ASSEMBLY FREE

[moonflower2]

Moonie, the above quote is a classic example of why we end up with doctrinal disputes.  In my neighborhood, Target is located between Walmart & OfficeMax.   Deception is everywhere! 

Weird al

Oh my!

Wierd al, I do wish someone were here to set you straight. It looks like you didn't give yourself enough time since the collapse of the Geftalonian Empire and headed straight into another jacket.

My recommendation is to take the latest religiosity test and see that the supremacy of the location of Office Max is of utmost importance, second only to the need for the use of it in your life! And unless you use it, will not be supreme in your life!  Hmmmm......here we go......

My, my. How sad.    You are missing out...........you need to be enlightened............don't buy anymore erasers..........give it up..........cling to Office Max...........there is a preacher there.........

Moonie

[Joe Sperling]

Hello. My name is Herbert Stoompftrotter and I work at OFFICE MAX. I want to tell you
there is no place better. So many other stores "think" they are selling the right things,
and headed in the right direction. But you see folks, there is a pattern to follow when
putting a store together. There is one OFFICE MAX per town which you should seek
out, and that is all you need. OFFICE MAX is an annointed place and I truly feel sorry for
those who shop elsewhere, because they are missing what is best for them.

Having said that, let me ask another question. Have you ever been riding your bike to go
see a movie called "Those Crazy Spiders", when you run into the back of a parked car, a
Volvo to be exact, and you are catapulted over the car right into the back of a slow moving
Ford truck with a wobbly back wheel, which suddenly careens to the right, and begins to roll,
casting you over a cliff downwards, where you fall into a slow moving barge filled with garbage,
which is burning, causing you to cry out "Help me!! Help me!!! I'm going to burn to death on
this barge!!!  Have you?    Neither have I, but I thought I'd ask.

[Oscar]

Joe,

You said:

Having said that, let me ask another question. Have you ever been riding your bike to go
see a movie called "Those Crazy Spiders", when you run into the back of a parked car, a
Volvo to be exact, and you are catapulted over the car right into the back of a slow moving
Ford truck with a wobbly back wheel, which suddenly careens to the right, and begins to roll,
casting you over a cliff downwards, where you fall into a slow moving barge filled with garbage,
which is burning, causing you to cry out "Help me!! Help me!!! I'm going to burn to death on
this barge!!!  Have you?   

Wellll,  Tom Ludwig might have some interestingt things to say about this one.

I am reading and writing this from a library in Lubbock, Texas, btw.

Thomas Maddux

[Joe Sperling]

"Hello. My name is Zachary P. Wurnerfunf, and I am an atheist. I.."(a group of children begin
giggling in the back of the room). "As I was saying, I am an atheist. I came to this conclusion
after.."(The children are talking even louder, disrupting his speech). "Shhhh!! Children please,
I am trying to speak here!!" (Children become quiet once again). "As I was saying, I came to this
conclusion after repeatedly praying and never seeing an answer. Also, scientific proof showed
that..."(Children begin talking loudly once again)"..there is a case for evolution and.."(Children
get even louder, as one is telling a funny joke)"...For the love of God would you children please
be quiet!! Great God Almighty,  I'm trying to explain why I am an atheist here!!" (shakes his head
in disdain).

Having said that I have a question for you. Have you ever been chasing after the postman hoping
you can give him a letter you desperately want mailed, when an old woman rushes out into the
street and begins to hit you over the head with an umbrella, causing you to become dizzy, and
you walk into an open manhole cover and fall into the sewer, which swiftly carries you towards
the ocean, where you fall out of an open shaft onto a grill at a hot dog stand, whereupon you
jump up in extreme pain, and run out onto the sidewalk where you are hit by a bike, fall down,
and have your hands run over by rollerbladers?  This time I have to say I have, and it's happened
to me twice.

[al Hartman]

Joe,

You have GOT to stop letting every Hasbro, Herbert & Zachary post on your account!

W.a.

[moonflower2]

Hello. My name is Herbert Stoompftrotter and I work at OFFICE MAX. I want to tell you
there is no place better. So many other stores "think" they are selling the right things,
and headed in the right direction. But you see folks, there is a pattern to follow when
putting a store together. There is one OFFICE MAX per town which you should seek
out, and that is all you need. OFFICE MAX is an annointed place and I truly feel sorry for
those who shop elsewhere, because they are missing what is best for them.

Having said that, let me ask another question. Have you ever been riding your bike to go
see a movie called "Those Crazy Spiders", when you run into the back of a parked car, a
Volvo to be exact, and you are catapulted over the car right into the back of a slow moving
Ford truck with a wobbly back wheel, which suddenly careens to the right, and begins to roll,
casting you over a cliff downwards, where you fall into a slow moving barge filled with garbage,
which is burning, causing you to cry out "Help me!! Help me!!! I'm going to burn to death on
this barge!!!  Have you?    Neither have I, but I thought I'd ask.

Oh! So that was you who orchestrated that event?! Wow!

After three smoke-filled days, that barge took me right back to.........you guessed it! OFFICE MAX!!

I'll have the burn grafts to remind me of the time I left the covering of OFFICE MAX.

Thanks, from the bottom of my scars, Mr. Snoopfarter

[moonflower2]

"Hello. My name is Zachary P. Wurnerfunf, and I am an atheist. I.."(a group of children begin
giggling in the back of the room). "As I was saying, I am an atheist. I came to this conclusion
after.."(The children are talking even louder, disrupting his speech). "Shhhh!! Children please,
I am trying to speak here!!" (Children become quiet once again). "As I was saying, I came to this
conclusion after repeatedly praying and never seeing an answer. Also, scientific proof showed
that..."(Children begin talking loudly once again)"..there is a case for evolution and.."(Children
get even louder, as one is telling a funny joke)"...For the love of God would you children please
be quiet!! Great God Almighty,  I'm trying to explain why I am an atheist here!!" (shakes his head
in disdain).

Having said that I have a question for you. Have you ever been chasing after the postman hoping
you can give him a letter you desperately want mailed, when an old woman rushes out into the
street and begins to hit you over the head with an umbrella, causing you to become dizzy, and
you walk into an open manhole cover and fall into the sewer, which swiftly carries you towards
the ocean, where you fall out of an open shaft onto a grill at a hot dog stand, whereupon you
jump up in extreme pain, and run out onto the sidewalk where you are hit by a bike, fall down,
and have your hands run over by rollerbladers?  This time I have to say I have, and it's happened
to me twice.

Mr. ZP Wansumfun,

I perceive that there is an OFFICE MAX near you. However, there is a problem with the busy tunnels in your area. They are overused and worn out. You may never make it thru them. Try skateboarding to your nearest OFFICE MAX to see what they have to offer you. Make it easy on yourself.

Do you know how to stand in doorways?

Do you have any children?

What is your current salary?

You could really become someone at OFFICE MAX!

[Joe Sperling]

I've been reading a lot lately about why people post on this BB. I find this to be
intriguing, and plan to write an expose' soon about this BB, and the people on
it, so that we can all better understand how crazy all of you are, and just how sane
I am. I was talking to my hamster about this just last night, and he agreed that it
would make a great article also. Look for the expose' soon.

Thanks, Joe

[summer007]

Thanks Joe. While your at it can you comment on the irony of the G8. Giving funding to the poor, sick and dying in Africa which is a good thing, the country has been ravaged by famine, drought, war disease's cheifly Aids, yet many other things. The problem is the corrupt officials who take the money for themselves, so peace-keeping and distribution are in order of course. Remember "Black Hawk Down" they had food wars, the food was there, but could'nt be distributed re: the corruption of offficials. They also need to teach birth-control or the orphan problem will go on for-ever, while the parents are dying of Aids. It's ironic some of  the funding is coming from a country that could care less about it's un-born with millions of American woman just aborting their children every year if a pregnancy is inconvenient, how long can this sympathy last from our murderous society? If you really look at this for what it is, this is whats crazy and this is what will ultimately bring God's Judgement to our door-steps! Who's kidding who? "Knowing the TERROR of the Lord we persuade men" II Cor 5. Just some thoughts on how hypocritical some of us Americans really are, so worried about a disruption of our precious lifestyle!  Summer. 

[moonflower2]

I've been reading a lot lately about why people post on this BB. I find this to be
intriguing, and plan to write an expose' soon about this BB, and the people on
it, so that we can all better understand how crazy all of you are, and just how sane
I am. I was talking to my hamster about this just last night, and he agreed that it
would make a great article also. Look for the expose' soon.

Thanks, Joe

Hey cool.
What is your hamster's name?
Does he know how to type?
Is he pre-, mid-, or post-tribulationist?
Does he believe in purgatory?
He could fit right in here if he can find all kinds of new pathways and go round and round in them.

[Joe Sperling]

I heard a duck's quack doesn't echo. So I decided to test out that theory. I asked a brave
young man to hold a duck near the edge of a ravine which I knew had fantastic acoustic
qualities. I then pushed the young man over the edge. The duck began quacking furiously,
and sure enough it's quack did not echo. This was in sharp contrast to the young man's
screams, which indeed did echo very loudly throughout the ravine, as he fell.

Later, in the hospital, I visited the young man and thanked him for aiding me in my test. He
shook my hand with his good arm, the other one being in a sling, making it impossible to use.
I wished I could have heard his comments, but as luck would have it, his face was covered
in bandages also. I hope to visit him again soon. I have another theory to put to the test---
apparently it is said that a sparrow with wet wings cannot fly, and I have the perfect building
in mind to use. I just need a young man to hold the sparrow, and I'm sure he would suit the
task just fine. I'll let you know how the experiment went very soon.

[al Hartman]

Joe,

I find the nature of your posts on this thread perplexing in that they have little or nothing to do with the topic heading.  To demonstrate what I mean, I'm including, below, a short paragraph which I received just today via e-mail that illustrates perfectly the kind of material this thread calls for:
"'Tis said that Hitler, disturbed by nightmares, called in a soothsayer.  The seer consulted a crystal ball and said, 'Ah, mighty Fuhrer, it is foretold that you will die on a Jewish holiday.'  'Which one?' scowled Hitler.  'Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday.'" 
                                    -- from The Joys of Yiddish by Leo Rosten.
Do you get it now, Joe?  Wake up & smell the coffee!  And remember, it's for drinking!!!

al

P.S.-- Is the duck OK?

[Joe Sperling]

Hi. I'm Rudy. I'm about as happy as a Dachshund at a Clowning convention. I say this because I'm at  a point in my life where I can say that at days end I feel about as satisfied as a gopher in a radiator
factory on Saturday. Things have been going very well for me. I feel about as lucky as a Bumble Bee at a Used Car dealership on a rainy day.

Things haven't always been this way. One morning I awoke to the sound of a baby crying. But then I looked in the mirror and it was really me who had been crying---just like a baby. I was even wearing a bib for Pete's Sake. It was as strange as Brown Bread in an elevator. I didn't have a beaver's chance in Argentina of finding out why this had all happened. But as my Dad used to say "Never give up what you can't forget to forgive twice later on". This has always made a lot of sense in a senseless sort of way to me. I live by the book. I really do though---the house I live in is right next door to another house shaped like a giant book.

I'm about as giddy as a stork in a foggy parking lot. Let freedom ring,  I always say--well not always, because most of the time I'm saying something else--I mean I'm not always talking about freedom ringing and all that--sometimes I talk about goldfish.

[moonflower2]

Hi. I'm Rudy. I'm about as happy as a Dachshund at a Clowning convention. I say this because I'm at  a point in my life where I can say that at days end I feel about as satisfied as a gopher in a radiator
factory on Saturday. Things have been going very well for me. I feel about as lucky as a Bumble Bee at a Used Car dealership on a rainy day.

Things haven't always been this way. One morning I awoke to the sound of a baby crying. But then I looked in the mirror and it was really me who had been crying---just like a baby. I was even wearing a bib for Pete's Sake. It was as strange as Brown Bread in an elevator. I didn't have a beaver's chance in Argentina of finding out why this had all happened. But as my Dad used to say "Never give up what you can't forget to forgive twice later on". This has always made a lot of sense in a senseless sort of way to me. I live by the book. I really do though---the house I live in is right next door to another house shaped like a giant book.

I'm about as giddy as a stork in a foggy parking lot. Let freedom ring,  I always say--well not always, because most of the time I'm saying something else--I mean I'm not always talking about freedom ringing and all that--sometimes I talk about goldfish.

  Ahh...Rudy....are you a hamster? 

[al Hartman]

Ahh...Rudy....are you a hamster? 

Hi Moon,

     I was thinking that Rudy may be the duck

 ;)al