ASSEMBLY FREE

[Mark C.]

Hey Rudy!

   Have you ever heard of the comedy group "Firesign theatre?"

Boy, that sure takes me back to my ol' log rolling days and makes me as bout as happy as a flea in Saddam's beard just before they pulled him out of the Spider hole that they found him in!

  Your sharp and probing commentary has been a great blessing to me, and though some may see your wisdom as just silly cliche, I too stand with you and say,"let freedom ring", in all it's ring-a-dingness!!!

                                         God Bless,  Mark C

[Joe Sperling]

Oh basking shark, oh basking shark
What do you think about?
Do you contemplate world events
Or think up poems in your head?
While you're eating up that plankton
Do you mull over what great philosophers
have said?

Oh basking shark, Oh basking shark
You're one  great big lazy fish.
All you do is eat and sleep
And do anything you wish.
You float and float and absorb the sun
And you weigh well over a ton.

Oh basking shark, oh basking shark
I like Whale sharks much, much more
You don't do anything but lay around,
To me you're one great big bore
Oh basking shark, Oh basking shark
Why'd I even think of writing a poem about you?
What a total waste of time
I have better things to do.

by Leo P. Orkney

[al Hartman]

Oh basking shark, oh basking shark
What do you think about?
Do you contemplate world events
Or think up poems in your head?
While you're eating up that plankton
Do you mull over what great philosophers
have said?

Oh basking shark, Oh basking shark
You're one  great big lazy fish.
All you do is eat and sleep
And do anything you wish.
You float and float and absorb the sun
And you weigh well over a ton.

Oh basking shark, oh basking shark
I like Whale sharks much, much more
You don't do anything but lay around,
To me you're one great big bore
Oh basking shark, Oh basking shark
Why'd I even think of writing a poem about you?
What a total waste of time
I have better things to do.

by Leo P. Orkney

   ...undoubtedly the inspiration for "Sherman's Lagoon!"

  al

[moonflower2]

Oh basking shark, oh basking shark
What do you think about?
Do you contemplate world events
Or think up poems in your head?
While you're eating up that plankton
Do you mull over what great philosophers
have said?

Oh basking shark, Oh basking shark
You're one  great big lazy fish.
All you do is eat and sleep
And do anything you wish.
You float and float and absorb the sun
And you weigh well over a ton.

Oh basking shark, oh basking shark
I like Whale sharks much, much more
You don't do anything but lay around,
To me you're one great big bore
Oh basking shark, Oh basking shark
Why'd I even think of writing a poem about you?
What a total waste of time
I have better things to do.

by Leo P. Orkney

  Very good. I'd like to see Spielberg take this one out, too. 

[Joe Sperling]

My name is Professor Willard Allen Wordsworth, chief Ichthyologist at Woburn State
University in Massachusetts. I find the poem below concerning basking sharks to be
both destestable, and filled with great ignorance to say the least. Mr. Orkney, who
most likely didn't make it past Junior College, makes statements that villify an animal
that is most intelligent, and has suffered at the hands of men for centuries.

The basking sharks' tendency to "bask" near the surface is not due to "laziness" as Mr.
Orkney so ignorantly states, but due to it's feeding habits. Basking Sharks(Cetorhinus
Maximus) are one of the few sharks who feed on plankton alone. The Whale shark and
the Megamouth shark being the other two species who do the same.

The basking shark was hunted for centuries for it's unusually large liver, and high concentration
of Vitamin A held therein. Mr. Orkney should write poems about people who write poems about
things they know nothing about, as he is a prime example of this. In my opinion Mr. Orkney
should be horse-whipped, then dipped in salt water. Maybe then he would have an appreciation
of shark habitat, and would keep his sorry mouth shut.  This is just an opinion of course. Have
a nice day.


Willard Allen Wordsworth, PHD

[moonflower2]

My name is Professor Willard Allen Wordsworth, chief Ichthyologist at Woburn State
University in Massachusetts. I find the poem below concerning basking sharks to be
both destestable, and filled with great ignorance to say the least. Mr. Orkney, who
most likely didn't make it past Junior College, makes statements that villify an animal
that is most intelligent, and has suffered at the hands of men for centuries.

The basking sharks' tendency to "bask" near the surface is not due to "laziness" as Mr.
Orkney so ignorantly states, but due to it's feeding habits. Basking Sharks(Cetorhinus
Maximus) are one of the few sharks who feed on plankton alone. The Whale shark and
the Megamouth shark being the other two species who do the same.

The basking shark was hunted for centuries for it's unusually large liver, and high concentration
of Vitamin A held therein. Mr. Orkney should write poems about people who write poems about
things they know nothing about, as he is a prime example of this. In my opinion Mr. Orkney
should be horse-whipped, then dipped in salt water. Maybe then he would have an appreciation
of shark habitat, and would keep his sorry mouth shut.  This is just an opinion of course. Have
a nice day.


Willard Allen Wordsworth, PHD

Wid all da doo rethpekt you ditherv, Herr Worthleth Wordth, whereth a terroritht when ya need one?
Thomeone take out da thark before he replicateth and hoardth all the plankton.

[Joe Sperling]

Hello. My name is Monroe the Jackass and I have no idea why I visit this
board. I just came back from a wonderful two week vacation, in which
I fished quite a bit and did some reading( I know you probably are having
a hard time believing a jackass can cast a lure, but I truly have become quite
proficient at it).

I had the time to read "The Age of Alexander" by Plutarch, and "The Picture of
Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde, which I had never read before, and found to be
quite interesting(Wilde had a very humorous way of attacking politicians and
elitists in his writings).

Jackasses are interesting creatures actually. Jesus rode one of them into Jerusalem
during his triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and it took a jackass to warn Balaam of
the awful crime he was commiting against Israel. Jesus is the great shepherd of the
sheep, but at times he needs to herd jackasses also, because sheep can turn into
them when they become stubborn and think they know it all. I should know. Jesus
knows his sheep and calls them by name. I used to have quite a beautiful name, until
I began to think I knew it all and turned into a jackass. Monroe the Jackass to be more
precise. Jesus said that when I learn to be nicer to the other sheep he'll let me be one
once again. Actually, I still am a sheep, but I act and speak just like a jackass.

There are other jackasses, and we all "hee-haw" at each other all day. The sheep drink
cool, delicious water, and lay down on green grass, while we jackasses feel the need to
hee haw at the sheep and at the other jackasses also. It's amazing though to watch how
a sheep who starts to call other sheep jackasses immediately turns into a jackass himself. I
should know. Well. here comes my clump of hay for the day. Look at those stupid sheep
laying over there---what a bunch of jackasses.

Monroe the Jackass

[moonflower2]

Hello. My name is Monroe the Jackass and I have no idea why I visit this
board. I just came back from a wonderful two week vacation, in which
I fished quite a bit and did some reading( I know you probably are having
a hard time believing a jackass can cast a lure, but I truly have become quite
proficient at it).

I had the time to read "The Age of Alexander" by Plutarch, and "The Picture of
Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde, which I had never read before, and found to be
quite interesting(Wilde had a very humorous way of attacking politicians and
elitists in his writings).

Jackasses are interesting creatures actually. Jesus rode one of them into Jerusalem
during his triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and it took a jackass to warn Balaam of
the awful crime he was commiting against Israel. Jesus is the great shepherd of the
sheep, but at times he needs to herd jackasses also, because sheep can turn into
them when they become stubborn and think they know it all. I should know. Jesus
knows his sheep and calls them by name. I used to have quite a beautiful name, until
I began to think I knew it all and turned into a jackass. Monroe the Jackass to be more
precise. Jesus said that when I learn to be nicer to the other sheep he'll let me be one
once again. Actually, I still am a sheep, but I act and speak just like a jackass.

There are other jackasses, and we all "hee-haw" at each other all day. The sheep drink
cool, delicious water, and lay down on green grass, while we jackasses feel the need to
hee haw at the sheep and at the other jackasses also. It's amazing though to watch how
a sheep who starts to call other sheep jackasses immediately turns into a jackass himself. I
should know. Well. here comes my clump of hay for the day. Look at those stupid sheep
laying over there---what a bunch of jackasses.

Monroe the Jackass

This was a pretty good clump of hay for my day. 

[al Hartman]

This was a pretty good clump of hay for my day. 

...which raises the obvious question, Moonie:  exactly when was your day?!!

al 

[Elizabeth H]

in my post assembly life i have discovered the amazing power of music---thank you, iTunes!

can i even tell you how much discovering the "Black Eyed Peas" has rocked my psyche? talk about instant pick-me-up.

current favorite: "Don't Lie" followed closely by "Where is the Love?"

i have also downloaded practically everything Bob Dylan.

always looking for a good, new song. so, hit me with an recommendation....

Elizabeth

[GDG]

Hi Elizabeth,

I think you are about the ages of my kids (21 & 22) and they are always shocked when I end up liking the same music they do...well, at least some of the same music.  My son is in a metal band and that's a bit on the hard side for me.
My recommendations are: anything by Casting Crowns and also Jeremy Camp. FFH is good too as well as Big Daddy Weave.  For older stuff I like Credence Clearwater Revival and Jim Croce.

Enjoy 
Gay

[al Hartman]

I think you are about the ages of my kids...
For older stuff I like Credence Clearwater Revival and Jim Croce.

Older stuff?!!  Gay, I think you are about the age of my kids!  The "oldies" stations play the stuff that was popular when they were in school!

When I think "older stuff," I'm thinking pre- rock 'n' roll; big band era...

al 

P.S.-- I just caught up with Herr Maddux-- we'll be the same age for about a month!

[GDG]

When I think "older stuff," I'm thinking pre- rock 'n' roll; big band era...
al 


OK, now that I figured out how to quote you, how do I get myself out of the purple?  Anyway...

I have to admit, some of my other favorites are: Nat King Cole, Sinatra (the early years) and Satchmo. 
Now Al, just what was current and popular when you were a teen?  Hmm, I'm thinking Johann Sabastian or maybe a little later than that, like Ludwig?  Or maybe you really are a youngster and Chopin was the rage.   
I'm sorry, Bro, I just couldn't resist teasing about your birthday.
Blessings,
Gay

[/size]

[al Hartman]

Now Al, just what was current and popular when you were a teen?  Hmm, I'm thinking Johann Sabastian or maybe a little later than that, like Ludwig?  Or maybe you really are a youngster and Chopin was the rage.   

  ...ever seen the animated feature (Disney, I think) Toot, Whistle, Plunk and Boom?  I was there for the discovery of each...

al

[Joe Sperling]

"Hi there. My name is Sylvester Bernfeinbergstein, and I am a Christian who is studying
to be an astronaut".(takes a large bite out of a runny chili-cheese dog, then wipes his
hand on his white T-shirt leaving a chili smudge). "Boy, I really need something to wash
this down with---are you thirsty?"( Holds out a can of Coors Light) "Oh, you look surprised.
Don't worry I always drink in moderation"(he belches and takes another bite off the chili-
cheese dog, again wiping his hand on his shirt) "Oh, where are my manners? You probably
would like a glass to pour your beer into"(reaches into the cupboard). "Whenever I have
guests over I always use the best"(places a couple of jelly jar glasses with Flintstones characters
on them onto the table).

"Anyways, like I was saying, I'm studying to be an astronaut. I haven't gotten that far yet
in my training. But I have managed to make myself drink a glass of TANG everyday, and that's
hard because I hate TANG. I also go outside and stare at the moon for 15 minutes each night
and try to memorize it's location in the sky. I can't wait to go there and drive one of those
buggies they got up there, and maybe play some golf. You don't hear about too many Christian
astronauts, so I figured I'd give it a shot. (opens up a pack of Skittles and start rifling them down
quickly). Well, gotta go now. I'm watching "Alien" twice a day now to kind of prepare--you never
know what you're going to run into up there".