GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...


As the journey up the river continued, it became evident that Geftakys had set up
a small television station in his compound, broadcasting to his followers, and those in
the outlying areas. It was a form of indoctrination, and appeared to broadcast twenty-
four hours a day. Apparently, television was now acceptable to Geftakys, as long as
he was the one being watched. Skippy continued to report what he was seeing as
they made there way closer and closer to the compound.

SKIPPY: "There'th two channels that I can get on the televithion. On one of them there
is a thow that'th kind of funny. George has hith hair died red, and he'th married to a
Cuban woman who uthed to be a bandleader. The show'th called "I Love George".

"The other channel hath a thow that is a take-off on an old televithion comedy from the
pathd. Mithter Geftakyth playth the part of a theriff, and he livth with hith Aunt Bee and
his thon Opie. But there'th a bunch of "broterth" living in the houth with them. The Theriff
made Opie the "Head Thteward" of the houth though, and he givth everyone "conthequenthes"
for thtuff they do wrong. Aunt Bee hathd to paint the houth becauth of forgetting to defrothed
the chicken to make dinner. And the character of Otith ithn't on the thow anymore, becauth
he wath a bad tethtimony for drinking all the time. They had an epithode where everyone runth
Otith out of town, and thellth him not to come back until he repenths. Barney ithn't ath funny
ath he uthed to be becauth he soundth and acths jutht like George doth. I don't like thith new
thow ath much ath the old one."

HERBERT: "Sir, up ahead, there is something on the shore line"(handing James the binoculars).
JAMES: "Why, it is a statue of a Giant Hand. We must be very near to the compound now. Let's
put ashore and we'll walk through the jungle to the compound where we can observe them more
closely".

SKIPPY: "Oh, do we have to go now? There'th a thow coming on that lookth kind of familiar,
accept the narrator ith'nt thmokiing a cigarette like the other guy uthed to. It'th
got the same muthic and everything, but thith thow is called "The Geftakyth Thzone".

And now, with the Author having scraped the bottom of the barrel of stupid humor, the three
adventurer's finally climb onto shore, and make their way to the compound of the Cult Leader
they have sought all along.


...to be continued.

[moonflower2]

The popcorn's ready........

[al Hartman]

The popcorn's ready........

Buttered, please.

Extra napkins!!!

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

Making their way into the dense jungle proved a difficult task indeed. They only had
small pocket knives to use to cut through the foilage.  And to top it off they were getting
very hungry. Even Skippy's backpack had become empty, and they were famished. They
began to eat whatever they could find, from small fruit to the small mushrooms that grew on
the damp jungle floor. The mushrooms were chewy, and tasted a bit like chicken, and the
berries gave them enough juice to quench their terrible thirst.


SKIPPY: "I'm really tired of eating thethe berrieth and muthroomth, I with I had a big
Cheetheburger right now".
JAMES: "You and your cheeseburgers. Try not to think of food so much."
HERBERT: "Look over there sir. What is that?"
JAMES: "What Herbert? I don't see anything at all."
HERBERT: "It's right there sir, beside that tree. It looks like a giant, sweaty,  number two
pencil on wheels, and it's making a sound like the "shoosh" of a librarian when you're talking too loud."
JAMES: "A sweaty number two pencil on wheels? What in heaven's name..."
SKIPPY: "I thee danthing donut'th, and they're thinging really loud. And when they
move they leave trailth behind them. Oh, look,  there'th a moothe over there on a trampoline".
JAMES: "Good heavens!! It's the mushrooms we've been eating!! Stop eating them immediately, because...well hello,  mother, how are you? Why are you dressed like an Oompa Loompa and
speaking Polish though?"


After several hours they were once again on their way. They trudged on, cutting vines,
bearing with the mosquitos, and the frightful sounds of the jungle. Finally, they began to hear
sounds. Sneaking up slowly, they peered through the remaining jungle and saw the back row
of lines and lines of chairs with people sitting in them. And the Cult leader Geftakys was speaking
from a podium far ahead up on a stage. The distinct sound of a loud snore erupted from the mouth
of one of the people in the back row.


...to be continued.

[moonflower2]

It's getting better all the ti i ime,   better......better...... beh....tter.....

Hey, Al, stop stop hogging the popcorn!!

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...


As they continued to stand just outside the edge of the jungle, they noticed that all of the
men were in three piece suits, and all of the women were in dresses and wore unusual head-
coverings. They then realized that today was Sunday and they had stumbled upon the afternoon
meeting. George continued to speak from the podium, and the people were flipping back and
forth in their Bibles at a swift pace.

The man in the back row began to snore even louder, and quickly from the aisle a brother
came towards him holding a rather odd object. It was a piece of round wood about six feet long,
and on the end of it was a giant hand with the index finger extended in a pointing direction. The
brother jabbed the snoring brother with the pointing hand, and he woke up abruptly with a startled
look on his face. Another brother stood beside the brother with the pointing hand, and put a mark
next to a name in a notebook, presumably the name of the offending snorer. The snorer looked
quite upset, as though he had committed a grave sin of some kind, but then, just as quickly, began
to nod off once again.

Then George asked everyone to stand. He asked everyone to sing one of his favorite hymns, and everyone, in a very saintly manner, sang the words carefully:

"George, George, George of the jungle,
Strong as he can be.
(AHHHHHHHHHH)
Watch out for that tree!"

****Just kidding, they didn't sing that song, but the Author just couldn't resist. Now, back to the story***----

Then George asked everyone to stand.
GEORGE: "I know I've often told the tale to you of when I was a little boy, and the miracle that occurred at that time. But a dear sister has put that momentous occasion to song, which I know we now sing often. But let's all sing it again now, and remember how the Lord does indeed protect and cover his annointed ones."

And then the people began to sing:

"Oh praise be to God for his Giant Hand,
That descended through the stars,
And then moved all of the cars,
rescuing George whom he'd reserved for his holy plans.

"Oh Giant Hand, Oh Giant Hand,
Your story is a legend throughout the land
Oh Giant Hand, Oh Giant Hand,
No other story is quite as Grand.

(silence, and then the high-pitched solo singing voice of a sister):
"A little boy wanders into the street,
His mother cries out from a window above,
A Giant hand descends, Oh glory be,
And rescues little Georgie with a covering of love".

Return to Chorus(everyone singing):
"Oh Giant hand, Oh Giant hand,
Who could know what you had planned?
Oh Giant Hand, Oh Giant hand,
You rescued your annointed and caused him to stand".

GEORGE: "Wasn't that grand? Yes, the Lord always has his annointed ones(he winks), and he
protects and covers them. Look around you dear saints. This is all the work of the Lord. We have
no Pastor here, we're all just brothers and sisters in the Lord. I'm just Brother George. We have no bishops or deacons or Music directors here. We....(George continues on and on, soon he begins to
sound like a droning in the ears, and the distinct sound of three loud snores erupts into the air).

James, Herbert and Skippy are all on the ground in fetal positions, asleep, and beginning to sound
like the "Three Stooges" when they're sleeping. Then  two "brothers" with giant hand pokers enter
into the jungle and jab the three of them, awakening them from their slumber. "You'll have to
come with us" one of the brothers says loudly.

...to be continued.

[Mark Kisla]

Joe,
You're on a roll

[al Hartman]

Joe,
You're on a roll

Quick, Joe, get off the roll-- Skippy's hungry!!!

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

James, Herbert and Skippy were led to the compound, and placed in a small room,
with just a table and a few chairs. A picture of George Geftakys was on the wall,
and there was a bookshelf filled with books that were printed versions of "Seminars"
which George had given in the past.

Very quickly the three of them were quite bored, and Herbert suggested they play
some mental games.

HERBERT: "I'll describe a person, place or thing, and you tell me what it is."
SKIPPY: "OK, thith thould be fun."
HERBERT: "I'm thinking of a place, where they have isolated themselves from others,
and they almost, and in some cases do, worship their leader. They do everything he
says, and they revere him to the point of him appearing almost divine in their eyes. There
are  stories of miracles that surround him, and legends of him being more wise than
other normal people are. The people read books written by him, listen to tapes of him speaking,
and also watch him on television adoringly. There are miraculous stories concerning his birth,
and supernatural  protection when he was a child.

The people believe that they are in the "best place possible" and can think of no other way
to be living. They believe everyone else to be in a far less blessed place, and feel sorry for
them. These people don't realize that they are far behind the times, and literally are starving
inside spiritually. They need to ask permission whenever they plan to go somewhere, and many
of their life decisions are made for them. But many of them bend the knee willingly to this
type of oppression, and bless the very leader who has allowed this to take place in their lives.
Many people in their twenties and thirties are still like children in many ways, because all of their
decisions were made by others above them, to whom they obey.

These people have literally been brainwashed to believe that they, and they alone, are the most
blessed people on earth, while the truth is that almost all of them are in the worst type of famine
imaginable. Though many of them are known as "workers", their labor is a labor of struggle and
uncertainty. The Leader has enslaved them, brianwashed them, and has held them captive for years.
He travels the world with money that has come from these people, while they remain isolated, and
in poverty. But they support his every step, because they believe in his intentions, due to his charisma
and authority.

SKIPPY: "Oh, I get it. You're talking about "The Aththembly" aren't you?
HERBERT: "No, Skippy. Actually I was referring to North Korea, and it's leader Kim Jong LI".


Our thanks to Charlton Heston, who stepped in for one post only to play the
part of a serious Herbert.

....to be continued.

[al Hartman]

Our thanks to Charlton Heston, who stepped in for one post only to play the part of a serious Herbert.

                                           SEA

     in commemoration of Charlton Heston's role as Moses in The Ten Commandments.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued....

As the three of them sat in the room, the door suddenly opened and a voice said "Brother
George will see you now". They were led into a very large room, adorned with tapestry, and
paintings, and many exotic plants. At the far end of the room was a giant chair, like a throne,
and upon it sat George Geftakys, wearing a silk robe with a Giant Hand sewed to the front of
it. Next to George, on a slightly smaller throne, sat his wife Betty, also wearing a silk robe, with
a Giant Hand sewn to the front of it. The three were led to three small chairs sitting directly
in front of George and Betty, and were asked to sit down.

BETTY: "Would you like some freshly brewed coffee?"
JAMES: "Why yes, I would, thank you."(both Herbert and Skippy declined the offer).
Betty leaves the room for a moment, then returns, holding out to James not a cup, but
an enema bag.
JAMES: (Looking startled and a bit bewildered) "I've changed my mind. I'll have some coffee
a bit later I think".
BETTY: (Looking a bit insulted) :"Suit yourself".
GEORGE: "Why were you three spying on us this afternoon? Who are you and what do
you want?"

AUTHOR: (Only James, Herbert and Skippy can hear the voice. George and Betty
do not hear a thing) "Skippy, on the Volcano mount I told you that you would be my
spokesman to address the Cult-Leader Geftakys. Tell him to let his followers go, to stop
teaching his heresy, and to humble himself and repent of all the harm he has caused."
JAMES: "Skippy, Go ahead, repeat the message".

SKIPPY: "Hi Mithter Geftakyth, I'm Thkippy. Thith ith Jameth and Herbert. The Author
sayth for you to let your follwerth go, and to thtop teaching herethy, and to humble
yourthelf and repent from all of the harm that you have cauthed."
GEORGE: "The Author? I know of no author. I serve the Living God, and I teach what
he has given us through his word. And who are you? Your just a little, chubby near-
sighted boy with a very bad speech impediment. (begins to laugh loudly).

AUTHOR: "Skippy, tell him that if he refuses, judgement shall fall upon the compound
by morning".
SKIPPY: "The Author thays that you better lithen to him or judgement will fall on your
compound by morning".
GEORGE:(Laughing even louder) "Get out of my sight!!! Brothers, take them back to the
waiting room!"
The three were led back to the room from which they were retrieved just minutes before,
and given cots to sleep on through the night.

Early the next morning they were awakened by a loud wailing which was taking place in the
camp. Hundreds of voices were calling out and weeping. For they had come to realize that
they had been stricken by a plague: THE PLAGUE OF THE DECAFFEINATED COFFEE. All of
the coffee in the entire camp had turned from regular to decaffeinated. The people, not
getting the morning "rush" from their coffee enemas, were in a state of withdrawal. Also,
realizing that they had a full day of Seminar meetings scheduled for the day, the thought
of facing it without coffee was excrutiating. The only people not weeping were a Mormon
couple who were camping on the outskirts of the compound, and wondered what the
hubub was all about as they drank their orange juice.

It was a terrible day for the people, with hundreds "nodding off" during the meetings and
being poked with the Giant hand pokers. Even the brothers holding the pokers were forced
to poke one another just to stay awake. The cry continued in the camp until the sun began
to set in the evening. Even Betty, herself, strung out from enema withdrawal pleaded with
George to do something, but he refused.

....to be continued.

[Joe Sperling]

GEFTAKYLYPSE NOW continued...

As it became closer to dusk, the Author once again visited and told Skippy to repeat
his earlier message to the leader Geftakys. And they went and appeared before George
and repeated the same message that was given before. But they faced the same pride,
and the same resistance as before. Calling the Decaffeinated coffee a "parlor trick", George
hardened his heart and sent the three back to their room once again, pursuing them with
laughter as they exited.

At midnight they were awakened by the sound of loud music, and went outside to witness
the second of the plagues: THE PLAGUE OF RAPPERS upon the camp. At each bungalow in
the camp stood rappers in groups of three, two with microphones, and one with a turntable.
Then a group of three appeared outside the quarters that George and Betty lived in, and began
to rap loudly:

Chorus:
"Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go!!"

First Rapper:
"Well we came into da camp just to spy on old "GG"
But our eyes, they be a buggin' at the things that they do see,
People dozin' off in meetin's, and then wakin' up with fears,
And then early in da day injectin' coffee up their rears"

Chorus:
"Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go!!"

Second rapper:
"And the sisters got dem doilies that they like to wear on top,
But the Bible page 'a flippin', well, it never seems to stop,
And if you diss a leading bro, well, you know you got's to pay,
You be washin' lots a windows, you be workin' all da day"

Chorus:
"Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go.

First rapper:
You got eight or ten poor people, they be livin' in one crib,
And the brother's got the power, ain't no  thing called "women's Lib"
There be way too many meetings, so that no one has no  time,
'Cause church be more important,  than the family, that's a crime.

Chorus:
"Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go,
 Hey, Ho, Georgie let 'em go.

Second rapper:(specifically to George):
"Well, we know you think you special, and you need to be obeyed,
But you  be rulin' all da people, and you made them all afraid,
You be hurtin' lots 'o people, and dat debt it must be paid,
It's time to say "I'm sorry's", and repentance must be made".

This rap song, and many more like it continued on throughout the night, keeping the people
awake, and making them miserable. They only had decaffeinated coffee, and now they were
being kept awake by loud music-- it was almost more than they could take. The began to cry out
loud to George to do something, but again, George refused in any way to repent.

..to be continued.

[moonflower2]

    Nachos with cheese are ready in the kitchen....

[Joe Sperling]

Hello Friends,

Reverend Burt O'Leary here. The Author is on a short leave of absence to run some"errands" and
to take care of some other business. Being a friend of his, I am using his computer in an
effort to help him out. The Author has a habit of doing things for "free", which is a word that
I as a Reverend and businessman detest whole-heartedly.

The cost of running this thread, and continuing to add to it,  is enormous, and we simply cannot
continue without your help. This thread is run completely off of the comments, and ideas, and most
importantly, the financial help of our readers. We rely on you alone to keep this thread going, and if the finances don't come in, we simply cannot continue(begins to weep) with this story. I personally find the story to be completely stupid and useless and without any creative flair whatsoever, but it is important to the Author(weeping profusely), and as a friend of mine, I simply do not want to see him fail.

So, please, contribute to the work of this Thread, and keep it going. This month I am making the following offer:
For a donation of $25.00 you will receive the book "Under Cover", a sister's view of the Sunday worship service in the Assembly. It is quite enlightening, and a great read.

For a donation of $50.00 you will receive the book "Under Cover", and also a Reverend Burt O'Leary prayer cloth. This cloth is guaranteed to bring you whatever you ask, and your tears can be easily squeezed from it as it is made of pure cotton.

For a contribution of $100.00 you will receive the book "Under Cover", the Reverend Burt O'Leary prayer cloth, and a "Heavenly Huffer" miniature computer keyboard vacuum cleaner, which will remove even the most minute dust particles from your keyboard.

Come now friends, for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can keep this thread going. I will thank you and the Author will thank you. The author has no idea I am doing this on behalf of this Thread, but I know that he will thank me once he begins to reap the benefits.

Thank you so very much.

Send all donations to:

The Reverend Burt O'Leary
P.O. box 4506
Barstow, Ca., 92311
No personal checks please.

[vernecarty]

Hello Friends,

 The Author has a habit of doing things for "free", which is a word that
I as a Reverend and businessman detest whole-heartedly.

Especially as a Reverend, right? 

The cost of running this thread, and continuing to add to it,  is enormous, and we simply cannot
continue without your help. This thread is run completely off of the comments, and ideas, and most
importantly, the financial help of our readers. We rely on you alone to keep this thread going, and if the finances don't come in, we simply cannot continue(begins to weep) with this story. I personally find the story to be completely stupid and useless and without any creative flair whatsoever, but it is important to the Author(weeping profusely), and as a friend of mine, I simply do not want to see him fail.

Might I er...suggest a little slogan for the reverend in the interest of keeping those checks cash and money orders coming?

If you want to keep the thread
Then you gotta send the bread!
Verne
p.s. it's free!