WELFARE MYTHS

[BAT]

I think that is why I trust a professional or some counselor who has more experience than me. You are right though that to coddle some is hurting them but I think Lenore needs time to see your side and you need time to ask about her side. It is unfortunate that now it is a cleanup operation.

I honestly don't know how it works elsewhere, but in CA, a person who works for social services gets promoted on the basis of case load.

The more clients they have, the farther they move up the tiered system, and the more of a pay hike the receive.  If you want more money, you must sign up more people for "services."

This can be done in many different ways, but here's one of them.  If a 22 year old woman comes in for food stamps and some other program....if you also arrange for her to have an abortion paid for by California, you get more points, which means you are nearer to a promotion.  Is that sick or what?

But wait!  It gets better.  I am most familiar with Medi-cal, or California's Welfare/Free Medical program.

Medi-Cal is about the most comprehensive, well-paying insurance in the world when it comes to pregnant, unwed mothers. It covers everything, check-ups, ultrasound, all meds, surgury, delivery, diapers, formula, birth and baby classes, psychiatric care, breast feeding....you name it, all covered at 100%.

OB GYN's, who only a few years ago were mostly seeing privately insured or cash paying patients, are now seeing tons of welfare patients.  The way they make money is by ordering everything in the book, doing as many procedures as possible, in order to get the max payment.  That's how it's done, and that's what they're doing.

Mental Health workers are the same way.  Their patient population is heavily weighted with with welfare patients.  Do you honestly think they are going to send the profit out the front door, when they can continue to bill ad infinitum?  There is no limit, and they make a good living off of perpetual third party payments courtesy of the tax-payor.

I can tell you as a "healthcare provider," it is a tremendous temptation when faced with a patient who wants to come in all the time, and who pays every time, to simply let them keep coming, whether they need it or not!  It is even more compounded when it is possible to aquire 2 or 3 hundred patients of this sort.  That's Medi-Cal.  The trained professionals and counselors you mention make their living by keeping these people "accessing" the system.  There is no incentive whatsoever to get the patient/client off the dole.

Don't even get me started on prisons, and what goes on in the mental health/medical care fields there.  (I'm sure I will get started on it, just give me time.)

So, in "nut"shell, the last person I would trust to make an unbiased determination of whether or not a person needs to be on welfare is a "trained professional," who has more than 5% of his practice from welfare.  Most practicioners who accept Medi-Cal are at about 90% of their patient load from this type of patient.  It would be a disaster for them financially, if the leaky faucet were to be fixed.

Just so everyone knows, in my practice I don't accept Medi-Cal, of Medi-Care, or any other insurance with the exception of auto insurance when it is NOT the patient's fault.  

If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to share about my journey into the dark side of "milking the system."  I have dabbled with it, in the past,(legally of course) and I am ashamed of it.  

Brent

[BAT]

I had two non-posters question me on this statement, so I will explain what I meant.  What I meant is that Brent stands for what he believes is true and is willing to "bet the farm" on it.  I think I have seen Brent change his views - on a few things at least.  Otherwise, he and I would still be fighting like cats and dogs probably and I certainly wouldn't be posting over here. 

What I said about the pendulum - I think he got carried away "speaking the truth" to Lenore, for example....and I think he is on a learning curve with that harsh stuff.  Harshness is what "cults" do so I hope and believe there will be more improvement.

Fortunate for B, It is suposedly easier to slow down a race horse than it is to speed up a turtle.  I think "this is a truism," (as we used to say in the 60's).

Sondra 

Sondra,

I'm glad you're here.  Thanks for what you said above. I'm thinking about all of this, rest assured.

Brent

[Eulaha L. Long]

I honestly don't know how it works elsewhere, but in CA, a person who works for social services gets promoted on the basis of case load.

The more clients they have, the farther they move up the tiered system, and the more of a pay hike the receive.  If you want more money, you must sign up more people for "services."

This can be done in many different ways, but here's one of them.  If a 22 year old woman comes in for food stamps and some other program....if you also arrange for her to have an abortion paid for by California, you get more points, which means you are nearer to a promotion.  Is that sick or what?

But wait!  It gets better.  I am most familiar with Medi-cal, or California's Welfare/Free Medical program.

Medi-Cal is about the most comprehensive, well-paying insurance in the world when it comes to pregnant, unwed mothers. It covers everything, check-ups, ultrasound, all meds, surgury, delivery, diapers, formula, birth and baby classes, psychiatric care, breast feeding....you name it, all covered at 100%.

OB GYN's, who only a few years ago were mostly seeing privately insured or cash paying patients, are now seeing tons of welfare patients.  The way they make money is by ordering everything in the book, doing as many procedures as possible, in order to get the max payment.  That's how it's done, and that's what they're doing.

Mental Health workers are the same way.  Their patient population is heavily weighted with with welfare patients.  Do you honestly think they are going to send the profit out the front door, when they can continue to bill ad infinitum?  There is no limit, and they make a good living off of perpetual third party payments courtesy of the tax-payor.

I can tell you as a "healthcare provider," it is a tremendous temptation when faced with a patient who wants to come in all the time, and who pays every time, to simply let them keep coming, whether they need it or not!  It is even more compounded when it is possible to aquire 2 or 3 hundred patients of this sort.  That's Medi-Cal.  The trained professionals and counselors you mention make their living by keeping these people "accessing" the system.  There is no incentive whatsoever to get the patient/client off the dole.

Don't even get me started on prisons, and what goes on in the mental health/medical care fields there.  (I'm sure I will get started on it, just give me time.)

So, in "nut"shell, the last person I would trust to make an unbiased determination of whether or not a person needs to be on welfare is a "trained professional," who has more than 5% of his practice from welfare.  Most practicioners who accept Medi-Cal are at about 90% of their patient load from this type of patient.  It would be a disaster for them financially, if the leaky faucet were to be fixed.

Just so everyone knows, in my practice I don't accept Medi-Cal, of Medi-Care, or any other insurance with the exception of auto insurance when it is NOT the patient's fault.  

If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to share about my journey into the dark side of "milking the system."  I have dabbled with it, in the past,(legally of course) and I am ashamed of it.  

Brent

BAT,

Here where I love, most doctors DO NOT accept Medicaid.  It's very difficult to find a doctor who does.

As far as welfare goes, there is a mandatory 45-day wait. 

It took me 2.5 years in order to receive social security disability.

About two years ago, I had a psychiatrist who actually ENCOURAGES her clients to go out and find work.  She worked for a mental health organization; she is now seeing clients in her own office.

[Eulaha L. Long]

I honestly don't know how it works elsewhere, but in CA, a person who works for social services gets promoted on the basis of case load.

The more clients they have, the farther they move up the tiered system, and the more of a pay hike the receive.  If you want more money, you must sign up more people for "services."

This can be done in many different ways, but here's one of them.  If a 22 year old woman comes in for food stamps and some other program....if you also arrange for her to have an abortion paid for by California, you get more points, which means you are nearer to a promotion.  Is that sick or what?

But wait!  It gets better.  I am most familiar with Medi-cal, or California's Welfare/Free Medical program.

Medi-Cal is about the most comprehensive, well-paying insurance in the world when it comes to pregnant, unwed mothers. It covers everything, check-ups, ultrasound, all meds, surgury, delivery, diapers, formula, birth and baby classes, psychiatric care, breast feeding....you name it, all covered at 100%.

OB GYN's, who only a few years ago were mostly seeing privately insured or cash paying patients, are now seeing tons of welfare patients.  The way they make money is by ordering everything in the book, doing as many procedures as possible, in order to get the max payment.  That's how it's done, and that's what they're doing.

Mental Health workers are the same way.  Their patient population is heavily weighted with with welfare patients.  Do you honestly think they are going to send the profit out the front door, when they can continue to bill ad infinitum?  There is no limit, and they make a good living off of perpetual third party payments courtesy of the tax-payor.

I can tell you as a "healthcare provider," it is a tremendous temptation when faced with a patient who wants to come in all the time, and who pays every time, to simply let them keep coming, whether they need it or not!  It is even more compounded when it is possible to aquire 2 or 3 hundred patients of this sort.  That's Medi-Cal.  The trained professionals and counselors you mention make their living by keeping these people "accessing" the system.  There is no incentive whatsoever to get the patient/client off the dole.

Don't even get me started on prisons, and what goes on in the mental health/medical care fields there.  (I'm sure I will get started on it, just give me time.)

So, in "nut"shell, the last person I would trust to make an unbiased determination of whether or not a person needs to be on welfare is a "trained professional," who has more than 5% of his practice from welfare.  Most practicioners who accept Medi-Cal are at about 90% of their patient load from this type of patient.  It would be a disaster for them financially, if the leaky faucet were to be fixed.

Just so everyone knows, in my practice I don't accept Medi-Cal, of Medi-Care, or any other insurance with the exception of auto insurance when it is NOT the patient's fault.  

If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to share about my journey into the dark side of "milking the system."  I have dabbled with it, in the past,(legally of course) and I am ashamed of it.  

Brent

BAT,

Here where I love, most doctors DO NOT accept Medicaid.  It's very difficult to find a doctor who does.

As far as welfare goes, there is a mandatory 45-day wait.  

It took me 2.5 years in order to receive social security disability.

About two years ago, I had a psychiatrist who actually ENCOURAGES her clients to go out and find work.  She worked for a mental health organization; she is now seeing clients in her own office.

[editor]

BAT,

Here where I love, most doctors DO NOT accept Medicaid.  It's very difficult to find a doctor who does.

As far as welfare goes, there is a mandatory 45-day wait.  

It took me 2.5 years in order to receive social security disability.

About two years ago, I had a psychiatrist who actually ENCOURAGES her clients to go out and find work.  She worked for a mental health organization; she is now seeing clients in her own office.

In California, most doctors don't accept medical either...with the exception of OBGYN's.  However, there are those that base their entire practice on Medi-cal, and bill for as many services as they possibly can.  These are the one's who get people "access," into the various programs from.  There is obviously a huge incentive to get more people deeper into the system in California.

At the top of my post I said,

I honestly don't know how it works elsewhere, but in CA, a person who works for social services gets promoted on the basis of case load.

What I meant by saying that is that I don't know what it is like outside CA.  The system here is terrible.  I'm glad to hear it's better in New York.  A 2.5 year wait to get on Social Security is about normal for anyone under 50, unless they have brain damage or paralysis. 

You said this:

About two years ago, I had a psychiatrist who actually ENCOURAGES her clients to go out and find work.  She worked for a mental health organization; she is now seeing clients in her own office.

Do you still have this same psychiatrist? 
Did the others you saw/see encourage people to find work?
Is this psychiatrist still working for the mental health org?  Does she still take medicaid?

I really like this type of psychiatrist!

Did she encourage you to get work, or were you incapacitated at that time.

Please dont' get offended, I am truly curious to hear how it is from someone in the system.

No kidding, I mean this. 

Tonite I thought of a terrific job for anyone.  Learn to deal poker...not hard to do.
The environment is non-smoking, and the rules of employment are strict and unwavering.  Dealers make 40-60 dollars an hour in CA, more in the higher limit games.

I tipped the dealer about 40 dollars tonite, as I had a really good game.  She made almost as much as I did however, and she didn't have to risk a dime...not bad.

Something to think about.

Brent

[M2]

Based on what Lenore has publicly posted, welfare, in this case, only provides for Lenore to live below the poverty level.  I sincerly want the best for Lenore, and hope that she will be able to break free from welfare bondage, and be able to have better living conditions.

Re. professional help, is any of your counsellors named Cloris Leachman ?  If it's anything like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest then....  I found that I disagreed with much of the counselling another friend of mine received, but was ignorant re. the medication aspect.  I like CAGirl's comment that, generally speaking, support groups only circulate the poison and do not truly help with the healing process.

Marcia

[editor]

Based on what Lenore has publicly posted, welfare, in this case, only provides for Lenore to live below the poverty level.  I sincerly want the best for Lenore, and hope that she will be able to break free from welfare bondage, and be able to have better living conditions.

Re. professional help, is any of your counsellors named Cloris Leachman ?  If it's anything like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest then....  I found that I disagreed with much of the counselling another friend of mine received, but was ignorant re. the medication aspect.  I like CAGirl's comment that, generally speaking, support groups only circulate the poison and do not truly help with the healing process.

Marcia

Lenore has been sending me emails which she says I can share in public...but I'm not going to. With the exception of the latest one, which she demands I share on the BB. Other's are getting these emails as well, and Al is certainly getting them, and seems to be functioning as Lenore's guide. (All in the mutual bond of love...etc.)

I'll just say a few things about this and then I am going to totally drop any reference to Lenore.  Please note, that doesn't mean I am not going to talk about welfare, or any other topic, but I am not going to directly refer to Lenore, barring any unforseen circumstances.

Lenore's direct words to me are abusive and are definitely "vicious personal attacks."  She has gone way past anything I said and has NOTHING good to say about me.  I am reminded of the way bums and panhandlers respond if you question why they have change for a fifty.  (see a number of posts below)

Again, I wasn't talking about her, but welfare in general.  Obviously it hit a nerve in her.  She, along with others, accuses me of calling her a "fat, lazy welfare @#$%."  I did no such thing.  According to her, I am a really horrible person, who doesn't even read her letters, etc.  I am too proud, a bad christian, etc.  But it's OK for her to say all that, cause she's needy.

She demanded that I post this email in public.  I wouldn't have done it, but again, she demanded it.  I don't know why she doesn't have Al do it for her, but since she wants me to do it, I'll oblige her this time. 

I'll issue this disclaimer first:

I am pretty sure that Al Hartman is behind this, and that Lenore is following his advice.  That's the way her emails read to me.  If that is the case, she is being used by Al for another lame attempt at "zinging" me.  Shame on you Al, if you're doing this.  If you're not directly behind this, she is certainly listening to you and confiding in you, why don't you tell her to stop this?  She claims that I have undone 1-2 years of recovery, things that God was doing in her life.  Why in the world would you counsel her to demand that I post her challenge to me?  Or, if it's not your idea, why are you letting her do it?  You should be talking her out of it.

If Al is behind this, I don't hold Lenore responsible.  Hopefully, one of them will be truthful enough to admit it if this is the case.

The first part is her conversation with Al, The bold type is where she "challenges" me. 
I guess I cannot let this go as quickly as I hoped.
My emotions are off the scale and all over the place.
 
Thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement, and I do appreciate your friendships in all  of this.
 
 
enclosed is a challenged:
 
Dear Brent:
 
Going back to your offer:
 
Review what I have told you about myself, my medical and emotionals conditions.
 
WOULD YOU HIRE ME IN YOUR OFFICE, AND TRAIN ME TO UPGRADE THE SKILLS THAT I COULD BE LACKING.
 
WHY AND WHY NOT?
 
IF YOU WOULD HIRE ME IN YOUR OFFICE.
 
I may be attempt to accept your offer of an apartment and a job.
 
I ALSO WANT YOU TO SHARE THIS WITH THE BB PUBLIC.
 
BECAUSE IT HAS BEARING ON MY DECISION.
 
Just another challenge.
Review my resume as well.
=============================================
 
Review all that I have said on the BB, and have shared with you individually.
 
Including my physical state, my emotional state, and my 48 years, and my 285 lbs.
 
Review the Resume pieces I shared on the BB.
 
I will give you all the same question:
 
I want to be in an office setting, meeting the public.
i.e. Bank Teller. Data Entry Personnell,
Receptionist, anything that will meeting public and
put to use my skills which I was trained 30 years ago for.
 
 
If you own a business, who you hire me at th is present time.
 
Give your reasons why and why not.
 
PLEASE FEEL FREE , TO SHARE THIS LETTER ON THE BB AND YOUR ANSWERS AS WELL.

OK. Lenore.

First of all, the "offer" was for a house and a job making Pizza.  I said nothing about you working in my office.  I am already staffed at this time.
You lament the fact that you only get 535.00 per month, but you turned down an offer that would have made you far, far more than that.

Would I hire you? Not willingly, at the present time, because I would be worried that you might have a tantrum on the job.  Pizza is different from people, it doesn't talk back or ask questions, and it isn't put off by a bad attitude.  It is easy to work with, compared to people.

RE Your weight--- (mentioned by you, not me) Not an issue.  A smile and kindly demeanor is everything.  I'm a littel overweight myself.

RE your skills--with a proper attitude and a desire to work, you could be easily trained to work in my office.  You already possess the skills needed, we would just need to teach you how to apply them in my office.  Lots of telephone work, and people skills, very little computer/technical work.

RE your resume---I agree, you are certainly able to work.

RE---your accepting my offer.  Well, you already turned it down and had a tantrum about it, didn't you?  You have typed several pages of direct insults and abusive speech to me, (with  brother Al Hartman's approval in Christ of course) so I'm a little surprised you now want to reconsider my offer.  What has changed?

Unfortunately, the original offer was rejected by you, and is withdrawn.  You can't accept it, because you already rejected it and me. 

However, since you are willing to consider having a job and house handed to you in sunny California, I will tender a new offer.

You may work in my office.  I will start you out at 7 dollars per hour.
You may get the free house, which is about 2 blocks away from where I live.
You must ride to work with me, because you don't drive.
If you come to work with a tantrum, smelling or ungroomed(as you mention in your posts and emails) you will be warned, then fired.
You will be expected to perform your duties at work  in a satisfactory manner, IE answering the phone the way you are supposed to, collecting money from people, scheduling appointments, etc.  You must be an asset, not a liability.  Office work is harder than pizza making.

You must provide for your trip here, and return trip to Arnprior, should things not work out.

The house, should you decide to quit employment or get fired, will be provided for 2 weeks past your employment termination, unless you make individual arrangements with the landlord.  The total term of the free house will be one year, after which time you will have to provide for your own room and board.

I am pretty sure the owner of the house will go for this, but I need to inform her of some of the recent events before I say for sure.

So, that's the new offer.

You get yourself out here, I'll give you a job and house, but you must get yourself home if you don't like it.  The pizza guy doesn't want you now.  He's worried you won't be reliable, and he'll be stuck without a worker.

7.00 per hour*25 hours per week=175 per week*4.2 weeks=735.00 per month....rent free.  You would have to buy food, clothing, sundries, etc.

With a good work ethic, you could easily get promoted and make more money, even get your own place.

That's my offer.

Al Hartman You suck at Poker.

Brent


 

[CAGirl]

Brent,
   You blow me away!! Where were you when I was 18?  Lenore, that’s an awesome offer and you would probably love SLO. Hardly ever gets below 50 or over 75 degrees and Brents office is nice and calm. Again I can't beleave your offer Brent!

[editor]

Brent,
   You blow me away!! Where were you when I was 18?  Lenore, that’s an awesome offer and you would probably love SLO. Hardly ever gets below 50 or over 75 degrees and Brents office is nice and calm. Again I can't beleave your offer Brent!

Well,

This whole thing is silly, and I regret the second offer, to be honest.  I don't want to speak more on the matter.  I will withdraw the offer pretty soon.  It's been read and re-read.

Brent

[editor]

Well,

This whole thing is silly, and I regret the second offer, to be honest.  I don't want to speak more on the matter.  I will withdraw the offer pretty soon.  It's been read and re-read.

Brent

Well, I know this has been read.  I also know that it was just a poorly played game.

I withdraw the offer, because it isn't sincere in its motivation.  It wasn't done out of love, on my part, but simply a result of calling a poorly timed bluff in a stupid game that I shouldn't be playing anyways.

No more offers, no more houses, no more jobs, no more talk about this subject in its current context, from me.

It's over http://www.assemblyboard.com/index.php?topic=919.0

I do want to apologize for getting quite carried away with all of this.  I should know better.

Brent

[LENORE]

MAY 5, 2005

IT'S OVER...

BRENT AND I HAVE APOLOGIZED TO EACH OTHER
BRENT AND I HAVE FORGIVEN EACH OTHER

Brent and I have come to peace with each other.

IT IS OVER.


NOW I WANT TO APOLOGY TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, FOR INVOLVING YOU IN A VERY PUBLIC BATTLE,  FOR IT MUST OF BEEN VERY UPSETTING TO ALL OF YOU.

I do want to thank you for the support I received.

=================================

I have a part two to this. But since it involves my feelings.
I will go to the Mental Illnesses thread.

===============================

I APOLOGIZE FOR UPSETTING THE MEMBERS OF BB, AND FOR THE GUEST WHO ARE WATCHING THIS PUBLIC BATTLE I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY MIXED MESSAGES YOU MAY HAVE RECEIVED .

I AM SORRY FOR THIS.

LENORE

[BAT]

I borrowed this from Sondra,

The author gave me permission as well,

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! 
To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things
they did not and will not  learn in school.  He talks about how feel-good,
politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept
of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1:  Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2:  The world won't care about your self-esteem. The  world
will expect you to  accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about 
yourself.

Rule 3:  You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. 
You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4:  If you think your teacher is tough, wait ! till you get a
boss.

Rule 5:  Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your
Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:  they called
it opportunity.

Rule 6:  If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine  about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they
are now.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes
and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were.  So before
you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's  generation,
try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8:  Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but
life HAS NOT.  In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and
they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.  This
doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9:  Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers
off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. 
Do that on your own time.

Rule 10:  Television is NOT real life.  In real life people actually
have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you'll end up working for
one.

If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier!!

[vernecarty]

I borrowed this from Sondra,

The author gave me permission as well,

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! 
To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things
they did not and will not  learn in school.  He talks about how feel-good,
politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept
of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1:  Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2:  The world won't care about your self-esteem. The  world
will expect you to  accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about 
yourself.

Rule 3:  You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. 
You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4:  If you think your teacher is tough, wait ! till you get a
boss.

Rule 5:  Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Your
Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:  they called
it opportunity.

Rule 6:  If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine  about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they
are now.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes
and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were.  So before
you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's  generation,
try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8:  Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but
life HAS NOT.  In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and
they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.  This
doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9:  Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers
off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. 
Do that on your own time.

Rule 10:  Television is NOT real life.  In real life people actually
have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds.  Chances are you'll end up working for
one.

If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier!!

Without any refernce to the merit of what was stated, that "speech" as been quite commonly incorrectly attributed to Bill Gates. I guess it is the nature of cyberspace...
Verne

[BAT]

Without any refernce to the merit of what was stated, that "speech" as been quite commonly incorrectly attributed to Bill Gates. I guess it is the nature of cyberspace...
Verne

I have heard the same, nevertheless, I like what is said, regardless of who said it.

Brent

[night owl]

I've been thinking about the things I've discovered about my own life situation as compared to the posts in this thread. I have a daughter who has an IEP at school - that means she gets special accommodations in the classroom. She's not in Special Ed, she's in regular classes. She sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist and she takes meds for her emotional issues. She was diagnosed with depression when she was in second grade and before that we held her back a year before she started school because her preschool teachers were concerned she may have a learning disability.

ANYWAY - she was recently removed from the graduation list at her high school because she is in jeopardy of failing one of her classes. BOTTOM LINE - I apologized to her a couple of weeks ago for treating her like she's incapable. I apologized for all the years that I talked about her problems in front of her as if she were an invalid, possibly exacerbating the situation. I tell her at every opportunity that I know she can do it and I know she's got what it takes. When all's said and done, we can have all the doctors and services available to help her out, but unless she pulls it together and works hard herself, she'll be clueless as to what the real world is like and what she has ahead of her. Not to mention she won't graduate. I realize there's worse things in life, and she could always take summer school and get her diploma in the mail, but we've been through too much and we've come too far and she needs to walk across that platform and wear that cap and gown.

I realize that what my daughter is going through isn't on as grand a scale as dealing with welfare reform. But over the years I would find myself stepping back and leaning on the services and expecting the system to fix my daughter's problems for me, and that only made things worse. Things only got better when we were actively involved and communicating with teachers and riding herd on my daughter. We're the ones who needed to do the work, not the system. But that shouldn't have been surprising to me, that's how it should be. I'm the mom, after all! I'm grateful for the doctors and the teachers who have cared about her over the years, and all their hard work to help her. They've been a big part of her progress. She's got four weeks to go and I know she can do it. She's got a huge case of Senior-itis, and she has, basically, mentally checked out as far as school is concerned, so she's kind of sabotaging her own efforts. But I know she can do it.

I've also discovered that when I strip this discussion down to the basics, some of its points can be reduced to something as simple as, my house isn't going to get clean by me sitting here talking on this message board. It means I have to get up and go clean something, which makes me sad, because as far as I'm concerned, life can be divided into two categores: 1. Things that are fun, and 2. Things that are NOT fun. That's it. Two categories. And house cleaning definitely falls into the NOT FUN category. *sigh*

I realize that I am able-bodied and so is my daughter, so many of the important points in this thread can't really be compared straight down the line to me, and that's not my intention. This discussion has been pretty meaningful to me, it has reminded me of a lot of things about myself, and my response was only to talk about how it made me analyze my own life, and not to point fingers at anyone else.