some
     kind of plastic surgery.
 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

 If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.
     I'd get rid of that.
 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
     who did it and not me.
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     How would your kids answer these questions about you?  

al

[Kimberley Tobin]

Thank you Al.  I just sat at my computer, uproariously laughing!  After my very long weekend, with no spare time   , what a wonderful thing, to just let loose and laugh and laugh.  The thing is, it is soooo true what these children are saying!

 

[jesusfreak]

    How would your kids answer these questions about you?  

al

Oh man, I can't *imagine* having kids....that would be so freaky  

--
lucas