A FRIEND CLOSER THAN A BROTHER

[Joe Sperling]

I have been reluctant to share something on the BB that has greatly affected my life, but feel I can now. I share it because many of you are like/are friends of mine, and have experienced a great deal of pain in your lives also.

On August 18, at around 3:00 A.M., my younger brother Rick, my dear brother, committed suicide. He was 42 years old, had everything going for him--a great job, a wonderful home and great health. He had just returned from Borneo a month ago, having spent a month on a research team, mapping a wilderness area reserved for orangutans. He was an extraordinary person, vibrant, and a true lover of life.

He had everything---except for the love of a woman. I spoke with him on 8-16, and he was joking and laughing as always. On 8-17-04 a relationship he had with a woman he dearly loved ended, and by the next morning he took his own life.

I loved him dearly--being closer to him than any other family member. It was a little over 3 weeks ago, but I am still devastated. I have walked around numb, and in shock. I have never felt so deep a grief in all of my life. The sorrow, the anguish, the remorse, the anger, the sadness have been extremely difficult to bear.

I tried to post on the BB to get my mind off of it. But I could only post a couple of times. Somehow, all subjects just seemed irrelevant. I posted on a thread discussing whether there is a God or not, and if Jesus is divine---it seemed so futile. OF COURSE there is a GOD!!!

I wanted to share that through all of this there has been with me a FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER. Is there a God? Yes there is---and He is a loving and caring and deeply compassionate person. Since this horrible thing happened a set of verses has stayed with me through it all and I will share them:

Luke 12:6-7: "Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings and not one of them is forgotten before God?
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows."

Is there a God? Does He care about us? Is He concerned about our lives? Yes--for sure.  He is so close to us that He numbers the very hairs on our heads. Not even a sparrow falls to the ground without the greatest concern from God. The Lord showed me this concerning my brother, and also concerning myself. The Lord is filled with lovingkindness and a goodness beyond all we can concieve.  Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother--much closer than even the one I loved so dearly and mourn so greatly. God is love.

--Joe

[vernecarty]

My deepest and heart-felt sympathies to you Joe.
May the God of all comfort comfort you in your time of sorrow over your loss...
Verne



                                       Death Be Not Proud
                                           by John Donne
                                           (1572-1631)

              DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
              Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
              For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
              Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
              From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
              Much pleasure, then from thee, much more
              must flow,
              And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
              Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
              Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and    
              desperate men
              And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell
              And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
              And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
              One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
              And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die

[M2]

I have been reluctant to share something on the BB that has greatly affected my life, but feel I can now. I share it because many of you are like/are friends of mine, and have experienced a great deal of pain in your lives also.

On August 18, at around 3:00 A.M., my younger brother Rick, my dear brother, committed suicide. He was 42 years old, had everything going for him--a great job, a wonderful home and great health. He had just returned from Borneo a month ago, having spent a month on a research team, mapping a wilderness area reserved for orangutans. He was an extraordinary person, vibrant, and a true lover of life.

He had everything---except for the love of a woman. I spoke with him on 8-16, and he was joking and laughing as always. On 8-17-04 a relationship he had with a woman he dearly loved ended, and by the next morning he took his own life.

I loved him dearly--being closer to him than any other family member. It was a little over 3 weeks ago, but I am still devastated. I have walked around numb, and in shock. I have never felt so deep a grief in all of my life. The sorrow, the anguish, the remorse, the anger, the sadness have been extremely difficult to bear.

I tried to post on the BB to get my mind off of it. But I could only post a couple of times. Somehow, all subjects just seemed irrelevant. I posted on a thread discussing whether there is a God or not, and if Jesus is divine---it seemed so futile. OF COURSE there is a GOD!!!

I wanted to share that through all of this there has been with me a FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER. Is there a God? Yes there is---and He is a loving and caring and deeply compassionate person. Since this horrible thing happened a set of verses has stayed with me through it all and I will share them:

Luke 12:6-7: "Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings and not one of them is forgotten before God?
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows."

Is there a God? Does He care about us? Is He concerned about our lives? Yes--for sure.  He is so close to us that He numbers the very hairs on our heads. Not even a sparrow falls to the ground without the greatest concern from God. The Lord showed me this concerning my brother, and also concerning myself. The Lord is filled with lovingkindness and a goodness beyond all we can concieve.  Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother--much closer than even the one I loved so dearly and mourn so greatly. God is love.

--Joe

How tragic and sad Joe.  Yes it is numbing when one loses a close family member.  Thank you for sharing this with us.

God bless you,
Marcia

[summer007]

Dear Joe,   My Condolences to you. How sad and shocking. I will keep you in my prayers. Psalm 34:18a 'The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart'. I'm glad you shared this, sometimes we dont know whats going on in each others lives outside of the posts, we just post a thought on a topic and move-on, never daring to share our personal information with the www. Yes I think some of us have become friends on the internet. And I can see how most of the topics are irrelevant during your time of grief. I have had two close family members pass-on recently and feel very aquainted with grief as Christ himself is...God Bless and know he is near you always....Summer

[Kimberley Tobin]

Joe:

I sat here weeping for you as I read of your pain and grief.  Loss of this kind is so overwhelming and I hope you feel people reaching out to you in sympathy as we go about our daily lives.  Thank God HE exists to help you through this extremely painful time.

God Bless you!

[Oscar]

Joe,

My heart goes out to you.  Believe me, I have a pretty good idea how you feel.

For our wedding anniversary in 1968, (our 3rd), Caryl and I went to San Diego for the weekend.

We got home about 8:00 PM sunday night.  The phone rang, and Caryl picked it up.  After listening for a minute or so, she turned to me and said,

"Jim is dead."

My older, and only, brother Jim Maddux had been killed in an auto accident up on the Ridge Route near Lebec.  He was gone.  Not only was he my only brother, but he was the last member of my family alive, other than me.

How well I remember the sense of loss, the helplessness, the "if only's".

Worse, he left a wife with a broken back and two kids, 7 and 3.

Rough times, painful memories.

But...during those times I had real answers to prayer too.  And some of the things I prayed for, the opposite seemed to happen...until years later.  Now I can see God's working in that situation, and he did truly care for all his children.  Including this one.

I still miss by brother, gone now for 36 years.  That doesn't go away.  Sometimes the memories are quite poignant.

But I know that God has been with me all these years, and He is in charge of all my ways.  Jim's too.

"I am not skilled to understand what God has planned for me,
Of golden days or weary ways before His face I see.
But I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able,
To keep that which I've committed to Him against that day."

God bless you Joe, I'll be praying for you.

Brother Tom

[Mark C.]

My Good Friend Joe:

  How very, very sad!  I weep with you, and wish that I could be with you to comfort you in your grief.

  Jesus is indeed our very best friend!  I think of the shortest verse in the Bible: "Jesus wept--" and what caused Jesus to weep was the death of Lazarus.

  Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, so why did he weep?  JN 11:35 says, "When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled---"  

  Jesus was deeply moved in spirit and troubled over the grief that Mary, Martha, and others were experiencing;  He was deeply sympathetic to their pain!  This, even though He knew that this death was not permanent and would bring glory to God!


  Rick's life must have been so very painful, if he felt that he had no choice but to end his life.  As you put it Joe, "His eye is on every sparrow that falls, how much more a human life?"  I don't think God turns a cold heart toward Rick, and it is just such persons that motivated God to send the Son to die for them and give them eternal life!

  I pray that God would continue to comfort your heart in the knowledge that He is deeply moved by Ricks death and your grief because of it.  The depths of God's empathy and love are boundless, and His devoted friendship to you, Joe, are beyond our ability to imagine.

                            God's very deepest blessings,  Mark C.

[moonflower2]

Joe,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.

I lost a parent through suicide and even though we all did what we could, the false-guilt feelings that we children had to sift through were at times, unbearable.

I'll share a couple verses that were particularly encouraging to me at the time. Maybe they will be to you, too.

Psalm 119:91. "They continue this day according to Your ordinances, for all are Your servants." This spoke to me about how precious my parent was to God.

Haggai 2:9 "....And in this place will I give peace". This spoke to me about how in spite of how awful things seemed, God was going to give me peace through the whole situation, which is what you have already found.  

My heart goes out to you, Joe.

[editor]

Dear Joe,

I am so sad to hear about your loss.  Certainly, I have no words to give you that would help much, just know that I am thinking about you, and praying for you.

God has Grace to help, in time of need.  Surely, even though this is a dark time, He will meet you in some unexpected way.

The title of your post says it all.

God Bless and keep you Joe!

Brent

[lenore]

Dear Joe:

I am sorry for your loss.

Lenore

[Joe Sperling]

To all----

Thank you all so much for your comforting words, and especially your prayers. Thank you for all of the encouraging words, recalling of your own experiences, and kindness at this time. I truly appreciate it with all of my heart. God bless all of you.

Sincerely, Joe

[sfortescue]

Joe,

Learning of your grief, I have been too sad to answer for a few days.  On August 3, between the two posts that I made that day, I received a call and heard that my father had just passed away.  The morning after, I went with my brother as he visited the mortuary to make arrangements.  Several years ago, my father had had a stroke and forgotten all the nouns, and then he was put in a care home.  Most of my mourning of the loss of my father happened back then, but I was still saddened by his passing.  While thinking about these things, the song, "Farther Along" came to mind.

(Verne will be happy to know that I chose majority readings reconstructing this song from the surprisingly varied and fragmentary evidence available on the internet.)


Farther Along

Words and Music by J. R. Baxter and W. B. Stevens
© 1937 Stamps-Baxter Music

Tempted and tried, we're oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all the day long;
While there are others living about us,
Never molested, though in the wrong.

    Farther along we'll know all about it.
    Farther along we'll understand why.
    Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine;
    We'll understand it all by and by.

When death has come and taken our loved ones,
Leaving our homes so lone and so drear,
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year.

Often I wonder why I must journey
Over a road so rugged and steep,
While there are others living in comfort,
While with the lost I labour and weep.

"Faithful till death," said our loving Master,
A few more days to labor and wait;
Toils of the road will then seem as nothing
As we sweep thru the beautiful gate.

When we see Jesus coming in glory,
When he comes from his home in the sky,
Then we shall meet him in that bright mansion;
We'll understand it all by and by.

[Joe Sperling]

Stephen---

Thank you so much for that beautiful hymn. I'm sorry to hear about your father. I had a similar experience with my father back in 1997. He had had a stroke a year before and became a totally different person. I went through all of the grief that year, so when he passed away the next year I  had dealt with most of it and could accept it much easier. So I understand what you mean.

Thanks again Stephen for the reminder that one day we will understand, and be reunited with those we love.

God bless you, Joe

[vernecarty]

(Verne will be happy to know that I chose majority readings reconstructing this song from the surprisingly varied and fragmentary evidence available on the internet.)


Farther Along

BLESS YOU laddie!
That one is indeed an old classic....  
Verne