ASSEMBLY FREE

[Joe Sperling]

Your knowledge on the subject of Aldo Papajunio is truly quite amazing. You must be
quite an avid reader. His life and tragic death are well worth the study. Apparently, at
the age of 63, Aldo tripped over an armadillo and fell onto a skateboard a child had left
outside. The fall propelled the skateboard towards the steps which led up to the second
story. He fell down 16 stairs and flopped onto the pavement, where a little girl on a tri-
cycle ran over his neck. Standing up and groaning, he headed towards an open door in
the apartment complex with his hands out in front of him, since the blood flowing from
his head had gotten into his eyes, blinding him. A woman in the apartment, believing him
to be in the act of coming to attack her lifted up a large cauldron of boiling soup and threw
it on him, scalding him. Screaming, he began to run out into the street where he was
struck and run over by a Postal truck which dragged him for a half a block.

An ambulance was called and he was loaded into the back. The ambulance hit a large pothole
and the gurney fell out of the back and began rolling down the street with Aldo tied into it. As
he struggled the gurney gained momentum and then struck the back of a large Cadillac. Aldo
was thrown into the air, twirling head over feet, and then landed in a woodchipper some men
were using to cut down some trees. The death of his father had been even stranger, but we'll leave that story for another time.

[editor]

Your knowledge on the subject of Aldo Papajunio is truly quite amazing. You must be
quite an avid reader. His life and tragic death are well worth the study. Apparently, at
the age of 63, Aldo tripped over an armadillo and fell onto a skateboard a child had left
outside. The fall propelled the skateboard towards the steps which led up to the second
story. He fell down 16 stairs and flopped onto the pavement, where a little girl on a tri-
cycle ran over his neck. Standing up and groaning, he headed towards an open door in
the apartment complex with his hands out in front of him, since the blood flowing from
his head had gotten into his eyes, blinding him. A woman in the apartment, believing him
to be in the act of coming to attack her lifted up a large cauldron of boiling soup and threw
it on him, scalding him. Screaming, he began to run out into the street where he was
struck and run over by a Postal truck which dragged him for a half a block.

An ambulance was called and he was loaded into the back. The ambulance hit a large pothole
and the gurney fell out of the back and began rolling down the street with Aldo tied into it. As
he struggled the gurney gained momentum and then struck the back of a large Cadillac. Aldo
was thrown into the air, twirling head over feet, and then landed in a woodchipper some men
were using to cut down some trees. The death of his father had been even stranger, but we'll leave that story for another time.

The Curse of the Gypsies, as they call it. 

Both Aldo and his father, Valdabloc Papajunio, died bizarre, inconceivable deaths.  Of course, it was after Aldo's that we get the saying,

"A Chip off the old block."

[editor]

Concerning the death of Valdobloc Papajunio, not everything is known, so I will only relate that which is generally accepted as true.

Valdo, being a gypsie, was always looking for a way to grift someone.  He became aware of a certain blind fortune teller, and went to visit her for advice.  The woman went into a trance, and told Valdo,  "Someday you will die by the hand of those you steal from. You and your firstborn."

Valdo took advantage of her blindness and robbed the old fortune teller, then went on about his business.  He sold retirement plans to mill workers' unions.  (The hedgehog business was to risky at this point.)

Of course, the plans he sold were total shams, and he merely stole money from the lumberjacks and mill workers, each and every time they made a contribution.


One day, Valdo was just sealing the deal on a retirement package, when three of the lumberjacks remembered him as the person who ripped them off at his last mill.  Their names were Gifford Lee, Neal Pert, and Alexander Leifson.  They were Canadians, and were only in New England for contract labor.  Pert, upon recognizing Valdo, shouted,  "He cheated me out of 2112 dollars.  Get him!"

Well, it wasn't long before the lumberjacks had hacked Valdo up into little pieces, exactly as the blind fortune teller had foretold. 

When Aldo ended up in the woodchipper, legend has it that the man who sold the chipper was none other than the mill worker who fingered Valdo.  When the mill closed down, he became a sales rep for a woodchipper company.  He needed the money for music lessons for his kid, Neal Jr.

So, you can see why Aldobloc was a chip off the old bloc.

Brent

Perhaps next I'll tell the story of how it came about that Daniel Goldstein named his two sons Ronald and Ishmael.

[Joe Sperling]

That story about Valdo really gave me a rush. I have a little more to share
myself, but there are still a few kinks in the story I need to work on. More
later.

[editor]

That story about Valdo really gave me a rush. I have a little more to share
myself, but there are still a few kinks in the story I need to work on. More
later.

Valdo went from living in the limelight, like some modern day Tom Sawyer, to being chopped up in little pieces.  I suppose that's what one gets when you run a fly by night operation like Valdo did.  It was his own free will, his own choice that got him there. 

There are other stories about Aldo and Valdo that are closer to the heart, but I haven't the time to tell them now.


Brent

[Joe Sperling]

Jerry Peranopolous loved Judo more than anything else in the world. He awakened
each morning, went to the bathroom,  and worked each day thinking of one thing
alone: Judo. One day a thought came to him. He began to smile broadly, and then
he began to laugh cheerfully. "Yes!! Yes!! That's it!!! That is why I am here on earth"
he cried out with great joy. "I love Judo, but to TEACH Judo, that is why I exist!!"
he cried out fervently.

"There are great Judo teachers for sure" he said, "but whom, may I ask teaches
Judo to parakeets?" he reasoned to himself loudly. "Imagine", he wondered out
loud, "little parakeets dressed in white, earning their black-belts under my instruction"
he said proudly. "It's truly a wonderful thought", he said, as he began to make some
grape Jello. "I don't think it would be too hard to teach parakeets Judo" he thought.

He put the Jello in the refrigerator to harden, and then he picked up the phone and
called a Pet Store. "Pets 4 U" a voice answered.  "Oh, Hi, this is Jerry Peranopolous,
and I was wondering if you had any parakeets for sale?" he asked. "Why yes, we do"
said an old woman's voice. "Did you want one for a pet, or were you going to barbecue?"
she asked quietly. "Barbecue!!??" asked Jerry loudly. "Why yes" said the quiet woman's
'matter-of fact' sounding voice, "Parakeet kabobs are wonderful this time of year, my dear.
Roast them slowly though, they're jucier that way."

"Put them on the grill right after you take them out of the cage...they'll chirp loudly for a
little while, but OH MY, you'll be rewarded with a meal that is scrumptious beyond your
wildest dreams" she added cheerfully. "I have a wonderful lemon basting recipe...."
"But I just wanted a couple of parakeets to teach the art of Judo to is all" interrupted
Jerry. "My dear" answered the woman, "parakeets abhor Judo..they are really quite
unteachable" she added quietly. "But why?" asked Jerry, "It always seemed to me that
parakeets were naturals for learning Judo" he added.

"Oh no" said the woman, "only meat-eating parakeets can be taught Judo, and they are
quite rare indeed."  "Well, where can I find a meat-eating parakeet that can learn Judo?"
asked Jerry forcefully. "Ask a shoe-salesman from Columbia, he'll know" she answered. "I've
got to go now" she said. "But wait!!" cried out Jerry.  ---CLICK---went the telephone, and
then a dial tone.

Jerry called back the next day but was told the old woman had died the night before--a freak
drowning in her own bathtub, while she was consuming New Zealand lamb on a hibachi she had
set up next to the tub. The police had found a book lying on the floor of the bathroom. It
was entitled "Meat-Eating parakeets and Judo, Advice from a Columbian Shoe-Salesman" by a
Francisco Rodriguez. This meant nothing to the police, but to Jerry it meant everything in the
world. He wondered if he might possibly be able to find another copy.

He did indeed find a copy at an old book store a few blocks away. He went to the counter to
pay for the book. "Meat-eating parakeets, huh?" asked the store owner, in a strong Spanish
accent. "You gonna teach them Judo? he asked. "Why yes, I am" answered Jerry, "how did you
know?" "Well, the book title naturally" he said, "but I am from Columbia and I used to sell shoes"
he added. "But it's actually better to barbecue them. I learned this from an old pet store owner,
and..."  "Oh yes" butted in Jerry, I spoke with her on the phone", he added. "Oh, they were
cooking parakeets on "Emeril Live" the other night, it was wonderful" said the book store owner.

"But I don't want to barbecue, I want to teach them Judo" said a flabberghasted Jerry. "You'll need
a chicken that speaks French" said the Columbian shoe-salesman, "but the chicken has to be from
Hong Kong" he added.  "A French speaking chicken form Hong Kong??" asked an exasperated Jerry,
where will I ever find one of those?"  "Well", said the store-owner, "This is all I have". He handed
Jerry an old book entitled "A French Speaking Chicken from Hong Kong on the Art of teaching
Meat-Eating Parakeets Judo, Based on the writings of a Columbian Shoe-Salesman". Jerry looked
at the title and then screamed out "Thanks!!!  Maybe now I can begon my divine calling on earth".
Jerry began to read voraciously, wanting to learn anything about meat-eating parakeets and Judo.

More later...

[Joe Sperling]

Sadly, the book offered little, and ended with the sentence "If French speaking chickens
from Hong kong who know how to teach parakeets Judo crave one thing, it's lamb prepared
on a Hibachi next to a bathtub."  "Lamb on a hibatchi?" cried Jerry, what has that got to do
with French speaking chickens from Hong Kong who teach meat-eating parakeets Judo based
on the writings of a Columbian Shoe-salesman?"

Jerry was disgusted and flipped on the television. He began to walk towards the refrigerator
and reached in for the grape Jello he had put in the day before. But he saw something on
television that angered him beyond belief.  CRASH!!!! Glass shattered everywhere, and the
grape Jello was now all over the walls and the floor. Jerry turned again towards the television
which had on the program "The Iron Chef". And tonight's special ingredient was parakeets--
but not just any kind of parakeet, these were meat-eating parakeets. There they lay, at least
50 of them, and they were the kind he needed, the only kind that could learn Judo.

And the IRON CHEF and his competitors were using them to make Parakeet soup, parakeet
kabobs, and even parakeet pudding. Jerry couldn't believe it. "What a waste!!" he screamed
at the top of his lungs. His windows were open and one of his neighbors stuck his head out
his own window and yelled "Pipe down you Jello makin' freak!!! Who cares about your parakeets!!"
Jerry stuck his head out the window and yelled back "You pipe down!! One day I'll be famous, and
then you'll regret what you've said this day!!! My parakeets will be the greatest Judo experts you've
ever seen!!"

Jerry turned again to the T.V. and the camera was scanning the judges and Jerry couldn't
believe his eyes. There was "Miyoki Tunaka, famous movie star", "Asaki Muntanabi, famous
fortune teller", but then there was "Ishi Francoisi, famous french speaking chicken from Hong
Kong". The chicken was definitely speaking French. The chicken held up a book he was pitching
"Meat-eating parakeets, recipes from Hong Kong, based on the recipes of a Columbian shoe salesman".  Jerry began to cry.

[editor]

Joe,

Brother, I don't think this is edifying.  I'm not sure any of what you are saying is true. Please pray about whether you think you should do this, and then get back to me with answer.

I want to see you make the right choice....

Brent

[vernecarty]

ATTENTION!
THIS YEAR'S MIDWEST SEMINAR HAS BEEN CANCELLED! PERMANENTLY!
ENJOY YOUR MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND BY SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FAMILIES.
CRY FREEEDOM! 
Verne

P.S. so much better than listening to a philandering windbag of an apostate like George Geftakys, doncha think?

[grown up]

Wow

 
No Midwest Seminar...Yes thats freedom. My wife & I will spend our first Memorial Day weekend celebrating our marriage and rejoicing in our first child this year.

Praise God for Freedom

[Joe Sperling]

Brent---

Just thought I'd share a couple of comments that were sent to me just recently:

"Dear Joe----

That story about the parakeets has a real ring of truth to it. I find it to be very
edifying. Thanks a lot.

--Steve"


"Dear Joe----

Thanks for a most edifying message about Judo and parakeets. Just ignore anyone
who says otherwise. Thanks so very much for your story.

--Helen"

These are just a couple of the many, many, e-mails I have received about how edifying
the parakeet story is--although a couple of people stated they did not like Jello being wasted as it
was in the story.

Thanks, Joe                       

[Joe Sperling]

Hello. My name is Hasbro Kleck,  and I have a question for you. Have you ever
been on your way to Target to purchase an eraser,  and have been hit by an ice
cream truck, hurt badly, then picked up by an ambulance, which hit a pothole,
throwing you out the back still attached to the gurney, rolling downhill for two
blocks, and finally crashing through the front window of a Cambodian restaraunt,
landing face down in a bowl of hot soup? Neither have I, but I thought I'd ask.

I'm reading a book right now about Boll Weevils. Fascinating creatures really. Cotton
has always been one of my main reading subjects, though books about wool aren't
really quite as interesting. Martha Trusdell, esteemed author of the book "Cotton--
a fascinating subject", wrote several books, and her last was dedicated to the study
of Boll Weevils-- thus you understand my interest in the subject matter.

Before I go let me suggest something that is also quite fascinating. In the morning,
when taking a shower, take a kaleidascope in with you and look through towards
the water cascading down. Then begin to sing that old Mary Poppins classic "Just
a teaspoon of sugar makes the medicine go down", and you will experience a thrill
like no other you have known before. Martha Trusdell actually is the one who came
up with this idea, shortly before she wrote about the Boll Weevils.

Oh, there goes the doorbell. It might be the mailman. I'm expecting a 48,000 piece
Lego set and a clock that looks like Ross Perot. Gotta go.

[outdeep]

Hello. My name is Hasbro Kleck,  and I have a question for you. Have you ever
been on your way to Target to purchase an eraser,  and have been hit by an ice
cream truck, hurt badly, then picked up by an ambulance, which hit a pothole,
throwing you out the back still attached to the gurney, rolling downhill for two
blocks, and finally crashing through the front window of a Cambodian restaraunt,
landing face down in a bowl of hot soup? Neither have I, but I thought I'd ask.

No, but it is a typical scenerio for me to go to Wal-Mart in order to buy and eraser and end up spending over $100.00 before I leave.  "Oh, yes, we are out of these, too, aren't we?"

[moonflower2]

Hello. My name is Hasbro Kleck,  and I have a question for you. Have you ever
been on your way to Target to purchase an eraser, .....

No, but it is a typical scenerio for me to go to Wal-Mart in order to buy and eraser and end up spending over $100.00 before I leave.  "Oh, yes, we are out of these, too, aren't we?"

Now here are a couple of fellas who lost their way. It's time to get back to Wounded Pilgrims, guys. This is a classic example of spending your all, trying to erase those spots, when the white-out job has already been done for you at the cross between Walmart and Target: Office Max.

Or is this just the "got to look perfect" by removing eyebags instead of using cover-up mentality of CA seeping west over the Rockies?


Oops. I mean east, defiling those in the Midwest and beyond.

[al Hartman]

This is a classic example of spending your all, trying to erase those spots, when the white-out job has already been done for you at the cross between Walmart and Target: Office Max.

Moonie, the above quote is a classic example of why we end up with doctrinal disputes.  In my neighborhood, Target is located between Walmart & OfficeMax.   Deception is everywhere! 

Weird al