ASSEMBLY FREE

[Joe Sperling]

"Hello, Laslo Merriwether here with another insane tirade about things as dissimilar as
vehicular manslaughter and pasteurized cheese. The other day in fact I was attempting
to do a backflip off of a diving board, and the thought hit me "why isn't there a better
way to make sandwiches?" I know that sounds a bit silly, but so is wearing a scuba mask
while cooking ravioli.

I also thought...(looks to his right and begins to stare)...why, what is a green Toyota Corolla
doing parked in this thread with it's lights left on? There doesn't appear to be a driver. Boy
are they going to be mad when they come to get it and the battery's gone dead. I'll post
more later...I better go report this to the "Assembly Board Information Center". Be back soon...."

[moonflower2]

How many miles are on it?

[Joe Sperling]

Well, back to Assembly Free where nonsense is the rule of the day. I had to take a break
from some of the other threads for a while. Let's get back to the nonsense. I'll let my friend
Roscoe tell us a rather humorous story. Roscoe?

"Hello. My name is Roscoe Viceroy and I'd like to share what happened to me just yesterday. I visited the BB and then got on my bicycle to leave the premises. I mounted the bicycle backwards,
looking towards the rear of the bike, and began pedalling forward. As you can imagine, it is rather difficult to see where you are going when you are facing backwards, but moving forward. I was on the sidewalk, when an old woman ran out from her house holding an umbrella, and began to move
as if she were about to hit me with it. She shouted something about "her daisies"--apparently I had
run over a couple of them as I swerved back and forth in my backward trek.

Her screaming caused me to veer to the left, just missing a young boy on a tricycle. I then ran full force into a mailbox, catapulting me into the air and down upon my back. The pain was excruciating to say the least. I began to arise, rubbing my horribly aching back, filled with pain and anger at my mishap. A small crowd began to gather around me to make sure I was alright. I was so angry, that I began to address the crowd:

"That Tom Maddux is one detestable person. Why doesn't he just admit that he is wrong? He is so pompous and arrogant, and he never apologizes to anyone for Pete's sake!! So what if he graduated
with a degree in Theology, and logically states what he believes!! He's wrong I tell you!! And he should listen to the more enlightened ones who are trying to teach him "correct" Theology. He just doesn't get it, and he just won't give in, that sorry soul. He wants to stay down on the ground with his lame and shallow theology, when he could be soaring high with the..."

ROSCOE!!!!!!

Roscoe: "Yes sir"?

What in heavens name are you doing?

Roscoe: "Well sir, you asked me to tell a story filled with a lot of nonsense, and I sort of went into
a trance, and this is what I came up with sir."

This is not the type of nonsense I was referring to Roscoe. I wanted pure nonsense, not
propagandized nonsense!! Now get on the floor and give me a hundred push-ups!!

Roscoe: "Yes sir. Sorry sir".(begins to do his push-ups).

Sorry about that folks. Apparently Roscoe should not visit the BB on his bicycle for a while. I'll have
a talk with Roscoe, and maybe he can tell another story sometime.

[moonflower2]

Oh! Can it be
That I should be
Assembly Free, Assembly Free?

Oh! Can it be
That I should see
My green toyota gone from me?

Oh! Can it be?
Oh! Can it be?
The drivers are Verne and Frankie?!

[Joe Sperling]

Roscoe: "What are you doing sir? Why are you putting all of your things in boxes?"

I'm vacating the Assembly Free thread Roscoe.

Roscoe: "But why sir? Why are you leaving the thread?"

Roscoe, The "General Mayhem" area used to be quite busy. It was a place where
people came and created wacko threads and had a lot fun. But now it is virtually
hidden, and called a "child's board". I believe when people see "child's boards" they
have a tendency to avoid them. True, what we do here really is quite childish, and
filled with nonsense too. But lately, a lot more childish nonsense has been going on
on the "adult boards" than on this Assembly Free thread.

Roscoe: "But sir, spouting off nonsense and silliness is really quite fun."

Yes, it is Roscoe--it is a lot like being a little kid at heart--but this Bulletin Board has
changed quite a bit lately. General Mayhem is kind of a hidden area
of the bulletin board. When they split off something that is controversial, an
argument, etc., it goes to General Mayhem to kind of get swept under the
rug so to speak.

Roscoe: "Sir, please don't go, but what about the characters?"

You'll do just fine Roscoe. But could I ask you one last thing?

Roscoe: "Yes sir, anything sir".

I want you to get down and give me a hundred push-ups, run a mile and then come back
and shine my shoes.

Roscoe: (rolls his eyes and groans) "Yes sir". (He steps outside the door and begins doing push-ups
on the grass outside the Thread entrance).

Skippy!!! (from another room the pudgy, near-sighted, 12 year-old walks in holding a Baby Ruth
candy bar that is melting all over his hands.)

Skippy: "Yeth thir?"

Come on Skippy, were leaving now.

Skippy: "Leaving thir? But why would we want to leave?"

I'll explain later. But before we go, do you have that backpack that you used all through your journey in "Geftakylypse Now"?

Skippy: " Yeth. Here it ith.(hands it to the author).

Let's open this thing one last time and see what's there. I remember this thing having some type
of magical power and giving you just what you need. (opens the backpack).

Skippy: "Aw.... I wath hopin' for a cheetheburger, but all it ith ith a little book.

More than a book, Skippy, this is the Holy Bible. You do know what a Bible is don't you?

Skippy: "Yeah, I gueth tho. Noah and the Ark and all that thtuff".

Much more than Noah and the Ark Skippy. Do you know that God has said that He has "Magnified His Word above ALL of his Name"? Do you understand that Skippy?

Skippy: "I don't underthtand a word you're thaying."

Well, it means that God has put so much importance in his Word, that He backs every word with
all of his character. It means you can trust every single word that is spoken in it to be faithful and
true. God has staked his very character and honor and being in the Word of God. I may not be defining it exactly as it should be defined Skippy, but it means that this little book is huge in importance, and is the final say in all that we do. You need to read this book and study it Skippy,
and listen to good teachers, and get firmly grounded in it. Even on this Bulletin Board there are
certain people who think they understand it, but then make posts that sound like discourses from
a Guru.

Skippy: What's a dithcourthe? And what'th a guru?

I'll explain that to you later. Let's just say they are so puffed up about their own spirituality that
they try to teach the teachers, and they mock the learned. They believe they are walking on
higher ground than we miserable wretches, and they come to set everyone straight. The problem is that they give themselves away very quickly by their attitude, and the way they treat the others on the board. You need to avoid them Skippy, and avoid them like the plague. They are proud to tell us all about how humble they are, and the wondrous walk they have with the Lord.


Skippy: Plague? Oh, like those rapperth that thowed up in "Geftakylypthe Now"?

Something like that. Let's just say that there is nonsense everywhere. There is nonsense in
this thread, and there is nonsense that can be attempted to be written into heavenly dis-
courses given by those who are self-important also.

Skippy: "I thtill don't underthtand a word you juthd thaid. Wath it thuppothed to be thilly? 'Cause
ath you can thee, I'm not laughin'. Want a bite of thith Baby Ruth?"(holds out a badly melting half-
eaten candy bar).

Maybe later. Well, that's about it. (Looks around the empty room). Roscoe!!! Are you done doing
those push-ups yet?

(voice from outside): "ninety-seven, ninety-eight...."

Skippy: "Thir, why ith Rothcoe thitting in a lawn chair and counting out loud?"

Let's go. ( Looks around one last time).

<Click> the lights go out.   (sound of a door closing shut).

voice muffled outside: "Thir, wherever we're goin', could we thtop and get a cheetehburger firtht?"