MAY 1ST 2005:
DEAR BRENT:
I let you control me yesterday, I gave you control over me, with you vicious attacks , I should not of given you that control. I was willing to give up something of value to me.
The value of being able to write, vent, share, and encourage others for the kingdom of God.
I open my self up to you in complete honesty, and trust, knowing that it could be a mistake and I was correct in that inner warning. I have a hard time being vulnerable to people, and expressing my inner feelings and thoughts. That is my defense mechanism re: part of the area of my mental illnesses, I am working on to overcome.
Yet this morning, I didn't think I would have been able to partake of the communion table with a clear conscious, but BOY IS MY SAVIOUR FULL OF GRACE AND MERCY . He reminded me that I am value, that I was created to serve him. Who am I to question where he has put me, to do his service.
He has put me in my station of life , here and now.
SO WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME.
You don't know me, you don't know what my life has taken me, you don't know the journey I h ave been on, and how much further I have to go.
But I do know, God has used every step of my journey good and bad, to built me into the Likeness of Christ.
I know I am loved by God. I was created for something special.
Whether it is on social assistance or not. You don't know that I am not a value contributor to my society, even when I am on social assistance. You don't know that all the areas of my involvement, that God isn't using me for his witness. I become a social assistance receipient, to minister to the ones who are on social assistance. I became a single mother (divorced), to minister to children of single parents.
I know in my support groups, and self esteem groups there are people hurting, emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally, I know I have experience and skills, and love of God to be a servant of God to them, through that love and understanding, and acceptance, and with empathic eyes , ears and shoulders.
Can you say the same? No you cant, you were too busy condemning me, attacking me, ridiculing me.
And you offered a generous offer I grant you that, of a home.
But I was wise enough to seek Godly counsel, and what has happen via my pastor and a spiritual leader. I copied and showed them your postings.
Why should I leave home, church, family and my country, to accept an offer, that is being used to control me. Being used to satisfied that you are right about your personal prejudice believes of a certain group of people.
It was tested. Because of way you have angered and upset me, with you HATRED VICIOUS , VENDICTIVE, LOOKING DOWN AT NOSE, I said no. Because I didn't want to leave a place where I am accept and loved by God's people here, to a place where I would of went to WAS CONTROLLING, HATED, SCORNED.
Yes you offer a place, then you told on the posting, look what I did, and she turned me down.
Well Pharisee, like the one in the Bible that Jesus compared with who was comparing himself to a tax collector.
Well you can flash you money, your good fortune, your place in society.
But today at church, I may be just the today society of a tax collector for you to wipe your dirty boots on.
You know something when we both get to heaven to stand in front of the JUDGEMENT SEAT OF CHRIST, I will not be rejoicing over you given an account to your attitudes of yesterday. I will be weeping for you.
And MR. BRENT: YOU FIGHT DIRTY!!!!!
You said you forgave me for calling you Hilter. Yet you brought it up, which proves to me you were waiting for the opportunity to trash me.
So you didn't for give me.
You must be a very unhappy man. You said that you were the same age as my father of 73, and you are still working. You gave me the speech and dance of how your mother worked to provide for you growing.
Then you must of resented the time away from you. I resented my mother working in my growing up period too. Because I was the cook and cleaner by the time I was 12 years old , because both my parents had to work.
I realized yesterday, with you tirade rage of hatred. That I understood my girls when they said, that was then, and to day is now. They are right. I can only tell of them my experiences growing up, but I am not them. I need to listen to their feelings and experiences more. I now regret that missed opportunity. I will be more willing to shut up and listen in the future.
So Mr. Brent. I am not you and you are not me. You HAD NO RIGHT TO PLACE YOURSELF IN JUDGEMENT OF ME.
If you want to do something profitable, instead of bringing down a woman from Canada, to help. HELP A WOMAN IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY.
Who needs your help, who is struggling financial, trying to raise her children on social assistance or minimum wage jobs, help her gain education to raise her status in life.
Go to your local social assistance office, maybe even your own church, that someone may be able to feel your love and genuine support for their welfare.
TAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO HER STORY. TAKE TIME WITH AN OPEN MIND , A LOVING HEART, AND NON JUDGEMENTAL ATTITUDE.
ALSO, GET PHYSICAL , EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRTUALLY INVOLVED IN AN ORGANIZATION THAT IS HELPING PEOPLE THAT ARE IN POVERTY.
PUT YOUR 'CHRISTIAN ACTION', INTO MEETING PEOPLE IN POVERTY, FIND OUT WHAT THEIR HISTORY IS, WHAT BROUGHT THEM TO BEING ON SOCIAL ASSISTANCE? WHAT HAPPEN TO ONE WHO IS LIVING ON THE STREET? WHY IS THE DRUG ADDICT, OR ALCOHOLIC, ETC HOW COME THEY NEED UP THE WAY THEY DID? LISTEN WITH NOT ONLY YOUR EARS, BUT YOUR HEART AND SPIRIT. ONLY AND ONLY THEN WHEN YOUR EYES ARE OPEN. THEN YOU WILL HAVE THE PRESPECTIVE THAT GOD HAS OF THESE PEOPLE, THEN YOU WILL EVEN GET CLOSE TO SITTING IN JUDGEMENT. WHEN YOU ARE PART OF THEIR WORLD, AND GIVING A ARM AROUND A SHOULDER, A PRAISE OF HOPE, THEN YOU WILL HAVE A IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE IN THEIR WORLD. WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES, BEFORE YOU SPOUT OFF YOUR PREJUDICAL HATRE AGAIN.
Because as far as I am concern you are on CONTROLLING, SELF RIGHTEOUS, CLOSED MINDED, SELF SERVING, SORRY OLD MAN, WHO IS OUT OF TOUCH WITH NEEDS OF SOCIETY, AND THE PEOPLE IN THAT SOCIETY.
THERE IS NO GENUINE LOVE IN YOUR HEART FOR UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING THE PERSON FOR WHO THEY ARE, NOT THERE STATION IN LIFE.
I wanted to be very unlady like and un Christlike. I want to put three letters to describe my anger at you. I thinking it and am with God's help restraining those thoughts.
But it probably describes you to a TEE.
MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOU FOR YOUR ACTIONS OF YESTERDAY.
Yes you have rights to your opinions, but when those opinions turn into a personal attack on someone else's it is not an opinion any more, It is a PERSONAL ATTACK. Which was A VERY VICIOUS CONTROLLING TYPE OF ABUSE.
I know you will not like what I wrote , but MISTER, SOMEONE HAD TO PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE.
I am praying to God, that the words I have just wrote will not fall on deaf ears, and closed mind and a COLD HEART.
As I wrote and when I wanted to wallow in pity for the pain you subjected to me.
A thought kept repeating. HEARTS OF MANY WILL GROW COLD
Now I have assertively voice my own feelings and thoughts.
I WILL LEAVE THE REST OF THE VENGENANCE IN GOD'S HANDS TO DEAL WITH YOU, HIMSELF.
SO GOD OF MERCY IN HEAVEN. I give you this poor spirited old man, into your hands , love him as he didn't love me, accept him, as he didn't accept me, forgive him, as he didn't forgive me. Grant him your mercy and grace, what he refused to give me.
Jesus Christ Name: Amen.
If you took communion today, sat in your church. Knowing the hatred raged in your heart.
It will not be me, that you will have to really be accountable for, or asked for forgiveness for.
I forgive you Brent. I will not forget or trust you from here on in.
You were just another man, who abused me.
Another man who I cant trust.
Another man who doesn't deserve my respect.
Another man …………….a sinner………………..who needs my prayers to God…!!!!!
I REALLY DONT WANT A RESPONSE FROM YOU.
I AM VENTING MY OWN HURTFUL PAINFUL FEELINGS, AND MY ANGER...
I refused your offer not because I wasnt tempted to. I refused your offer because
IT WAS NOT WHAT GOD WANTED FOR ME AT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!
Lenore
I'm 42. I think I said so pretty clearly. Our parents are the same age, which is what I said. No big deal.
The assertion that I was trying to control you is silly. It's not possible. However, the fact that you were greatly bothered by what was said is clear.
Why is that?
If you have concluded that you are godly, and that being on welfare is a means to minister to those on welfare, as you said....and if you view anyone who doesn't agree with you as a vicious bully, who will get ripped by God at the judgement seat of Christ...well, you're pretty much beyond help.
I guess everyone else is right. You just aren't capable. Don't try, you'll probably find yourself having to deal with another man you don't respect, who will no doubt make you upset.
Forget everything I said about you being able to do it, able to overcome. Listen to those who say you can't and you shouldn't. You'll be happier in the long run.
If you go back to posting 6 or 7 really long posts every day, I'm going to start trimming them.
the 73 year old bully.
