What Does the Bible Say About Dating?

[garylwilson]

Dear Phil

      Concerning your cry for a reply.  Your cry has been heard so here is a reply.  I hope it helps.  

Let me 1st say this Phil.  We are individuals.  We are unique.  We are not puppets.  God made us to be FREE individuals.  Now sin has really throw a monkey wrench in the works.  But God made us FREE.  Not Free in the sense that we run the universe and set up are own little kingdoms.  But Free in the sense that we have the capacity to freely think, freely imagine, freely choose.
What I think is most important that we remember 3 things.
1)  God works from the center.  He dwells in our spirits and transforms us from within  NOT from without.  We like to start from without.  Rules, structure, blah, blah, blah.
2)  God works by faith.  We like the sight thing.  In my opinion many times Methods are a form of sight.  Give me something I can grasp, something I can lay hold of.  We like to put God in a box.  
So the human tendency is "how do I know the will of God?"   I am not saying this is bad.  I am saying that the natural tendency in knowing the will of God is to control the will of God.  Remember, Abraham went out NOT knowing wither.
3)  God wants us to deeply know his love and to respond to it.  We love Him because He 1st loved us.
If we stick with the following 3 things ( forgive my simplicity ) then I believe will do just fine in all areas of our life.
Will we miss the will of God at times - of course - were human. But God knows and is over all.  Remember Abraham.

Now on to Marriage and mates.
Does God have a perfect mate for you.  I have no idea.  What!!! This doesn't help.  You are unique.  God knows you and loves you.  God knows your every need.  Can God lead you to a mate that would be perfect for you.  Absolutely.
Does Jesus have someone that He wants you to marry and do you have to marry that person?  If this is true, let me ask how will you know?  I could spend the rest of my life on a total bummer with that one.  Did I choose the right one.   What if I didn't?

I don't believe I Cor 7 addresses that question.   I get the sense that we are left with the choice.   In an earlier post I said that I believe God brought Linda and I together.  I can't super impose my EXPERIENCE on you.  Remember God has given you a number of natural facilities.
I trust that being a man there are certain women that appeal to you.  If these facilities are yielded to the Lord, do you not think He can use them.  Sorry to make this seem so natural.  The question is, what do you want in a mate?

Brother what I am saying - let the debate begin - I think God has left the choice up to you.  Be at peace.  Trust Him to lead you.
You may want to take that choice and give it back to HIM.  

I'm not trying to miminize the importance of who you might spend time with -date- or marry but to put into simple terms.  How many things do you within your life that are based upon WHO you are as
a REDEEMED individual.  Do you trust God to lead in the simple things such as dress, food, etc?   Do all Christians dress the same.  Do all Christians have the same criteria for how they choose their clothing.
Now God may deal with an individual on "WHY he chooses a certain style - Vanity - etc.  Could the same apply to marriage.  Remember the issue is the heart.

Sorry I was long typed.  I hope my sense of humor was not offensive.
I am trying to me helpful.  I do hope this helps.  Yea right.  I'll never read anything you write.

God bless you Phil

[Tony Rosete]

Oh man, this thread is killing me.  Luke, no offense, although there is validity to some of the things you are saying, all you are doing is repeating what you have been told all your life.  This bothered me when I was in that place, and it bugs me now to hear people just regurgitate what others have told them, and not their own reality.  

After all that has gone on, it's disheartening to see people still spewing out all the assemblyite teachings that have been perpetuated for so many years.  Hasn't the GG debacle taught any of us anything?  It's time to go back to the drawing board and start looking into the scriptures for ourselves.  

[lukerobinsonfan]

Toni Rosinetti,

What dating method are you referring to?   radiocarbon/C-14, thermoluminescence,  potassium argon???  Please clarify.

[lukerobinsonfan]

Right on Verne.

Reminds me of the verse "Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats." 1 Timothy 4:3

I always thought it was weird there were so many older singles around.  I figured they had cold feet, then realized they every aspect of their lives was controlled by the GGS (George Geftakys System).

[jesusfreak]

Oh man, this thread is killing me.  Luke, no offense, although there is validity to some of the things you are saying, all you are doing is repeating what you have been told all your life.  This bothered me when I was in that place, and it bugs me now to hear people just regurgitate what others have told them, and not their own reality.  

After all that has gone on, it's disheartening to see people still spewing out all the assemblyite teachings that have been perpetuated for so many years.  Hasn't the GG debacle taught any of us anything?  It's time to go back to the drawing board and start looking into the scriptures for ourselves.  

I will agree with you.  I *do* find it slightly disturbing that, that which i firmly believe in my heart parallels a portion of the assembly teachings, and this is why i am contributing to this thread.  I am eagerly waiting other people's perspectives on the topic, not just critizism's of each other's views.

[Phil Strangman]

Gary,

Thank you for replying! I think you're right in a lot of the things you've said. You are exactly right in that we must walk by faith, and not by sight! The thing is though, how do we know WHAT to believe God for by faith? In my life I've found that I felt ready to believe God for something, but I wasn't sure what it was, and I had a very uneasy feeling inside.

One of my questions I'm not sure if you answered. Jesus did say in Mark, "Whosoever shall DO the will of God..." That seems to suggest that He does want us to do His will, and hence know what it is so we can do it. In light of this verse, what do you make of it?

Thank you for replying. I know Tony said this thread was killing him, but I'm enjoying it because instead of blasting each other to peaces, we're talking!

Peace

[jesusfreak]

I also enjoy a little spice in my debate. I forget that not everyone is like that and when I am debating with someone who is not like that, I certainly come off as offensive. My fault alone.

I apologize Luke for my sarcasm and also for dismissing your opinion as invalid. It is not.

You are obviously very intelligent. Very sincere and have a deeper understanding of doctrinal issues than most of your peers. I respect that.

Scott

I was reading back through this forum, and a thought that one of my mentors confered to me came to mind:

"Debating under at least loose rules is one of the best ways to sharpen your ability to offer and depend your beliefs."

Although I am here to expand my outlook, a little *spice* might occassionally be in order.

[garylwilson]

Hi Phil

    I agree on what you said.  This is such a cool way to have dialogue.
And we don't have to agree on all matters or on how things may be worked out in life.
    I certainly am not an expert on the "will of God" and have had my share of failures.  God is good.  
    So let me restate I am not dogmatic on what I am putting forth.  I am more of an impression type of guy.  That is to say when I am walking with the Lord I believe He impresses things upon my heart.
So people are verbal, some logical, some are picture type people.

So here are my impressions.  Hopefully they have a scriptual basis.
I believe it is of 1st importance that WE BELIEVE GOD.  I think this comes before our faith in WHAT do I believe.  Hold the phone.  I can almost hear the wheels turning - BUT BUT BUT.  I got the same thing going off inside of me.  What I am saying is do we 1st believe that God
loves us unconditionally?  Do we believe that He really is in control and can direct our lives?  Obviously WHAT we believe is important.  But what if I am unsure.  Assurance in the 1st allows me peace in the goodness and direction of God.  I also believe it allows my heart to be open to HIS direction.

Concerning doing His will.  Yes God wants us to do His will.  But he doesn't want us to be puppets.  Nor does He want us to afraid to step out.   He wants us to be at peace.
What is of primary importance:
    - The desire to do His will
    -  Maintaining our fellowship with Him - communion.
    -  Loving the Brethern.
Look at the Gospels.  The disciples made so many mistakes.  He lead, corrected and LOVED them.

If you find yourself uneasy or unsure can you gently turn that to Him.
This is not a selfers prayer thing.  This is not a method.  Can you turn your heart to Him who indwells it and be at peace knowing He knows, He loves, He directs.

I really believe that if we are trusting HIM ( WHO HE IS ) and we make a mistake - call it missing HIS specific will - He will bring us back into alignment.
How many times do you think that we may miss His will during a day?
I don't know.  God meets us where we are.
Haven't you sometimes looked back and said "Man I sure missed it there"  but during the time you didn't see it.  Was God directing?  I think so.

I think something all assemblies are facing and need radical change.
I know I do.  We become so production orienated.  Or we get so freaked about taking a mis-step.  Do you remember when you were 1st saved.  I do.   Everything was different.  Christ was real.  I touched and tasted heaven.  I was NOT self absorbed.   I was in love.
Christ had saved me and he was in my heart.  I think that is the 1st love thing.  I got away from that and all the victory I knew, all the liberty, all the joy disappeared.  I became more and more self-absorped.
Brother He loves you,  all He asks is that you give Him your heart.
He indwells you and wants to lead you.
My son give we your heart.   He will do the rest.  It is HIS job.

I know I haven't given SPECIFIC answers.  HE is the answer.  Our need is His opportunity.  By the way - HE IS THE WILL OF GOD.  Think about it.

I know this reply is sorely lacking.  It is my sincere desire that it is an encouragement to point you to HIM who not only is in Heaven but
has given you a priceless gift to indwell you.

Lord bless you brother

[brian]

One of my questions I'm not sure if you answered. Jesus did say in Mark, "Whosoever shall DO the will of God..." That seems to suggest that He does want us to do His will, and hence know what it is so we can do it. In light of this verse, what do you make of it?

i think the basic point tom was trying to make is that the process of finding gods will concerning marriage could easily include dating. you are still thinking of this debate in terms of two 'opposing' points of view:
1) god has one perfect partner for you and to find that partner you just need to ask god.
2) you should date several people that you find appealing in order to get to know them better and see if you want to marry them

what tom is saying (correct me if i didn't get it correctly tom) is that these two processes can operate very much the same. if god does have one particular mate for you, you are not going to find out who that mate is by praying in an ivory tower and miraculously seeing her name and phone number written in the stars (nor by simply asking the leading bros!). you will find her by maintaining your walk with god, seeking his will as you go, and spending time with females you find attractive who are compatible with your perspectives and beliefs. its not healthy to second-guess yourself out of fear of 'getting it wrong' to the point that you avoid ever spending time alone with a female. you are not going to hurt them by getting to know them better, and dating them will only help clarify to you whether or not a serious relationship with them could be god's will.

a lot of equally goofy thinking surrounded the assembly's stance on dancing. there are as many different kinds of dancing as there are dating, and the vast majority of dancing is not sex with your clothes on. it is enjoying music, the beauty of moving with the rhythm, the company of your friends. or maybe just bouncing up and down cause you like the song   with dating and dancing and a whole bunch of other things the only way to defuse your fear of it is to find out what it is like for yourself. if its not for you then so be it. just don't let geftakys goofiness cause you to fear perfectly harmless and healthy pasttimes.

[Questioning]

Ok, a lot of what Gary is saying is all well and good but does it apply to females too. Speaking as one myself I wanted to know what people think the woman's role is now that things have changed. Are we still supposed to just wait to be asked (is that even biblical)? If so than that kinda leaves us in the same rut as before. I'm not complaining if it is biblical, I'm just curious.

Do you believ that God only speaks to the man about approaching someone? I'm still referring to courting (not being a dater and all).

Any comment are welcome.

[Phil Strangman]

Brian,

Just wanted to clarify. I really wasn't posting in the context of dating vs. courtship. To me, they're almost the same thing anyway. I was talking about God's will in the context of much more than dating, basically the context of life's decisions. This happened to come up in the dating thread.

I'm not in a position to comment about dating/courtship/love/valentines/hearts personally. As I get older, I'll learn more.

Peace

[missbt2003]

After reading all of the replys in this thread, I find that people all have different views on what dating is, what's allowed, what we should do...

I grew up believing that dating was a sin, that we are not supposed to give our emotions to someone else so freely. I was told that "some guy" was going to "find the Lord's will" and come and ask me to spend time with him (ending up in marriage). I always wondered who this guy would be. I wondered what would happen if I didn't like him, would I even be given the chance again to marry someone in the assembly. I was given information that sent me running in circles.

The good thing that came out of it, however, was that I didn't face the dreaded "break-ups" in Jr high and HS. My friends would have devistating moments every week when their bf/gf would break up with them for some other beautiful girl/boy. When I reached college, I moved out of my parents house and faced reality. I had no street smarts, what it took to live in the real world. All I had was God to help me thru it all. I faced so many problems, but "grew-up" so quickly.

It was then that I found what seemed to be the right guy for me. I "dated" him for 2 and a 1/2 years. I was ready to marry this guy. But, I didn't find God's peace about it. I broke off my relationship with him so that I could find myself, and see what God wanted me to do. During this time, this man proved himself to be someone else. He lied to me, and many thing came out that shocked me. Here I was ready to marry a man who I thought was one thing, and ended up with someone completely different.

Shortly after, I met a Christian man, one who had his priorities straight. He was not looking for a "dating" relationship, but was looking for someone that would eventually become his wife. He was looking for someone to share his life with, and his belief in God.  We became good friends, then best friends. We have been seeing each other for over a year and a half. We find out more and more about each other every day. If I had been out "dating around" and seeking out relationships with many guys, I would have never met him. We are waiting till we graduate to make any lifetime commitments...

I thank God for leading me in this direction, and for saving me from what my friends went thru growing up.

For all those young assembly kids out there... seek out what God wants for you. It may be different from what it shown to someone else. The world has their own version of "dating", so don't get caught up in that because it will only bring you hurt and pain. Talk to your parents. They have gone thru alot themselves and could give you pointers. Most of all, don't rush into it, take your time. It ends so much better that way.
 

[jesusfreak]

you will find her by maintaining your walk with god, seeking his will as you go, and spending time with females you find attractive who are compatible with your perspectives and beliefs. you are not going to hurt them by getting to know them better, and dating them will only help clarify to you whether or not a serious relationship with them could be god's will.

I have been thinking about this a lot, and i agree with you.  I have always thought of dating in the conotations of a secularistic relationship, but upon careful thought, it doesnt have to mean this.  My brother, you are forcing me to think

a lot of equally goofy thinking surrounded the assembly's stance on dancing. there are as many different kinds of dancing as there are dating, and the vast majority of dancing is not sex with your clothes on. it is enjoying music, the beauty of moving with the rhythm, the company of your friends. or maybe just bouncing up and down cause you like the song   with dating and dancing and a whole bunch of other things the only way to defuse your fear of it is to find out what it is like for yourself. if its not for you then so be it. just don't let geftakys goofiness cause you to fear perfectly harmless and healthy pasttimes.

I have heard the "dancing is comparable to standup sex" comment quite a lot over the years, but i like what you are saying about how it can just be enjoyment of the music.  Granted, i am not a dancer in any respect so this is a rather null point for me, but w/e

[Questioning]

Any thoughts on the question I posed earlier on the woman's role in all of this?  

[Questioning]

Yes but what about if that brother still hold the belief that the woman shouldn't start it? And also what if that person is already a friend whom you've known for a while?