Loving our Children

[al Hartman]

    How would your kids answer these questions about you?  

al

Oh man, I can't *imagine* having kids....that would be so freaky  

--
lucas

     Funny...  I have no trouble at all imagining you having freaky kids!!!  
Talk to me in a few years!!!  

al

[jesusfreak]

Touche'  

--
lucas

[al Hartman]

A Frame of Reference:

     As adults, we tend to have forgotten when & how our frames of reference changed from those of a child to those of an adolescent, a young adult, a parent, and by that memory lapse we lose our perspective of what our child is experiencing and thinking.  We become judgmental, harsh, severe.
     Paul admits, "When I was a child, I thought as a child," and although he goes on to discuss his having grown up to put away childish things, we must be impressed that he has not forgotten what it was to think as a child.

     How often have you thought, That kid has no respect for the value of a dollar.  I needn't point out that you sound like your parents; but ask yourself, "When, and how, did I begin to respect the value of a dollar?"  Chances are it wasn't until you had to begin earning money for yourself, and using it to provide for yourself to some degree.  The entire world's media are geared for enticing your child to wheedle you into spending your money on products that no one needs, but the child has been led to believe that he or she cannot go on living without.  And for contrast to that ceaseless brainwashing your kid has only what you have provided by way of education and example.

     And that's just the material world...  What about spiritual things?  You can pack your SUV full of how-to books on raising spiritual children, and some of them have some decent ideas.  Surely memorizing Bible verses must be good, right?  And all those Sunday school and vacation Bible school projects must be good, with their pictures of biblical stuff & scripture captions.  Right?
     But those few hours spent with a teacher who probably has nothing better to offer than you do (and possibly far less), fade to insignificance when contrasted against the many hours our kids spend observing us.  How does Mom or Dad cope with problems?  Deal with prejudice and unreasonable people?  Make ends meet?  Do we say things that bless, or curse?  Do we trust God, or cheat?  Are we honest?  Fair?  Kind?  Angry?  Bitter?

     Oh, well, I don't let the kids see how I really feel.  It wouldn't be right.  I want them to grow up with good morals, strong principles, a good self-image and a positive attitude.  I want them to be good people, so I have to be a good example to them by showing them only my best side.

     Don't worry, your kids will follow your example-- not the example you try to set for them, but the one you actually live.  Kids are great at seeing through a smokescreen and picking up on what's really going on.  The best example you can set is one of honesty before God & before them.
     You know you "ought to" be more loving and kind, have more faith in God.  Don't think that the pretense of such things is a good example.  It is not-- it is assemblyism at it's boldest!  Pretend to rejoice, pretend to trust God, pretend to love those you hate.  Your child will not imitate the image you mean to project-- your child will imitate your pretensions, believeing that adults are supposed to be good liars.

     But, if I'm not the things I want my child to become, how can I lead him, how can I influence her, to do & be the things I have not mastered?
     Well, if you're asking me, that's your first hurdle to get over.  You must ask Christ for help.  Only He can convert you to the person you wish you were-- the person you want your child to become.

     If He had not already begun a good work in you, you would not be concerned about these things.  Trust Him now to continue that work as He has promised He will.  THAT is the example the little ones need and hunger to see:  Not the megalomaniac superhuman overcomer, but the humble sinner-saved-by-grace, who God is remaking into a servant of the Most High.  They don't need to see us pretending to have it all together-- They need to see Jesus Christ, our All-in-all, and if we look steadfastly toward Him, they will follow our gaze.

God bless your house,
al

[Joseph Reisinger]

Al!!
how encouraging.  I think you are exactly right.  I pray that i do not forget those things i thought as a child by the time i have children of my own.  They would be the worse for it.  Children learn to pretend so well... they become far better experts than their parents.
If only we can 'keep it real'...
joseph

[al Hartman]

Our Sister Lenore provided a link to this story on another thread.  I thought this would be a good thread on which to post it in its entirety:
.............................................................................................................


The Pretty One...

This was the last litter of puppies we were going to allow our Cocker Spaniel to have.  It had been a very long night for me.  Precious, our only black Cocker, was having a very difficult time with the delivery of her puppies.

I laid on the floor beside her large four-foot square cage, watching her every movement.  Watching and waiting
just in case we had to rush her to the veterinarian.

After six hours the puppies started to appear.  The first born was a black and white party dog.  The second and third puppies were tan and brown in color.

The fourth and fifth were also spotted black and white.
"One, two, three, four, five," I counted to myself as I walked down the hallway to wake up Judy and tell her that everything was fine.  

As we walked back down the hallway and into the spare bedroom, I noticed a sixth puppy had been born and was
now lying all by itself over to the side of the cage.
I picked up the small puppy and laid it on top of the large pile of puppies, which were whining and trying nurse on
the mother.  Instantly Precious pushed the small puppy away from rest of the Group and refused to recognize it as a member of her family.

"Something's wrong," said Judy.  I reached over and picked up the puppy.  My heart sank inside my chest when I saw
the little puppy was hare-lipped and could not close its
little mouth.

We had gone through this once before last year with another one of our cockers. That experience like to have killed me when the puppy died and I had to bury it.  If there was any way to save this animal I was going to give it my best shot.

All the puppies born that night, with the exception of the small cleft palate pup, were very valuable because of their unusual coloring.  Most would bring between five to seven hundred dollars each.

The next day I took the puppy to the vet.  I was told nothing could be done unless we were willing to spend about a thousand dollars to try and correct the defect.  He told us that the puppy would die mainly because it could not suckle.

After returning home Judy and I decided that we could not afford to spend that kind of money without getting some type of assurances from the vet that the puppy had a chance to live.  However, that did not stop me from purchasing a syringe and feeding the puppy by hand.  Which I did every day and night, every two hours, for more than ten days.

The fifth week I placed an ad in the newspaper, and within
a week we had taken deposits on all of the pups, except the one with the deformity.

The little guy had learned to eat on his own as long as it
was soft canned food.

Late that afternoon I had gone to the store to pick up a few groceries. Upon returning I happened to see the old retired school teacher, who lived across the street from us, waving
at me. She had read in the paper that we had puppies for
sale and was wondering if she might buy one from us for
her grandson.

I told her all the puppies had been sold, but I would keep
my eyes open for anyone else who might have a cocker spaniel for sale.  I also mentioned we never kept a deposit should someone change their mind, and if so I would let
her know.

Within days all but one of the puppies had been picked up
by their new owners.  This left me with one brown and tan cocker as well as the smaller cleft palate puppy.

Two days passed without my hearing anything from the gentleman, who had placed a deposit on the tan and brown pup.  So I telephoned the school teacher and told her I had one puppy left and that she was welcome to come and look
at it.

She advised me that she was going to pick up her grandson and would come over about eight o'clock that evening.  
Judy and I were eating supper when we heard a knock on
the front door.  When I opened the door, the man, who had placed a $100 deposit on the dog, was standing there.  
We walked inside where I filled out the paperwork, he paid me the balance of the money, and I handed him the puppy.

Judy and I did not know what to do or say if the teacher showed up with her grandson.  Sure enough at exactly eight o'clock the doorbell rang.  I opened the door, and there was the school teacher with her grandson standing behind her
I explained to her the man had come for the puppy just an hour before and there were no puppies left.

"I'm sorry, Jeffery.  They sold all the puppies," she told
her grandson.

Just at that moment, the small puppy left in the bedroom began to yelp.

"My puppy!  My puppy!" yelled the little boy as he ran out from behind his grandmother.

I just about fell over when I saw the small child had a cleft palate.  The boy ran past me as fast as he could, down the hallway to where the puppy was still yelping.  When the three of us made it to the bedroom, the small boy was holding the puppy in his arms.  He looked up at his grandmother and said, "Look Grandma.  They sold all the puppies except the pretty one, and he looks just like me."

Well, old Grandma wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes that day. Judy and I stood there, not knowing what to do.

"Is this puppy for sale?" asked the school teacher.
"My grandma told me these kind of puppies are real expensive and that I have to take real good care of it,"
said the little boy, who was now hugging the puppy.  

"Yes, ma'am.  This puppy is for sale."

The lady opened her purse, and I could see several one-hundred dollar bills sticking out of her wallet.  I reached
over and pushed her hand back down into her purse so
that she would not pull her wallet out.

"How much do you think this puppy is worth?"
I asked the boy.  

"About a dollar?" He replied.      

"No.  This puppy is very, very expensive. More than a dollar."  I told him.

"I'm afraid so", said his grandmother. The boy stood there pressing the small puppy against his cheek.

"We could not possibly take less than two dollars for this puppy," Judy said squeezing my hand.  "Like you said,
'It's the pretty one,'" she continued.

The school teacher took out two dollars and handed it to the young boy.  "It's your dog now, Jeffery, you pay the man."

I think it must be a wonderful feeling for any young
person to look at himself in the mirror and see nothing,
except "The pretty one."

There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth,
beyond the highest, the very highest heavens.  This is the
light that shines in your heart.

This is beautiful, just as the Lord's love for us is beautiful. We are all beautiful to Him in spite of our deformity
called sin.

~ Author Unknown ~

[al Hartman]

     I used to keep a little card taped to the side of the nightstand next to my pillow.  It said, "The Best Thing a Father Can Do For His Children Is To Love Their Mother."  It was there for me to see each evening before I turned out the light and each morning when I awoke, until it finally faded to illegibility.

     In many ways, Cathy & I are complete opposites.  She is a morning glory, while I'm a night owl.  The things we like to do are often very different, our tastes in everything from food to art frequently are poles apart.  We could almost be poster kids for the Mars/Venus theory except that in half our differences she's Mars & I'm Venus.

     We had known each other for 15 years, been married for 13 of them, before I realized that she was my best friend.  Today, after over 35 years together, that's truer than ever.

     Some very bad examples in my youth and adolescence, coupled with some plain old wrongheadedness on my part, made me a far-from-perfect spouse in the early years of our marriage.  There have been times when, because of my behavior & attitudes, some of our four kids have wondered out loud why Cathy stayed with me.  She has never offered them any explanation beyond that she loves me and the Lord united us for life.

     My commitment to our marriage was solid from the start, but my discovery of the true nature of love-- living to please the other-- was later in developing.  But the children saw it and now, as adults, they still see it.  Children learn far more and far better from their environment than from mere auditory input.  Talk is cheap, the saying goes, and the next cheapest thing is whatever money buys.

     We can't preach morality into the hearts of our children, and we can't buy our way into their accepting the values we profess to believe by giving them "things."  You've heard it said, I'm sure:  Children learn by example; they learn what they live.  They need to behold love; to feel it and to taste it.

     The Bible defines and describes love; even illustrates it in wholly in the Person of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But only the Holy Spirit of God can press the message through and past the sawdust between our ears, and establish it in our hearts.

     I saw a pillow that was embroidered with the message, "Let Me Be the Kind Of Person My Dog Thinks I Am."  I am inclined to pray, "Lord, lead me to become the person my children need me to be."  The pillow is cute; the prayer is essential.

al Hartman

[lenore]

Here is something that I have saved from an email I received.


 


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>Subject: Fw: God is at the Window
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>There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was
given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the
woods, but he could never hit the target. Getting a little iscouraged,
he headed back to dinner.  As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet
duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square
in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he
hid the dead duck in the woodpile only to see his sister watching. Diane
had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma
said," Diane, let's wash the dishes." But Diane said, "Grandma, Johnny
told me he wanted to help in the kitchen." Then she whispered to him,
"Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the >dishes. > >Later that day,
Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing >and Grandma said,
"I'm sorry but I need Diane to help make supper." >Diane just smiled and
said, "Well that's all right because Johnny >told me he wanted to help."
She whispered again, "Remember the >duck?" So Diane went fishing and
Johnny stayed to help. > >After several days of Johnny doing both his
chores and Diane's he >finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to
Grandma and >confessed that he had killed the duck. > >Grandma knelt
down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. >You see, I was
standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. But >because I love
you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you >would let Diane
make a slave of you." > > >Thought for the day and everyday there after:
>Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done and the devil keeps
>throwing it up in your face (lying, debt, fear, hatred, anger,
>un-forgiveness, bitterness, etc.) whatever it is, you need to know
>that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing! He >has
seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and >that
you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let >the devil
make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that >when you ask for
forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He >forgets - It is by God's
Grace and Mercy that we are saved. Go >ahead and make the difference in
someone's life today. Share this >with a friend and always remember,"God
is at the window"!!! >


HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
 
 
 
 
           

[lenore]

 :)Gidday from the Ottawa Valley: June 17: 12:14 noon.

My daughter Sara sent this to me:

I would like to share this with you.

Lenore

P.S. Better get the Kleenx out.

====================================



Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the
operating room.
 She said  How is my little boy?  Is he going to be all right?  When can I see him?
The surgeon said, I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy
didn't make it
Sally said, Why do little children get cancer?
 Doesn't God care any more?
Where were you, God, when my son needed you

The surgeon asked,
Would you like some time alone with your son?
One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's  transported to the university.

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son.
She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.
Would you like a lock of his hair.
 the nurse asked.
Sally nodded yes.
 The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
 The mother said,
It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study.
He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die.
Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.
She went on,
My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always
thinking of someone else.. Always wanting to help others if he could.

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there.
 She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.  The drive home was difficult.

It was even harder to enter the empty house.
 She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them.
 She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke.
Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.

The letter said:

Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU.. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.  Someday we will see each other again.
  Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so
you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me  He can have my room and old stuff to play with.  But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do.  You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.  Don't be sad thinking about me.
 This really is a neat place.  
Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and  showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.
The angels are so cool.  I love to watch them fly.  And, you know what?  Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures.
Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him.

Jesus himself took me to see GOD!  And guess what, Mom?  I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important.
That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything.  But I already knew that wasn't allowed.  
 Well, you know what Mom?
God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter.
 I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.  God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?'  
God  said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.  He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

;Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.  
To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.  Isn't that cool?  I  have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in
the Book of Life.
 Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper.
I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore.  The cancer is all gone.  I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God  couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either.  That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me.  The Angel said I was a Special Delivery!  How
about that?


Signed with Love from: God, Jesus & Me.

;-------------------------------------------------------
;
;Let's see Satan stop this one.
Take 60-seconds and send this to five other people, within the hour, you
;will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other.
;Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what
you;know God loves

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