INFORMATION you can use.

[al Hartman]

  I must object to Al using my name without permission in his sentence "Mark my words" and will be suing him for the unauthorized use of my name, and so will Major League Baseball!  

My Dear Brother Campbell,

     Apparently you and Major League Baseball are unaware of or have forgotten the landmark case of Waders v Rowboats, in which the highest court in the land decided that "Prior to its employment as a given name by any person presently living, the word 'mark' existed in uses such as watermark, landmark, markdown, marker, marketplace, undoubtably serving even earlier as the word descriptive of the sound made by a dog with a cleft palate, thereby rendering all modern claims of unauthorized use of the name 'Mark' frivolous, null and void."

     I question your endorsement of the nefarious Burt O'Leary and his endeavors.  Anyone who has read his formula for "Moses' Stone Soup" or partaken of his recipe for split lobster tail ("Parting of the Red Seafood") recognizes that the man is an utter quack.  Is that what moves you to offer him your duck soup?  For shame!  I will write my recipes on public walls before I will commit them into the hands of that greedy man.  Be advised that he has been disciplined with excommunication from the  prestigious "Organization, Culinary Writers, Artists and Publishers" (O, CWAP).   I tell you, he deserves to simmer in his own juices, and his flunkie Fillmore with him (If someone can find a container large enough)!

     Well, y'all have a nice day now!

al

[Joe Sperling]

I'd be very interested in that duck soup recipe Mark. I'll bet it's great served very hot with quackers. I am quickly compiling another recipe book. During a recent archaeological dig in Nineveh they found a very unusual recipe I am including in the book. It is a recipe penned by Jonah himself for "Whale Liver Almondine". He becamse quite familiar with inner workings of whales as you well know and apparently penned this recipe the night before prophesying at Nineveh. There is also a recipe on the same stone for "Worm and Gourd pancakes". I hope to include it also. I'll let you know when it goes to print.

Burt

[al Hartman]

   


Joe,

     What spell does that charlatan Burt o'Leary hold over you that you let him post on your personal BB account?  If you need some help extricating yourself from his slimy clutches, you just let me know.  I had hoped to recruit Mark Campbell in this pursuit, also, but Burt seems to have him mesmerized as well.  I suspect that O'Leary may be threatening to expose that Mark was not really one of the original "Campbell's Kids" pictured on the soup cans, as so many believe him to be.  (I suppose they think that because of the souped-up truck he drives.)

     I have to go now-- there's a very large, intimidating-looking woman trying to knock my front door down, and my dogs are going crazy.  I haven't fed them for days in anticipation of her arrival...  Now, if I can just spray her with this liver paste before she can reach me with that hockey stick...

al

[Joe Sperling]

ATTN: BURT O'LEARY

Dear Mr. O'Leary,

I arrived in Ohio yesterday and proceeded to Mr.
Hartman's house. I got past the yapping pooches,
and Mr. Hartman and I began our "conversation"
about his pending lawsuit.

At the end of our discussion I made a quick phone
call for Mr. Hartman, because he needed a ride. I
waved as they drove away, and think Mr. Hartman
may have been a bit surprised, as he has never seen
the inside of an ambulance before.

I then went and helped myself to Mr. Hartman's refrigerator, because I was quite hungry after our
meeting. Being a 400 pound woman, I do indeed consume a lot, so Mr. Hartman will have to do some shopping after he gets home from his hospital visit.

I am now in the airport, ready to board a plane to meet
Dave Sable in the desert to discuss his recipes, and work out
the financial aspects of using them in your book. Thank you for employing me as your lawyer Mr. O'Leary, because I just love to travel.

sincerely, Beulah Fillmore

[moonflower2]

My Dear, Dear Beulah,

Have you ever been to South Africa?

I can arrange an all expenses paid trip-of-a-lifetime for you!

Skip the recipe trip. I'm buying out Jewel Food Stores so you will be Filledwell for the rest of your life.



   

[Joe Sperling]

South Africa huh? Moonflower, by any chance could I get your address? After I visit with Dave Sable perhaps I could stop by and we could have a little chat.

best regards,  Beulah

[al Hartman]

     Does anyone out there know how to get in touch with Joe Sperling?  Burt O'Leary & his band of thugs seem to have taken over Joe's BB account and are using it (& Joe's good name) to foist their schemes upon the unsuspecting public.  This must be stopped.  (Frankly, I wonder if Brian isn't sleeping at the switch, not to realize what is transpiring on his watch)

     The ruckus at my door finally stopped, probably because I had removed my name & address numerals from the front of the house & the mailbox, & her Hulkship wasn't sure she had the right place.  About 20 minutes later, the street was filled with emergency vehicles, all with lights flashing & sirens wailing.  They were focused on the house at 1695 (my street # is 1659).  Seems my neighbor of three-doors-down, Alvin Hamstrung, suffered a B&E, followed by a violent & severe A&B.

     The first officers on the scene found Alvin's two dogs hung up neatly on the hall coat tree (not an easy task with a Doberman & an English Mastiff).  The EMTs found Alvin alive, but had to bring him out of his house in a body bag, just to keep from losing any essential parts.  The hospital expects him to make a full recovery, but they refuse to speculate on what year.

     The police report is vague regarding a motive for the attack.  Appartently the only things missing from Alvin's house were all the food from his refrigerator and his entire collection of "Bloodsport" DVDs.  An APB has been put out on a woman roughly matching the description of Orlando Pace, but with a deeper voice & more facial hair.

     I was able to visit Alvin at the hospital & encourage him, not that he needed it much.  Alvin is the quintessential optimist.  It's hard to understand him through all the bandages & with his jaws wired shut, but I'm pretty sure he said something like, "It's OK 'cause I really like milkshakes."  I promised Alvin I'd care for his dogs until he comes home, and that has turned out to be practically no chore at all:  They refuse to eat, and have only come out from under the porch once to relieve themselves (late at night when no one was around).

     Whoever reads this post:  If you know how to reach Joe Sperling, please alert him to what is being done in his name, and if you can contact Dave Sable, Mark Campbell and/or moonflower2, warn them of the danger they are in & tell them to arm themselves, flee and hide.  Burt O'Leary will apparently stop at nothing in his mad quest to populate the world with his $49.95 (+S&H) cookbook, even if no one is left alive to read it!

Well, y'all keep smilin',
al

[moonflower2]

My Dear, Dear Beulah,

Things are really looking up.

In spite of the horendous storms that passed through last night, I was still able to book a flight to So. Africa for you. You'll be leaving from O'hare (see my PM for flight details).

For each set of fingerprints that match the name and fingerprints and address on the list that I will be sending you, you will receive a $200.00 coupon from Jewel.  

After you have completed your mission, and the mass grave is photographed with the before and after pictures of the previously finger-printed individuals sent as an attachment, you will be given 49% of the stock in Jewel Food Stores.

Don't fool around with that recipe book, Beulah. It ain't worth the trouble. You can put yourself to better use.

I think that So. Africa has really neat zoo animals that you can see! And they aren't even in cages!! Maybe you can catch one and make it your pet, to assist you in your endeavors. You can even give it a name.

[Joe Sperling]

The character of Beulah Fillmore was played by Shelley Winters. Beulah was entirely comical in nature, and perhaps, should have been named Winifred instead, to avoid confusion.

She was a quick tempered lawyer, sent forth by Burt to "settle his accounts". Despite her temper, she would never be one to go to South Africa(and why South Africa of all places???) and knock off people on some "hit list"-- create mass graves(Good Lord!!), simply to get coupons from Jewel Foods(whoever that is---I haven't the foggiest).

Actually, Beulah spouts off a lot, but really wouldn't hurt a fly--- well, maybe a fly who had a lawsuit against Burt, but most likely not. But I have asked Burt to stop using my ID on the BB for a while, and not to "sick" his hefty lawyer on anyone, anytime soon.

take care,  Joe

[moonflower2]

You mean you aren't real??!!

But I don't remember Shelley having facial hair...........what's really going on here??

But you said that "Beulah" liked to travel! And I figured "Beulah" sounded like a real thug
 who could be bribed with food, so I thought, shazam!, she could take care of all the thugs
 over there who are getting away with murder and worse. Presently, they have a little
corner on the market for disgusting atrocities. The problem in So Africa is not an ethnic issue.
I wasn't bringing ethnicity into anything, just (as I mentioned in a previous post) just identifying
an area that is having a particular problem.

Boy, you really had me fooled there!!

You also must be from another planet if you don't know what Jewel Food Stores are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Joe Sperling]

Sorry if I misunderstood your sense of humor Moonflower--the mention of South Africa and the
mass grave threw me for a loop.  I really have never
seen a Jewel Food store---Is it an east coast or Canadian thing maybe?  And yes Shelley Winters does have facial hair--she is now a bearded lady in the circus.

--Joe

[al Hartman]

     I think it's time that Joe, moonflower, Arthur & I meet at a Six-Flags amusement park to eat tons of cotton candy & caramel apples and ride roller coasters until we barf!!!  Mark Campbell should come along to be our designated driver   to get us back home after the great cookie toss...

al

[Joe Sperling]

Al----

That sounds like a great plan!!

take care,  Joe

[moonflower2]

I can get discounted (7.00 off) tickets at work.  
I'll never turn down cotton candy or Taffy apples!  

[moonflower2]

"Rylan"

Anyone know who this crackpot is?

Ben Hill.

Is that a Benny Hinn wannabee?