INFORMATION you can use.

[Joe Sperling]

Hello Friends, (I'm using Mr. Sperling's computer as he is on vacation at this time, but he won't mind, as  he and I are very dear friends).

I haven't posted for a while as I have been engaged in several ministries and have not had the time. But last night I had a most magnificent vision! The Lord asked me "Burt, why are you driving that 2005 Lexus? It is almost 2007, why aren't you driving a bright and shiny red, brand new 2007 Ferrari?" I answered "I'm sorry for my lack of faith Lord".

He said "Burt, you know that words are powerful, and that whatever you say, whether positive or negative WILL happen to you don't you? Don't you believe that I give you the power to obtain wealth Burt? Read Deuteronomy,  and have faith and be not unbelieving.

"Burt, I want to bless the people on the Bulletin Board".  I answered "Yes Lord, but how will you bless them?"  The Lord said "I will give them the opportunity to sow their seed, by giving to your ministry. I WANT you to have that brand spankin' new red Ferrari Burt, and I want to bless my people with the opportunity to give at the same time. If they will have the faith of a mustard seed and give, I will open up the store houses of heaven upon them. You shall receive a red Ferrari, but they shall receive ten fold in return for whatever they are lead to give. And the more they give the more the storehouse of heaven will be opened".

Oh dear friends!!  Can you believe the blessedness of those words? God wants to bless you by giving you an opportunity to give. This ministry NEEDS new transportation. The Ferrari will not be used selfishly, but will be used to drive an ailing individual to the doctor's office once a week. The Lord's servant, yours truly, has been suffering from lumbago, and this car will get the Lord's servant to a doctor so that he may be cured, and once again serve the hundreds of people relying upon him for their daily bread.  Oh friends, help this ministry out will you? It is the Lord's will that you do. And he will bless you for it more than you can even know. He will do exceedingly abundantly above all that you can ask or think my dear friends.

Give today won't you? For a love offering of $50.00 I will give you a copy of my new book "The Abundant Life, God, you and your taxes", a most magnificent book, with wisdom and direction from the very throne itself regarding your finances. For a gift of $100.00 you will receive the book, and a personal "Reverend Burt O'Leary Miracle Prayer Cloth". I have prayed over these prayer cloths friends---my very annointing will be transferred to you when you use them. Don't miss out friends!!    For a gift of $1000.00 or more you will have the blessed opportunity to come and dine with me at "Edgar's Steak House" right here in Barstow California. What a blessed opportunity indeed friends!! Not many have the opportunity to actually dine with one of God's chosen servants.  Give now won't you friends?? Imagine the joy you'll feel as you see the Reverend O'Leary drive by towards the doctor's office in that spankin' new, red glistening Ferrari friends!! And imagine the blessings you will receive for that "seed" that you have sown!!!! You can't lose when you invest in the Kingdom of Heaven friends.  Thanks for listening friends, and God bless you as you give to this ministry.


Reverend Burt O'Leary
2222 Kingford Ave.
Barstow, Ca., 92233

No personal checks please.

The Lord will send you a special blessing if you get your donations to me before April 15th.

Thanks and God Bless you my dear friends,

Reverend Burt

[Oscar]

Dear Reverend Burt,

You said:  "What a blessed opportunity indeed friends!! Not many have the opportunity to actually dine with one of God's chosen servants."

I dunno Burt.  I dined many times with another of God's specially annointed servants.  His name was George Geftakys. I gave him a whole lot of money too.

All I got out of it was abuse, rejection, depression, and financial hardship.

I am going to place a fleece on my back porch tonight. Well, its really a road-kill cat skin, but that's the best I can do on short notice.

If $1000 is waiting for me when I look out in the morning...I will know you are the real thing.

Otherwise, please hold your breath until the second coming.

Sincerely,

Tom M.

[moonflower2]

Brother Burt,

I got a raise and now I know why!! It's retroactive, so I can subsidise your leather seats!!

I'd rather not come and dine with you,though,  'cause I eat with my fingers and because I'd rather have a bobblehead doll. Can I have one of those instead of your "prayer" cloths? Someone else was selling prayer hankies a while back and they weren't really white and clean when I got them.

I think you are different, though. I can tell. You aren't like G. Geftakys, either. Did you every hear of him?
Wait a minute.......your name sounds kinda familiar......must be the Lord for sure......

Cool. Now I don't have to make a decision about my money.

P.S. Please don't send me the book, I've already read it. I was lucky to have found it at a resale shop in McCook, Nebraska for 1/2 the price.

[moonflower2]

Huh! I got a cookbook in the mail today from Kingsfluke, CA. I copied the entire book, so now I can sell it on ebay. If anyone is interested, let me know by tomorrow at 2:30 am, or it's going up for auction.

You don't want to miss these recipes, folks!

[Mark C.]

Dear Most Reverend Burt,

  I was deeply moved by your sincere post and asking for funds.  Most phony requests for money would have hidden the true agenda behind some kind of false plea to help the poor or advance the Gospel. 

  However, you come right out and let us know that you wish to spend the money on yourself!  This is a very effective technique and one I have seen work very nicely recently. 

   I was driving down an off-ramp when a poorly dressed old man was holding a sign up for all to read.  I expected to see the typical kind of message, you know, "WILL WORK FOR FOOD", or something like that.  I was surprised to read a completly a-typical message that read:  "I WON'T LIE, I NEED A DRINK."

   Talk about effective!  Why, people were throwing dollars left and right into his hat!

  This is why I applaud your methods as what we need is honest charlatans in this day and age--- vs. the old phony religious types who claim holiness while they are really trying to seduce young women in their flock.

  I know that GG might read this BB and I risk giving him some good ideas for getting back into his ol' scam via the above contrarian scheme.  However, since GG is unlikely to ever admit he was a scam artist it is possible he will change his methods to a slightly more upfront technique.

  I would even volunteer to select the freeway off-ramp (I know the perfect one in Barstow near a truck stop where there would be plenty of drug dealers and lot lizzards that GG would feel comfortable with) with a sign that could read:

                  I WON'T LIE, I JUST WANT YOUR MONEY AND YOUNG WOMEN

                    Sarcastically yours,    Mark C.

[Joe Sperling]

Thanks Friends!! I'm sure my good friend Mr. Sperling will not mind if I use his computer one more time before his expected return this evening.  Mark, I thank you for your praise regarding my sincerity, but I must protest, that this new red Ferrari sincerely is not for me, but for the service of the Lord. I have not, and will not think of myself when petitioning the Lord concerning this automobile, for it was the Lord himself who asked that I turn in my worn down 2005 Lexus for a new Ferrari. And truly friends, what witholds that the Lord's servant should not experience that new car smell? I am a servant of the King himself, and therefore should drive, dress and live like a Prince!! And I serve a very rich King at that, so why should I not be rich myself? It is all Biblical my friends--I am a child of the King and should be driving a spankin' brand new Red Ferrari---to settle for less would be to fail in representing the King I serve, and to fall far short of the sonship bestowed upon me.

I have been given gifts too dear friends---in fact, right now, as I write, the Lord has spoken to me in my spirit and said "there are 33 bulletin board readers suffering from stomach ailments."  Dear Friends, if you are one of these 33---right now, put your hands on the computer screen, right on top of this message, and be not faithless but believing, and God WILL heal your stomach problem!!! I transfer the very annointing given to me,  to YOU my dear friends!!!

And Friends, today, I have a very unique offer for you---a blessed opportunity you will find no where else. I have blessed many with the "Reverend Burt O'Leary Miracle Prayer Cloth"--the testimonies of healing have poured in!!!  The blind see, the lame walk, the cancer-ridden are now cancer free!!!  OH HALLELUJAH!!! The Lord has used these Prayer Cloths tremendously!!! And all of this blessing for a donation of $25.00 or more--that is truly amazing friends---a mere pittance for a renewed life of health and joy!!!

But today, I am offering something extremely unique and blessed beyond your wildest dreams!!!   We all know how expensive dental bills can be, don't we friends? A cavity is filled, or a tooth pulled, and we are faced with real debt that we cannot afford! Even with insurance, our pocket books suffer.  Today, I tell you friends, you'll never have to visit a dentist another day in your life!!! And this truly is the will of God!!! Remember friends, the Lord said he would "Heal ALL your diseases".  Let me ask you dear friends, is tooth decay a disease? Is it an affliction? In my book it is my dear friends!!! God says he will heal this affliction if we will only ask and believe.

Friends, write today for the "REVEREND BURT O'LEARY MIRACLE TOOTHPICK". These are not ordinary toothpicks friends!! These toothpicks have been prayed over by yours truly, the Lord's faithful servant, and the annointing I have received has literally been transferred to them!!  All you do is ask for the toothpicks and then follow the instructions that come along with this miracle shipment, and you will be so thankful you did!!!

Missy Severington of Missoula, Montana writes:

"Oh Reverend Burt, I weep as I am writing this letter of thanks to you for your blessed toothpicks. I had a toothache so bad that I literally could not speak. I received the Miracle toothpick, followed the instructions, and almost immediately, the pain was gone!! Oh Hallelujah brother Burt!! I am so thankful for your annointing and that you so faithfully serve the Lord!!"    And there are many more testimonies just like this one!! I will include a testimonial booklet along with your Miracle Toothpick shipment so that you can rejoice along with the others that have benefited so greatly by this!!

Send your love offering today!!   For a gift of $50.00 or more I will send the Miracle toothpick, instructions, and testimonial of others right away.  Do not miss this opportunity friends!!!  For a gift of $100.00 or more I will send the Miracle Toothpick, and also a packet of "REVEREND BURT O'LEARY MIRACLE DENTAL FLOSS". Dear friends--this floss picks up where the toothpicks leave off!!!  This floss is so blessed and so miraculous you will literally wonder why you ever sat in a dentist's chair!!!  Don't be left behind my dear friends!!

I don't care about Ferraris my dear ones!! I care about YOU!! Please remember this when you go to the bank to get that cashier's check to send in (no personal checks please). I hope as you drop that donation in the mail your heart swells with the knowledge that I love you, and pray for you, and sincerely care about your teeth.

Reverend  Burt O'Leary
2222 Kingford Ave,
Barstow, Ca., 92233

P.S. We all know the Scripture that says: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered"---but alas, not for the bald ones my dear friends. Please ask about "REVEREND BURT O'LEARY MIRACLE HAIR RESTORATION OIL", or simply add an additional $250.00 for a syringe full of this blessed ointment. Those poor children that Elisha sicked the bear on for mocking his baldness would have still been alive had their been "Reverend Burt O'Leary Miracle Hair Restoration Oil" back then(see 2 Kings). Write today friends, and peace be with you!!

[Mark C.]

Dear Rev. Burt from Barstow,

  Quite frankly, I thought your entire appeal a crock until you mentioned "The Miracle Toothpick" and this convinced me that you must indeed have heard from the Mouth of God.  Some may be thinking right now that Mark C. has more than just a wounded soul, and may also suffer from a serious mental injury as a result of my agreement with Rev. Burt on his claim to "special servant of God" status.

  How did I come to such a conclusion?  Please consider the following and I'm sure most former members of the Assembly of GG can figure it out.

1.) Burt is from Barstow.

  Barstow is in the Mojave desert and has many wild burros running loose.  We already know, from our time of intense study under GG and associates in the OT, that God speaks through these animals.  But here is where it gets really insightful: God spoke through "the mouth of the Ass, etc."

  Now, we must see with the interpretative genius that shows us "the true deeper meaning of scripture and apply it to the present day we live in."   The Rev. Burt sounds like an Ass when he goes on about his need for a new Ferrari, etc. but this foolishness is actually the wisdom of God and brings us the true message from the bible for us today!

  Yes, Burt is the Ass from Barstow and fulfills the OT Balaam's donkey type as the NT reality of the true messenger from Heaven!  However, in a reverse style, as instead of warning against madness he appears to be mad himself in a principle GG taught us regarding "the 4th dimension of light" where we learned things like Adam's creation on the 7th day (If you can't understand this you must have sin in your life).

2.) The Holy Toothpick:

  "Okay, what about this Toothpick thing?"  A very good question!  This is what really sealed it for me and the following sentence should immediately bring illumination to your entire spirit:  A toothpick is used to clean out bad things from the inside of our mouth and thus this toothpick from heaven is sent (much like the coal from heaven's altar to cleanse Isiah)!


   I know, the whole thing sounds wacky, but this is a different kind of wisdom that comes from above, and if you will just be willing to lay aside any "natural wisdom" objections and send Rev. Burt his money it will become clear.  That within you that says, "this is nuts and this guy is nothing but a crook,"  is only the old man trying to rob you of your true blessings!

  This truly is info. you can use to advance to the status of an Overcomer and one of the truly special elite servants like Rev. Burt.  Again, here it is in simplified points I call The Cycle Of The Washed Brain:

1.) Burt is an Ass and therefore speaks God's wisdom to us.

2.) We need to learn to "see" things the way Burt does for our thinking is not only wrong it is sinful.

3.) You must always have 3 points for 4 are too many and 2 are not enough.

                                             Happy New Year, Mark C.  (not from Barstow, but I've been there)

[moonflower2]

My dear Wormwood,

The Holy Toothpick!! Excellent!!

Good work on M.C.!!

[Joe Sperling]

GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD'S RECORDS    66TH Edition        Jan. 2007
EXCERPTS(ages listed are those at time record was set).

Most Peaches at one sitting:   Eric Shubhart, 19, of Wakobe, Wisconsin, USA,, ate an astounding 59 peaches in one sitting, in a record time of 47 minutes, 39 seconds.  Nov. 19, 2003.

Longest Moustache:  Indara Singh, 78, Hyderabad, India, possesses a moustache 127 inches long from end to end as of December, 2006.

Most Bible References during one Sermon:  George Geftakys, 53, of Fullerton, California,USA, asked his congregation to turn to an astounding 139 different Bible Verses during a one hour period, during Lecture # 6, "The Majesty of the Father" duing the Seminar "The God And Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ", January, 1979.

[Joe Sperling]

"As we discussed in our last message, "The Divine Amalgamation Anticipated"; our hastiness to offer conclusions can be reticent in an analogy of preposterousness. Please turn in your Bibles to John 11:35, where we read the phrase "Jesus wept". In the original Greek the verb is Metoivas, or "postionally reverent to analagous venture" in which I am sure you all gloriously rejoice. Not that we can say with all conclusiveness that the matter is solvent, for it is not reasonably assumed to be renovation in the strictest sense, but truly is ascertained through a mystic realization of infinity in the broadest articulate nomenclature for all of those involved in such industriousness of sanctification.


Hence, the quagmire: virtue and mystery intertwined in a locale not pervasive enough to perpetuate chronic listlessness, but also inviting one to investigate the social connection thereby resolved and resolutely enhanced. Please see 1 Chronicles 1:8, Zechariah 3:11, Jude 4 and Malachi 2:10 for a true juxtaposition of the references copiously enjoined, and meditate upon the fruition of servitude therefore enlisted in the free witness of verity and vitality enshrined there. Isn't that Grand? Let us now turn to Micah 2: 16 where we see once again an iconoclastic retrogressive coagulation of reason and nonsense renegotiated by the divine time table of preclusiveness, voiced by interrogation, yet with an abrogate intonation of grandeur and responsibility. Do not negate this my friends, with some introspective afterthought, or insidious credentials one irresponsibly distributes as verity in the face of a non-entity. God bless you for now my fellow journeymen on the straight and narrow path of enlightenment".


Dear friends, Did you enjoy this short message from the Reverend Gilbert Posperpostis? How grand and delightful is his sweet message!! Daily, for many hours, the Reverend, upon his knees in deep prayer, receives these jewels of wisdom from the very throne of God, only to share them with you---his deepest desire being this--that you be blessed and grow in the knowledge of God, whose wisdom is past understanding. Won't you help this ministry my friends? Please write to the address below and let us keep the blessed Reverend on this Bulletin Board, because without your tithes and offerings we simply cannot accomplish it. God bless you and keep you.



Reverend Gilbert Posperpostis
P.O. box 1123
Barstow, Ca., 92233
(no personal checks please)

[Mark C.]

Dear Rev. Gilbert P.,

  I followed your comments with great interest, and though those not walking in the light probably couldn't understand, I was deeply moved (It wouldn't be polite to describe what kind of movement was produced).

  I'll cut to the chase here Rev. Gil: Do I get a  holy toothpick and floss for my contribution like I got from the other Rev. from Barstow? (what is this Barstow connection all about?  Seems to be some kind of harmonic convergence of great spiritual energy around this intersection in the Mojave Desert).

  I use my Holy Toothpick and floss while driving my truck down the road, as you might expect, but the wondrous thing about it is that I can remove my hands from the steering wheel in faith while brushing and flossing!  I have yet to have even one accident, or run over any pedestrians while driving down the sidewalk! (these same pedestrians give me the one-way sign as I barely miss them providing a true indication that I am in the will of God)

   Looking forward to your reply,   Mark C. 

   

[Joe Sperling]

Dearest Mark,

I did not cognitively ascertain there was another Reverend in the vicinity of Barstow, California. But Barstow is indeed a center of great enlightenment, virtuousness, and integrity, and I have greatly enjoyed my short sojourn in it's environs. I know not of this "Holy Toothpick" of which you speak, but do offer a "Holy Eye Chart" free of any monetary charges to those who seek better vision. (Please see directly below). Concentrate at the center of the eye chart, and meditate deeply on the intense panorama of your own blessed existence, and the treasures held deep within your own vast and infinite soul:

                                             T
    h        e      r     e       I   s         A      s      u       c      k       e          r     
                         
                                b            o        R      n      e     v    e     r    y 


                                                   m      i         n         u     t         e



As one meditiates upon the Holy Eye Chart one is lead to realize the truly awesome complexities of this existence we call life.  It is my great desire that after deep meditation upon the eye chart, one is lead to give generously to my holy and infinitely grand ministry of reconciliation. I am so glad you took the time to read the blessed words given to me by infinite impartation brother Mark, and hope that you, too, will be lead to give what you can to this life-giving ministry of wisdom.  Thank you, and God bless.

Reverend Gilbert Posperpostis
P.O. Box 1123
Barstow, Ca., 92233

If you are lead to send your donation in pure gold, I will know, as will the Divine Providence, that your heart matches that blessed gift that you give.  Thank you my dear ones.