GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW

[Joe Sperling]

My name is James Worthington. I, along with my associate Herbert Lawson are on a special
mission, the importance of which not even Herbert himself is fully aware. We find ourselves
here, on the Amazon river, in a small canoe, deep in the heart of the jungles of Brazil. We are
surrounded by mass foilage, and the sound of screeching monkeys and toucans are our constant
companions.

Please forgive the Cockney British accents with which Herbert and I speak, like something out
of a Monty Python movie, but we were given them by the author, and must speak this way
because of him.  HERBERT:  "Excuse me sir, does that mean that I also have the same accent
you are speaking with, because you sound like someone from the LIFE OF BRIAN". JAMES: "Why
yes Herbert, you do. But please be quiet for now, as I need to finish my narration".  HERBERT: OK sir, sorry sir". JAMES: "As I was saying, we are now deep in the rain forests of Brazil and...
HERBERT: "Excuse me sir, would you like a spot of tea and some scones sir? Or how about some kippers sir?"  JAMES:  "Herbert, I know that you now know you speak with a cockney British accent, and want to take full advantage of it, but I'll have to ask you once again to remain silent, as I have a narration to finish my dear boy" HERBERT: "Oh, sorry sir, do go on."

JAMES: "As an expert on Cultic phenomenom and behavior, a graduate of Oxford University, I was contacted by the Cult Awareness Network, along with the National Christian Alliance, to investigate an ex-cult leader who has bastioned himself deep in the interior of Brazil. Once living in Fullerton, the church he led crumpled around him, and he became mad, and dangerous, and he has come here and lead thousands into a bizarre form of Cultic ritual that has driven many to insanity. Both Herbert and I were sent here, putting our lives on the line, to track down this insane and dangerous man, before more are led into his bizarre ways."

HERBERT: "Excuse me sir. Did you say "putting our lives on the line" and "insane and dangerous man" sir?
JAMES: "Why yes Herbert, I surely did.   Herbert? What are you doing Herbert? You need to stay in
the boat Herbert.
HERBERT: "I think I left the lights on at home sir. I also think I left the kettle on sir".
JAMES: "Herbert!! England is 5000 miles away!! Get back in the boat!!
HERBERT: I'm not from England sir, I'm from Barstow, California sir. I was only GIVEN this accent
by the author remember?
JAMES: You're not from anywhere Herbert, your just a character, now get back into this God forsaken boat before I tar and feather you".

After "persuading" Herbert about the value of continuing on the journey, we began on our way once
again, with a bit of fear in our hearts, but a constitution of courage, and the knowledge that we were on a mission of goodness.

HERBERT: "Mmmpf, mmpfff!!! urr.. MMmpff!!"
JAMES: "OK Herbert, I'll remove the gag and ropes now if you promise to continue on in this journey with courage and fortitude"
HERBERT: (gasp) "Why yes, of course sir. Thank you sir".

Several hours later we came around a bend in the river, and before us was a vision of grandeur.
JAMES: "Herbert, Look ahead of us, far in the distance. What do you make of that Herbert?"
HERBERT: "Well, it's rather large sir, but I could take part of it and make a small building for you."
JAMES: "No Herbert, I didn't ask what you COULD make out of it, but what DO you make of it--
what is it?"
Herbert: "Oh, sorry sir. Why it's a mountain sir"
JAMES: Herbert, that's not just a mountain, that is a volcano. Do you know what a volcano is?
HERBERT: "I believe it was where people would go and put in their lifes earnings in order to escape some future catastrophe, or in hopes of gaining back more of the riches than what they had originally put in sir".
JAMES: "No Herbert, that would be an Insurance Policy or a College tuition. True, people in the past would make sacrifices by throwing someone or some thing into the volcano in hopes of appeasing the gods, but that wasn't what I had in mind. A volcano is the result of fissures in the earth allowing magma to
get dangerously close to the surface, sometimes erupting and spewing forth molten lava upon the earth. But take a closer look at this volcano Herbert(handing him binoculars), what do you see?"
HERBERT: "Well, it appears to have something on top of it. It looks a bit like a doily"
JAMES: "Yes Herbert, but not just a doily. That is a giant head-covering Herbert. Why do you think someone would create a giant head-covering to place on top of a volcano Herbert?"
HERBERT: "Because of the angels sir"?
JAMES: "No Herbert. Because this is the work of a mad man, one who has lost all mental balance, and has made several hundred natives knit for hours to accomplish an insane request".

Several hours later as we came around another bend in the river, we observed a man who resembled a young Robert Duvall, but this man was clad in a priestly garb. He then said "I love the smell of Coffee enemas in the morning". We were both taken aback by this statement, but then we began to see hundreds and hundreds of empty coffee cans strewn against the shoreline. Yuban, Maxwell House, Folger's, and other Brazilian brands I hadn't heard of. It was a sure sign of massive Coffee enema ingestion by the populace. This was a sure sign that the ex-cult leader's wife was also deeply involved in the insane schemes of the insane leader we were seeking. Then, something happened
that assured that indeed we were getting close to him.

Ahead of us on an outstretched branch sat a beautiful parrot. It was the type of parrot that you might find sitting on a Pirate's shoulder. It was so colorful both Herbert and I were mesmerized. As we drew nearer it's pitch black eyes seemed to look through us. But then, in it's parrot voice it said rapidly "Are you rejoicing brother? Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Are you rejoicing brother? Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord". Herbert was so taken aback he let out a scream, causing the parrot to take off in a burst of flapping wings. But this confirmed it. We had come to the outskirts of:
THE CULT OF THE GIANT HAND. THE BRAZILIAN ASSEMBLY.

.....to be continued.

[moonflower2]

Tell me more, tell me more..............

[al Hartman]

NEW YORK (AP) - Wall Street was agog today, and the academic community gaga, following hints of a soon-to-be-released new book by the unknown author who writes under the nom de plume of Joe Sperling.  Not since Sperling's 24 weeks at the top of the New York Times best seller list with his 2003 sensation, Little Georgie and the Giant Hand, has there been such a clamor for a new release.  Retail bookstores and online booksellers are being bombarded with requests.  "Presale orders are coming in faster than we can take them," said Greg Medavoy, newly appointed manager of New York City's largest Barnes and Noble store.  Medavoy, a recently retired NYC police detective, hinted that riot control personnel may be needed to handle the crowds when the new book, entitled Geftakylypse Now, becomes available. 

In a brief press release Sperling explained that the title is derived from the surname of "Little Georgie," the main character of his first book.  Geftakylypse is not a sequel, however, but rejoins Georgie late in life, after apparent success has led to dismal failure resulting in madness, according to the author.  A third book, as yet untitled covering the interim years between the first and second books, may be released in 2007.

A portion of the opening chapter of Geftakylypse, sent to the press, offered such teasers as mass coffee enemas and a mantilla-clad volcano, adding to the frenzy of Sperling's fans.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

Herbert walks towards us quietly. There are two tents in the background, as James and
Herbert have pulled ashore for the night. It is quite dark, and an occasional bird cackle can
be heard from time to time. Herbert, in his cockney acccent begins to whisper quietly:

HERBERT:  Shhhhhhh!  James is asleep right now. I wanted to tell you that during our
lit'l break, James apologized for what 'e did to me for leaving the boat. He was quite apolo-
getic and..

JAMES:(from inside his tent) "Herbert!!
HERBERT:"Uh.., yes sir?"(turning to look back at James' tent)
JAMES: "Who are you talking to?"
HERBERT: "Oh, no one sir. I was just praying sir"
JAMES: "Jolly good, old friend. Prayer is good for the soul".
HERBERT:(Whispering even more quietly now and turning back towards us): "Anyway,
I left the boat, not due to cowardice, but I had "a call of nature" so to speak and wanted
to get on shore. James realizes that now and wants all of you to forget the whole incident.
I'm really not a coward at all. I..
JAMES:(calling again from his tent) :"Herbert!! Did you hear something? It sounded like it
could be a marauding Puma".
HERBERT: "Puma?!!?" (sound of rapidly running feet towards the tents, a diving sound, and the
sound of a tent zipper being pulled up quickly. Then, the sound of muffled prayers for pro-
tection being made into a pillow).
JAMES: (walking around outside with a flashlight and a shotgun in hand): "Herbert? Herbert?"
(shines flashlight into Herberts tent showing a silhouetted shadow of Herbert,on his knees praying). "I
seem to have misjudged the lad. Here he is continuing to pray inside his tent when the threat
of a Puma is at hand. I think I chose the right sort of chap to accompany me on this journey after
all."

...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued.....

After the evening's "puma scare" we made our way back up the Amazon. The humidity
was atrocious, and the mosquitos were biting us ferociously. Both Herbert and I were
beginning to wonder what the Author of this story really had in mind? To put us through
such suffering seemed truly unfair. Then we came around a bend in the river and saw a
strange sight---it was a man in a uniform, and he was waving something in the air.

THE MAN: "Telegram!! Telegram for Mr. James Worthington!!"
JAMES: "Telegram? In the middle of the Amazon? This has to be some form of joke. Herbert,
get that will you?"(steering canoe to the shoreline).
HERBERT: (takes telegram and gives the man a nickel. The man frowns and stomps off into the
jungle) "Sir, it's from one of the readers of GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW. They are suggesting that we
add an extra character to the boat. It's signed "Anonymous".
JAMES: "Add another person to the boat? Why that's absolutely ridiculous."
There is the distinct sound of an electronic game being played.
HERBERT: (Nudges James, and looks to the back of the canoe): "Look sir".

They both look toward the back of the boat. There is an overweight 14 year old kid
with glasses with extremely thick lenses sitting there. He has a "Baby Ruth" candy bar
in one hand, and some of the chocolate is smeared on his face.
JAMES: "In the name of all that's sacred, who in heaven's name are you?"
SKIPPY: "Oh, hi, my name'th Skippy, and I'm here to go along with you on your trip. Are we
there yet? Look, I brought my Gameboy along tho I don't get bored".
JAMES: "Are we there yet? Gameboy?? What in the name of Heaven is going on here?"(looking
up into the sky) "You can't do this, this far into the story!! You don't just add characters to
your story like this, you should do that in the beginning. We're overcrowded as it is in this
canoe, and you send us an overweight, near-sighted, American boy with a Gameboy?
HERBERT: "Sir, he's already eaten all of our scones."
SKIPPY: "Hey, thothe things were good, I've never had them before".
JAMES: "This is absolutely atrocious!!"(looking up into the sky once again). I don't approve of
what you are doing at all Mr. Author. What are you going to do next, CHANGE THE WHOLE
STORY AND SEND US OUT OF THE AMAZON TO NEW YORK CITY!!???"

In an instant the whole scene changes, and James, Herbert and Skippy are all sitting in chairs
in front of a large table. Sitting across from them are two men and a woman.

JAMES: "Blimey!! What happened? Where are we?"
HERBERT: "I think were in New York City sir."
JAMES: "New York City??" How can that be?"
SKIPPY: "Hey, thatsth Donald Trump over there. Hi Misther Trump, isth that your real hair?,
'cause it looksth kind of funny."
TRUMP: "I'm going to have to ask you to shut up Skippy. I know you've only been in the
story for a short time, but I don't find you to be the least bit funny. In fact, all three of you
have been doing a miserable job in this story. I find your work sub-par. James, Herbert, Skippy, YOU'RE FIRED".

JAMES: "Fired???" You can't fire us from a story!! This story was about tracking down a ruthless
Cult-leader, not an episode of "The Apprentice"!! This is absolutely appalling!! The Author must
have lost his mind, he..
HERBERT: "Sir, I wouldn't do that. Perhaps you should apologize to the Author sir."
JAMES: "Apologize to the Author? But the Author is writing the words I'm saying right
now. He must be a huge egotist to want one of his very own characters to apologize
to HIM!!"
HERBERT:" Please sir, just do it, I think things might change then."
SKIPPY: "No, don't apologizeth, I kinda like it better here. Could we go get a Hamburger?"
JAMES: Oh, alright then. Mr. Author, I'm sorry for questioning your authority. Forgive me.

In an instant we are back to the Amazon. Back to the heat and the mosquitos. James and
Herbert look at one another.
"JAMES: "Thanks be to the author, things are back to the way they were before. Now we
can continue our quest unmolested and finish this story. We...
HERBERT: (Nudging James and looking to the back of the boat): "Sir".
SKIPPY: "Hey do you guysth have any Oatmeal cookiesth?, I'm starving".

...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

With rations rapidly disappearing, due to Skippy's ravenous appetite, it was
decided to move rapidly up river to get to a grove of mango trees we could
see a couple of miles away. But suddenly the paddle we had used thus far
snapped in half, floating down the river.

JAMES: "We'll have to put ashore so I can make a new paddle. Herbert, get me
the small ax out of the tool box."
HERBERT: "All we have is this pocket knife sir". I lost the ax when I was using it
to cut a sandwich in half and it fell in the river sir".
JAMES:(face turning beet red with hands in front of him in a strangling pose) "Oh, give
me the knife!!"

For over 4 hours James carves and cuts away at a piece of balsa wood he found on the
shore. He thinks about how the author could have helped him out with an extra paddle,
or another ax, and he begins to complain internally because of all the hard work. "The
author of this story is just unfair" he thinks. Skippy continually talks about food, and all
of the delicacies he wished he had, and James explains that the Amazon is hardship, where
you live off of rations, and fruit, and whatever you can.  Finally the paddle is finished and
they are once again on their way.

SKIPPY: " I methed up earlier. My name ith Thkippy. The Author apparently doesn't know how
to write for a perthon with a lithp very well. But I thure am hungry. I with I could have a Cheeth-
burger, french frieth and a coke right now. And I take them Thuper-thized".
JAMES: There are no cheeseburgers on the Amazon, Skippy. Try to think of something else
instead.
SKIPPY: "Maybe I thould akth the author for a cheethburger".
JAMES: "Don't be ridiculous Skippy. He's allowed us to brave the weather, lose a paddle
and carve a new one. He will also provide the fruit and resources as they come."
SKIPPER: "Author, could I pleath have a Cheethburger?"
JAMES: (laughs loudly, along with Herbert)
Moments later...
HERBERT: "Sir, there's something ahead".
JAMES: "Well, do go on, what is it?"
HERBERT: "Why it's a McDonald's sir"
JAMES: "A Mcdonald's on the Amazon?"
SKIPPY: Thankth Author, Thuper thize me, Thuper thize me!!"


...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...


Pulling away from the Mcdonald's, Skippy with cheeseburger in hand, they began
rowing up the river once more. James was furious that he had been made to sit
for hours carving a new paddle, while Skippy simply asked for a cheeseburger and
received one from the Author. Just then, a pot of freshly brewed tea which James
had just prepared, in which he had put the last of his Earl Grey tea, tipped over and
poured out into the bottom of the boat. Holding back his choicest curse words, he
looked skyward and asked "Why? Why?"

SKIPPY: "Hey, look what I found in my backpack. It'th a package of thinnamon rollth. I
didn't pack any of them there. I love thinnamon rollth. It muthd be the Author. Thankth
Author."

James was now angry beyond words. He turns to Herbert,  "Herbert I have a plan. Pull the
boat over to the shoreline at once".
HERBERT: "Yes sir".

They all got out of the boat and began hiking through the jungle. For hours and hours they
trudged along, and then they finally arrived at the base of a mountain. Then upward they
climbed, for hours and hours once again, stopping at times to nap. Finally, climbing over about
100 yards worth of some form of fabric, they came to the top. The fabric had been burned
through over the cauldron due to the extreme heat. It was the giant head-covering that had
been placed over the volcano.

SKIPPY: "Goth, it'th really hot up here, and it'th kind of thmoky too."
HERBERT: "Why sir, we've come to the top of the volcano we saw before, haven't we sir?"
JAMES: "Why yes, we have, Herbert.
HERBERT: "But why come to the top of this volcano sir?"
JAMES: "Because were going to throw something into it to appease the Author".
HERBERT: "Throw something in to appease the author sir? And what are we going to throw into the volcano?"
JAMES: Why, isn't it obvious Herbert? We're going to throw Skippy into the volcano".
HERBERT: "Skippy sir? But why throw Skippy into the volcano?"
JAMES: "The author made me, one of his own characters, apologize to him, so perhaps if
we throw one of his characters into the volcano, he'll stop mistreating you and I, Herbert".
HERBERT: "Have you gone mad sir? You said that people "used" to throw things into volcanoes
due to myths and legends.
JAMES: "I've changed my mind. We're throwing Skippy into the volcano, now grab him!"

James and Herbert grab a chocolate covered Skippy, and drag him to the edge of the cauldron,
causing Skippy to drop a Butterfinger candy bar he had just opened. They all watched as it fell
and fell and finally hit the surface--a small flame shot up and a poof of smoke, proof of the extreme
temperature of the liquid lava below.

SKIPPY: "What a wathte of a perfectly good Butterfinger. Are you guyth crathy?
JAMES: Push now Herbert, push!!!"


to be continued...

[al Hartman]

National Enquirer Headline:

Sperling Identified As Serial Author!

[moonflower2]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

Just when you thought it couldn't get any better......

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

There was a tremendous struggle at the edge of the volcano cauldron, as Skippy reached
back for the back-pack he had dropped when James and Herbert initially grabbed him.

SKIPPY: "I'm not going without my Twinkieth!!"

THE AUTHOR OF THE STORY: "DON'T THROW SKIPPY INTO THE VOLCANO."
HERBERT: "What was that? Did you hear that James?"(Looking skyward)
JAMES: "Yes I did. Who's there and what do you want??"
AUTHOR: "DON'T THROW SKIPPY INTO THE VOCANO."
JAMES: "Who are you? Go away!!"(looking upwards)
AUTHOR: "I'M THE AUTHOR OF THE STORY AND I REPEAT, DO NO THROW SKIPPY
INTO THE VOLCANO".
HERBERT: "You can't be the author of this story, you're speaking with a cockney British
accent, just like James and I do."
AUTHOR: "YOU'RE JUST HEARING ME THAT WAY. TO SKIPPY I SOUND LIKE A SPANIARD
SPEAKING WITH A LISP".
SKIPPY: "Hola Author, Como Ethta Uthted?"
AUTHOR: MUY BIEN, THKIPPY, GRACIATH, Y UTHTED?
SKIPPY: "Tengo Mucho Hambre, Uthted Tiene Un Cheethburger?"
AUTHOR: "NOT NOW SKIPPY(sounding British once again), JAMES, HERBERT, WHY
WOULD YOU WANT TO THROW SKIPPY INTO THE VOLCANO?"

JAMES: "To appease you sir. You were being quite unfair in the way you were treating
Herbert and I, giving Skippy his heart's desire, and ignoring us. I thought it might get
your attention sir."
HERBERT: "James is right. I think you're a terrible author. You are quite unfair. Why should
Skippy be so blessed?"
AUTHOR: "I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY. I CAN DO WHATEVER I PLEASE. IF I CHOOSE
TO BLESS SKIPPY AND WITHOLD FROM YOU, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO SO. SHALL THE THING
CREATED COMPLAIN AGAINST IT'S AUTHOR? WHAT IF YOU, HERBERT, BY THE END OF THIS
STORY,  OWN A MERCEDES, A LARGE SCHOONER, AND EAT T-BONE STEAKS EVERY NIGHT?"
HERBERT: "Sir, I take back everything I said. You actually have quite a flair for writing sir, in fact,
I think you're brilliant!"
AUTHOR: "OR, WHAT IF BY THE END OF THE STORY, JAMES IS IN A WHEELCHAIR, AND MISSING
ALL OF HIS TEETH?"
HERBERT: "Sir, in that case James would not be able to drive a car or eat T-bone steaks. Could
I have his share...you know..'cause he won't be needing them anyway?"

AUTHOR: "THE POINT I'M MAKING IS THAT I CAN DO AS I CHOOSE TO DO WITH THIS STORY. JAMES WILL NOT END UP IN A WHEELCHAIR, I WAS JUST GIVING AN EXAMPLE".
HERBERT: "Sir, can I ask you something?"
AUTHOR: "YES HERBERT. GO AHEAD."
HERBERT: "Well sir, you said we can't throw Skippy into the volcano. Would it be alright to throw
him into the river instead?"
AUTHOR: "AND WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO THROW SKIPPY INTO THE RIVER?"
HERBERT: "Because he keeps eating all of our scones sir".
AUTHOR: "NO. YOU WILL NOT BE THROWING SKIPPY INTO THE RIVER, OR ANYWHERE ELSE
FOR THAT MATTER. IT'S TIME TO GET ON WITH THIS STORY, AND STOP TAKING DETOURS
THAT LEAD TO NOWHERE. THERE IS A CULT LEADER THAT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED, AND I AM
SENDING YOU TO STOP HIM. YOU WILL FIND HIS COMPOUND IN THE JUNGLE, AND YOU WILL
GIVE HIM MY MESSAGE".

HERBERT: "Sir, why don't you just get him yourself. It would be so easy".
AUTHOR: "BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE NO NEED OF A STORY THEN, WOULD THERE? THERE
WOULD BE NO NEED FOR SKIPPY, OR FOR JAMES, OR FOR HERBERT EITHER.
HERBERT: "I am SO ready to go look for him sir"
AUTHOR: GOOD FOR YOU HERBERT. I WILL SEND YOU BEFORE THE LEADER GEFTAKYS, AND
SKIPPY, YOU WILL BE MY MOUTHPIECE TO HIM.

SKIPPY: "But thir, I am not the one who thould talk to him, having a thpeech impediment and all".
AUTHOR: "YOU DO NOT HAVE A BROTHER HERE TO SPEAK IN PLACE OF YOU, BESIDES, I WANT YOU
TO BE THE ONE TO ADDRESS HIM, IT'S FUNNIER".
SKIPPY: "Yeth thir".
AUTHOR: "NOW BE ON YOUR WAY. YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE GOTTEN CLOSE, AS
A GIANT HAND WILL APPEAR ON THE SHORE, SYMBOL OF THE CULT YOU PURSUE. I WILL ASK
THE LEADER TO LET THE FOLLOWERS GO, AND IF HE WILL NOT DO SO, A SERIES OF PLAGUES
WILL COME UPON HIS COMPOUND UNTIL HE DOES. SKIPPY, CHECK YOUR BACKPACK,
THERE IS A 3 LAYERED CHOCOLATE CAKE THERE FOR YOU".
JAMES: "In the name of all that's sacred, I...I...(face turning red)
AUTHOR: "YES JAMES?"
JAMES: "Nothing sir."

...to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

JAMES: "Thank Heavens we're back on the right track now, making our way up the
river to find the Insane Cult Leader we originally intended to pursue. By the way,
Skippy, Herbert, do you understand what a "cult" is?"

SKIPPY: "I think it'th a group of wacko'th who read their Bible'th all the time,
and thing thongs, and think they are right and everyone elth ith wrong".
James: "Well, not quite Skippy, a cult is.."
HERBERT: "No. A cult is a group of wacko's whose whole lives surround the teachings
of one leader, and one leader alone. They follow him and his teachings, or some "gift"
he has, or "charisma" he exudes. Skippy, you yourself could be a Cult leader, seeing
you have that Backpack from which you pull out your heart's desire. It could be called
"The Cult of the Magic Backpack", and people would so adore you that they would
want to act like you and speak like you. They would actually imitate your preaching style,
getting up, even though they have no impediment, and saying: "Let'th turn in our Bible'th
to Firtht Thamuel, ChapterTheven, Verth Thix, and thudy thome more about the thruggleth
of David and Thaul".

JAMES: "That's actually quite funny Herbert, but we'd best not make fun of Skippy and his
speech impediment right now, seeing how the Author has such a fondness for him and all. But as
I was saying a cult actually is..
SKIPPY: "Hey!! Look what I found in my Backpack, it'th a little televithion! And you don't even
need to plug it in. It hath little earphoneth I can uthe too"(plugging them into the television).
JAMES: "Great Scott, I can't take much more of this, I.."(turning beet red)
HERBERT: "I wouldn't say it sir, you might regret it."
JAMES: "Quite right Herbert".

SKIPPY: "Hey, look, I found a TV game thow. It'th like one of the old one'th from the Game Thow
Network."
JAMES: "A television program on the Amazon? What in heaven's name.."
SKIPPY: "The Game thow hotht ith tharting to talk now"(listening through his headphones).
JAMES: "Let me have a look at that. Why, that's the cult Leader Geftakys. What's he doing
on a television program?"
SKIPPY: "It'th like an old thow that uthed to be on called "Truth OR Conthequenceth", but thith
thow ith called "Truth AND Conthequenceths" inthead.
JAMES: "Truth AND Consequences"?
SKIPPY: "Yeth. Thith guy ith telling Mithter Geftakyth the truth, and admitting he thneaked  a
Greek Lexthicon into the compound, becauth he didn't think what he wath teaching wath correct.
Oh, here come the consequenthes. Mithter Geftakyth and some guyth called "Leading Brotherth"
are explaining to thith guy why it wath tho bad to bring the book into the compound. They all look pretty mad, and the guy lookth pretty nervouth. They're telling him hith consequenth is to wath all
of the windowth in the compound. Geeth, They must be pretty thrict about reading Greek there".
JAMES: "We need to get to that compound soon. Things are way out of hand".

SKIPPY: "Hey, another program ith coming on now. It'th bathed on another old televithion thow
too. The man'th got a thon named Bud, and a daughter he callth Kitten. But thith time the thow ith
called "George Knowth Betht".

..to be continued.

[Oscar]

Thkippy,

One doethn't thay "THnuck".   "Thneaked" ith the correct form.  It ith one of the peculiaritieth of Englith.

Of courth "thtrike" muth become "thtruck" or elth it would be "thtreaked" and the author doethn't like people to run around naked. 

Thomath Madduxth
Friend of Author

[Joe Sperling]

Thanksth Mithter Madduxth. The author corrected the word "Thnuck" and made
it "thneaked" ath you thuggethted. All commenth and correctionth are greatly
apprethiated. I am able to actheth the Internet from the televithion
I found in my backpack, tho that'th how I am able to thpeak with you now.
Thanksth again,

Thkippy.

[al Hartman]

   ...I am able to actheth the Internet from the televithion
I found in my backpack, tho that'th how I am able to thpeak with you now...

Thkippy.

OK, moderators-- I know I promised to behave myself, but this is just too far over the top...

This board is open to anyone, so Skippy's being able to post here is no problem.  BUT, why does he get to do it under the name of Joe Sperling (which we all know is just a pseudonym for his real name: The Author)?  I mean how is this fair?  Skippy writes the post & "Joe Sperling" gets the numeric credit for it!  In no time at all this could escalate to the point that my "out of control poster" standing could be surpassed by the posts of a team masquerading as an individual!  This is an outrage!  Something must be done!  I demand action!!!

Just curious,
al

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

AL HARTMAN: "I'm just curious, but how did I become part of this story?"
(surprised look as he sees he's in a canoe floating on the Amazon).
SKIPPY: "Becausth you're juthd jealouth about the pothting pointsth on the Bulletin Board".
JAMES: "Mister Hartman, were going to let you slide this time, because you were the
one who originally pointed out that Skippy wouldn't say his name was "Skippy", but
"Thkippy" instead.
HERBERT: "Yes, Mr. Hartman, we're going to let you go back to your world now, but any
more complaints and you might be taking a little swim in the Amazon.
SKIPPY: "If you're going to complain about the pointh thome more, pack thome thwimming trunkth
and thome inflatable thwimmies you can put on your armth".
JAMES: Goodbye Mr. Hartman, and fair thee well"
(Mr. Hartman vanishes from the canoe, presumably to return to Ohio, unless the Author's transporter failed, and he wound up elsewhere.)

to be continued...